Day 345 – Losing principle by emotional storm of fear

IMG_1030Recently I have been participating within emotions and during that period I disregarded some of the principles I have committed to live by, thus I see the self-correction and re-alignment to be required, which I share here. (It opens up a lot more as I walk it – added later)

Scenario: Due to feeling worried and upset, I did not respect others around me the way I previously committed myself to, which then also manifested consequences I did regret later.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get reactive with my worries and fears to the point of automatic justification for disregarding my decision, discipline and principle in general on how to prioritize attention and actions, and in this example as decided to do all I can to express my gratitude and respect for something I was given to, however, due to the overwhelming emotional conflict I accepted within, what lasted for hours, I lost track of my commitments due to the emotional confusion and pain I experienced.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if any justification appears on why to focus only to myself, my ‘feel bad’ experience – is purely self-interest based on fear of loss and fear of fear itself, as perceiving losing something I did not want to lose and not realizing that it’s a perception only and meanwhile facts, reality, others are still ‘here’ in my reality, who I disregard.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear of loss is fear of myself as within losing what I hold onto, as a relationship to keep ‘having’ within myself about the subject of fear to lose – and doing it so then in my mind I don’t need to face who I am within and without this relationship, as uncertain, worried, doubtful and unstable and within this, not realizing that what I fear from, I exactly manifest by accepting emotional reactions within myself, thus it’s the worst case scenario literally I focus and react to: I accept and experience fear, I manifest what I fear from and I lose what I do not want to lose.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that what I fear losing and I can lose, was in the first place never ‘mine’, but I defined it within my mind, got attached to it’s mental and emotional hope and comfort thus it’s all a mind-game, meanwhile reality moves, changes, but I am not in sync with it, therefore I am focusing to reacting to a problem, instead of focusing to direct solution and/or prevention.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within focusing to emotions, I am disregarding reality, and in fact my emotions are consequences, self-generated energetic effects of the source of the problem of perceived self-separation and as long as I do not directly focus to that origin point of the problem in terms of actual facts, circumstances, conditions, trigger point, its dynamics: I do not have enough understanding and reality awareness to be able to stop/change it, thus I will not understand how my self-sabotaging emotions are being self-generated, and I will not be able to solve the problem and to understand what is causing the emotional instability, causing me to not be able to live up to my commitments, principles, decisions.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within emotional reactional mind- and body-state, I am not making good decisions, here ‘good’, meaning what is best for all participants, including myself in the situation, and thus, whenever making decision, first to clarify if I am not compromised with fear, worry, emotional hurt or petrification of chance of loss of something valuable for me – and if I am indeed compromised, I first stop, forgive myself, re-align, and change my stance, back to physical awareness and then re-assess the situation and make the decision of what and how to act.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry of being rejected, disregarded, thrown out and within that fear not realizing that it feels really bad to experience of such things, because I am not accepting, regarding and embracing myself here unconditionally within consistency, and exactly the very conditions I define of how and why I accepted to fear from rejection/disregard/thrown away, are the self-dishonesty points I have to stand up to and take responsibility for, as those points are what I don’t allow to live myself directly here, but needing something outside of me in the moment, at the exact situation I find myself within.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist applying self-forgiveness, realignment in real time at situations when I see myself being overwhelmed with fear and emotions, because believing, justifying that in that moment, while being among others, I do not have time, opportunity or the right moment to apply practical self-honest self-change, due to fear of missing out what’s here, and in that not realizing that if I am already ‘being within’ emotional reactions, I am in fact already missing out what’s here, thus this justification is not valid, it’s self-manipulative and the opposite of best practical common sense solution, but to intensify the problem.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I worry of being judged if I would ask for a moment, a little time to re-assess, to re-align, re-center myself while being in a conversation, communication, among with others, because I fear that others would judge me as crazy, slow, weird, not ‘professional’ in the sense of needing to take time for such simple actions, what others seem to not do ever and within that not realizing that to stop for some seconds to make the best practical common sense decision should not be resisted but applied naturally, whenever it’s possible.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that it is completely normal to tell the other(s) who I am communicating with that I recollect myself for a moment, I make the best approach by taking some deep breath and a little time to see this through, and within that, I can apply self-forgiveness within, or if possible, even making some notes, if necessary and it is alright, especially if I recognize that I am in so much worry and fear, and I can see how I have tendency to screw up things up based on by looking at my memories of being in fear, thus fear and worry states should not be accepted.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to directly remember and become aware of all the decisions I’ve made previously when ‘falling into’ emotional instability and thus not realizing that the practical way out of falling into the reality-disregarding emotional vortex is to specifically look at the points I am accepting and allowing to fall into with the reactions and to make a stand in a moment to stand up from it and express that decision until I am fully here – if I can’t snap out of it in a moment as it presents itself, then, I prepare myself for it by writing it and/or voicing it and pre-scripting of how exactly I am going to prevent myself falling into emotion, which in fact is admitting and accepting powerlessness.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting falling into emotional reactions, I admit that I recognize that I can’t act the solution directly and immediately, and then I react to that self-acceptance with fear that I am going to remain like that and within that fear, fearing that this is who I am going to be and become from now on and believing that I can’t do anything about it, and then becoming worried and afraid, and within that energetic experience, I keep accepting me being powerless to do anything to solve the original problem, because I focus to judging my situation as ‘bad’ and not focusing to solution.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I use emotional worry, fear to stimulate myself into different mind state, wherein I hope that based on this ‘pressure’ and uncomfortability, I will start to act, to try to solve the problem and within that not realizing/seeing and understanding that with this, I am not directly here, I am influenced within my awareness by the emotion, the nature of the relationship to the point I react with and thus I am compromised and handicapped to not being able to make the best practical decision due to the experience of emotion/worry/fear.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I accept myself to exist within separation with my fear, meaning I am not equal with it, but it can come and go apparently, and also I can’t stop it – thus I accept it as more superior and directive than myself being here and not realizing that it’s a result of accumulated self-acceptance, and with accumulated effort of standing up moments I can break through and stop this pattern.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus to the actual source points of emotional instability directly and immediately when about to arise, which is, in this example: fear of rejection, disregard, fear of humiliation and disrespect and within that not realizing that the moment I start fearing of these happening to me, I am not acting directly and immediately to see: what I actually can do to prevent/stop reacting with these self-definition experiences, not being in the way of practical application for the original, source issue I face.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within emotional reaction state, I actually had a thought to still do what I committed to do, to share my respect and gratitude for what I was given to, but within the feeling hurt emotional experience and fear of rejection, I immediately disregarded that idea, and within that not realizing that the value I wanted to express, I equally disregarded, just as I feared to be disregarded, and within that not realizing that the self-expression I honestly wanted to live, I literally disregarded, and thus – in fact I disregarded myself, manifesting my fear to become real.

Self-corrective statements:

  • When and as I feel becoming emotional, when I start to worry or fear, I stop, I become aware of my physical body, it’s mass, gravity, it’s movement, how it is being alive, breathing, and to realize, it is the self-honest way to express myself and not to get reactive emotions. As the point and relevance here is not itself the physical details, but the self-decided and directed equalization of my awareness across and among my physical, mind and beingness in equality, thus I do not fall into any of those within and as consequential manifested self-separation through judgement and fear.
  • When and as I fear and worry, I realize I am accepting this and I can decide to stop, within that I look why do not I stop fearing, what is the value I fear losing, is that value I really have power over? It is to realize that what I fear from, I am already on the ‘have no power about’ side, and with the fear I accept it and justify it even further, so I can hide behind fear from powerlessness.
  • I commit myself to stop giving into the fear and to realize it is because I am not standing as equal as my fear, and thus I have no power over it, thus I can’t stop, I keep feeding, experiencing and being slave of it, because I, in fact fear to be equal with my fear, because within it I could see that it’s delusion, it’s nothing, but I do not want to realize, let go, because gives false hope, purpose, without needing to take responsibility and own my reality as who I am as LIFE.
  • When and as I worry that if I disrespect others while falling into worry and fear, rejection and disregard, I realize that it is, because I do not let go the fear of rejection, fear of disregard, because I do not want to be disregarded, which is in fact the self-created relationship with myself, but projected out to others, and not wanting to recognize the pattern of I am disregarding myself here, and noone else can be blamed and the only solution is to take all back to self and stop participating and let go everything I do not direct and to decide what practical action I can do and is it self-honest or not, and if not, then I let that go as well and focus to what potential I can live as LIFE.

This assisted me a lot and not much later I was able to see behind my fear and stop it with realizing what I was not seeing before. But I had to walk this whole rough period to support myself to stand up from it. I will continue with what I have realized and I am still applying, whenever the fear or judgement pops up in my mind and I immediately take responsibility and re-align Self Here as Life.

In advance: this 2 interviews are exceptional support for the same type of longer-term mind-possession I was within in relation to my fears and I suggest them to everyone:

 

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