Day 359 – Doors of Hell are Open to Leave

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One more analogy. My last post was about Smart Contract as Self-and Relationship Agreement, today:

Self-dishonesty as Hell

There was a cool statement within one of the Lucifer episodes(TV series) I saw recently.

Lucifer walks Earth and tries to be a good guy, helps the police to find killers. Hehe, kind of a cheesy police procedural with some Gaiman’s Sandman elements played out in L.A.

Lucifer is confronted by a man, who blames him to drove him to do bad things he could never done by himself and then Lucifer says that the truth is that he never did tell or make anyone to sin and he does not decide who goes to hell, humans are being sent there by their guilt and forcing themselves to relive their own sins over and over and over again.

Furthermore he adds this as a funny part: the door is not locked, “you can leave any time you want but no one ever does that”.

If someone ‘gets there’ – although people re-live the bad, it’s often difficult to ‘leave’, even when manifested consequences pretty much paint directly to our face the fact that it’s total crap.

Guilt is an interesting approach: self-blame, self-eating, self-diminishing, self-disempowering loop, what does not lead somewhere supportive.

But what requires guilt to remain?

What I mean ‘remain‘ here is that the nature of life and existence is rolling forward moment-based. One moment comes after another and who we are within each influences who we are within the next one, but actually we are not bound to always remain the same as we are right now. And we certainly don’t, as we create and align to patterns.

Yet with how our relationship with ourselves, external conditions, others have been manifested and evolved, it’s often difficult to change our patterns. Even when the odds are obvious that we should. By no means I generalize here, usually I share about ‘me’ and not ‘we’ – but many might can relate.

Just let’s look at fear, anxiety, frustration – addiction, despair, depression – these are usually not fun, yet what compels me to go back to such self-limiting, self-compromising, self-defeating mind-states?

My own conviction, which might seem like my own guilt-based self-recreational hell actually. If I would not go back to re-rely to define things as before, if I would let that conviction go, I could – maybe – explore new ways to find solutions. But I am so convinced that the one I chose before is the best, even when obviously not, I go back to do the exact same thing again. Insanity.

It’s necessary to understand how consciousness works, how we use and hide behind our mind in order to try not to get stuck and still being lost within these systematic patterns.

Everything creates consequence, some more, some less, but what humans usually don’t tend – or not want – to realize is that even a singular thought, an attention, a reaction to that though is enough to add to some accumulation.

It’s the greatest truth, power and fact within existence – the simplest yet most important mathematical equation what creates and destroys, rules them all: 1+1=2.

Within human mind – the same exists: At each participation, it might adds only one tiny drip into a bucket, but once it fills, it has enough weight/mass to wash away practical common sense for more than moments, maybe minutes, even hours.

And during that time, what I do, think or feel – will create more reaction, accumulate more consequences, often regrettable, irreversible ones.

Then it’s really difficult looking back to see – this is what I did, – again – and not to define and accept that ‘this is who I am’. Even denial does not help, especially if it keeps happening. It’s kind of an art – to embrace the facts, yet not to define as this is who I am and thus have to remain as.

An example – if I don’t do something I want – every day – becomes a pattern. I can justify it, I can resist it, I can become frustrated; the reality is that I break out from it or not. If I break out by generating secondary reactions-energy by self-judgement, frustration, and then I am energized to change – which is then temporally and once fades, I return to the previous behavior as without the lifting/empowering energy I fall back to the original pattern. So in this sense I did not really change – what happened was that my mind needed a secondary pattern to control the primary.

Imagine many-many layers of such for dozens of dimensions and we get a picture of a human mind consciousness system’s strategy to contain a person’s life.

And what’s within is what’s without – as above so below – similarly manifested patterns, systematic if-then rule sets are driving the whole world system.
Is it enslavement by an external ruler? Might be that the system was placed to lure/trap beings into such systematic existence, but the fact is that the doors are not locked – anyone can walk out from these patterns and some do. Takes effort, but worth it.

What humans use? Words – building blocks of worlds. Polarity is merely a concept, yet based on self-interest – it’s subjective.

It’s important to understand that anything apparently ‘good’ can be twisted and used by the mind – even when we believe that we ‘fight’ for good – fight means conflict, separation, friction, energy – it’s not direct self living, it’s through the mind and to trust the mind is very-very risky. And many know that – if I fight – I might lose – thus choose to give in, give up, suppress, postpone and distract. Just this still creates: energy somehow somewhere in the mind/body. What accumulates.

The more I suppress – the more energy/conflict I create, the more emotional reaction I accumulate, and then it becomes automatic – and no matter if on the next day/week I am a new man, as all the patterns in my mind are also here – I click/react/move automatically. Can I directly change my own patterns? Some yes. Some, as I am not aware of, by default: no.

And that’s a humans personality basically, just hundreds, thousands of those patterns – and many are connected, related, and there are so many, and a lot happens even on a singular day, it’s becoming difficult to keep being aware of them all.

Especially when I am in emotional reaction, being angry, fearful – does not really help to stay on tracking reality awareness, the mind works faster, a lot of thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, associations, body energetic experiences: it’s just overwhelming – and then more and more of this happens, year after year I end up not being aware of the patterns exactly, how they connect, but in fact I am aware of them, just everything triggers and manifests so fast ‘in real time at situations’ – that I am – again – and always – so busy with the reaction what is being triggered, what I experience, what I will do next, so then I don’t look back, where this comes from.

It’s almost like as I age, constantly and quite quickly walking into experiences, imagining that I am this director of my life’s movie, meanwhile I am literally consistently falling into the next set of patterns and reactions, convictions, judgements, beliefs, thoughts, feelings and emotions animating me to move and react accordingly.

Objectively looking, even those, who somehow are manifested to go through mostly positive memories and experiences – often their life is quite preordained and so easily could be de-railed with some sort of intervention, thus although a human mind consciousness system is well-preprogrammed, yet being so fragile to change and stimulation.

Of course, there are always exceptional individuals, whose life seem so perfect, effective and extraordinary, but isn’t it also part of the trap for others, an un-achievable inspiration as that really can help to screw the mind: knowing that there is this perfect love, absolute fame, genius mind – that many comparing their life with they literally keep fighting for or giving up and not realizing that this whole system can be considered as hell.

Just like in a casino – many bet with their money and only a handful wins – yet everyone keeps fighting to be the winner, no matter the costs, because of their mindset and the survival of the fittest.

There is no real unconditional compassion, consideration, ‘humanity’, ‘love’ within the currently manifested cannibalistic capitalistic monetary/world system, just constant fight and struggle. Anyone denies it is still mesmerized by their own mind-bubble, which eventually will burst. Maybe only at death, but still. The world is an accumulated consequence, sins of our fathers, does not really matter how we call it, it’s really hell for most of us – not only humans, but animals, plants, the whole ecosystem.

The potentials are great, yet the reality is quite sad by looking at the big picture. Which is always an accumulated reflection/consequence of the individual contributions.

Why not everyone lives to their own possible best potentials and focusing on self-honesty, self-perfection, self-direction without inner conflict, without self-limiting patterns?

It’s not that difficult once one understands how the mind works, thus the education and self-learning is crucial here.

I used to study philosophies, psychology, eastern and western teachings, techniques, spirituality and many of those has some useful information, yet the most direct and fastest way to transcend self-dishonesty, thus being able to transform hell to heaven, here on earth, in the flesh is by walking a process of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness.
Although techniques and strategies might differ from individual to another, but being honest with myself and to forgive what I have accepted and allowed to become, manifest and participate within: are universal aspects of Self as Life as who we all are, thus highly recommended to start understanding, applying and living.

EQAFE, DesteniIProcess and SelfAndLiving are the best places to start this process of realization, understanding of not only historical, theoretical but actual practical knowledge of how to understand Hell as the manifested patterns of our self-limiting mind, as Self-dishonesty to be able to give for ourselves a new opportunity, a change to grow without the time loop of self-sabotage.

Within EQAFE there are many-many topics and series, various areas of the mind, consciousness, the creation to understand, so then we becoming able to grasp what words we allowed ourselves to define us and that we can decompose those definitions and re-define in accordance of self-honesty and what’s best for all life.

Desteni I Process online courses (the first half year is free, with experienced buddy support, the others require some money as the trainers also have to live in this world) provide structured approach to learn the basic skills what are necessary to be able to investigate our own life to be able to overcome the weaknesses what have been pulling us down throughout the years and many are very personal – addictions, shyness, shame, regret, fears, phobias, unrealistic desires – it’s possible to self-heal.

Self And Living is a direct approach on focusing how to LIVE every day life, by looking at topics, such as living the words dedication, courage, points to consider about eating, sleeping, enjoying moments.

Desteni Forum to discuss with others about questions, answers and sharing in a structured way – ask your questions, answer others, socialize, share, enjoy!

Destonians.com / Journey to Life
to see what others who are sharing their insights, realizations, difficulties, solutions within blogs/vlogs.

There are a LOT more tools, groups and points are existing to start this indeed extraordinary journey to stop accepting self-limitation and start living – and any social media can/should be perfect to start sharing, asking, communicating and expanding.

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Day 345 – Losing principle by emotional storm of fear

IMG_1030Recently I have been participating within emotions and during that period I disregarded some of the principles I have committed to live by, thus I see the self-correction and re-alignment to be required, which I share here. (It opens up a lot more as I walk it – added later)

Scenario: Due to feeling worried and upset, I did not respect others around me the way I previously committed myself to, which then also manifested consequences I did regret later.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get reactive with my worries and fears to the point of automatic justification for disregarding my decision, discipline and principle in general on how to prioritize attention and actions, and in this example as decided to do all I can to express my gratitude and respect for something I was given to, however, due to the overwhelming emotional conflict I accepted within, what lasted for hours, I lost track of my commitments due to the emotional confusion and pain I experienced.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if any justification appears on why to focus only to myself, my ‘feel bad’ experience – is purely self-interest based on fear of loss and fear of fear itself, as perceiving losing something I did not want to lose and not realizing that it’s a perception only and meanwhile facts, reality, others are still ‘here’ in my reality, who I disregard.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear of loss is fear of myself as within losing what I hold onto, as a relationship to keep ‘having’ within myself about the subject of fear to lose – and doing it so then in my mind I don’t need to face who I am within and without this relationship, as uncertain, worried, doubtful and unstable and within this, not realizing that what I fear from, I exactly manifest by accepting emotional reactions within myself, thus it’s the worst case scenario literally I focus and react to: I accept and experience fear, I manifest what I fear from and I lose what I do not want to lose.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that what I fear losing and I can lose, was in the first place never ‘mine’, but I defined it within my mind, got attached to it’s mental and emotional hope and comfort thus it’s all a mind-game, meanwhile reality moves, changes, but I am not in sync with it, therefore I am focusing to reacting to a problem, instead of focusing to direct solution and/or prevention.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within focusing to emotions, I am disregarding reality, and in fact my emotions are consequences, self-generated energetic effects of the source of the problem of perceived self-separation and as long as I do not directly focus to that origin point of the problem in terms of actual facts, circumstances, conditions, trigger point, its dynamics: I do not have enough understanding and reality awareness to be able to stop/change it, thus I will not understand how my self-sabotaging emotions are being self-generated, and I will not be able to solve the problem and to understand what is causing the emotional instability, causing me to not be able to live up to my commitments, principles, decisions.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within emotional reactional mind- and body-state, I am not making good decisions, here ‘good’, meaning what is best for all participants, including myself in the situation, and thus, whenever making decision, first to clarify if I am not compromised with fear, worry, emotional hurt or petrification of chance of loss of something valuable for me – and if I am indeed compromised, I first stop, forgive myself, re-align, and change my stance, back to physical awareness and then re-assess the situation and make the decision of what and how to act.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry of being rejected, disregarded, thrown out and within that fear not realizing that it feels really bad to experience of such things, because I am not accepting, regarding and embracing myself here unconditionally within consistency, and exactly the very conditions I define of how and why I accepted to fear from rejection/disregard/thrown away, are the self-dishonesty points I have to stand up to and take responsibility for, as those points are what I don’t allow to live myself directly here, but needing something outside of me in the moment, at the exact situation I find myself within.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist applying self-forgiveness, realignment in real time at situations when I see myself being overwhelmed with fear and emotions, because believing, justifying that in that moment, while being among others, I do not have time, opportunity or the right moment to apply practical self-honest self-change, due to fear of missing out what’s here, and in that not realizing that if I am already ‘being within’ emotional reactions, I am in fact already missing out what’s here, thus this justification is not valid, it’s self-manipulative and the opposite of best practical common sense solution, but to intensify the problem.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I worry of being judged if I would ask for a moment, a little time to re-assess, to re-align, re-center myself while being in a conversation, communication, among with others, because I fear that others would judge me as crazy, slow, weird, not ‘professional’ in the sense of needing to take time for such simple actions, what others seem to not do ever and within that not realizing that to stop for some seconds to make the best practical common sense decision should not be resisted but applied naturally, whenever it’s possible.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is completely normal to tell the other(s) who I am communicating with that I recollect myself for a moment, I make the best approach by taking some deep breath and a little time to see this through, and within that, I can apply self-forgiveness within, or if possible, even making some notes, if necessary and it is alright, especially if I recognize that I am in so much worry and fear, and I can see how I have tendency to screw up things up based on by looking at my memories of being in fear, thus fear and worry states should not be accepted.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to directly remember and become aware of all the decisions I’ve made previously when ‘falling into’ emotional instability and thus not realizing that the practical way out of falling into the reality-disregarding emotional vortex is to specifically look at the points I am accepting and allowing to fall into with the reactions and to make a stand in a moment to stand up from it and express that decision until I am fully here – if I can’t snap out of it in a moment as it presents itself, then, I prepare myself for it by writing it and/or voicing it and pre-scripting of how exactly I am going to prevent myself falling into emotion, which in fact is admitting and accepting powerlessness.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting falling into emotional reactions, I admit that I recognize that I can’t act the solution directly and immediately, and then I react to that self-acceptance with fear that I am going to remain like that and within that fear, fearing that this is who I am going to be and become from now on and believing that I can’t do anything about it, and then becoming worried and afraid, and within that energetic experience, I keep accepting me being powerless to do anything to solve the original problem, because I focus to judging my situation as ‘bad’ and not focusing to solution.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I use emotional worry, fear to stimulate myself into different mind state, wherein I hope that based on this ‘pressure’ and uncomfortability, I will start to act, to try to solve the problem and within that not realizing/seeing and understanding that with this, I am not directly here, I am influenced within my awareness by the emotion, the nature of the relationship to the point I react with and thus I am compromised and handicapped to not being able to make the best practical decision due to the experience of emotion/worry/fear.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I accept myself to exist within separation with my fear, meaning I am not equal with it, but it can come and go apparently, and also I can’t stop it – thus I accept it as more superior and directive than myself being here and not realizing that it’s a result of accumulated self-acceptance, and with accumulated effort of standing up moments I can break through and stop this pattern.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus to the actual source points of emotional instability directly and immediately when about to arise, which is, in this example: fear of rejection, disregard, fear of humiliation and disrespect and within that not realizing that the moment I start fearing of these happening to me, I am not acting directly and immediately to see: what I actually can do to prevent/stop reacting with these self-definition experiences, not being in the way of practical application for the original, source issue I face.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within emotional reaction state, I actually had a thought to still do what I committed to do, to share my respect and gratitude for what I was given to, but within the feeling hurt emotional experience and fear of rejection, I immediately disregarded that idea, and within that not realizing that the value I wanted to express, I equally disregarded, just as I feared to be disregarded, and within that not realizing that the self-expression I honestly wanted to live, I literally disregarded, and thus – in fact I disregarded myself, manifesting my fear to become real.

Self-corrective statements:

  • When and as I feel becoming emotional, when I start to worry or fear, I stop, I become aware of my physical body, it’s mass, gravity, it’s movement, how it is being alive, breathing, and to realize, it is the self-honest way to express myself and not to get reactive emotions. As the point and relevance here is not itself the physical details, but the self-decided and directed equalization of my awareness across and among my physical, mind and beingness in equality, thus I do not fall into any of those within and as consequential manifested self-separation through judgement and fear.
  • When and as I fear and worry, I realize I am accepting this and I can decide to stop, within that I look why do not I stop fearing, what is the value I fear losing, is that value I really have power over? It is to realize that what I fear from, I am already on the ‘have no power about’ side, and with the fear I accept it and justify it even further, so I can hide behind fear from powerlessness.
  • I commit myself to stop giving into the fear and to realize it is because I am not standing as equal as my fear, and thus I have no power over it, thus I can’t stop, I keep feeding, experiencing and being slave of it, because I, in fact fear to be equal with my fear, because within it I could see that it’s delusion, it’s nothing, but I do not want to realize, let go, because gives false hope, purpose, without needing to take responsibility and own my reality as who I am as LIFE.
  • When and as I worry that if I disrespect others while falling into worry and fear, rejection and disregard, I realize that it is, because I do not let go the fear of rejection, fear of disregard, because I do not want to be disregarded, which is in fact the self-created relationship with myself, but projected out to others, and not wanting to recognize the pattern of I am disregarding myself here, and noone else can be blamed and the only solution is to take all back to self and stop participating and let go everything I do not direct and to decide what practical action I can do and is it self-honest or not, and if not, then I let that go as well and focus to what potential I can live as LIFE.

This assisted me a lot and not much later I was able to see behind my fear and stop it with realizing what I was not seeing before. But I had to walk this whole rough period to support myself to stand up from it. I will continue with what I have realized and I am still applying, whenever the fear or judgement pops up in my mind and I immediately take responsibility and re-align Self Here as Life.

In advance: this 2 interviews are exceptional support for the same type of longer-term mind-possession I was within in relation to my fears and I suggest them to everyone: