Recently watched some great movies and reflecting back to the systematic nature of Consciousness and how is possible to understand how the human mind works in order to assist and support ourselves with practical change.
First watched the In the Mouth of Madness (1994), then The Manchurian candidate(2004).
Different type, genre and style – yet for me shown the same aspect about human consciousness. I’d suggest to watch both, although the first one is rather a comedy/gory horror/philosophical train ride, the second is a slower, more like peeling off, investigative, conspiracy-related story line, but within both movie, the protagonists recognize that they have been used as a tool within somebody else’s plan who was altering their mind consciousness, utterly and brutally. No more spoilers.
How to create/alter/re-write history/reality/future and how consciousness is actually operating as a system?
Or shall I rephrase to say consciousness is an operating system for the human? Although it’s quite mesmerizing and has deep-ends, it certainly is limited bluntly and when one is awakening, rather painfully, but it is only then to be realized how limited it is; not just when one is talking smart, streetwise or rephrasing the spiritual mumbo-lingo, but to walk it into and as the physical as the living flesh.
Or all these zombie movies with the walking and re-animated dead…or all those cheesy vampire stories, wherein they are even the good guys, the ones to find as desirable, hot – I mean in this system Everything is a Symbol.
The question is am I asking questions? Am I answering too?
It’s all related to the human mind’s condition, which is within it’s programmability. That’s why we are susceptible to ‘mind control’ and ‘brainwashing’, ‘culture’ and ‘imprinting’, just pick any desire from ‘deep within’ and go out there and try to attain it – or to sneak around our un-worded, background-lurking secret fears what we cannot comprehend, face or even acknowledge.
Human nature is nothing but long and consistent accumulation of pre-conditioning, ‘guided meditation’, ‘group trance’, and a lot of powerlessness, thus spiced up with a lot of survival instinct and fear.
If I look at poor family’s children, their lack of vocabulary, the underdeveloped writing and communication skills in fact determine their actual possibilities to venture in the world system and become so to speak ‘successful’, meaning not becoming grinded into survival and fight for material or even spiritual goals, such as house, car, travel; or overcoming anxiety, shame, phobias and to find inner balance, stability and trust and to live beyond survival and self-interest to actually being able to give back real value to the system.
There are few, who get more rich or find peace emerging from the poor, but it is rare, almost random and one might just say it’s neo-darwinism, as now it’s not about who can kill more and faster, but who can adapt faster and easier into a system of deception, layers of superimposed facades and glimpses of what life could be without compromises, but beyond each of consciousness character, there is vast and lacking emptiness, which to fill, consciousness itself has just a handful, yet powerful tricks and tips at it’s – and thus our – disposal: belief, blame, greed, fear of loss.
Most of the people who claim themselves to be in the ‘awakening state’ praise, eulogize and celebrate consciousness, although it’s quite a cheap trick and it’s nothing more but an elaborate con. Science will show us soon when will starts to pump out more and more ‘environment-and self-aware’ Artificial Intelligence units, such as robots, interfaces, whole systems, what eventually will be designing their own next generation with their superior mathematical and virtualization power and they will analyze, reproduce and evolve how we are built and then everyone will see that consciousness is certainly NOT Life.
It tries to imitate it as close as possible, and definitely can fool the not yet life-aware individual manifestations and expressions of One Life ‘itself’, but to trust in consciousness is really the worst advocate a human can find, because it’s nature is CON itself, therefore it only reflects back our lack of self-trust, self-knowledge, self-honoring and the very experience of being separated from our own life-source as awareness of all what is here in and as existence. Consciousness cannot exist without relationships, and the very points of relationship is which through we are defined, owned, limited. It’s a system.
I used to wonder what movies I really-really like, and just now I realized that the ones what can glimpse up a little more of how consciousness works, it almost ‘feels like’ itself is trying to show us what we are accepting and allowing to be enslaved by.
But only those who really look can see.
The saying of ‘Nothing is what it seems.‘ – or to remain in the ‘movie‘ style – ‘The owls aren’t what they seem.‘.
How to walk through the maze of consciousness and what are those building blocks of it?
I tell a little back story of mine, from where I started to question my own existence…
When I finished university, I was lucky to have a psychologist partner, who was quite open to not only mainstream psychological models and views, but also to more ‘fringe at that time’ ones, such as works of Carl Jung and Andras Feldmar – these two have influenced me to start on my own journey to discover what is beyond my personality, which was extremely frustrating and limited, when I was about 20 years old.
Jung talked about the layers of the human mind, such as unconscious, subconscious, conscious minds and how we are only aware of the conscious mind, yet the other two also influence, direct us, much-much more than we want to acknowledge and understand, and I had an openness to this view since quite early of my own awakening process, often I felt myself to be quite instinct-based being, who had many times experienced life like an animal. It’s a weird comparison, but often I felt myself like that, I was raw and wild within, yet I was able to suppress it, so I could act the nice guy to comply my fear of rejection and failure, but within how I experienced was that beyond my conscious mind, there was some more primal and direct force what was basically pulling the strings within my life and I had no idea how and why.
Feldmar talked about mind-altering substances with which one can have a specific experience of mind-death, from which one can release all what to humans holding onto, such as all kinds of fears, desires, struggles, definitions as in the perception of death, one kind of gives up all, because it’s a total release/explosion/melting down experience and with that he suggested that one can start to investigate what’s beyond the conscious mind who we perceive ourselves to be.
I became quite obsessed with studying the mind according to things currently available at libraries, slowly but surely moving towards eastern and older-culture-based views, practices, in order to explore the whole spectrum of humanity’s available knowledge and information to be able to have deeper understanding and preferably also to find reasons and purpose for my existence. I even tried to find gurus and masters to tell me what to do but that usually did not work, especially when I considered that until I can’t rely to myself – I am still vulnerable to external control, limitation, and I had to ensure that there is a starting point from which I can take my life to my own hands, not to be dependent.
As I was peeling off the layers of my culture, the morality, the inhibition and suppression, I had to realize that there is nothing within me, what cannot be decomposed, understood and released within my perception of who I am or why I do what I do. The constant quest I was on was: WHY? This very thing can help to tumble down to the rabbit hole totally – there is no need any meditation, substance or any altered state – but the decision and application of self-honesty.
I am also going to give an example of how to walk through a pattern within the mind with simply questioning and answering. Many people claim that they need special knowledge, empowerment, mind-altering substance, years of eastern mysticism or shamanic/religious/trance rituals to perform in order to know, be empowered with or understand a more, deeper level of how reality actually works.
That’s not true, actually it’s quite the opposite – the more someone indulges into these kind of agendas, the merrier these will influence and alter the person’s perception and even the starting point and it’s tricky, because most of them contain some relevance to facts, but only partially – and I have made the mistake of wanting to gather the ‘truth’ from all of them to put together – it’s too tedious, exhausting and quite unnecessary to do so. Not even mentioning that when I recognize my flawed/self-dishonest acceptance of myself – how could I trust myself to recognize what’s relevant/good within what? First I have to purify and decompose to have to ensure the purity and effectiveness of letting go patterns of self-limitations.
To transcend, we do not need any technology/religion/spirituality – only self-honesty and to be able to question + answer and forgive for ourselves our accepted mistakes, meaning not to regret, but to understand the consequences, to recognize the tendency before participating, preventing and giving space and time to something new and also the commitment to stop those mistakes, fears, delusions and finding practical ways to actually become that forgiveness, that commitment, that living action. It’s as simple as 1+1=2.
Forgiveness is not just to turn a blind eye on something bad/unjust/selfish/evil – it does not make any sense if it’s not really lived into action – that’s why forgiving to others does not make much sense either if the person does not change – they have to forgive for themselves. The same way with my own self-dishonesty – fear is self-dishonesty. Self-interest is self-dishonesty, because it’s also based on fear of loss, although it does not mean to sacrifice myself with no reason. Self-honesty is also practical common sense…
So for a relevant point for myself today:
I don’t feel like continuing with my video making.
I feel like it’s a waste of time.
I think it’s not going to be that good that I would define as worthy.
I think I imagined perfectly, but turns out that it will be mediocre.
Because I’ve defined this, because of this and that, to be mediocre.
Because I’ve used previously seen artworks, movies, I’ve seen in TV, VHS, Cinemas.
Because I’ve defined that is quality and that I wanted to be able to create.
Because I want to become successful and respected.
Because I have to prove to myself and the world that I am good enough.
Because I grew up with the fear that I am not good enough.
Because I have experienced falls and failures during my childhood what felt horrible and could not let it go.
Because I’ve created a system within me what charges energy when feeling bad, shit, horrible and that fuels a motivation to become better.
Because I do not want to fail again, it’s so horrible, I have to work hard to avoid it.
Because I experience negative things and I become influenced by negative things, the way I do not like it.
Because I start defining myself according to what and how I experience.
Because I identified myself with what I experience in my mind according to what I define and judge automatically.
Because I have this separation in my mind which through I can polarize as positive or negative based on my interest in regarding to all my judgments and memories.
Because this way I can apparently use the past to not make the mistakes again in the future.
Because I fear from making mistakes, thus rather not even move to avoid it at all costs.
Because I fear that I can’t change and expand, thus I have to avoid specific experiences/conditions/situations to keep my mind-state to not be faced with the inability to change.
Because then I become frustrated and by I focus to the frustration and not even looking it’s source anymore, so basically become distracted by the reaction and not seeing the point.
Because then I do not see the problem directly, thus not even being capable of solving it, thus I can remain ‘hiding’ behind false resistances.
Because I have experiences and memories when tried to push through resistances and I given up.
Because I started to lose the stability of what I’ve defined as my mind, and without that I was becoming more uncertain.
Because I did not give direction to myself, thus I was exposed to random things and I felt myself being unstable, and not realized that what I experience as polarity system of stability/instability – is not me, but my mind system, and then as I identified myself with it, I started to protect it by justifications and excuses, why I give up freedom from conditioning.
Because then I do not have to be aware of the exact point I justify being resisted to, I still can be ignorant.
Because I fear from unknown, because then I will not have any judgment, memory, polarity, definition, rule, idea to help me to face it, I would be totally vulnerable, naked and that is scary.
Because I could lose myself, I could lose things I hold onto.
Because I do not know what will happen and I fear from that.
Because within facing the unknown, I would face with myself and that scares me.
Because I do not want to face and experience and know myself without any extra layer.
Because I fear from realizing who I am here, what I have became, what I would experience or do.
Because I do not trust myself.
And this can be continued – see – there is no need to pray for gods for years, to say mantras for months, to dance in trance for a day, to take psychedelic drugs for hours to go deeper into my mind, to find understanding, reality itself. I mean, one can do these for fun or exploration, but for self-realization, self-support, self-growth, self-liberation, certainly not.
Although personally I’ve made the decision to not continue with those, once found self-honest writing and self-forgiveness this powerful for real change – as it’s very direct: I only have to honestly question and answer to myself. No gurus, teachings, imaginary friends, other worlds relevant – there could be cool stories about what might have been, but what’s relevant is what is here in my current here and present moment. Always. Sometimes I still dance to trance music, but just for self-expression, no expectation, no drugs, no alcohol, but physical presence. But even in relation to that I had to walk through a decomposition phase and let go all the concepts in my mind what stood in the way of being really present on the dance floor. Why I want to intensify? Why I want to ‘get through’, Why exactly is not good currently? What do I experience? How it’s being triggered? What do I resist? What do I fear?
That’s why kids also ask ‘Why?‘ – and we get fed up and stop answering – and maybe at the exact same point where our resistances/fears stopped us to explore further. Of course one parent can say: ‘just being annoyed and don’t have time for this/feeling tired/busy‘ – but if really that is the case, one should reconsider and start using the opportunity to walk this process with the child to ask and answer – this way also teaching by example…
That is challenging, and at points you might experience resistance towards asking the right and direct questions, especially wherein already have been some ‘unsuccessful’ imprinting within the past.
Resistance might come up as an idea of ‘oh, I have to do this or that’ – and jumping away, like a distraction – remember, we’ve been mastering our ability to have excuse to remain limited and fearful, powerless and doubtful to the point of never really being absolutely honest with ourselves. That’s about to change.
Write down the question to not forget and focus to the resistance, name it, word it’s physical experience too and it’s already being tamed, as I write, type the characters, write with the pen, forming the letters – my mind slows down, I focus to the physical expression of writing, and I see one point at a time – this way I can really see the things coming up within me. And as I word the experiences, I can dig further, start investigating. When a resistance dissolves, I can continue with the point I started to walk through.
Why I resist understanding why I keep becoming shy and suppressing, worrisome and awkward near to women who I feel attraction towards?
I fear that if I make a mistake or do stupid things, the person who I am attracted to might judge me as unworthy of wanting to continue to be with, to spend time with, etc.
Why I fear that?
Because I feel like I have something to lose and it depends on my actions and I remember how I screwed up similar situation in the past.
Because I do not trust myself who I am without ‘behaving the way I think she would be attracted to me’
I trust within personality patterns, tactics, not myself, because my memory tells me that I was a loser
Because I made mistake and I’ve defined myself according to that mistake. Then I trust that condition and situation as to be remembered to avoid next accident.
Okay, this is just an example, but see – this also can be looked at as a skill – which then can be learned, and it’s essential to real understanding.
Here Self-forgiveness can give a new perspective – not just with understanding, but already taking responsibility within realizing how this was not self-honest – and thus expressing my decision to stop this pattern, start changing myself as realizing I can do it. Or if not, then I ask and answer more. Until it’s clear, here.
For instance I apply:
- I forgive myself that I have not realized why exactly I do not trust myself in all ways, situations, conditions and never considered to decide to understand and thus being able to discover what to do in order to trust myself.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that within participating the fear of failure, I’ve focused to the emotional reaction of that fear, instead of the actual subject of my fear, which is to not make the video or make it but not being the level of quality I want to do.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that without making it, even allowing to make mistakes, I do not fear, I do not expand, I do not understand, thus realizing making mistake is part of the process, and within that I forgive myself that I have identified myself with the experience, the reaction to making mistake, and thus defining myself with and as the mistake, and thus wanting to avoid it and within that, not moving, not expanding, not living.
See – this is how one awakens, not with repeating a mantra and feel energies in the stomach and get high.
Or at least this is much more direct and obvious way. I can choose to start trusting myself by running in the forest with blindfolded eyes or to use a torch and see directly. Weird analogy, but anyway. Always ask questions, and answer them – and if you cannot, ask for support from the ones who are proving to be able to walk the mind, such as buddies at the Desteni I Process online course. I’ve go so many support from this online ‘school’, that is extraordinary. That’s why I share these words also – as it might support others too, certainly would do if one is applying 100%. The key is consistent application.
When I stop the flow of this questioning, there is a judgement, or a justification, to have an excuse why I ‘do not have to’ continue digging, asking, understanding – and that is certainly a point of self-dishonesty, what can and should be further investigated and stopped participating within and to continue the expansion.
See – words are specific, words are powerful elements of our mind consciousness, thus it’s really suggested to get to know our own definitions of words, our relationships, associated memories, feelings to specific words – they might not been set-up the most effective/supporting way, maybe I was influenced by tremendous fear in the moment I concluded something in my past, which never re-visited, thus I still carry that in my personality.
And such as the brick wall of human development: most children are special, talented, artistic and smart, and as their brick wall is being built word by word – one or two ‘flawed’ construct will not cause huge problem, but as the building is being built, those at the foundation level will have to carry a much more weight and that’s why it’s specific the first years to have the greatest parenting, education possible…
Later it’s much more work to decompose the person-s building blocks to dig out which are the faulty ones, that’s why each parent wants the best for their children, but within the current human system, it’s limited by the values humans agreed upon, most of the people have no money for proper education for their children, or having no time to support their children, and this rolls forward generation by generation of human consciousness.
That’s for now about my rant on consciousness, just let me add two more TV series in relation to it:
I’d also suggest to check out the 2016 version of Westworld, as it also tells a story about that – creation of consciousness systems.
I’d even add Humans(2015) TV Series too.
Both has A.I, what goes through a sort of gaining consciousness and struggling with decisions about what awareness should mean or to be applied as, what is purpose and going through a journey of who they really are.
I’ve found these latter two also quite specific to understand how human consciousness systems have been sort of engineered, pre-programmed, controlled and used for enslavement.
It’s very specific to watch through Westworld Season 1 and to recognize the similarities of human’s mind consciousness systems and the ‘hosts’ journey there.
The very point from where ‘they gain full consciousness’ – is quite irrelevant, but from that moment, if we start really honestly investigating and comparing ‘them’ to actual humans – the differences is merely technological/biological, but philosophically, spiritually and existentially there is(or will be) no difference.
There is even a fun moment within a scene(I think in Humans 2nd season), where an A.I says that humans are countless, like pests, they are worthless and the real value is them(the self-conscious robots), because it’s new, rare and much more promising in terms of what still can become, meanwhile humans are already what they are – and within that quite limited, flawed and even possibly doomed by their own hands too due to self- and environmental destruction by greed and power, which are in a way also quite meaningless – philosophically speaking, of course.
So, to understand consciousness, to understand our own mind, personality, the way we can be influenced, changed is crucial to become really aware of what we are, what are the consequences we manifested and how to start accumulating a real awakening, not just one within consciousness, but beyond, and certainly more directly.
To further challenge with one point: the human flesh is way more superior than consciousness itself, just to start with. Consider that what organization, billions of cell’s unified work has to be done in each moments for a human to function. Are we aware of that? Consciousness itself is also just a halo, a net, a layer over the body – . Imagine if you would go thinking about that cute girl from yesterday, you would be so far away, that you would forget to breathe and the brain would stop functioning…That would be weird…Many think that’s an advantage, but honestly, we are just as unaware as our other parts of consciousness we are also unaware of. And luckily we have these physical bodies, what are consistent, alive, always present, while our mind can shift into spaces/times here and there, and there is no continuity, only within it’s constant change, while the body’s heart beats, breathes, and these represent a consistent location, the only stable point within the whole universe we can and should to consider as starting point, a real location and relevant point to start taking responsibility for in relation to each of our individual life, social networks, family, friends, bracket of reality to see what are the potentials and where I can ask the right question to answer to unlock myself from any limitation I’ve allowed to physically become. Walk this process and see that consciousness is not just limited, slow and annoying – it is our one aspect we must transcend before embracing life itself as ourselves as equal as one.
I do not preach about Self-forgiveness and Self-honesty, Writing and asking/answering questions – anyone can state immediately that: “It’s not my style/way” – although one has to be really honest to see if it’s not justification and excuse. Many, like I did, often have to go through extreme amount of out of ordinary and I’d even say dangerous experiences to lose almost everything multiple times and to recognize that – again – I’ve a huge mistake – although mistakes are part of the process, it does not mean one has to timeloop until extreme frustration and pain, anger and even self-hatred emerges. Do not believe what I wrote, investigate and walk your journey to life yourself. Everyone is unique, but the things we have to transcend is quite the equal, the same: our own mind consciousness system limitation fear mechanism. Just a cool reference point to not get cocky and remain humble and to give as we would like to receive.
It is certainly a great way is to look at world events, movies, stories, products and systems to always start with reflecting back to self – what this tells about ME, what I have not yet seen, understood – thus not going into blame, projection, separation to find problems ‘out there’ immediately, but to see within, what is or could be my own responsibility in relation to this point I am facing currently?
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