I am working on a Mind Construct which relates to conflict. My previous strategy was avoiding conflicts, because I had the belief and the perception that I am not good within solving them, not, because I believed that I do not understand the problem well, but it seemed that my problem is that I can’t share and communicate with the other(s) what’s right, and thus I had the tendency to not even try or simply avoid these situations.
This carries quite some points what should be reviewed in the principle of absolute self-honesty, which I am going to walk through briefly. I am still walking these points within the Mind Construct, so here I only share my understandings I became aware of thus far.
Walking a Mind Construct is a unique technique what Desteni I Process Pro online course entails to learn, an immensely great self-supporting tool to expose self-delusions and self-limitations in order to assist and support ourselves and each other to be able to stop participating within various types of self-dishonesty.
First of all, there is an obvious righteousness within that statement: ‘I can’t share and communicate with the other(s) what’s right’ – and it might be the situation, but to always start like this, no matter what conflict I face, it’s overconfident, and if I really investigate points, I simply am not right, but as I do not face the so perceived conflict, I do not confront my perception with others, I might just never know what’s the truth(facts).
So in order to protect my idea of ‘I am right’ – I can simply avoid confronting anyone who would oppose of that of my particular statement for instance. Avoidance big time.
Secondly, because I believe that I am not able to communicate my points properly, in particular with those who I believe to be much more efficient within communication and argument, I define myself as inferior within sharing and persuading. And if I really want to nitpick, the word ‘persuasion’ – it’s not about finding out and sharing facts, but persuading others of what I want them to perceive. That’s another point to consider.
My belief that I am not good with talking within opposing opinions comes from the memory and fear of someone being emotional near, with, against me, because of the memories of my childhood primarily, where adults were often angry at each other and really behaving nasty and argue and fight with each other and that I never liked, and as a child, could not really come out with a real good solution/support within those situations, but best seemed to avoid, be distracted, or if not possible, suppress the reactions.
Thus, the belief that I can’t do anything about emotions, emotional people, and then allowing myself being influenced to become emotional, I guess I did not even try anymore, or what I concluded or convinced myself to do was mostly distraction, avoidance and suppression.
Even now, when my communication skills have developed a lot since my childhood, at times when I am not aware of that I am becoming angry or frustrated, I am losing the ability to remain effective, to consider common sense, as I guess, many other fellow humans can relate with this, and I always hated this, because for me effectiveness and always being able to calculate options is very important.
Therefore, anything obviously causing to compromise the almost ‘cold’-like calculation within a situation, I simply disregard focusing to, which is, less nicely put: ‘don’t give a shit about it’ – if I can. If I can’t then I am in big trouble and often can overcomplicate or overreact.
Emotions are not bad – must admit – but if I allow those to control and take over me when I should consider facts only – then I am compromised and no matter what, everyone is always responsible for their actions, even when their mind is clouded. Thus I’d prefer not to be clouded.
This does not mean I can not enjoy, share or care, when it is an expression, directly, and not an energetic experience only, but an ACTION, then I live the words, not being defined by self-dishonesty-based influenced through my accepted and allowed relationship I exist in relation to words.
The solution is not that difficult – in written words – just be able to recognize a pattern, apply in real time the practical prevention and then to live the purified and re-defined version of the words.
Here: COMMUNICATION within CLARITY and PRESENCE.
So whenever I am being influenced with emotions and becoming reactive, energetic experiences ‘lubricate’ and speed up my mind and my reaction time is more immediate – when considering consequences and best options less and less, but automacically acting out a pattern, which I already realized within self-honest assesment and diary that it’s not tbe best to do, and I am not honest with myself absolutely, then once I recognize the pattern, I can PREVENT myself indulging within such automatic reaction.
Within this example I share here today – communication, conflict – I recognize, I should remain present, directive, not get reactive, and to see – in the past, yes, I was not that effective within sharing my point, what I see as relevant, but today, if I focus to what I want to say, to the other participant, to my physical body, breathing, environment, — then I can express myself, use words, enjoy sounding the voice of the words and not be influenced by the fear of not being able to talk.
Especially, because, in fact not being able to express myself properly is due to the overwhelming reactions, but if I stop the domino to fall into that reaction, I can stop the whole pattern to act out.
It’s quite empowering. And within the communication, sharing the point with other(s), expanding with response-ability: I might find out that I was actually wrong – thus I correct the potential righteousness as well – which, if I would not communicate and share, receive and hear, I might not even realize, but would remain in the perception of I am right, while not actually.
So, in short, this is a typical pattern what can lie behind in a two sentence scenario, what is worth to decompose and correct.
Self-forgiveness is practical step for taking action and responsibility, because
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to fall into emotional reaction automatically, even I have already proven to myself that it’s not the best and honest way
- and also forgiving myself for believing that I can’t express and share myself, because as happened in the past, defined myself as such, and thus re-creating myself again and again like that, thus locking myself into this self-definition.
Giving myself an opportunity to recognize that fear from emotions, conflict is fear from making the same mistakes I did before, and also giving myself the chance to STOP this pattern this time and explore what I can do to change.
This is the best tool to deal with any kind of limitation anyone faces in this world, and if being resisted, having excuse of why it is not your type of activity, way of dealing with shit, it is worth considering the fact that the very resistance you experience is also just a type of pattern what can be decomposed and transcended with the mind construct.
Also to apply self-corrective statements – it’s like creating a thin but firm structure to re-align, like a blueprint or screenplay for a scenario, where I should be able to support myself with re-creation, until I can stand in real time to apply the prevention, stopping, changing, expanding.
- When and as I find myself within a conflict with someone, I make sure that I do not get emotional, do not get personal, I focus to remain stable, effective within communication and share my point – and hear the other and let us find out facts and solution.
We all are operating with words, our mind computer has the operating system programmed by our language, by our definitions, associations, and some of those are correct, aligned with facts, and some are influenced by fear, worry, delusion or desire.
Aligning ourselves to facts is not a nice thing, because many truth hurts, but that’s the way towards empowering ourselves to be able to really understand problems to be able to take responsibility for and finding practical solutions.
Equally so within our mind, our personal life and the interpersonal, universal world as well. As above, so below, as within, so without – it’s always a joy to share a pun and end it with fun!