Day 442 – Judging the annoying person

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Amazing plant I saw recently

I had this recently, there was a dude in the new office we moved into, who just seemed so obnoxious, something in his voice was just bugging me so much. Not only for me, others said similar as well. Then I realized, let’s see what’s this, I never liked gossip or talking behind people, so at a company party I literally took myself and walked to him and started talking with him, to get to know him, not just let him in, in my presence and react, but to direct myself to ask, to understand, to directly ‘feel’ without inner, mind movement.

By talking with him, I had to realize so many things; this guy had so much bad stuff in his life, he is sort of broken inside at the moment, burned out, disappointed, treated badly, got really bad injury(hit by a car!), almost like lost everything. He is tainted with sadness and bitterness.
He had this sort of perfect, well worked out, model-like muscular body and handsome face, yet somehow his sort of aura was still not ‘attractive'(not for me, just he also explained, had no ‘luck’ with ladies nowadays).
I felt a bit sorry for him and myself judging him before knowing as well for a moment.

He said, he wants to leave, to restart in an other country. Usually I do not agree with changing environment instead of changing self here first, but this time I naturally told him, yes, go, leave ASAP, change your life for the better. He told me, he already resigned, yes, will leave. Good. Absolutely self-honestly, not for me not needing to be exposed to his presence and voice, but for him.
Since then – I had no reaction to him in my mind. I did not mind anymore when he was close to exchange words a couple of times until he left. It still seemed we will not be buddies, I even observed a thought once that ‘he does not like me’ – but then I did let that go for real and it worked.

So it’s the direct intervention what assisted me here, to step beyond my reaction, my feel, my definition and the wish to reveal what’s actually real here, not just what’s in my head.

Of course, all bad, annoying, apparently selfish and harmful people: they are not inherently evil, they are just currently concluded into this sort of expression – but it’s different from KNOWING to LIVING this knowledge, in real time action.

This made me realize MY responsibility, even with strangers I have. To be myself. That is best I can do for all. Mind blown. Whoever I encounter, whatever I go through in any given moment, that is my responsibility, that is my reality, that is who I am: to express within self-honesty, no matter what. This is the real freedom, not a bunch of billions and yachts I always believed.

I used to shut down any notion of this kind within myself before, by generating a sort of doubt and worry of who am I to want to influence others, what if I am wrong, what if I ‘assist’, direct or push people towards something what would end up being even worse – the thought of manifesting an irreversible, yet defined by me as bad consequence haunted me to utter oblivion until I did shovel this kind of attitude of mine deep and dark into me so then I do not ‘risk’. Just then I do not LIVE either.

So it’s fascinating how easily people can judge without understanding, just because they are being triggered. Well, myself, for sure.
In the moment of emotional reaction I live out distraction, a sort of result of a deduction process in my mind but based on doubt and fear, self-interest, judgment and conviction; instead of always working with facts here, regardless of good or bad based on my past pre-programming.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people before knowing them just because they trigger me to react with ‘bad’, ‘negative’ automatically, believing this experience to be real, to be the other person; instead of slowing down within for a moment and acknowledge: I only see, experience, react to MYSELF, I project, I blame, I judge, because to embrace, to reveal, to become vulnerable for what’s really here I define as not worth risking, rather choosing self-limitation, even when I know that I do limit myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people’s voice, tonality based on how I react to the voice to automatically conclude how or who the person is, based on the automatic scoring system in my mind, because whatever is ‘negative’ – I do not like, I do not want, I do not care to understand.
  • I forgive myself that I have not fully allowed to sink in that I define myself, who I am as already solid, manifested, birthed, this is who I am and I can not change who I really am in flesh, so I need to accept myself and live with it and not admitting that this is an excuse that I was wandering in a maze and although I have the thread of Ariadne with what I can back track where I came from, I do not do that, I define myself to be lost in a way, that ‘it happened that I came out to be here like this, so this is it’ instead of really embracing the fact that I can go back, I can undo my self-creation and choose a different path within self-honesty, even if it means years of work, receiving support and truly committing for working through even the ‘bad’ experiences, what always turning out to be just a perception.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that whenever I hesitate¬† in front of a judgment, reaction of whether I accept this and become,¬† or I MOVE and step out of it’s way and ACT IMMEDIATELY and open up, communicate, share and trust myself unconditionally – even if I will make mistake, that is how I learn who I am today and assisting myself
    to keep re-committing myself to re-align again and push and birth myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized how and why I judge people and why I accept myself keep judging them day by day, instead of admitting, this is dumb, this is limiting, boring and robotic; instead of stepping out from the mind’s apparently safe and clever comfort zone into a vulnerable yet more potent with opportunity to express within self-honesty situation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I do not need to be
    liked by anyone to be who I am within self-honesty, it is not dependent on anything but who I am as Life here, thus any time I find myself still relying on this dependency, I forgive myself for that specifically and let go IN REAL TIME within and as BREATH HERE as action.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that freedom is to have enormous amount of money and to be able to buy and pay anything, not realizing that this is a compensation in my mind, because can’t become in flesh who I am as a being, so rather just buy everything I desire – and within that not admitting that this is not freedom, this is indoctrination.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized what actual and real freedom is for me, which is to be absolutely honest with myself in every and all moments consistently, to commit and live myself without the participation of the mind, the thoughts, the feelings, emotions, systems, comparisons, polarities, separations, convictions; and to learn to breathe without a thought, walk without thinking, move without mind-energy of feelings or emotions, to direct and move as the physical directly, no separation, no dependency of conviction.
  • I commit myself to not accept any judgment within myself towards myself or others, but to walk right into this construct and decompose, understand and transcend in real time.
  • I commit myself to keep sharing my process of self-honesty within the realization that this is who I really am as life.

Be bold and brave, delve into Desteni, it is extraordinary, incomprehensible support for anyone who dares to be honest with themselves.