I was in a forest camping for almost a week and during this period I used my notebook to list up all the points I consider for redefining the word Stability.
To simplify this process, I’ve focused to three layers:
Body: Be aware of physical presence: inner and external physical experiences/senses
Physical environment: surrounding space-things, smell, sight, touch.
Feel the gravity for the body’s whole and it’s parts
Feel the wind touching the skin, moving clothes, hair.
Feel the muscles, if there is any tension, looseness in feet, knee, thighs, stomach, chest, spine, neck, head, arms, hands, wrest, fingers
Feel the face, muscles, gesture, tongue, jaw, cheeks, ears.
Be aware of my lower back, my spine, straighten it, pull back my shoulders, feel my chest raising, pushing my chin up and stand as I AM HERE.
Not to escape from the mind into the physical sensation, rather to realize that this is natural to allow to directly experience and be here and if the mind keeps trying to intervene, distract, interrupt or lure away from constant and consistent presence, it is not to resist, but to realize that I am the director here, and I can actually utilize the mind to see where it’s taking me and to understand why – without being the slave of the thoughts, feelings, emotions by questioning and answering to myself.
Mind: Be aware of the thoughts/feelings/emotions, if energy is present, if it’s moving, if there is any mood or tension, resistance or devotion, etc
Recognize tendencies to react, to get attracted to or resisted, such as things defined as ‘nice’ as feeling positive reaction, or ‘ugly’ as feeling negative reaction.
Recognize tendencies and actual participation within suppression. When not standing up for myself or other around me, when avoiding conflict, when going into self-judgement, shame, regret, giving up, ‘fuck it’ mentality. These accumulate and undermine stability.
Recognize and acknowledge and realize source points + actual judgment words for those trigger points. When and why do I judge specific behavior/individuals/myself? If I know better, why not sharing as living example, or it’s just pure ‘mind-knowledge’?
Re-alignment with taking self-responsibility: Self-forgiveness on each points with consequences to be aware of – decompose the patterns, remember the trigger words, release the energetic states, taking responsibility for the patterns I recognize as not supporting me, thus have to be aware of them before participating to be able to stop and re-align myself.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the practical solution within the trinity of application through stabilization of physical, mind and beingness awareness to support actual change within self-honesty.
Self-commitment to change self and those points to make my stand and decide that I do not accept anything less than who I really am as realizing the potential if I correct this very point I am currently facing. I am going through the resistances and unpleasant experiences, which is actually facing the manifested consequences of accumulated self-dishonesty, what must be stopped.
I commit myself to accumulate stability in and as the physical, the mind and as my beingness here by applying self-investigation, self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective statements and sharing, exchanging communication.
Self-corrective statements on how actually to re-align and change on these specific triggering realization points. Re-writing the script of my personality. After decomposing the self-dishonest patterns, I can actually script myself to remain here, stable and re-define words on how to live them while not going into polarity, judgments, fear.
When and as I see that I am accepting judgments towards myself or another, I support myself with physical re-alignment by straightening my back, pushing back my shoulders and chest forward and up my chin. I am here. I stop the mind, I direct self-correction in this very moment, no matter where am I, who I am with, what I am doing.
Asking Who am I?
Who I am within and as this situation I find myself at?
Self-honesty – Process – Self-forgiveness
Principle, Purpose, Destiny:
Alignment, Unification, Amalgamation and Integration of all what is Here Equal as Self as Life. – Supports to reflect back of any resistance, reaction, energy and to word that and apply the tools until I am here without any automatic inner movement from the mind.
All with consideration of consequence and outcome of what is best for all participants.
As resisted or scary might be to find any principle to live as – maybe the memories and reactions to such principles of the past weren’t the right or ‘great enough’ – chance to reflect back to the question why to be equal with all – and why not to?
Every day is One and each Breath I take is One and these are numbered, thus to decide what I manifest as me, as Tala Joseph is relevant and assists within further stability as considering what Self I could be proud of if I would have total freedom and then also to see what with I accept myself to limit, enslave or scare and then to investigate, decompose and forgive those patterns again until I am here, freedom as absolute self-honesty here.
These are the notes I wrote and realized that it’s completely up to me of how effectively I can apply anything at my disposal to stabilize myself and sort out the delusional relationships existing within my mind, especially those, what I am not fully aware of as so many years I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist within self-limitation through convictions, belief systems and the whole religion of self, meaning to not expand, grow and actually change.
Always striving, pushing, facing, fringing to see what are the limits and why and to try if I can go beyond that specific limitation if originated from me, my mind, my perception of reality.
In terms of stability, I’ve also mixed up before of not being able to accept myself of who I am, because of the extensive amount of self-judgments, which I saw, but I did not realize that I do not need to accept myself to exist within these self-limitations as I can actually change. Thus to accept who I am naturally becomes a more deep, substantial level what I can feel more directly if I dare to disregard all the judgments, definitions, comparisons, memories, polarities, preferences and interests.
Also to note that while I describe the possible physical sensations and experiences through and as my human physical body, that does not mean I always have to be ‘on the edge’ of focusing to these, but if there is no ‘input’, it can be a sign of total distraction of the mind, participating within a pattern of delusion, energetic possession, consumed by self-interest, thus make a stance and re-align with physical here and not to be identified with the mind as self, but neither to try to separate myself from it as to realize I am here is equal and one with the physical body and the layers of the mind and to birth myself as life, I have to embrace and direct, decompose and re-define all of me according to what is proven to be self-honest.
I will continue with series of investigations around the word SUPPRESSION.
I’ve been suppressing so many things, which now must be faced, understood, stopped and released.
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