Day 332 – Patience and commitment

IMG_2295Continuing with Patience and discipline. This is a kind of ‘ranting’.

Last time I was writing about the inspiration about and to learn to live PATIENCE.

I am currently living patience by consistently applying the things I’ve committed to do every day within a consistent velocity to accumulate the effort until the result is manifested in the physical.

In a way, the topic, the method, the practical detail is not even relevant, but who I am within this and how I perceive, experience, see, feel and am being in general is what I want to focus here tonight.

Interesting to be able to see the abstract – yet still remain 100% practical with ground to earth moments living here in physical.

Patience is pretty much related to the physical flesh, the matter: it’s consistency, in a way – predictability is the perfect self-reflection tool to exactly be able to see who I really am without any consciousness mind noise. Actions speak, facts tell, not thoughts, neither feelings.

Of course, it’s relevant how I feel, but it’s not something to take granted or to use as reference point – especially when dealing with self-dishonesty within.

Every day I ask myself the question – can I do more for what I committed to achieve? And if I say ‘no’ – then I still cross-reference – really? Or I just answer to myself to feel better to hide or disregard or to shadow a point, even if it’s just tiny, of what I still could have tried or done additionally or differently.

Doubting myself would be self-sabotage actually, if I would fall into self-criticism so much, that the resulting reactions, frustrations would distract, obstruct me from remaining on point of effectiveness.

So, I am learning a different kind of patience as before.

And the more I see not being good enough based on the world I interact with, the less I doubt, that I am re-committing myself to continue with my decision to live it within disciplined principle.

In a way, I also can see, that there is this HUGE UNKNOWN at my door all the time, and it’s kind of heart-throbbing, I find myself present with myself, with empty mind, nothing to bring or use with me when facing it, and then I do – and realize – it is myself I discover, face and get to know. Today, literally I had this experience, being totally alone in all of existence, facing this kind of semi-anxiety, yet excitement, and to see that I only can and should trust myself and there is nothing else, so I applied: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted with reactions from what’s here and I wrote words what I direct myself to live and I breathe – and in a minute, it was very stable again. But it was very fascinating to see that if I start to judge, define, relate and compare this ‘self’ experience and expression, I can completely mess it up and thus myself too. But it was alright, to risk, to make mistake, to learn, to discover. And so I did.

And the funny thing about seeing it as scary: it’s because it is suddenly here: everything I always wanted to avoid, hide, escape from, and within walking right into it’s center, another funny thing I realize: that the real scare is not actually facing and embracing my fears, but to discover what is behind them.

I always believed that the undefined is where I will find myself, freedom and power, because all of my definitions I’ve proven to be limited, delusional and self-dishonest. However, the more I decompose of my self-definitions, the merrier it’s common sense to re-define myself in a structured, self- and life-honoring way.

Thus, patience is not something I run out of, discipline is not something I get tired from, or commitment is not something I lose being motivated from, because within the re-definition there is no energy, polarity or self-dishonesty. Why should I define in a way where I am not able to live words the best possible and supportive way? And if still there is something not practical, it will be obvious within applying it and then I re-adjust, re-define, and then re-align within my application until it’s being cross-referenced in the living flesh, in and as this world. Fascinating.

This process, of walking the self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-purification with words, to re-define the words and to learn how to honour life, self and others equally with common sense is the truth I am sharing, because this is who I am and encouraging everyone to consider, investigate and also invest into, because each of our process is different in their life, but we all are walking the same: from self-limitation to self-honesty and self-liberation.

And if you have method, process, way to be more honest, supportive and caring, please do so, just ensure that you are cross-referencing and be absolutely, even brutally honest with yourself, that you are not deluding with some energy, positive, feeling or hope-based bubble, because eventually all bubbles burst.

It’s so simple: I have thoughts, feelings, emotions – all word-based – and if I can’t describe what I feel, experience with words – it’s already an indication that I am suppressing, not being honest with myself, I am unable to see myself directly – thus means I am separated from myself, I am not the director of my life, I am not honest with myself, therefore I utilize the process with words to discover, establish and get to know what is this thing called ‘me’ exactly.

Writing is great, because I stabilize, I slow down, I focus, I discipline, I direct, I move. And it remains here. Use that, enjoy that, honour that and ask yourself the question:

Is there something you could do better – at all – any tiny thing? Why not doing it, what’s the excuse? Is it valid? How and why?

What do you really want, desire the most, or what you resist, despise or fear the greatest? Why, and how?

These are things I should consider starting with.

Patience is key, no matter what is the topic, but to actually live it, I have to remove distractions, polarities, self-dishonesty. Thus consistent application, every day 3 minutes is great, and if you can’t do, ask why? Is it real? Are you real? Do you want to be?
What’s real? Science, religion would tell? Why? Can’t I figure out, trying to live it?
Why not?
Limitation is not in the physical, it’s in the mind. Deal with that!

In terms of my current ‘real life’ process – I sometimes see distractions, which are like ‘tentacles from my past’ – when I focus to the other person and I start wonder what’s up, I realize, I am not focusing to my responsibilities, thus I breathe, I re-align. And when I am ‘here’ – I can initiate communication, but not with the reaction ‘energy’, rather than with curiosity, to see how can I support and understand more.

This approach also helps to understand that if something is not ‘ideal’ – is that something I can or should ‘fix’ – or it’s just some thought-emotion-pattern temptation I am facing.

For instance to return to the previous example: when I start question about other(s) doing what they should or are doing all right or not – if I go into worry, fear, remember some bad shit memory and I feel falling for even one moment – then I can give into the energy – which is also a cool indication that this is related to something I just participated within.
Thus, to stop, breathe, re-align and to see – what I was thinking, what was the trigger situation, thought, visual or just memory I am automated by to go into distraction.

For-giving myself is like unification with creator, created and creation itself.

Absolutely mind-blowing to do!

And again – distraction also can be turned into gift if I note it, write it down, remember, investigate it, because it’s always a full context, story and often even multi-dimensional pattern or construct I live in my mind. And it mostly distracts, diverts, pulls me away from reality, others, actual situations, thus I should be able to recognize it before I go out of sync with reality.

It might not seem as problematic if it’s just a moment, or more, but as everything in existence: this also accumulates.

Imagine driving and texting together – the more I text, the less I can drive safely and effectively. Maybe I will be all right, maybe I will miss a critical moment to prevent tragedy.

All of this I just mention, because

  • I can ‘work’ on qualities within self from multiple angles: focusing to specific words, situations to open up, understand, forgive and let go the dishonest patterns, re-define and change;
  • and also can focus to do the same with the meanwhile upcoming distractions, temptations, reactions.

The mind can be very throughout to be able to constantly preoccupy my presence, but the more I deal with it, I can realize that the mind is not the enemy, and the more I embrace, understand and be able to change it, the more it is a structured support in terms of when it moves, I don’t thus indicates self-dishonesty in a very systematic way.

And to learn that to read, deal with is essential life-skill, for which DESTENIIPROCESS.COM is crucial.

Re-defining words 

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Day 331 – Living Patience

IMG_2397Re-evaluating and re-defining patience as Patience is Life

Since some weeks I am living with a person, who I see as being able to express extreme amount of patience and kindness and I was wondering about myself in the same situation.
When I told her how I find her expression about this as exemplary, she told me that she thinks that this is just normal thing, but according to my experience, understanding and knowledge, what she is living within stability is extraordinary. Quite inspiring and somewhat a wake up call for myself to see/realize and understand that my previous and current definition and expression of patience is quite limited, conditional and still based on self-interest. That’s why it’s my responsibility to decompose those patterns my personality/mind/memories/patterns consisting of in relation to the word Patience and to purify and re-define to prepare myself for Living Patience.

As I see, it is a decision, that what I commit myself to stand for and then within that standing I am unwavering, constant and consistent, no matter what.
For instance – patience with a kid. I’ve seen many examples about lack of patience parents showing, that seemed as normal, and although I easily could ‘judge’ them, also the same way I could ‘justify’ their actions, or let’s say the ‘fallacy’ into impatience, which is: not standing with and as the decision within action of what the person realized about what would be the best for the child.

Justification or excuse, such as ‘tiredness’, ‘distraction’, ‘it’s normal’, ‘a human thing’, ‘the child was nasty’, etc happens every day, yet there are people who are living Patience in relation to a point – about teaching, business, gardening, or within our example: ‘parenting’ – in a way, wherein no justification or excuse could influence the living action of Patience.
As I grew up, it was ‘normal’ to shout at the child, even hit them, which now seems so brutal and in theory many people agree that never shout/hit should be the ‘ideal’ way, yet a lot of parents admit that they can shout to the child in a not supportive way or even hit them to make them do what they want the child to do. And after all, even being able to justify it, thus they don’t feel bad afterwards.

For me this was always a point to ‘solve’ – I hated when my family grownups did hit me, in a way I lost my trust to them, or realized they are not really that great,  so I was sure I would never hit a child, yet I was not aware of how to be that patient to be able to live that decision as well in the way what stands for the child’s support. Well, now I see that point with the person I share life with and she lives these words directly in the flesh, thus she not only inspires me, but also supports me with realizing a lot about this and the re-definition and living words as well.

Much more to be investigated about this…

By asking her about it, she revealed that within Living Patience, she simply does not focus to her point of view, but considering the child, who needs support, and from that, it’s irrelevant of how much time it will take of her to give that specific support the child requires, but simply to express that, thus, in this sense, time does not matters or exists at all.

It’s interesting to realize that with a simple re-alignment of the definition of a word, how much it’s living expression can change.
Instead of me, as I used to see, consider, ‘expand’ and ‘strengthen’ my patience before according to my own patience in relation to how much time I must ‘endure’ stuff I’ve previously defined as not cool and ‘has to be given’ or even ‘sacrificed’ – according to my own self-interest; the solution is to focus to the person I am supporting, and then it’s not about my definition, level of patience actually, yet in reality, this is how I Live Patience Unconditionally.

And I might or will have resistances to live the word like that, but then it’s not that I have to ‘grow’ my patience, but to simply purify myself from giving into temptations of NOT TO LIVE PATIENCE. Fascinating.

By looking my ‘previous’ definition of the word, it was also polarity-based, quantity-based: how much, how long I can ‘maintain’ patience. Self-interest, according to what is good for me.

The re-definition is without polarity, without amount, positive or negative: simply to live and express, what’s supportive for the person I commit myself to support.

That’s why the self-introspection, investigation and re-definition of words is so important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I’ve been looking, interpreting, defining and expressing words on the physical level based on my interest, of what I think as good for me, or what I think would be good for others, but only through the filter of ‘what I think’ according to my interest only.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve been looking and expressing the word Patience through and with Energy, as believing that Patience has to be fueled, and thus can last, and then ‘run out’ and then I am ‘impatient’ and not realizing that this is still reflecting back pure self-interest, because if the Patience is in relation to someone else, then I only can live it until I can be patient, and then I ‘automatically’ become the complete opposite, as impatient, and thus I can’t support with that unreliability within consistency, thus I actually not live patience at all.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that Patience can be seen through the decision to stand with or for someone or something and then to live and express in living action, it’s not about me only, and thus when applying consistently what is required to live my decision, it’s not running out, or if I feel so, then it is a temptation and distraction to give up and I can see that and deal with it, but still live the Patience in relation to the initial decision to do/support/live something I stand for.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I got comfortable to justify and accept excuses within my thinking and energetically feeling patterns about why not need to live and apply patience in relation to someone or something and actually believing those justifications and excuses to be valid and/or never question, cross-reference those to see that I am lying to myself, not honoring myself and the decision, the person I decided to support.

I forgive myself that I have not got effective, structured and consistent with dealing with, walking through and remain unwavering in regarding to temptations of give up decision and patience, due to self-interest, and not realizing that it’s about decision, technique and consistent application without self-judgement.

I forgive myself that I have got ‘cocooned’ into the belief system that this world is cruel and I have to think for myself and I must consider myself first and only support others, if I am feeling good already, while not considering that ‘me feeling good’ is also related to a belief system, what with I can abuse this point in regarding to self-interest with completely remaining certain of that ‘I can’t do anything’.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the priority to ‘feel good’ is a deception, because I focus to internal, thought-initiated, self-generated feelings to follow, not principle, discipline and actual decisions, such as support, be patient with/for someone, because ‘it feels difficult’ – and just, because it feels so, justifying that I can’t or should not do it.

I commit myself to stop living and making decisions according to what I feel, because it can be result of already self-created, self-believed justification system in order to hide from responsibilities and living honoring all life equally, with priority of what is actually here, for instance family.

I commit myself to remove any and all self-interest from the definition of Patience word, and trust and honor myself with the decisions I make to stand with.

I honor myself and others with sticking to my decisions and support I stand for and effectively deal with temptations, justifications and excuses within consistency through applying self-honesty, self-forgiveness, writing, and if needed, to ask for assistance and share.

I commit myself to Live Patience within supporting someone in regarding to be able to see what’s best for the individual, but cross-referenced, discussed with related persons to ensure that what I do is really supportive and then live that patience without giving into excuses, without energy, but as a living decision of who I am as living support unconditionally, until it’s required and practical common sense.

I am grateful for all the support and patience I got from others and I see that giving back is natural self-expression; and it is actually an enjoyment, as a decision to live to giving back to other persons, the world, nature and in overall existence.

For instance to see that with living the Patience in regarding to supporting someone and to see the individual stabilize, grow and expand – it is the connection as life with ‘me in another life’, thus actually I am equal and one with the person I live Patience in regarding to support.