Day 371 – Quiet mind and decompose patterns

P1010738I forgive myself that I have not realized the solution as simplicity within quiet mind presence as not seeing that thinking is indication of doubt, fear and insecurity and trying to create a construct within what I can explain, categorize, process and solve with polarity, definitions, judgments and opinions, instead of realizing the solution as stop the mind and directly see, feel and act.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity as solution within decomposing complicated and not understood patterns within my mind, personality and behavior, wherein if I am unable to apply direction within clarity, then I am not owned by me here, but of the accumulated consequence of past acceptances becoming a pattern which I choose to trust, without realizing that this is self-disempowerment and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have ever bothered to overcomplicate, to become frustrated and worried about issues and things in my head, which I felt overwhelmed by and defined as too much and irritating, while not admitting that not the actual problems ahead are complicated, but my attitude, algorythms in my mind to justify self-dishonesty without being aware of the specificity.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the mind only works effectively if its quiet in there – and within that not realizing that the more I express and live, expand and discover within the quiet mind state, the more I realize that not the mind works but I, as living expression directly move and thus realizing the common sense within always decomposing patterns of the mind until I directly can see each starting point, movement, reason and connection – thus then I can make a decision within awareness and responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have allowed to get attached to, defined by and hooked on the justification of ‘I don’t know’ and ‘I don’t understand’ about myself of how and why I feel or think or do something and not realizing that I can apply writing and techniques and tools to break the self-delusion of not knowing which is in a way of give up, because that ‘give up’ experience gives a temporally relief of pressure and not seeing that this will return and I am slave of my self-created mind-loop-trap.

I forgive myself that I have not realized all the actual specific points in my day to day life, what I react to with frustration and stress, or irritation or dislike, resistance or fear and not realizing the simplicity within consistent application of writing and investigating the words and their relationships within me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I justify specific points within me to accept self-created worry when those points are being triggered within me and not realizing that I am not aware of it to the degree of when and how it’s being activated, and once I react, I am sucked into the experience, distracted and within that I do not realize the extent of losing myself, and afterwards not working through what happened and to prevent myself falling into the same again and again by looking the problem and the solution directly.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-forgiveness as the basic of self-honesty is the most direct and effective way to prepare myself to be aware and present, understanding and willing to change by seeing action and consequence in front of me without need to think in the mind.

When and as I start to feel heavy within looking towards things what I am not certain about – such as money, world system, partnership – I realize – I am already complicating by carrying my past, judgments, definitions and patterns what I know that it’s not common sense – thus I let the construct in my head go and look at the point with practicality – facts, reality timeline, my physical body, the words I think, say or act – their relationships and I understand – discover, and wherever I see self-dishonesty, as patterns of fear, greed, postponement, judgement, superiority or inferiority, etc – I realize – that has to be investigated further and decomposed to the point of being able to re-define words as action what I want to live without polarity/self-interest and fear.

When and as I am not sure what is self-interest or not self-interest, I investigate – and realize that the doubt comes from not investigating or accepting patterns to move and influence me without being awarwe of their details, trigger point, my responsibility and possible self-honesty – thus decompose, write, forgive, stop and explore in real time application of what’s beyond this specific self-limitation.

I commit myself to decompose all patterns of the mind to be able to see everything I do or think or feel as what it is within facts and to be able to catch self-interest before acting upon, thus prevent consequences to manifest what are not best for all.

I commit myself to reference the quiet mind within daily living application without becoming obsessed or distracted with the point of ‘quietness’ but focusing on accumulation of decomposition, forgiveness and actual change.

I commit myself to enjoy giving myself moments of quietness and simply be, express myself be fully here without reason, goal or agenda but to be my living expression to embrace all what is here and see who I am as life and trust myself unconditionally – and if any of this is being difficult or impossible – I apply the decomposition and investigation, self-forgiveness and move myself to real time change breath by breath.

SELF AND LIVING – exceptional self-support:

The process of self, mind and body relationship mapping – exploring your own innerverse:



Day 337 – Transform Shame into Change

img_1063Sharing Shame. Interesting concept, not the most common topic to share about, but it holds the key for self-Change.

I made a VLOG about shame recently, although it was a bit dark, but voice is clear.

Openly face Shame and to see how I can take responsibility for by understanding the details of my mindset, personalities, thoughts, feelings and emotions to be able to Forgive and Prevent myself to repeating the same mistakes – thus practically Change and stop be ashamed for what I am aware of as not self-honest, neither supporting me and/or others.

Everyone who has ever felt shame for anything should take responsibility for and own it, not suppress, hide or even being ashamed of shame.

I walk Self-forgiveness on what I have been, used to be and still can be ashamed of.

I open up not just that ‘I don’t like it, I don’t want it‘ – but to see how and why I did what then I felt ashamed of. The context, the starting point, the pattern is relevant here, the relationships and the self-definitions as well.
Equally so the thoughts(backchat, inner dialogue), feelings(positive reactions), emotions(negative reactions) – what supports deeper understanding, thus better practical, specific awareness of the whole story, which I can re-visit, write down, slow down within and cross-reference with common sense, self-honesty to be able to see/realize and understand, what I can and should do differently next time to assist and support myself and others around me.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of things, and then to accept that shame as a package, a part of me, and creating a victim role within it as the following: I’ve done this, did not do that, experienced and felt like this or that, and thus now I feel bad about it, I am ashamed, and it’s done already, nothing to do about it, it’s fact, written to reality, and I feel that this can’t change, thus it’s a splinter in my mind from now on.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and abuse shame as not living the words but manipulating myself with them to have an excuse and justification of why not need to change, expand, understand and grow, because of what I have done already and how I feel ashamed about those, as it’s unchangeable as in the past and I am already in the future/present.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be ashamed when I should be, and be ashamed when I should not be and in overall simply not being aware of when I should be how.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within writing out ‘when I should be ashamed’ to react with doubt and judgement, thinking of ‘sounds not cool/supportive’ to consider when I should be ashamed, like it must be wrong to feel shame, as doing it when I have done something bad, therefore the idea of ‘should be ashamed’ I allowed the tendency to not look at, disregard, suppress.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within denying, disregarding, suppressing my relationship with shame, I am denying a part of myself, which then I try to disconnect with, thus I am giving away understanding, power and self.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the simple message of shame within myself, which is the need for changing myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized on how to assist and support myself within embracing shame to see what I need to change within myself and how to do it exactly within practical, tangible plan and action.
  • I forgive myself that I have not been able to directly see behind my own shame, because then I would see/realize/understand that I need to change, to change who I am, to walk into uncomfortable things I have allowed to manifest, to feel it, to face myself, to embrace and stop and then to apply the movement, the direction, the action I need to take to change myself, step by step, waking into the unknown, which can seem scary and as losing what I have.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within walking into unknown and change I keep focusing on what I can lose, instead of directly seeing what I am losing by not moving and changing, and also on how I could grow with this change, which as it is realized already: unknown.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist change by facing unknown, which I believe that can be bad, thus rather risking to accept how and who I am today, which I already realized it’s not ‘ideal’ or supportive, self-honest – and also it is what I am ashamed of — thus, risking not to change, not to move, not to explore of what is beyond my shame and dishonesty in order to protect of what I perceive having.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within resisting to change, having excuses and justifications to try to preserve and hold onto what I perceive having, while not realizing that what I seem to have are memories, personality patterns, physical objects, and from any of those I can not realize my utmost potential, although I understand that these can be of great support, I only expand when I take the leap of faith, faith within my self honesty and direct action.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist with shame in a relationship what I’ve also defined as shameful, meaning to have shame is reason to have shame, and not realizing that shame is just a word, and it’s meaning what animates people, thus if I re-define it, I can support myself to be better, self-honest and supportive for myself and others equally.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the support and power within decomposing meaning and patterns of words and then to re-align myself with re-defining those words with principle, self-honesty and integrity and committing myself to live that word in the way I decide to.

Shame – redefinition: when and as I feel and experience shame, I realize that there is a point within me what I am actually aware of as I am seeing that this is not self-honest, not honoring myself and others with, and I do not like it, I feel that I should be/act differently about it, thus I see the common sense to CHANGE myself, to INVESTIGATE, to REALIZE the points, the context, the reaction, the starting point about and around this word ‘shame’ and to work on preventing myself to ‘need to feel’ shame.

Example: I was ashamed that once I did beat up my dog, when I was kid and I felt like I could never forgive myself for what I have done, initiated by feeling hurt and being angry, I lost my presence and for decades I was ashamed of this, until I found is a serious course, with lot of work on self, but thus the result can also be profound, I really recommend it, I walk these courses since years and the change, stability, and increasing self-trust, self-direction is extraordinary) and it’s free, introductory course LITE and realized that I can forgive myself, I can stop being ashamed by:

I understand why I did what I did within it’s utmost specificity(how and why I was frustrated, bullied, abused as kid, felt powerless, insecure, etc)
How and why I will assist and support myself within similar situation to prevent myself to ‘lose myself’ and also to immediately become aware of what consequence I am about to manifest and realizing – ‘I’ve been there, it’s bad, I don’t go, I STOP’.
I commit myself to really not do it again, and if I am losing myself, having temptation to, fall back, etc – then I apply Self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective statements and actually living it in action.

The same is to apply any kind of things one can be ashamed of: addiction, fear, body shape or actions one did in the past, etc.

Thus realize – shame is not bad, only becomes embarrassingly unbearable, if one remains within it – becomes it, instead of seeing what it is showing, a potential of self-honesty in physical living.