Day 337 – Transform Shame into Change

img_1063Sharing Shame. Interesting concept, not the most common topic to share about, but it holds the key for self-Change.

I made a VLOG about shame recently, although it was a bit dark, but voice is clear.

Openly face Shame and to see how I can take responsibility for by understanding the details of my mindset, personalities, thoughts, feelings and emotions to be able to Forgive and Prevent myself to repeating the same mistakes – thus practically Change and stop be ashamed for what I am aware of as not self-honest, neither supporting me and/or others.

Everyone who has ever felt shame for anything should take responsibility for and own it, not suppress, hide or even being ashamed of shame.

I walk Self-forgiveness on what I have been, used to be and still can be ashamed of.

I open up not just that ‘I don’t like it, I don’t want it‘ – but to see how and why I did what then I felt ashamed of. The context, the starting point, the pattern is relevant here, the relationships and the self-definitions as well.
Equally so the thoughts(backchat, inner dialogue), feelings(positive reactions), emotions(negative reactions) – what supports deeper understanding, thus better practical, specific awareness of the whole story, which I can re-visit, write down, slow down within and cross-reference with common sense, self-honesty to be able to see/realize and understand, what I can and should do differently next time to assist and support myself and others around me.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of things, and then to accept that shame as a package, a part of me, and creating a victim role within it as the following: I’ve done this, did not do that, experienced and felt like this or that, and thus now I feel bad about it, I am ashamed, and it’s done already, nothing to do about it, it’s fact, written to reality, and I feel that this can’t change, thus it’s a splinter in my mind from now on.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse shame as not living the words but manipulating myself with them to have an excuse and justification of why not need to change, expand, understand and grow, because of what I have done already and how I feel ashamed about those, as it’s unchangeable as in the past and I am already in the future/present.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be ashamed when I should be, and be ashamed when I should not be and in overall simply not being aware of when I should be how.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within writing out ‘when I should be ashamed’ to react with doubt and judgement, thinking of ‘sounds not cool/supportive’ to consider when I should be ashamed, like it must be wrong to feel shame, as doing it when I have done something bad, therefore the idea of ‘should be ashamed’ I allowed the tendency to not look at, disregard, suppress.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within denying, disregarding, suppressing my relationship with shame, I am denying a part of myself, which then I try to disconnect with, thus I am giving away understanding, power and self.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the simple message of shame within myself, which is the need for changing myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized on how to assist and support myself within embracing shame to see what I need to change within myself and how to do it exactly within practical, tangible plan and action.
  • I forgive myself that I have not been able to directly see behind my own shame, because then I would see/realize/understand that I need to change, to change who I am, to walk into uncomfortable things I have allowed to manifest, to feel it, to face myself, to embrace and stop and then to apply the movement, the direction, the action I need to take to change myself, step by step, waking into the unknown, which can seem scary and as losing what I have.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within walking into unknown and change I keep focusing on what I can lose, instead of directly seeing what I am losing by not moving and changing, and also on how I could grow with this change, which as it is realized already: unknown.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist change by facing unknown, which I believe that can be bad, thus rather risking to accept how and who I am today, which I already realized it’s not ‘ideal’ or supportive, self-honest – and also it is what I am ashamed of — thus, risking not to change, not to move, not to explore of what is beyond my shame and dishonesty in order to protect of what I perceive having.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within resisting to change, having excuses and justifications to try to preserve and hold onto what I perceive having, while not realizing that what I seem to have are memories, personality patterns, physical objects, and from any of those I can not realize my utmost potential, although I understand that these can be of great support, I only expand when I take the leap of faith, faith within my self honesty and direct action.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist with shame in a relationship what I’ve also defined as shameful, meaning to have shame is reason to have shame, and not realizing that shame is just a word, and it’s meaning what animates people, thus if I re-define it, I can support myself to be better, self-honest and supportive for myself and others equally.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the support and power within decomposing meaning and patterns of words and then to re-align myself with re-defining those words with principle, self-honesty and integrity and committing myself to live that word in the way I decide to.

Shame – redefinition: when and as I feel and experience shame, I realize that there is a point within me what I am actually aware of as I am seeing that this is not self-honest, not honoring myself and others with, and I do not like it, I feel that I should be/act differently about it, thus I see the common sense to CHANGE myself, to INVESTIGATE, to REALIZE the points, the context, the reaction, the starting point about and around this word ‘shame’ and to work on preventing myself to ‘need to feel’ shame.

Example: I was ashamed that once I did beat up my dog, when I was kid and I felt like I could never forgive myself for what I have done, initiated by feeling hurt and being angry, I lost my presence and for decades I was ashamed of this, until I found http://desteniiprocess.com(this is a serious course, with lot of work on self, but thus the result can also be profound, I really recommend it, I walk these courses since years and the change, stability, and increasing self-trust, self-direction is extraordinary) and it’s free, introductory course LITE and realized that I can forgive myself, I can stop being ashamed by:

I understand why I did what I did within it’s utmost specificity(how and why I was frustrated, bullied, abused as kid, felt powerless, insecure, etc)
How and why I will assist and support myself within similar situation to prevent myself to ‘lose myself’ and also to immediately become aware of what consequence I am about to manifest and realizing – ‘I’ve been there, it’s bad, I don’t go, I STOP’.
I commit myself to really not do it again, and if I am losing myself, having temptation to, fall back, etc – then I apply Self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective statements and actually living it in action.

The same is to apply any kind of things one can be ashamed of: addiction, fear, body shape or actions one did in the past, etc.

Thus realize – shame is not bad, only becomes embarrassingly unbearable, if one remains within it – becomes it, instead of seeing what it is showing, a potential of self-honesty in physical living.

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