Ok, I have found a deeper point and thus real solution to my fear, worry and emotional instability issues. Its pretty awesome.
I have been working on the redefinition of the word: LOVE – it takes some time and one would ask why to redefine words, aren’t they just fine? Not necessarily if I go up and down with emotions, worry and hope, conviction or doubt, fear and desire and it’s all just like a roller-coaster – then it’s an indication of that my ‘program code’ of my words to live out are not ‘optimal’, neither for me and others – thus a re-evaluation, often a decomposition and re-alignment, re-definition is required within self-honest investigation.
Do I live the words as I define them, as I want to live them, is that really the best for me and others how I live them?
I had to admit, for me, many words are ‘contaminated’ with fear, polarity of self-interest-based positive and negative associations, desire, doubt, hope and a lot of memories about what went wrong.
Humans have the tendency to have a LOT in the mind, and often what can happen is that what I think is not the same as what I say and also not the same of what I do. And that’s a problem, because it shows the split, the separation and distortion among aspects of myself as wanting different than saying and doing, and thus my words have no much power.
If I think that my crazy, worrying, doubtful, desiring thoughts are not related to reality, to who I actual become, then I must be a fool – it’s the same analogy, when someone thinks it’s overpriced when TV asks ten million dollars for 10 seconds of advertisement during the biggest sport game broadcast. No. Words – and images have influence and relevance. What does this mean?
If I have doubtful thought, abusive, or worrysome – it is influencing my beingness, my actions and reality’s greatest law does the rest: accumulation. Everything accumulates, from smallest bits up to world-changing forces. 1+1=2. This is the greatest force and I can apply it to my own participation to words and actions as well. Accepting a doubtful thought, just once every day – will have fruit one day manifesting real doubt.
That’s why I focus on specific words, what are relevant in my life, to check, what this word means, what says the dictionary, how can I live it without polarity, without self-interest, how could I live this that is best for others around me and myself too – and thus to ensure that I am not giving chance to doubt, self-judgement and fear when living this word.
So, since I have started new relationship with someone months ago, I have been looking this word: LOVE from multiple angles.
What is my starting point is How to live REAL LOVE, what is not superficial, not of the mind, not of energies, feelings, emotions, but something deeper, something more lasting and more ‘physical’ in terms of actions should speak louder than thoughts or words.
Within our group, as it’s referred – Desteni – (as we are taking our destiny into our own hands) – there are some Principles as guideline starting points to support self-reflection of who I should accept myself to be and become. About LOVE I quote:
The Principle of Making Love Real – Nurturing and honouring the utmost potential in every individual (including myself) wherein love is not a feeling or emotions, but an action that is lived by doing whatever is necessary to support without compromising myself or the other – without fear of “losing” the relationship or the feelings associated to love, and without accepting or allowing less than my own or my partner’s utmost potential.
(more at : http://desteni.org/about-us#anchor-BLOCK_8432 )
What I am defining:
Within my actions I should live love as care, as support, as To Give as I would like to receive.
Love can be deception, delusion, distraction and total selfishness as well but just as any words, love as a word is not the problem here, but my relationship with it, the definition and the way of how I try to manifest and live it in this world.
My realization is not new, however within focusing recently a bit too much on the word LOVE, for a looooong moment, I disregarded the concept, meaning, principle of LIFE.
Bernard Poolman once raised the question: What would you choose? Love or Life? What these do actually mean?
Within seeking the experience and pursuit of LOVE – I submit to fear, fear of loss and fear of fear.
Within Standing up as Life – I stand as Equality and Responsibility as Do onto others as would like others to do onto me.
I was within worry and fear, thus I was unable to really LIVE LOVE, as I was afraid that fear permeated into my perception and expression.
I was within the temptation of Fear and Love, while I am currently re-aligning, re-standing up as Life, as Equality, thus I can become equal with worry and fear and thus STOP it as part of myself, reunited into and as myself.
This is the best practical way to stop worry and fear, to let go the old definition of emotion-based Love and Stand up as Life as thus re-defining how to live Real Love as Life. Cannot be more simple as this.
Within LOVE – I choose Oneness with those who I love, god, family, friends, etc
As LIFE – I express Equality, with all.
It’s really simple common sense.
My worry was originated from my emotion-based definition of relationship and love.
I focus to Principle as LIFE as Give as I would like to receive.
If I worry of my love and feelings will not help, last, matter, I am in fact within self-interest, thus re-alignment is required, to let go what I fear and desire and to stand up to and as ALL LIFE EQUALLY. Absolutely mindblowing.
If this seem like some semi-street-wise spiritual mumbo-jumbo, it is not. It’s pretty practical:
I was trying to stop worry and fear and somewhere I knew that these are just symptoms, I kept sorting them out but they kept coming back and a week ago I had to realize that I am starting to live out a nightmare and after applying self-forgiveness and listening an interview with Bernard Poolman about Angels and Demons and Love and Life – and what I have mentioned within my last blog: Waking Up from a Living Nightmare from EQAFE – I just snapped out of this emotional possession and the re-alignment and relief was quite instant. Still can creep back some worry, but then I vigorously re-align as Principle as Life and from that perspective, I do not need love, I do not worry, I do not fear, but to see what I can directly DO and ACT based on common sense.
If someone does not want me or to be with me – it’s fine – I am Life, how could any worry help with that anyway?
What I can do to change that – should I change it, what happened and why? I investigate, with common sense and if that’s the other’s decision – as I look if all I did, am still doing and going to do to LIVE my openness to the other and then if I really see – did I do all I could and the other still would not want it – I gotta let it go and focus to what’s ahead.
Worry and fear is a sin. Not as sins are real, but in terms of self-honesty: fear is self-dishonesty. Leads to accumulate and manifest things not the best for me and/or all either.
If someone needs support and I worry that things would go wrong – I re-align and purify myself first, and then to look what I can do and committing myself to do all I can. See – if there is place for worry – I am not doing all I could, thus re-alignment is required.
I don’t say Love is bad, I rather re-align my definition of Love as Life! Not limiting but embracing, not fearing but freeing up and let it Live in Physical Action, not just as a feeling, an emotion, but as Living Word.
If people decide to share their life with each other – mutually – that is Life – their love, from both individuals should be the Living Action, not feelings and worries. If Fear is accepted within anyone – that is poisonous and should not be accepted.
Trust is also relevant in this context – what do I choose to trust within? Why would I choose anything other than self directly here? Any entity, definition or force which is not equalized as me as equal as one with and as myself in and as this physical reality seems like a distraction as influences my ability to see directly what’s here – to be able to apply the best practical solution for the problems I encounter.
In a way – what is also an interesting point to open up – that by falling into worry – I had this belief that it’s the way to show that I care, as I value something so much, that within that self-created relationship – I value the thing I value more than value myself as Life here, and that relationship can have condition and that condition can change, thus come and go, and within that – I am dependent, I am relying, I am controlled. That also self-separation through fear. Should not be self-allowed, but self-corrected instantly at it’s appearance within.
Let me clarify – to step out of this halo of love energy into real action – directly, with self-moving awareness, step by step – can also bring up a sort of resonant fear – as I face literally the UNKNOWN – of and as Self – but it’s encouraging to discover that there is something much-much greater beyond Love energy and it is LIFE.
And to stand up as all as life as equal as one as me, it’s individual expression – I can not fall or really die as I am equal with creation and that is where the real deal starts to make sense and the true understanding of existence can start to reveal.
I will continue to explore this and I am grateful for all who support me with embracing or rejection, sharing or disregarding, love or hate – it makes sense and I continue to walk through all fear and worry, self-dishonesty and doubt.