The False Power of the Dark side of Hate
I was watching Mr. Robot series – it’s quite interesting with many great reflection to our (f)society.
There is a character within it who explains something about hate:
“I hated myself – still do.
Thought that shit was a weakness for a long time.
Then I realized that shit was my power.
People walk around, act like they know what hate means – no – no one knows until you hate yourself -I mean, truly hate yourself -that’s power.”
I remember, back in the university days – I was drifting among people and many influences I allowed unquestioned. There were a time when with some friends we ‘tried to experiment’ with the concept of hate. It was rather a gimmick, a fun joke, not seriously, but there was some bitter truth of how we perceived ourselves and the world in that time. Well, it was about 17 years ago from now, but I still remember clearly.
We were throwing basketball to the basket and we tried to concentrate on the hate – “With the power of the Hate” – said and threw the ball and when it scored, we said, yes, like from the Star wars movie, “The Power of the Dark Side”.
In the Star wars – as Anakin hates the Tuskens for they killed his mother, hates himself that he left and could not save her – hates himself that he is powerless from his own hate which was being used to be manipulated by the Dark Lord eventually turning him into Darth Vader.
Truly hating myself – did that really occur? At first I’d say no, but in the back of my mind I am just realizing that indeed: I was hating myself. For always over-thinking, procrastinating, doubting myself, for not risking for taking opportunities and for being powerless against my powerlessness, I was hating myself, not obviously, visibly, but to be able to play the nice guy in order to make others like me, I buried that deep inside my beingness, but there, beyond thousand doors: there was hell. Well, it’s a bit ‘poetic’ exposition, but it was true.
The signs of self-hate is not necessarily something what would pop out that obviously at first sight, but throughout the years of self-investigation and walking the Process of Self-honesty from Consciousness to Awareness, I had to realize that all the symptoms of being identified with doubt, fear, cowardice, procrastination and in overall any abdication of self-responsibility within the greater picture is originating from self-hate.
Hate is passion – involves energy, a state of mind, not a passive thing, which simply puts me aside, but it’s rather an active participation, it’s burning within myself, actively, constantly and consistently influencing, directing me with my consent, permission and willingness.
With the (false) power of the hate – I was boosted, within it’s desensitization and self-separation I was able to distance myself from my suffering and pain and already by that I was experiencing a sort of liberation from powerlessness dragging me down, but far from sense of Life, the hateful emotion temporally disconnected me from the experience of my lost of Innocence and connection with Life.
It was horrible, but in that horror I found joy within the art of energetic intensity, from focusing the source of energy to the amount of energy. As this energy went through my mind, my body, even I refined my senses to feel it’s waves – it felt refreshing, like an immediate and full battery charge; from tiredness, aimlessness, hopelessness and exhaustion into excitement and purpose, positivism and enjoyment! How weird is that when I am down and I have thoughts and feelings and emotions and all of a sudden I am going up! Well, this can be the case not only with hate, anger, but other energies, but if I really look it with absolute self-honesty, it’s all quite the same. Just the hate ‘feels’ more easy.
Luke: Vader… Is the dark side stronger?
Yoda: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.
So to get hooked into the energies of hate has it’s consequences as one can change with it into directions what others might reflect back to it with avoidance, disgust, but it also can occur that within this twisted human systems some would praise it, like ‘great power’ and starting to respect it – or even to fear – because when someone is possessed with hate – that can manifest quite some aggression and destruction as well.
In a way, it’s an equal and one reflection of self-manifesting the destruction of the creator attempts to destroy it’s creation and not realizing that it’s the same, thus ending up one destroying oneself, which then again is the absolute mirror: hateful self was not really real from the beginning, which to admit requires quite amount of bravery, honesty and also self-realization, because to admit that all of this great amount of energy is of self-abuse, self-deception and that means one must stop, change, which is also unknown, of fear, and yet – the common sense is to let it all go – it’s not that obvious for all equally. So self keeps up with the re-creation of this delusional relationship with self in the starting point of hate and that will certainly be reflected into reality as well, not just in perception, words, but eventually accumulating into action as well.
I only hated things when I hated myself – it’s true – hate can only be towards self – and the fact that so many people walk around with their hate projected outside of themselves – they are liars – to what extent, I do not know, but the sarcastic irony is that no matter how hard they try to justify their hate, it will always be self-delusion, because it’s a result of an imaginary separation: the moment they stop judging, the fuel for the hate also fades and then hate itself also stops. And then one faces self – the question is that if self then is able to see/face/experience oneself without separating, duality-splitting judgement and find quietness within – or will continue with the polarity-based mind-self-separation? The key is to question everything here.
If one dares to investigate any judgement, it’s always based on self-judgement, but the point is that to be able to judge myself, I have to perceive a separation from myself, and in the moment of that starting point of that separation, one is disconnected from oneself, therefore it’s all just an observation, an assumption. So to even build up to a point of a hate, it’s then that obvious that the person is full of delusion, lost in the realms of one’s mind consciousness systematic patterns.
At some points of my life I hated myself, that’s true – but even that is just a layer within myself and I did not stop digging, investigating, understanding and applying myself and eventually I had to realize that even that intense power is also not real, fake, inflated self-delusion, deliberate self-deception and consequential self-abuse.
The reasons of self-hate occurred when I did not do what I wanted, or I judged myself as not good enough, not worthy, bad, ugly, fool, weak, coward, etc. But there was always a judgement being used for another judgement. And if I look back, at the beginning of all – there is nothingness, emptiness, all quiet and whole.
It’s worthy of investigating hate without fear – also, because to a certain extent, fear is also similar to hate itself – separation, doubt, loss. It’s important to face all fear and to see – what aspect of myself is manifesting really into this physical world through my behavior, actions, words based on fear or hate.
Fear can be stopped just as hate – it might be painful, because it’s about that already – to try to avoid pain, the pain what can happen or what is already here, what is inevitable to experience, to embrace, to understand.
The point of my hate was that I did not consider that I can actually change, because I accepted myself to give up on myself unconsciously. I do not need to remain as limited, as powerless as I experienced myself to be, but in the fear I focused to the experience and the energies of that fear instead of the facts, the reality here, and that is required for to find practical solution.
The giving up on myself was deliberate and to that to see: I abandoned my real self, that did hurt and that hurt I could not live with, because that is the most horrific thing one can do – to give up on who one is or who can be, because from that point, one is not existing anymore, lost for real.
The little things within our daily life can reveal signs of doubt, fear, even hate and it is our only real choice to stand up and shout that what is enough is enough!
Maybe the manifested consequence today is so giant that if we compare ourselves with the tasks ahead, what has to be done in order to stop all fear and hate, then we feel insignificant, powerless, however it is always the small acts what will accumulate into greater consequences.
What I have realized is that even when I am powerless and poor, fearful in my life, there are moments and situations when I can have direction, for instance being in the garden and seeing tiny ants struggling through some obstacles – then in that situation I can have power to do whatever I decide to do – and the interesting realization what awaits there is that the very decision I can make there, regardless of how insignificant it may seem, it matters, it accumulates into who I accept myself to become.
This is especially true when we would compare ourselves with the whole human system, society, the economy, government, law systems – that if I am not having equal directive power there to change it, I should not put hate to that, rather I should look around, where to I can grasp direction, from where I start accumulate self-trust, integrity and responsibility and this all will come to one and equal as we expand.
If the world economy is so harsh not allowing me to grow, then I might start looking more locally, how I can start participating in the local system, to collaborate with my neighbors and by supporting each other to expand.
Also if pain will come – not to fall back into fear but to consider that it is a consequence I have to face for a deeper understanding or maybe a direction I am heading to what does not support me and thus showing me what I should change. But meanwhile if I fall into the hate, I am disconnected from myself again.
And those who seem so powerful within their hate that this tempts us to lean back to fear or even also to form hate back – it is imperative to be aware that it is not personal, they currently lost their life-awareness, addicted to quantity of energy, instead of life-quality and it is the same way as we did when hated ourselves.
The character from the Mr. Robot video – who consciously uses self-hate as power is indeed dangerous, because he is so possessed with hate that he is not afraid from more suffering, death, because within his state of mind he is already dead, yet he will do everything to protect himself before giving up the perceived power, because then he would realize the fact that it’s not real life. So in a way it’s like cancer, a virus what spreads until it’s stopped.
When hate fuels aggression into action – it’s also ‘just’ fear – even the most dominant ‘players’ of this power game are no different than a scared little boy, who tries to smash the ants within panic, just as the human mind evolved throughout the years, this panic, this fear, this aggression can become deeper, even calmer and more handle-able, efficient, calculative, just like we see it manifested for instance in the military.
Why would I want to destroy any life form if not from fear? Smart debaters immediately would come with the example of animals we kill each day for the meat, isn’t that aggression? Certainly. It’s in our source code now, but if we first only could stop aggression/fear – towards/from all other humans, it would be such a step up within a practical transcendence of our aggression and thus: fear to see the practical solutions.
When we believe the idea of “allowing the other to live would do harms way for us” and within that consideration – fear – we initiate aggression – it’s still fear of not surviving, but not necessarily on the physical level, but from a conviction, in the realms of the mind.
See – when we fear losing something what is not even real, but of self-definition, result of inner dialogue, back chat, inner conversation, feelings, emotions, then it is certainly a sign of being fallen to the fear.
Regardless of anyone claiming that to some extent a certain amount of fear is good for survival, living, it is simply a self-defeat to give into the energetic temptation of self-accepted existence within any fear.
I dare to say if someone fears, is not living at all. Therefore to really become alive is to let go all fear, no matter how many years one must work on that, it’s still common sense.
And all who claim to know all the answers for the world, existence, our purpose and having a vision for humanity – until they have not walked the self-purification process from Fear Consciousness to Life Awareness, they can not have any clue of what is here and what can be possible, because they live in conflict, separation, delusion.
That is also a key – to understand that when people state that there is a way to live according to What is Best for All – anyone opposing that simply acknowledges the fact that they still accept fear within themselves. So be aware –
there is no way to not being exposed of who you really are in terms of standing up to all life or not – so choose wisely for what you invest into your limited amount of physical breaths, because once expires – there is that statement, testament and embodiment of who you really are without any possible change.
So it’s common sense to change with the breath, in between two breaths in and as the physical life we have on earth.
The most important fact about hate is that as I was able to find forgiveness, anybody can, because it’s the same process just with different words, memories, pictures in the mind.
If the darkest, most cruel beings of the past can apply self-forgiveness, then every human can, if willing to.
The real forgiveness is not towards others – because that’s meaningless – I forgive you, and then you screw me up again – how in a way that supports me or you? No – the only forgiveness can be what comes from self – I forgive myself, he forgives himself, she forgives herself.
Here are some Self-forgiveness statements to assist with hate – within reading, saying the words aloud, writing these down – one can reflect back what has allowed and accepted to manifest for what also can take responsibility for to stop.
Once I take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed, I keep forgiving the baby steps what driven me into the hate. The mind has many layers, and with this I peel off the onion while accumulating understanding of the specifics of how and why and what I did, and also the very action of walking through these self-acceptances accumulates into self-trust, self-direction and these will support with knowing self – even to the state of seeing a pattern before participating – slowing down within – and that creates possibilities, chance to change and STOP.
So let’s decompose hate and re-align with self-honesty.
Definition by dictionary: hate: intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
So when I hate something – I try to avoid it, try to neglect or destroy it, because I perceive it as a threat, even if the threat is that I will feel extreme intense negative energy within myself in relation to the subject of my hate.
It’s based on a relationship – I relate to something or someone and then I react with hate based on that relation – so how that relation-ship is within me? Because it must be within me – because I react with hate – I relate with things I end up hating for.
Someone bullies me and makes things to me what causes problem, pain to me – I start defining this and the person as not cool.
Then I do something about it or not – but the question is what with I will leave – in terms of what conclusion, ‘added layer in my mind’ I will end up being with? Someone annoys me, like kicks my leg, so I feel that it’s not cool, I rather do something about it or I leave it like that and I let it accumulate – the more kicks happen, the more I will feel as not cool and once this uncool judgement quantifies, charges enough, an emotion is being fueled and this can become a hate. Whenever this point comes up – the charged energy within me reacts, pulls me into this emotion, the state of mind.
I forgive myself that I have not realized and understood how I created hate within myself towards things without seeing the origin point which is me, meaning my relationship with myself being projected out to the world, others, objects, events, any definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I allowed to judge things as good or bad to me and based on that forming relationship in my mind, prioritizing things/people in my mind as wanting to experience or not wanting to experience and not realizing it is becoming less and less about the actual real person, but more the things I do in my mind about it, thinking, feeling, being emotional about.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that how and why I form relationships with definition of things/people in my mind and relate to those as these would be the actual thing/person I wanted to relate to.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get drunk and possessed, lost and driven in the experience of energetic rush of hate and not realizing the keyword here, energy – without that energy – I would not move here like this.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that hate relies on a relationship I formed in my mind towards something or someone and without that – there is no energy creation, there is no emotion, there is no hate.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the energetic rush I experience while being in the state of hate is a false boost, because it’s based on a conviction I never questioned, understood because if I would have, I would have been realized that it is simply a self-conviction, based on another conviction.
I forgive myself that I have not considered to realize that how and why I created hate towards things, persons but once experiencing it, accepting it as myself, even if it influences and pulls me out from presence and common sense.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-hate is based on self-separation, self-judgement, self-definition and also not realizing that if I am perceiving myself within separation – I am not living, feeling, seeing, expressing myself directly, but through the act of separation, here the definition, judgement, polarity separation, therefore all I perceive is not the actual fact, only an experience.
I forgive myself that I have not realized what self-hate actually means, that I judge myself within a point what I compare with something and defining it as better than me, thus myself as not good enough, and instead of understanding why and how this happened and what this judgement really means, I focus to the energetic experience of this reaction coming from the judgement, association, thinking, emotion and as these are part of the self-definition, I focus to these energetic experiences as myself and within that giving permission to my mind to tell me how to feel, what to do.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that if there is something within me what I do not like, I can actually change myself, and instead of putting energy, effort, attention and time into reacting to myself, feeling hateful while if I would really slow down and investigate how I ended up here like this, I could see the practical solution within common sense.
I forgive myself that I have allowed to get swollen into the definition, judgement, energetic experience of self-hate.
I forgive myself that I have given into the energetic temptation of hate and focusing to the amount of energy instead of the source of that energy, which is me, myself, my human physical body, here living in reality, participating and sharing with others, no matter what.
I forgive myself that I have convinced myself that the amount of energy I experience within hate is what regenerates, fuels me and not realizing, only in my mind, among my feelings, thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not realized what hate actually is and defining it as power, instead of realizing it is actually giving away my power by being lost in energy relationships, because I am lost from being here undefined, as a whole, as unified, but separated, split, polarized within friction, in fact that energy taken from my physical body into the mind of self-interest.
A cool point opened up:
Malcom X was asking “who taught you to hate yourself?”
I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-hate is not required and never considered the origin point of from where I learned, took this self-hate in the world and why.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have copied mechanism of self-compromise, self-judgement, self-defeat and self-hate from others based on the perception that it is required for survival, for energy, for reasons I never actually questioned and answered.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that to hate myself is the statement that I have no directive power, I am not understanding my own creation and I give up on myself, because instead of investigating how I ended up here like this within inner conflict, self-judgement, I focus to the energetic result, which is hate and to use that energy for purposes I believe as valid and not realizing that it cannot be valid as it is the result of self-dishonesty, so the solution is to let go all and go back the origin point and take responsibility and forgive myself and change myself and stop myself to participate in the self-judgement, the fear, the hate.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that instead of hating myself I can change myself to give for myself a chance to love, to respect, to be gentle, intimate and tender with myself, otherwise I have no chance to be able to really do so with others, because who I am is self-conflict, self-judgement, self-hate, self-disempowerment, therefore I investigate why I feel hate, how I participate in the self-creation of self-hate to know myself.
I forgive myself that I have believed that from the movies, stories, books, that those who hate and become powerful are becoming powerful because of hate, and not realizing that their power is not based on real self but a self-delusion which inevitably will be gone once the energy of hate is gone.
I forgive myself to become obsessed to keep up with the participation in the hate, because otherwise I would fear that I would stop creating friction, energy, which then would end up me being not moved by energy, meaning not moving at all and then defining that as being dead and not realizing that it is already being dead if I allow and give permission to energy to direct me.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that hate is based on fear and whatever I resist, it persists.
I forgive myself that I believed that if I imagine aggressive pictures and stories in my mind with destruction and the feeling, energy I experience through that is what it means to hate and to fuel life instead of realizing it is just like a mental masturbation where I get obsessed with images in my mind and generate energy while I am not here, I am not present, I am not really real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from those who have hate and express hate because I fear losing what I defined I currently have and then justifying to hate the person(s) who hate me because believing that is a weapon, a self-defense against the person who expresses hate towards me and not realizing that all of his-her hate is in fact towards self, not me, but projecting out to not wanting to take self-responsibility, to realize the consequences of self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that those who hate are in an energetic possession and I cannot share common sense with them in the moment of possession, because the energy is making them ‘high’ and they do not hear me, only the voices in the head, the fear, the reason and justification of why the need this hate and energy and malevolence.
I commit myself to stop all hate within and immediately investigate what it is I do not accept within myself and resist to acknowledge and take responsibility for.
I commit myself to share my process of self-forgiveness to others of how I am able to stop hating myself and really loving myself and others equally through the equality and oneness principle to stand up to.
I commit myself to share the practical ways to stop self-hate and to become intimate with self and share all my secret mind’s fear and resistance during the process of opening up and walking through and applying the self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-commitment in real physical time, because this is real direct support based on words in reality.
I commit myself to expose the delusion of power of hate as it is separation, lack of awareness, lack of real power with sharing common sense about how it is based on fear, how human flesh can be programmed to react automatically with fear and hate and the same way how can we accumulate practical redemption through the process of self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to live by principle of what is best for all which entails stopping self-hate and start loving myself and others equally by develop integrity, trust, direction with and as myself as the living words.
There are not much people I defined myself towards as hating them, so I can write down quickly:
In the college, there was a senior guy who really liked my girlfriend, even he was saying to her kinky stuff when she moved between shower and her room within towels and she did not like that and after some occasion I started to dislike him, he seemed to be not a bad guy but because of this, I stated to my friends that I do not really hate anyone but if I would have to choose, I’d choose him.
It seems like that I had no reason to hate anyone, but I wanted to find one to hate at least him, so I worded that out and it echoed in my mind for a while as not really cool. It was more than 15 years ago, but as like this one proves – I do not really forget the self-dishonesty points within me, only people develop resistance to open up the exact points, but many times these points determined, defined who I became today, so it is still within me, it’s like the same program code runs all the time when I think about hate, reach my memories, so it’s like a Christmas tree, all the time I access my mind, it lights up with all the self-definition labels, judgements from my past, the decisions, choices I made, thus building up my personality who I perceive myself to be.
That tree of knowledge must be decomposed, understood, forgiven and stopped in order to know myself instead of think myself and to give a chance to birth real life from my body – because this is compromised life, con-sciousness systems running in the background based on my past, especially my self-dishonest, fearful, judgmental, comparative, competitive mind, thoughts, feelings, emotions.
So I forgive all I participated in my mind – I forgive all the layers, I forgive that I did not forgive, and I forgive myself for not being self-honest that hating someone I projected out that I hated him.
But it’s not personal, it’s just at that moment he was there, she was there, it happened, so instead of taking personally, I see how mind consciousness systems interact, judge, react, live in the personality realm, instead of the equal physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define hating Effendi because he told my girlfriend things she felt as unpleasant and she did not like that, she felt bad about it and instead of making him aware how and why it is not supporting my partner, me, him, I simply took the whole thing into my mind where I defined him as enemy, so I could run battles in my mind with thoughts, emotions, anger, hate, which then almost got me into the act of aggression if I could have listened to such thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I hated Effendi, defined hating Effendi, telling others, how I hate him, I did not acknowledge that I hated myself being powerless, not acting the solution, not being able to solve this point, so within the self-defeat, I needed some energy to overcome the self-shame, using an external reason.
I commit myself to stop hating myself and stop using others to have the excuse and justification why I have the right to hate them by realizing I project out to people what exists in my mind which only I can stop, therefore it’s common sense to stop hating.
I commit myself to prevent myself to go into hate even when somebody does things I do not like, causes consequences I do not like, do not feel as cool, would harm me and realizing that hate is not supporting solution.
I commit myself to trust myself to walk away when I see harm would manifest to me without using it as a reason to hate and do what I can without going into my mind to react with thoughts, emotions.
I commit myself to re-define hate with something I do not accept as life thus I accumulate action to prevent it to happening, such as slavery, physical, emotional, mental abuse without going into my mind, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and simply direct my action within presence as self-expression.
I commit myself to open up, understand and face all fears I ever had or experienced to embrace and stop, breath by breath moving through the resistances to stop participate in the mind to stand here undefined, unprotected without any definitions, thoughts and develop physical life-awareness as myself who I trust unconditionally.