Continuing on Discipline word specificity
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am approaching, dealing with and using WORDS with emotional energetic reaction charge without being aware of it’s origin, influence and consequence and within that also not seeing the importance of the investigation, stopping, re-alignment and change I require to directly LIVE words.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that the DESIRE for discipline I invest into is the GIVING UP of direct self-trust and accumulate gambling by trusting constructs in my mind to make me feel, experience and do things, because I am unable to consistently remain within direct self-expression without polarity of my mind, of good and bad of self-interest, due to fear and hope.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that fear is self-interest, thus indication of abandonement of really living within self-honesty, and thus, it’s a great support to reflect back on what is the specificity creating this type of self-dishonesty.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized the doubt and self-judgement I create is through the accumulative effect via lack of consistency being here and really wanting to become consistent, yet not laying down the necessary plan, structure and actual effort to manifest that change, every day, no excuse, no justification.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I accept a ‘day off’ from everything, meaning all the work and job, commitment and discipline, I undermine the process of consistency, which, if I look at it, without energy of my mind feelings and emotions, finding it to be a problem and within that acceptance of that problem creating inner friction, with then I have to deal with, putting extra effort to avoidable things.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity of specificity in relation to discipline to describe of what I lack, judge or resist and why, within asking WHY, to see why I ask that why and thus understanding myself, my reality and the solution as well.
- I forgive myself that I have not admitted the followings I lack within my daily living in regarding to discipline:
- breathing presence inconsistency due to fall into certain thinking patterns of doubt and worry
- existential doubt due to financial instability and lack of structured plan execution
- lack of communication with myself in regarding to partnership, sexuality and intimacy
- intermittent motivation and progress level about my short-, mid- and long-term commitments, projects
- temptation of move or not move towards the experiences giving me the least resistance and difficulty
- complete and throughout level of disregard towards proper structure applied within specific areas of my daily living to support self-introspection, self-discipline, self-forgiveness and self-correction
- not sharing ‘enough’ of process, as walking, as opening, as explaining – as seeing the potential, yet not stepping into it yet for a reason I did not yet specify
These might seem different topics, but in a way, they are the same – and as I am walking through these pillars, each will support me in standing up within all others, thus creating a halo of awareness taking over from consciousness system towards life awareness.
Based on these openings, what is obvious is that the most practical way is the direct way – for instance with breathing presence discipline – the obvious support is to focus on regular exercises, every day, at the same time – work on the breathing, presence, direct awareness here – no excuse, no distraction, no giving up.
And if points come up – write them down, walk the necessary self-forgiveness, self-commitment and re-align. Rinse and repeat – until I am comfortable here, with myself, unconditionally.
In a way – this is RESTART of Process – Back to Basics(link: EQAFE).
Every day is a new life, this is my Day one – and in a way, all will be until I stand as Life.
The challenge, which I know already, is that the more I am able to discipline myself to ‘become here’ – as it seems as QUIETING my mind, the more points and issues I will start to experience – all the patterns I was able to distract myself from with the daily bullshit self-dishonesty, which prevented me to see the real and relevant points, what I kept giving up about.
It’s like opening the wardrobe and all the things I stuffed in starts to fall out. I used to believe that intensity is key for breakthrough, but the danger in that is that then I work with massive mind-energy accumulations – and they are up and then down, thus I am exposed to that influence, challenging consistency, structured walk of discipline. Not saying it can’t be ‘revelation’, but in general, it’s less valuable as it feels at those intense moments.
Thus, it’s to clarify: there is NOTHING in existence we can escape from – only prolonging the process, thus this is also a DISCIPLINE – to stop and face all them here, in this life.
Every tiny details, of each of self-lie, self-deny, self-suppression, self-delusion or self-interest – our mind and beingness remembers, will support to realize and understand – if we are ready and honest to be able to STOP.
To be honest(pun intended) the capabilities I have became aware of I am able to do with my mind and discipline, more than 15 years ago, by time resulted myself become bully and in a way aggressive towards myself, because by knowing the potentials, yet not living up to those – that is really tough if not dealt with and stopped – and rather focusing to actual change, instead getting lost in the reaction energy vortex.
From Mr Robot TV series, a quote: “When you truly hate yourself, that’s power” – the art of total self-destruction, just you never go down alone with that, but dragging many others too – enraging further within the unnecessary and vicious cycle of self-interest.
That’s why many will ride all of those death-cults until their end: all religions, spirituality – they want to be exonerate from their own existence of manifested consequences, while all they have to do is to truly find self-forgiveness within the action of specificity.
What is an excuse coming up is that it is very thin line to walk on to allow ‘natural learning ability‘ without overthinking versus applying structured self-correction tools – so it’s like I have a thousand computers within me and they all run some sort of program and each has their own specific firewall/defense system, even if they are obviously questionable or even just bad – and to get in, stop those flawed programs, I need to understand the code already running in them, understanding the protection to get through it – and once stopping one – I need to create new code, but one which does not limit me, can grow itself with my presence and alignment of principle for all life equally. That’s why Self-forgiveness is awareness – I become aware of the patterns, the consequences, what I accepted already – so when I am about to do it next time, I remember, I take responsibility, and I prevent myself falling into it again. But for that I need to understand, specifically, good intention is merely nothing here.
It is literally scary to shut down those apparently important life support mind-computer systems of self-definition, self-justification, self-identification programs, but the more I investigate those, the more I see that they allow me to get by, but not truly LIVE.
Many brag about the magical and wonderful consciousness, which seems endless – it isn’t – I am able to see it’s limits, it’s end and it’s flaws – everyone should! – but what allows consciousness to exist, what is beyond it, what is behind and within all is what we all believed to be justifiable to be separated from – the responsibility for all life equally.
That responsibility and alignment with is going to support to all to find back our ways from systematic limitation towards awareness of infinite life.
It’s easy to stray away – towards energy, towards possession or obsession due to the tendency of volatile sensitivity for energetic reactions in the mind, through the human physical body – thus genuine and reliable support is crucial to find compass and anchor within the process of self-realization.
Many did walk away from this process as it leads to the very core of our creation, which is challenging, for some it was too much, some got personal, some did fall into some excuse, not applying the simple tools for self-liberation in order to justify why they are right, better or should feel hurt, just because did not establish the proper DISCIPLINE within walking the Process of Self-honesty in every day consistency.
It does not matter what process one walks, if it’s different, has other structure or approach – but eventually everyone has to realize that the only way is through purifying our mind with decomposing, un-learning and re-defining how we live words in accordance of all participant of life equally.
And within that to realize – if one has resistance, judgement, opposition to the word ‘equality’ – it is a construct, there are things behind this pattern, and can lead to much more direct self-liberation. Worth exploring!
To be continued. . .