Day 376 – Doubt and growth

P1010317Today’s menu:

Need to be absolutely sure – doubt within starting point, details of behavior.
Fear of being resisted, challenged, dominated – inferiority, fear of loss, fear of fear.

  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed to be honest with myself that the conviction of ‘need to be absolutely sure’ to do something is in it’s core is doubt, because I do not trust MYSELF HERE UNCONDITIONALLY, but the relationship, the point about to want to be sure, the conviction I want to be perfect to support my certainty and within that not realizing that I focus to perfect something based on a self-dishonest premise, which is not real to overcome a manifested behavior here, which is real: my acted out doubt in relation to myself, action and self-trust.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that to not move, initiate, start, live with the conviction of need to be absolutely sure first is self-sabotage, because I do not allow actual, physical and living space and time to find my ground, self-trust within living trial, but first want to model, virtualize, imagine and think it through in a way what satisfies and overcomes my originally self-accepted existence of doubt, and within that wanting to use this model and practise to break through the starting point of: fear of failure, fear of making mistake, fear of manifesting irreversible consequences.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only way I can really learn and expand is to live, to try, to make mistakes and fail, so then in real time I can start understanding cause and effect, how reality works based on common sense, practicality and accumulation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the tendency to doubt, to stutter, to even petrify myself for apparently tiny moments during my day is accepted as normal to the degree of not even being aware of and thus missing opportunities, moments of expression, expansion and thus growth, based on the convictions of I first must be sure, convinced, justified and reasoned with to do something and within that not seeing/realizing and understanding that the very model and starting point of such logical thinking is flawed with doubt, fear of mistake and experiences, memories, automatic judgments and feelings/emotions, based on my past, wherein not allowing to step beyond of those patterns, thus not really expanding, trying new, but always repeating the same cycles in the hope of this time will break through, while the common sense is to first reveal, decompose, forgive and let go all those patterns and see with virgin eye, act with direct movement and to not rely on my past, of what I am not absolutely sure about, and even if so, to re-question if it’s really-really trustworthy to the degree of putting all my life on it and being able to risk not to grow if this is false/self-dishonest.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to change my obsession to be sure and certain, right and eliminating doubt means that I must do express perfection and then becoming obsessed with finding the possibly best approach and wanting, expecting to do that without consideration of where I am currently, my current status, location, opportunities and options, from which I actually can start to consider, structure and plan an actual process of progress and manifestation of the wished outcome and for that to be able to remain consistent within this process without relying on manipulating and stimulating myself in relation to doubt and confidence emotions/feelings, but only focusing on what’s real in and as the physical realm, measurable, obvious.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that to consider my doubt as a point to deal with or overcome based on feelings and emotions, thoughts and reasoning is not self-honest, thus accepting self-limitation, as I do accept the starting point of doubt and want to accept it to exist within the equation in a way that without it, the whole process of planned or actual progress becomes inconsistent, unpredictable or even sabotaged.

For instance a pattern: frustration – if there is no frustration, I do not push to get through a resistance, a limitation, let it be inner, such as worry, excuses, justifications – or external, such as not having enough time, skill, money or power to do something – and within that deliberately boosting my want to overcome that by annoyance and frustration to the point of no matter what, need to get through that – but once I do that, the very motivation to keep moving, directing, expanding becomes un-fueled as the frustration itself was the energy to move, and then finding myself not moving anymore, until again facing another or even the same type of source of frustration.

It’s similar to addiction – for instance to drugs(or sex or alcohol or buying) – one uses it to distract or escape from an experience, related to what’s present within one’s life – and thus the action one does in relation or with/based on/under of the subject of the addiction – and the initial experience fades, one feels great – and moves on – but then the same, unresolved, ran away/distracted from experience, situation returns, and one has a choice: do the same as before, which seemed maybe easier: to repeat the distraction, entertainment, or even self-destruction(getting wasted).

In this sense, people do not realize their addiction to their mind-cycles, and all the automatic compromises they accept and allow for having the ‘balanced and in control self’ – while it’s all self-created self-dishonest self-delusion.

And then people can get to the point of all day want to be high/drunk/etc – for admittedly to avoid to face their responsibility, in reality, what awaits them to deal with, walk through, solve, stand up to – or they just want to have regular boosts to ‘refill’ their ‘don’t feel bad too strongly’ shield. Either way, everything we do or don’t do – accumulate.
Just as our decision-making, and thus personality. As from the starting point one relies to the decisions, consequences and then how judged them in terms of their priority of interest(feeling good, being right for self or others too), thus behavior, habits, personality patterns form, crystallize and automatize.
Of course, most of the justifications are around the points of self-dishonesties, but within the context of making those decisions, ‘logical process’ – they seem totally reasonable, because one acted upon those already, many times.

“Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it”

But usually people do.

I rather not generalize, but I can recognize this pattern within myself – thus it’s my responsibility to decompose, forgive for accepting and allowing and to see the specific trigger points, thus when next time about to manifest, I can see the predictable outcome if I don’t stop/change based on acknowledging what I already accepted and allowed – and thus to really stop and change.

And if anyone else recognizes this pattern within themselves, this might be an example or encouragement of why or how to support oneself to stop and change patterns within one’s behavior to expand, grow and live.

In this – I recognize that doubt-based resistances to break through with accumulating frustration is not supporting consistent expansion and creation, movement and direction, because as long as emotion/reaction-based energy is part of the equation, I am subjected to, dependent on, compromised by that relationship to that specific word-based trigger point, what should be identified honestly and understand within absolute specificity. So better to have decision, direction, commitment and principle and focus on manifesting clarity with self-communication, self-honesty and practical understanding.

Such as my point of decomposing, forgiving and letting go defining enjoyment within perfection only. Meaning perfection not with and as self as self-honesty, but trying to perfect the experience and the judgement of the relationships I form with things/people. That’s a trap. Just as naming it as inspiration for instance.

A tiny example: I re-started to learn Spanish guitar play – starting with basic techniques, such as ‘andalusian cadence’ – and it progresses alright as practicing every day a little. I am aware of what I want to do, be able to do, so it’s obvious what to do and kind of how.

And then last night found a player on youtube, who plays devilishly great – in my judgement – Tom Ward, playing Liszt Ferenc Hungarian Rhapsody 2 with ‘perfection’ in technique, effortlessness and passion – and I was like – this is the level I desire to reach – and the whole expression of his is very personal and unique and specific – the desire was within this perceived perfection. And I was immediately distracted with this desire, and from that point, my basic practices seemed soooooo far from where he is already at – and I defined this as inspiration – although it’s – if using it to my own process – distraction from the original experience of frustration accumulating during practicing a new thing.

I had lot of judgments before about this, such as ‘it’s useless skill, it’s just self-interest’, why not learn economy, or something to make more money with, or doing something for others, or creating something what helps solving problems in the world.

And then what I reasoned with is that no matter what I do, I always face myself within it, thus to expand, does not matter what it is, but the self-honesty within that process is what matters. Well, obviously in the context of equality and principle of do onto others what I would like to receive, based on the fact that this existence is a closed system, thus what goes around, comes around, even if not seeing the patterns due to complexity.

So what I concluded with was that I do the things I must do, and prioritize, and based on that it looks like doing this for some minutes per day is fine and I can learn and apply a lot of points I have already realized within walking Process, and also discover – and then share new, emerging points as well.

Also what is being revealed is that am I using learning guitar to distract myself from something else, with experiences, enthusiasm feelings, frustrations, resistances and walkthrough…

As for me – mountain climbing, when about to climb the Everest, even by risking my and others life – seems absolutely dumb, no doubt – and when I say that I can understand why people would want to acclaim that – what I really say is that – my justification self accepts and respects their justification self.

Of course, I do not want to be judged, so I shall not judge others either – which is also self-dishonest, based on having the starting point of an initial judgement, of ‘not to be judged by me doing this or that’, because I actually and already judge myself about it.

It’s tricky – and one would even consider that this whole article seems crazy and kind of insane – except that as I write it, as I see these to unfold in front of me – I breathe, I see, and I realize points to understand and if necessary: change and stop.

To just finish the example point about guitar – since years I have this aim/goal to play certain type of music with guitar, yet always starting, then stopping, then later re-starting, then stopping again – so it’s not consistent. And my justification was that ‘it’s not priority’ – and certainly it is not, it’s rather a hobby, a way to relax and enjoy.
And to recognize that, that it’s alright to not take this seriously can also come from self-communication and self-agreement. In this reflection – what I worded – effortlessness, passion, precise technique – and voila – it’s already much more tangible, doable – to focus on teaching myself – or unlearning patterns to allow myself to grow like that…In this sense, it’s not just about what I need to do, but also undo – as natural learning ability is the greatest.

IF – there is no self-dishonest justification and energetic mind accumulation in-between self and living. But if there is, then that is self-dishonesty and I want or not, if I accept this pattern within this ‘not priority’ aspect of myself, I might accept and live out within other, ‘priority’ aspect of myself too, thus discipline and principled living is suggested within all aspects of self.

As an excuse can be easily accepted by – this is not important – this moment is less relevant, now I can accept some little white lie, while in more important moments I can play the holy man – and voila – we are at the spiritual religious self-fuckery state, where one separates things, experiences, oneself based on ways to justify self-interest.

Meanwhile, in reality, all moments, breathe in and out, opportunity to be self-honest here in and as the physical body, in and as the physical reality – all are equal. No more holy, divine moments, people or actions – obviously, sometimes one has to have more attention, like while driving, but this type of justification can lead to some serious self-dishonesty.

Such as – I do not have to be self-honest while just killing all those pests, animals in my house – as now I can just kill the mofos with rigid ruthlessness, instead of considering why they are here, what I did what lead this to happen, can I see the bigger picture, is there any way to deal with this.

Or typical – to allow crazy, even abusive thoughts to run around – smile at someone while thinking that ‘what an a$$h0le’ – as believing that what I think is less holy than what I actually do: smiling as that is good, but while in fact having this resentment.

That’s why there is no middleground with self-honesty – and it is extremely difficult to never fall – but in the same way it’s very simple to allow myself to be intimate with myself to really see – am I dishonest, even just a little bit about anything or not.

This I wanted to pronounce about my starting point of doubt and worry to do something if not perfect, because the only way to really learn and grow, to expand is by mistakes – and in theory I can be master of myself, my mind, but if I do not even move I will not see what I still miss, thus not taken into consideration to actual, practical, real understanding, thus will not be able to change.

Each moments are equal, so if I am really good to not fall into a self-dishonest pattern in the day’s 99.99%, but in the remaining 0.01%, certainly and always – then the judgment of ‘mostly I am great’ does not mean much if there is always a cyclic point of ‘then always falling into this inevitably’, as it just restarts the cycle of not changing, and thus need to broaden the understanding the whole multidimensional dynamics of my participation and experiences, reactions and thoughts/feelings/emotions in that particular physical timeline.

That’s where Desteni I Process Pro online course is the greatest assistance by the Mind Constructs technique – to write down the actual timeline of what happened, also adding what I experienced, thought, all the patterns, building blocks of my participation and correlate to reality, within self-honesty – so then I clearly can discover all the patterns I live by, so then there can no remain any justification or excuse, because all is in front of me, thus can assist and support myself with change.

And that is what the greatest potential and power in existence, really – as we can accept ourselves as flawed, tainted, scarred, limited and handicapped – or we learn and grow out of those, one by one – with support, assistance and actual enjoyment of self-liberation, which undoubtedly accumulates to all existence as the whole is nothing but all it’s parts together.

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Day 375 – Being a nice guy fear

P1020130From my last post, walking this with Self-forgiveness – the universe’s greatest support as it’s about becoming aware of patterns I accepted and taking responsibility for stop participating by understanding the specificity of how I behave automatically and within that I get a chance to see the pattern before doing it and thus being able to say – I did this and realized that it’s not the best, let’s just stop acting this out and see what’s possible besides this particular pattern….

I almost always used to be a nice guy, someone to be liked or respected, but that was never true me. There is suppressed anger and desires what can be exerted if really poked around, ‘better keep the animal tamed’.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be the nice guy in order to not have resistance in the world by being liked, accepted, respected simply by the judgments I made about the things I focus doing based on I believing those to be good and nice, thus hoping that others judge those – and thus me – also as good and nice.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to question why need to want to be good and nice, and something I want to be recognized as, but with common sense it literally tells that in fact, I am not good, but I have to act as in order to be seem as good and within that not considering how I define, perceive and experience myself in terms of my polarity definition of good and bad and why.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not admit to myself that I define and feel, experience and judge myself as not being good enough and not being specific on what good here means and thus automatically and vaguely allowing associations to various points without being aware of.
  • I forgive myself that I have not specified for myself when I fall into the fear of ‘not being good enough’ of what I really mean, and why, and thus creating an overall feeling, a reaction, an energetic mind-state, which I do not admit how much influences and stimulates me to activate certain personality patterns, such as doubt, worry, anxiety, fear and paranoia.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the not good enough pattern originates from mixing up and bouncing back and forth between ‘wanting to be better’ and ‘fearing to be wrong’ without specificty.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity of purifying my mind, associations and reactions to the word ‘GOOD’ and within that to admit that it only refers to what it is my interest currently without stability, understanding and consistency, but being automatically driven by the context, the inner set and outer settings I allow to be determined by preprogrammings I do not admit, want to realize or being completely unaware of.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being BAD, meaning selfish, evil, not effective, not helpful, not compassionate, not considerate and benevolent, and within each action fearing to do something wrong, causing irreversible consequences I can’t fix but would stay and define, determine my remaining existence, thus always trying to analyse and virtualize, model and simulate causes and effects by my limited thoughts, feelings and emotions, and within that not realizing that with the starting point of fear, the complete preoccupation within the mind-participation what I manifest is that I am not present, I am reactive, not directive and thus I focus to create what I wish to avoid by giving creation to what I focus to, which is here is what I am afraid of.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the effective use of my mind by considering options within clear presence, meaning no reactions, no running thoughts, but simply look at things, understanding and considering, but definitely not accumulate worry and frustration, emotional charges and fear.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to recognize the self-deception and self-sabotage within participating in ANY pattern of ‘fear of not being good, good enough’ and within recognition of it, immediately taking the initiative movement and direction to STOP doing it and focusing to what’s here, what I can do and how I should do it to support direct action.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use my observations constructively within development and expansion by allowing fear to be the starting point and not realizing the simplicity to stop and re-align with written, spoken and living words.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not raise my voice, then I am considered as a nice guy, and within that desiring to be judged by others as nice, which if I really look at is not a real descriptive word, but a ‘feeling’, being subjective, and also part of a polarity system of nice – not nice/ugly, wherein wanting to be seem as nice exposes the experience or fear of being not nice/ugly/bad.
  • I forgive myself that I have judged, defined and categorized myself as not nice, not being good enough and in general not being capable enough within the comparison patterns I allow to run freely in my mind, feeding by my initial doubt and insecurity experience in the world and not being honest with myself of being afraid to be rejected, excluded and disregarded by others within the fear that I can’t live, stand and expand alone by myself and within that not trusting myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not admitted to myself that I do not fully trust myself always, unconditionally, because of the memories I remember and fall back to react to of when I was giving up, giving in and not pushing through resistances and fears, allowing myself to be defined by fear and my perceived weaknesses and allowing this fear to become norm and being triggered at challenging situations.
  • I forgive myself that I have not admitted that how I deal with challenges, resistances and problematic situations is that I have an initial experience of polarity within feeling or emotion, fed by thought patterns, which create a state of energetic experience and consciously trying to overcome it by stimulating and manipulating myself to accumulate the opposite experiences I originally accept and allow, for resistances to get obsessed by a desire to break and fight through.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I created the perfect prison for myself by the self-balancing artificial intelligence of my mind consciousness system, as always working in polarities of good and bad, positive and negative and accepting to have auto-activating patterns to each situation I experience, wherein always striving to acclaim neutral states from polarity extremes, but always and only in the confinement of those energetic polarity frequency domains, thus never be really free.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that direct self-expression and self-trust to develop and accumulate only can be manifested by decomposing all the patterns of my mind and to see what is real and fact on the physical reality level and where I go into delusion and self-dishonesty and to stop participating within those patterns by applying self-forgiveness, self-corrective and self-commitment statements to assist and support myself to live the change directly in the moments of participation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that suppressed anger I experience is because I omit to live the opportunities I see and go through by worry and fear, and within that judging myself as bad – thus reinforcing the whole ‘want to be good’ pattern even more, instead of letting go the anger, the doubt and focus to what’s here in front of me, at my physical location, on my awareness level to take responsibility for and realizing that consideration can be applied in the principle of what is best for all participants to support structuring, planning, directing and living my expression without accepting doubt within what I do – or if doubt seems unstoppable, to decompose it as it’s a pattern and to plan even further to focus on what’s practical common sense to do, or ask for assistance from others if applicable.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that any and all anger I experience towards anything or anyone is ALWAYS towards and in relation to myself as anger in it’s true form exposes powerlessness and fear, thus that is the key part to focus to within any anger-triggering situation and to prevent myself to fall into exerting it towards myself or others.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my exerting anger aspect as ‘tamed beast’ and wanting to control it by self-manipulation and suppression and not realizing that what I suppress is also myself and a potential to grow and for that I always will create more friction, more resistance, desire and fight within myself, which literally takes away my freedom and honesty.

So, this is a start, more to come – in the meantime also focusing on becoming aware of patterns when ‘falling over to the other side’ – as from doubtful, insecure to become blunt and overconfident, but as mentioned before, that is also a form of polarity fight within, and within that aspect, manifests as a total denial and sabotage of any true and honest self-expression.

Day 370 – Daily Forgiveness and Walk

P1010668Today just generic Self-forgiveness from this point and see where I move from here.

  • I forgive myself that I have not considered the fact that reality is something what is always here, in and as the physical and if I am not aligned with it in thought, word and deed, I am living in an alternate, virtual, delusional reality and even if I convinced myself that it’s okay to shift back and forth, not realizing that the consequences I create in my separate, personal reality due to the separation experience from reality will inevitably manifest in the reality as well, just more unpredictably, thus determining my actual life to be insecure, uncertain and confusing, because I am not aware of what I actually cause and how – because if I would be, I certainly would consider to stop this madness of self-awareness and would focus to re-align with all life awareness here in and as the physical reality.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that each moment I skip breath as awareness, presence and inner silence of thoughts, feelings and emotions, I stop birthing myself into and as the physical here, thus prolonging my deluded experience of existence through and as the mind consciousness system, because even that I know that the source of the consciousness is the physical, it’s automatism is so ingrained and infested into each moment of my life, that I am being overwhelmed by reactions I did not yet decompose and realize how to prevent participating within.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the strive to do more, be faster, better and just to simply state be and feel, experience – thus pretend – to be more than who I am here today – this is causing me to always strive, be vulnerable to the patterns of insecurity and fear, causing me to skip a breath, because wanting to think the situation I am within through, in order to get by, get through – and not realizing that this abdication of responsibility only leads to time loop and manifesting more consequences, thus more reason to react again to the situation, and if starting to move towards realizing what is actually here in and as the reality, then I would be overwhelmed and would experience instability and intensified fear, thus would want to return to the more stable experience of ‘all right’-type of self-interest, as long as I can keep feeding my mind-possessions of fulfilling my self-created desires and evading to face my fears in a reasonably acceptable rate.
  • When and as I want to do more, want to be more, want to seem more, or to have, feel or experience more than what is here in my direct reality available, I stop and I allow myself to breathe, just breathe, wash away the polarity of my mind-activities and just embrace myself as inner quietness, purely physical being and move myself to directly see, directly feel, directly decide without thinking and if I can’t, then I decompose the patterns I am not aware of to be able to move about.
  • When and as I am walking, I walk here, I focus to the action, the feel, the physical, the breathing, the gravity, the air, the movement, the body, the surroundings and I allow my mind to be quiet.
    I direct myself to have a polarity-free peace while physically moving, as when I move, my mind stops.

As I physically walk, I walk through the mind, I can see the mind, I can feel the mind, but I direct myself to not participate in the mind, not react to the mind, only embracing, understanding and expanding within breathing awareness.

  • When and as I walk, let’s say the hallway at the office I work at – and I catch a little trouble in my mind, such as a thought of something I should do, I should not forget, a worry of something happened/would about to happen, I acknowledge the notion and I move forward.
    I see/realize and understand that within awareness, if I do not seize it with giving the permission and the control to the thinking mind, I can embrace just a little more and more with each breath, this is the real and tangible infinity which awaits to all humans, already today: the liberation with breath through and as understanding, forgiving and embracing the mind to see and understand beyond with practical common sense and that no one knows what’s possible as we have all been limited to our own imagination based on desires and fears we previously could imagine and got stuck with them, thus the realization is to let go all I hold onto and focus to what is here in and as the physical here.
  • When and as I worry about money, not having enough, not being able to afford, pay or sort out something financially, I realize – one breath at a time, and to structure, plan, consider – my proven best practical way is to sit down and write all to a paper/text file and do account all and without any worry influence to make the best practical decision and then plan the solution and move forward and then the end of the day/cycle, to check reality again, commitment and decision too and if required, realign, adjust, change, step back or completely stop – it’s all within self-direction without accepting fear and worry, devotion and desire, but simply as decision as who I am as living life.

Challenging point – the office does not feel physically too friendly – cold-ish, dry air, fluorescent lights – it’s temporally, but I take the challenge as something to enjoy and to see what I can do to support my body, presence and continuous realizations within this environment, what I can actually do to make sure that I can work effectively and efficiently, while considering my body, process and have fun.

Today in the office I was all day in my light jacket and big scarf – it was okay, although I had the thought that I might seem as someone is just arriving or about to leave – that made me smile, although did not really care, as I was enjoying that this gave me comfort. Also – drinking a lot of water – I am quite effective within this, and nowadays, as having the last days of the flu – still needs to hydrate more – so today one of my focus points was to drink enough water, do not feel cold and not get tired – meaning not to fall into the mind-tiredness experience.
It went well, until about 15h – and I realized that I have created the cycle of big break in this period and did not come, and I was seeing that I expect something what does not ‘come’ by itself and that relationship was like a waiting process and within that I was reacting and judging the situation and then I felt a bit of tiredness – not because of the job was exhausting or I actually got tired, but because I stopped self-directing and moving and automatically falling back to the mind-realm, where I am exposed to the needs of energy experiences.
Was fascinating to see that this realization was missing from my inventory – although in theory I knew it since years: it’s not enough to forgive and stop patterns, I actually have to fill up the void with self-movement, self-direction and self-creation in each moments equally, otherwise I stop expanding and the mind is vast, well, limited, but if I stop, I don’t see, I don’t really feel, only through the one dimension of the mind, which can just make me believe that it’s infinite, although it’s just one tiny slice of me. But definitely need to deal with it, otherwise it will always be at my nose – in the way of moving and expanding. Dealing: meaning to understand what that tiny dimension in this situation actually means and why is currently blocking my way to simply live without fear.

Even boredom and tiredness can be backtracked to fear – let’s say it’s a homework. There will be a mind-construct, a timeline of thoughts, reactions, actions and events and somewhere inbetween, one can find that honesty with self – fear. Fascinating. Within the era of human created A.I. – there is so much potential – imagine a self-honest A.I. develops an A.I.

Who said life only can be born from the organic physical? Hehe, will see…

Nonetheless, it’s our call of duty to start living without any lies to ourselves or others.

Consciousness Shift and the Death of the Physical – Life Review

Day 369 – Illness and Breath

P1010735I am going through a flu-like mild illness right now. I was exhausting myself deliberately and it did not make sense but as always – the body can’t escape from consequences.

My last flu was quite a blast with enormous headache and in comparison to that, this is rather an uncomfortable yet not that brutal one. Still, it’s characteristic is present the same way, thus I can observe and so to speak intervene with it’s most prominent effect, which is how I am related to breathing in terms of awareness.

The question always comes to me in the moments when I feel that I have difficulty to be aware of the breath, to do full breath – into chest, stomach, not superficial, but a deep one – without exaggerating, while I am not chasing or being chased by thoughts, emotions and feelings.

This time I felt like I am missing all the breaths one by one and it felt exhausting, almost like a semi-sleep, dazed state.

I had the sense that this illness will stay until I do not breathe through it ‘properly’. And then also had the impression that if I can remain present, awareness within each consecutive breath, then I will heal much faster.

Then I realized, I probably would have not even got sick if I would keep the awareness and the self-expression of breathing within presence in a consistent manner, thus to avoid the ‘expensive’ and body-and awareness exploiting busy and distracting mind-work.
But I got hooked on stimulation, intensity, I was preoccupied and distracted from my breathing self presence awareness, into the mind, energetic experience, in a way similar ‘high’ experience than drugs induce, but with my thoughts, feelings and emotions, reactions and stimulations.

Also, as I was tired and exhausted, well, because of that, I got into the stimulation re-creation cycle and I got even more exhausted, putting my body to the point of being vulnerable to illness.

It’s interesting to see, there was a moment of self-blame, but then realized, this is here now, no escape, the question is that will I do it again, when the storm is over?
Not the first time I realize this, yet I did it again – I got exhausted to the point of getting sick. Each time I do it, I focus on understanding more on this mechanism, thus I can re-commit and re-align to see what I can do to prevent myself making the same mistake again.

This breathing awareness is something I am not directly connected with yet – sometimes feels like a thing, which is huge, like a whale, takes time to start moving, sometimes even days and I used to accept this, so on my ‘less breathing aware days’, just to wait out to the cycle to turn to the more ‘aware’ days.

But it is definitely a self-dishonesty, because it is not self-direction, I am disempowering the decision, the action and accumulation of directly breathe, bring myself back each time I skip one.

Always easy to find excuse why not to, like being in a busy in the work moment and needs to focus to the job, or driving high-speed on highway, no time to breathe, it’s like there is still in effect of an inherent, almost instinct-like habit of relying to the thinking and reacting mind, instead of full presence.
There is a change however, I see it through within situations when things get strife and dense, for instance on the high-speed highway taking over moments when skill and discipline is crucial – I find myself to directly breathe, like literally blowing out the air with focus and physical feel – that becomes a way, day by day more and more to bring and keep myself present and with empty mind face and deal with real time situations.

That aspect of me, within that apparently tiny area I find infinity and limitlessness, thus true freedom, because the more breath I ‘spend’ within direct awareness, keeping not to rely to my mind, the more I directly and exponentically birth myself here in and as the physical as truly living life ‘itself’. Sounds very poetic, but for the time being, this is a cool compass to consider.

No need to get obsessed with the ‘undefined’ itself, because then that is also an indication of escaping from already manifested self-consequence, programmed mind, and it causes self-disempowerment, as not taking responsibility for the patterns I already constitute.
That’s how I got hooked on spiritual meditation and psychedelic drugs back then, with those, I learned to stimulate and manipulate my mind to re-create specific blank or energetically ‘high’ states in order to be able to learn to be specific and effective to deal with certain situations.
However, the trap was that with certain situations I unconsciously chose to suppress, deny, distract from, thus many real life problems I had, did not get solved in time, and I was not expanding within understanding or solving those points, because I have mastered meditation to any time balance out my mind, stop the overwhelming tension of real world problems, but it was just a well-constructed bubble, what always did burst and I was facing the situations with a mind which I just proven not to be able to solve things with.

Not that the mind itself is bad, but if I do not understand what is the mind, what is not, what is not effective, what is not self-honest, then I keep blaming and postponing, escaping and denying until there is no escape, and then I obviouly will not have neither the understanding or skills to deal with the problem, but only the tendency to fall back to the patterns of denial and procrastination – to timeloop, just accumulating more manifesting – and often irreversible consequences.

And breath is key to bring back myself here, just as equally the words I think, say and act as well.

There are a lot of things I literally procrastinated about my breathing to take responsibility for and this flu-like illness reminded me that with dedication and discipline, applying the desteni tools, I can decompose and change – and I have imagination and glimpses of experiences of what I can be capable of if I could remain present all the time – but the real deal is probably much more than I ever could imagine. Thus, without desire or too much imagination, rather to walk it, every day and to see what I can become with self-honesty as a compass, self-forgiveness to understand consequences and prepare the change and self-commitment to live that every day.

I close with self-forgiveness about breath

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up as breath, as moment as breath, and thus having the starting point as mind for the day and accept that for all the moments of the day without realizing the direct and specific reason or reasons for falling out from self-trusting, whole, present self-direction and self-movement.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that only using the breath, breathing ‘fully’, when feeling too much falling into the mind and losing direct connection with presence and awareness, and thus only using it to balance myself out being inbetween the total being lost in the mind and somewhat being aware that I am not present, thus create cycles and loops and to justify with specific things of why I accept it and thus limit myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the simplicity and effectiveness of consistent writing and voicing self-forgiveness together to become aware all the patterns I accept to justify not being aware of each breath equally, such as worry about money, desire after partnership and sex, success and doing something for the betterment of the world and within these specific self-created and accepted distractions, not to decompose to the point of seeing the origin point, the trigger point, the specific words, reactions and the nature of the self-dishonesty, the mind component and construct within absolute specificity, in order to assist and support myself to stand up and stop the negligence of my potential and life essence as breath and awareness and responsibility to birth.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the effectiveness of active sessions to do regarding to my mind’s usual habits, to deal with them in order to liberate myself and my breath from the preoccupation of thinking and reactional, energetic mind-patterns.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense within each day not to accept any excuse within applying the desteni tools, no matter what is the circumstance, and if I accept it one day, it accumulates to the next day to accept again until manifesting the negligence of self-honesty so long that I literally lose my awareness and start re-creating the old patterns of chasing self-interest only to the point of manifesting something what is so uncomfortable, can be illness, disappointment, failure, a fall, that then I would be able to breath through the delusion through manifested consequence to realize that I was not honest to myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become passive in relation to how I allow to be changed in breath awareness, to allow my mind, circumstances and conditions to define and limit how I am breathing and not considering the common sense to investigate, decompose and change these patterns I constitute.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can focus and discipline myself to learn what is that I accept to distract and justify to remain separate from my breath here to see where in my life about what I have to take responsibility within practical action, to structure and plan, prepare and live the change I find liveable.

A point of daily writing is what I re-establish and sharing it, without judgement, without fear, without desire and without any need of perfection or any goal beyond being honest to myself to share what is the current day I see, realize, understand and work with.

Thank you, Desteni I Process, it is a life savior online course, enjoy and share!

This is an invaluable description of the process and practicality of living self-honesty:

 

Day 364 – Resisting conflict construct

IMG_0987I am working on a Mind Construct which relates to conflict. My previous strategy was avoiding conflicts, because I had the belief and the perception that I am not good within solving them, not, because I believed that I do not understand the problem well, but it seemed that my problem is that I can’t share and communicate with the other(s) what’s right, and thus I had the tendency to not even try or simply avoid these situations.

This carries quite some points what should be reviewed in the principle of absolute self-honesty, which I am going to walk through briefly. I am still walking these points within the Mind Construct, so here I only share my understandings I became aware of thus far.

Walking a Mind Construct is a unique technique what Desteni I Process Pro online course entails to learn, an immensely great self-supporting tool to expose self-delusions and self-limitations in order to assist and support ourselves and each other to be able to stop participating within various types of self-dishonesty.

First of all, there is an obvious righteousness within that statement: ‘I can’t share and communicate with the other(s) what’s right’ – and it might be the situation, but to always start like this, no matter what conflict I face, it’s overconfident, and if I really investigate points, I simply am not right, but as I do not face the so perceived conflict, I do not confront my perception with others, I might just never know what’s the truth(facts).
So in order to protect my idea of ‘I am right’ – I can simply avoid confronting anyone who would oppose of that of my particular statement for instance. Avoidance big time.

Secondly, because I believe that I am not able to communicate my points properly, in particular with those who I believe to be much more efficient within communication and argument, I define myself as inferior within sharing and persuading. And if I really want to nitpick, the word ‘persuasion’ – it’s not about finding out and sharing facts, but persuading others of what I want them to perceive. That’s another point to consider.

My belief that I am not good with talking within opposing opinions comes from the memory and fear of someone being emotional near, with, against me, because of the memories of my childhood primarily, where adults were often angry at each other and really behaving nasty and argue and fight with each other and that I never liked, and as a child, could not really come out with a real good solution/support within those situations, but best seemed to avoid, be distracted, or if not possible, suppress the reactions.

Thus, the belief that I can’t do anything about emotions, emotional people, and then allowing myself being influenced to become emotional, I guess I did not even try anymore, or what I concluded or convinced myself to do was mostly distraction, avoidance and suppression.

Even now, when my communication skills have developed a lot since my childhood, at times when I am not aware of that I am becoming angry or frustrated, I am losing the ability to remain effective, to consider common sense, as I guess, many other fellow humans can relate with this, and I always hated this, because for me effectiveness and always being able to calculate options is very important.

Therefore, anything obviously causing to compromise the almost ‘cold’-like calculation within a situation, I simply disregard focusing to, which is, less nicely put: ‘don’t give a shit about it’ – if I can. If I can’t then I am in big trouble and often can overcomplicate or overreact.

Emotions are not bad – must admit – but if I allow those to control and take over me when I should consider facts only – then I am compromised and no matter what, everyone is always responsible for their actions, even when their mind is clouded. Thus I’d prefer not to be clouded.

This does not mean I can not enjoy, share or care, when it is an expression, directly, and not an energetic experience only, but an ACTION, then I live the words, not being defined by self-dishonesty-based influenced through my accepted and allowed relationship I exist in relation to words.

The solution is not that difficult – in written words – just be able to recognize a pattern, apply in real time the practical prevention and then to live the purified and re-defined version of the words.

Here: COMMUNICATION within CLARITY and PRESENCE.

So whenever I am being influenced with emotions and becoming reactive, energetic experiences ‘lubricate’ and speed up my mind and my reaction time is more immediate – when considering consequences and best options less and less, but automacically acting out a pattern, which I already realized within self-honest assesment and diary that it’s not tbe best to do, and I am not honest with myself absolutely, then once I recognize the pattern, I can PREVENT myself indulging within such automatic reaction.

Within this example I share here today – communication, conflict – I recognize, I should remain present, directive, not get reactive, and to see – in the past, yes, I was not that effective within sharing my point, what I see as relevant, but today, if I focus to what I want to say, to the other participant, to my physical body, breathing, environment, — then I can express myself, use words, enjoy sounding the voice of the words and not be influenced by the fear of not being able to talk.
Especially, because, in fact not being able to express myself properly is due to the overwhelming reactions, but if I stop the domino to fall into that reaction, I can stop the whole pattern to act out.

It’s quite empowering. And within the communication, sharing the point with other(s), expanding with response-ability: I might find out that I was actually wrong – thus I correct the potential righteousness as well – which, if I would not communicate and share, receive and hear, I might not even realize, but would remain in the perception of I am right, while not actually.

So, in short, this is a typical pattern what can lie behind in a two sentence scenario, what is worth to decompose and correct.

Self-forgiveness is practical step for taking action and responsibility, because

  • I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to fall into emotional reaction automatically, even I have already proven to myself that it’s not the best and honest way
  • and also forgiving myself for believing that I can’t express and share myself, because as happened in the past, defined myself as such, and thus re-creating myself again and again like that, thus locking myself into this self-definition.

Giving myself an opportunity to recognize that fear from emotions, conflict is fear from making the same mistakes I did before, and also giving myself the chance to STOP this pattern this time and explore what I can do to change.

This is the best tool to deal with any kind of limitation anyone faces in this world, and if being resisted, having excuse of why it is not your type of activity, way of dealing with shit, it is worth considering the fact that the very resistance you experience is also just a type of pattern what can be decomposed and transcended with the mind construct.

Also to apply self-corrective statements – it’s like creating a thin but firm structure to re-align, like a blueprint or screenplay for a scenario, where I should be able to support myself with re-creation, until I can stand in real time to apply the prevention, stopping, changing, expanding.

  • When and as I find myself within a conflict with someone, I make sure that I do not get emotional, do not get personal, I focus to remain stable, effective within communication and share my point – and hear the other and let us find out facts and solution.

We all are operating with words, our mind computer has the operating system programmed by our language, by our definitions, associations, and some of those are correct, aligned with facts, and some are influenced by fear, worry, delusion or desire.

Aligning ourselves to facts is not a nice thing, because many truth hurts, but that’s the way towards empowering ourselves to be able to really understand problems to be able to take responsibility for and finding practical solutions.

Equally so within our mind, our personal life and the interpersonal, universal world as well. As above, so below, as within, so without – it’s always a joy to share a pun and end it with fun!

Day 361 – Intensity decomposition part 1

IMG_9118Continuing with the patterns mentioned yesterday

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define intensity as compass and stimulation, animating force and motivation within my life and not being honest with myself that stimulation by intensity became an addiction without realizing it can lead me to participating within activities and manifesting consequences what are not supporting me and others the best way possible and thus later regretting it, becoming doubtful and ashamed.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that participating within regret, shame and doubt about intensity and mind-energy addiction I feel emotionally low and tired, and thus automatically wanting to get back high on the energy rush experience with participating again within the intensity ride, thus creating the full circle, self eating snake time loop of trap.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the fear of not doing enough, not being good enough is now not appearing in the conscious mind of mine, but it does not mean I am free of it, because on resonant and unconscious mind level I still participate within the same patterns when I am not being fully present and aware, meaning to directly being able to see consequences of my specific actions, when about to actually being able to decide if preventing myself or re-activating into a self-stimulation with specific type of thoughts and feelings and emotions.
  • I forgive myself that I have not named the specific type of thoughts, feelings and emotions which by I stimulate myself into a virtual mind consciousness ride, which is unrelated from reality and the exact same reason I go into, because regardless of what happened in my life, if needed or wanted, can go away into my own creation and to just make myself feel better, but not realizing that meanwhile I am a passive weight in reality, consequences are still manifested, thus everything not only will wait for me to catch up, but often also accumulate and intensify, the same way as I intensify the thrill, the vibe, the feel of movement and expansion, even if it’s virtual and completely unrelated to reality, such as daydreaming, doing something stimulation, such as trance, sex or playing computer game over and over and over again for the energetic experience only.
  • I forgive myself that I have not started to write notes, a diary, to debug my energetic mind household about ups and downs, the needs, manifested desires and when letting those go with what internal and/or external conditions, thus being able to become really specific and also pinpoint the exact words trigger points, memories, personality aspects to be able to really work on real time, day to day scenarios to be able to stop participating within the energetic mind and start trusting myself to live consistently.
  • I commit myself to push myself through the tiredness and energetic high I conditioned myself through various addictions, and to see under these to realize who I accepted and allowed myself to be exposed to and being controlled by and accumulate self-trust to direct myself into living words without energy mind.
  • I commit myself to expose the energetic mind as nature of fear and addiction to escape from facing fear and live the way to heal myself and transcend these patterns of self-sabotage and express myself freely.
  • I commit myself to share the process of self-liberation through self-forgiveness as the expression of life as who I am as equal as one with all what is here and to assist and support myself and others to live a way without addiction and fear.
  • I commit myself to continue the humble process of self-investigation and self-honesty as self-directed choice as life as living substance directly without the virtual consciousness.

 

Self-liberation audio books at EQAFE.com

Life coaching to learn to change and expand by understanding mind and consciousness at DIP course

Self And Living to explore what it means to apply the wisdom of practical common sense

Day 357 – Projection to forgive

IMG_9567Still walking relationship-projection decomposition and preparation to live the change.

  • I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not being aware of being insecure about fear of losing relationship, projecting out values, qualities and experiences towards someone and getting attached to the feelings and not realizing that I am not being honest with myself by not realizing that I accept being submissive and insecure in relation to the relationship itself and giving into the fear of losing it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fear of loss and thus paranoia of focusing to imagining and looking for signs of compromises and so self-defined: dangers to the relationship and assuming the worst within interpreting reality and not considering that I use this mechanism to overreact in order to protect my investment, not to lose what I value, here the relationship and not realizing that what I interpret and what I project out is not real.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that projection means fear, wherein I don’t face what is within, but acting like it’s someone else’s fault and responsibility, meanwhile I am the one who projects the original issue out, and not realizing the nature of it, as it’s just a mirage, a projection, not real, but if I believe so, then I automatically exist within my mind in conflict with reality.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense to stop for a moment when I have experience conflict within myself, a friction, an energetic reaction, an emotional wave and to realize that I need to slow down and breathe, let all go what’s within my mind and come back to reality and take responsibility for what I experience and actually can – and should do.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the tendency to project out the things I can’t deal with, I am unaware of, I defined as not my responsibility, not me, who has to solve, change, and within that not seeing the disempowerment, because I experience something, I accept myself to exist in a way – feel and be – yet I define that something or someone else is doing this, meanwhile not wanting to understand/see and realize that I am doing it all, and not only I can understand how I am doing this, but also I should take responsibility directly and immediately to stop projecting.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting projection I also do not communicate, do not ask, do not clarify of what I assume is relevant and/or real, because I do not want to admit that I fear from being true what I fear from and within that not realizing that I fear from fear, thus I am lost within my mind, thus, I need to slow down, stop and re-align within breath and word the points to specify what I am dealing with in order to see the self-dishonesty as a pattern objectively.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been programmed, accepted myself to resonantly tuned to have a starting point for relationship and partnership with thoughts, emotions and feelings and based on those to form and shape my experiences and behavior, spoken words and actions and not realizing that this is a compromise, a self-dishonesty, because these are related to polarity-based self-interest and fear – rather to see the common sense to commit myself to live the principle of life as equality and oneness, meaning to not be influenced, changed and controlled by circumstances, energetic experiences, but to be able to consistently realize, consider and apply what’s best for all participants equally.
  • I forgive myself that I have not admitted that the energetic experience of ‘falling in love’ feels like a drug, an energetic high, which seems to uplift all the negative pointers/parameters/aspects within my life by focusing to the previous, current or next positive energetic experience, meanwhile not realizing that the source of that positivity is also being fed by not needing to/ignoring/suppressing all the other points I defined as negative.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself, and within that not facing the fact that within re-creating energetic experiences within myself I am avoiding facing reality here, I am escaping to the past, I fear from change, making mistakes and causing irreversible consequences – and within that not realizing that I can stop for a moment and consider what’s real, what I can actually do to prevent things what are not supportive and trust myself to do the best possible by actually doing so.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within projection I rely to the past, wherein there was an event, an experience what I have defined bad and wanting to avoid it now, and by looking back, what were the conditions, circumstances, I define that ‘if this and this, then that and that will happen’ and trying to generalize, automatize in order to ensure preventing what I defined as bad and avoidable and within this all not realizing that nothing is always exactly the same and if I rely to these rules, self-definitions, then I do not allow to trust myself here, in the moment, within full presence.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I try to communicate or bring up the point of my worry or subject of my projection to the other and does not seem to work, the actual communication does not happen, then I allow the temptation to give up and fall back into judgements, projection, fear, and not committing myself to not give up and keep finding effective and supportive ways to communicate and solve conflicts, even if it only exists within me.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that getting attached to something within my mind means that I give into the fear of loss, which leads to anger and suffering and instead of trying to own or have source of experiences, to see as gift and support and if it’s time to let it go then to trust and honor myself and the other to remain respectful for open and honest communication and agreement of practically living the principle of ‘Give as I would like to receive’.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within insecurity, fear and worry, because believing that this energetic state helps to cope and fight for what I do not want to lose and not realizing that this experience is not supportive, not enjoyable and definitely not productive in terms of finding the best practical way to prevent things I do not wish to happen.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to not develop practical skills and direct awareness to immediately become aware when I am going into worry, fear and insecurity, not learning to see the signs of doubt within my self-mind and body awareness, thus PREVENT going into patterns triggered by insecurity, such as energy rush, need for more energy, feeling tired, exhausted, lack of discipline, temptations to distractions, wanting to rest, sleep, be entertained, stimulated, sweets, etc and within those patterns, also not being aware that when these ‘kick in’ all of a sudden, to slow down within, to even stop what I do for a moment to check – whether am I acting out based on worry/fear/insecurity and thus to automatically prevent feeling low/bad/down/blue, to cheer me up, to feel good/up/high, and meanwhile timelooping and what not realizing that I avoid facing a problem, a self-limitation.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge others, meaning to define how they are based on polarity, based on ‘in relation to me or to my interest or my experiences/wisdom/memory/realizations/whatever’ and giving into the temptation of righteousness and not realizing the projection I fall into and not realizing that my original judgement is projected out to other, because I distract/I hide/I suppress to face the point of responsibility about that point and thus trying to say – I am victim, I am not responsible, but within this not realizing the powerlessness I give into thus not being able to direct change, apply solution.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I use projection to protect my perceived investment of belief and self-definition in order to prevent something I fear from happening, and within that not realizing that I am not dealing with reality, I am focusing to others, their point, their mistakes, their self-dishonesty, while I am allowing to roam free within my already existing self-dishonesty, and within that not seeing the point and common sense to ask what’s my original problem in this, what’s the source of my fear/worry/insecurity/doubt to start finding solution.
  • When and as I see that I am defining someone to be this or that, repulsive, sulky or reprimanding, child-like or foolish, worrysome or fearful – I stop, I breathe, I become aware of my physical presence, my body, gravity, the overall feel of me here, the air, the temperature, the clothes on me, the surroundings for a moment of reference and support to bring myself here, without defining it, without focusing to that, but to see who I am within this moment, how I feel, what is the fear I give into to answer myself the honesty I am being tempted to slip away from with projection.
  • When and as I feel that someone is this or that with me, doing this or that to me and I start to relate to the person according to these definitions, projections, I stop and check – is it really fact, not just I am projecting based on past memory reference, to avoid something to re-occur, because I do not like that outcome, so I try to use the past, that ‘when this was like this, that happened, and now the situation is similar, and then the person seemed to be this and that, so now probably the situation is similar, so I must react somehow to prevent the same to happen’ – and within that not realizing that I act upon fear, I give into fear, I start reality to be interacted with by fear, instead of take a breath, look at the situation and apply common sense. This does not mean I should never learn from the past, but if there is this emotional fear first, the solar plexus energy flow, this convolution around stomach, this tension within limbs, the breath becoming superficial, losing presence, direction from within without any emotion, then I need to check is there any fear I give into, because fear-related categorizing, patterning, judging is highly tainted with delusion, projection, self-dishonesty, thus I stop myself doing so.
  • When and as I am within a situation wherein I am in relation to something or someone and I think or feel that the other’s fault is something, or the other is screwing up, doing something to me and based on that I start to feel and experience something, I realize, I am projecting, based on worry and fear, fear of loss, thus I stop and let go the fear and to see what is my responsibility here, what I should do, what I can do to solve, what shall I or need to clarify or communicate with myself and/or the other person.
  • When and as I am uncertan and worried about something and it’s related to someone, instead of assuming, imagining, worrying from an outcome/consequence/manifestation/happening, I consider that is it really relevant, actual and real, and if it seems to be, while I ensure that I am not under influence of emotional turmoil, fear and conflict, then I approach the related, involved person and I communicate, ask directly without fear, and ‘coming out’ that I interpret signs like this and that, and ask that what the other sees, perceives, stands for – instead of allowing to fall into my mind and combine and process, rather find out what’s real and then act accordingly.
  • When and as I approach someone to clarify and ask about something what bothers me, or seems relevant within practical living or communication and after one or more attempts to communicate it does not happen or can’t clarify what is relevant to do so, then I remain calm and directive, consider if can I find a better/another approach to share or reach the other and being able to create effective communication as realizing – if I give it up, I will end up just like if I did not even try to communicate, except I would also judge this attempt as excuse that ‘I tried’ – and thus realizing that it’s not about trying, but getting through, done and sort out perceived or real conflicts to be able to move on and expand.
  • When and as I can’t communicate, share or agree about something with someone about a point what bothers me or I am uncertain of, I do not get emotional, fed up or become frustrated and angry, worried or anxious, but I remain present, directive and consider if there is opportunity to find an another way, tonality, word selection, method or strategy to try to communicate and to realize – when or where is the point of realizing that this does not seem to work and stop trying and if there is such, still not use it to justify for any projection or fear, but to realize – the other might have their own process to walk and it might not be personal on how handles me and certainly this should not be a reason to justify becoming reactive and blaming.
  • I commit myself to stop projecting thoughts, feelings, emotions to others and to take it all back to self and to realize and live my responsibility and thus being able to practically see what I can do to solve or prevent conflict or difficulties/obstacles ahead.
  • I commit myself to become aware of all patterns, trigger points, situations and conditions, mind-states and definitions, events, memories and scenarios wherein I can fall into projection and fear, judgement and blame and to be able to realize within each and every single of these occurrences that the best practical solution here is the PREVENTION and thus not go into projection and blame, emotional states and fear of loss, but to realize that within reality all that exists is facts and actions, and thus I should keep focusing to these.
  • I commit myself to forgive all the self-acceptances and self-delusions about what I should fear from losing and thus justifying the worry to exist within by believing that this fear helps to prevent happening what I fear from manifesting, and not realizing that this actually a distraction and a self-defeatism wherein I use worry and fear to cope with the self-accepted self-disempowerment to not dare to do something new or radical to break the loop of self-dishonesty, and thus within this realization to push myself each time to stop and re-align when I experience or notice, feel or participate within fear of loss.
  • I commit myself to embrace and stop fear of loss by realizing and specifying all my fears in general and actual form, thus practically approaching to decide of which is unrealistic and thus to be released and stopped, and which relates to something I actually can prevent happening.
  • I commit myself to become aware of my human physical body to the more intimate, direct and profound awareness of it’s physical existence, meaning how it feels, positions, moves and lives within this reality, as with air, gravity, breathing, interaction, location, space and all the physical factors and if I am not aware of wherein and what I do, then I need to re-align to be able to, because there is a point I am falling into in an impractical and not-solution-oriented way, thus I stop and re-align with breath.
  • I commit myself to expose all my fears and thus I can practically know myself and be able to see what fear is what, why I accept it, how much it’s real in terms of actual reality and to be able to let go fear and focus to what I can do to solve problems and trust myself.
  • I commit myself to stop fearing from ‘shit happening’, wherein beyond my power, simply something what is not supportive to me or others around me happens and not to blame myself or other, because it might just happened and thus I need to accept it and stop blaming myself and rather ask if I could do something to prevent unsupportive consequences to manifest and if so, then to commit myself to do so next time, and if there is nothing I could have done, then to consider what it would take to be able to or to simply accept and let it go, such as weather or random events/accidents/luck-unluck.
  • I commit myself to stop defining partner and relationship according to my past and start focusing to get to know the person and the relationship in real time with self-trust within consideration of all participants equally and physical awareness as well.