Walking through the mind-dimensions I’ve opened up last time. Starting with Viktor’s comment, which is really relevant here:
This was timely Talamon. I am just now facing similar points in my life. I have also moved out on the country side, and equally as you, there are many things to do, points to move, physical work to be done, and I have seen that there is a tendency within me of wanting to use stress, anxiety and fear to push me forward – however – it is clear that it is unnecessary.
AND – the consequence I have seen when I use energies to push myself to get things done, is that I loose my overview. For example, I do not consider what my body needs, which could be rest, or some other activity, and I do not consider other activities, routine things, that might have a higher priority, but that I forget because I am too much into the state of ‘wanting to get this thing done’. Hence, this is a interesting, and important point to clarify indeed. Stress creates a tunnel vision, and we do things without our presence, ‘feeling’ and awareness – the solution is to bring LIFE into all that we do – regardless of it is necessary or not – to stop making life a struggle and a series of moments of work – and instead appreciate the moments of physical movement that open up and are part of our daily lives.
There is REALLY no benefits to stressing!
Thanks, Viktor for the notes, INDEED!
Since I wrote about this, slowly but surely more and more dimensions I start to see, and it’s such an inherent program within my personality, that even as I’d like to ‘walk this through as soon as possible, right now’, the re-alignment takes quite some time and effort, because of the decades of constant and consistent accumulation of self-acceptance and ignorance, which created these self-defined layers in my mind, what I am not aware of.
Just recently someone told me that he has so much compulsory hate towards a specific topic(anime cartoons in overall) and when I asked why, he admitted that he has no clue, and even if he asks himself, he can’t answer it directly, and that’s kind of bizarre and creepy at the same time, because this is about the idea and expression of ‘ME‘ – and if I do not know why I feel something, how can I be sure that it’s the best and utmost potential of me? So self-investigation is suggested, and it’s kind of digging, peeling the onion and where are resistances, excuses and justifications, that’s probably a point what should be opened further. Just like ‘my’ point here with this energetic states during physical expression, even when it’s plain simple action, like literally digging the garden, watering the plants or dish washing.
It’s not about that it’s so horribly bad that I have thoughts and energetic experiences, but the fact that I am not aware of this dynamics and origin of it, kind of tells me that I am not the director of my life, I am just a pawn in this chess game, and if I start to investigate, no, it’s not the government, one’s wife or mother in law, who is in real control of my thoughts, feelings or emotions, but my accepted, automatized mind system through the memories, associations, thoughts, feelings, emotions, words, relationships, what can be written down, investigated and forgiven, released and re-defined. Just like that and if one has no idea how to do it, there is support, just like the DESTENIIPROCESS.COM free online course.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to energetically manipulate myself with stress, anxiety and fear to push me forward, because of believing that it is required to move me, to animate me, motivate me, direct me without realizing that it’s not supporting, unnecessary and self-dishonest.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve given upon on directly taking responsibility to BE the thing I am doing, thus preventing myself to really equalize, substantiate, manifest and truly express myself in and as the physical, because of this self-created separation I participate within the mind through these energetic experiences induced by specific thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that within getting into energetic states during physical application, such as work, gardening, I have the tendency to lose my overview and not consider what my body needs, when to rest, and also become narrowminded and lose perspective, my other responsibilities, commitments, decisions to do, because of the preoccupation of compulsive energetic mind-state of ‘I want this to be done’.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that stress creates a tunnel vision and during my presence and awareness is not here, but in this mind state, experiencing, perceiving and expressing THROUGH and as this stress, which is self-created self-separation.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve lost perspective of letting go the struggle of life and focus to each moment here to appreciate, express and experience the physical movement here without any energetic state in the mind, as it is, as I am, breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the energetic addiction to stress and how easily I can justify and list up excuses for why I ‘have’ stress and how it is not up to me as I’ve been triggered to it and I try to admit that I was/am/will be powerless ‘against’ stress, but in fact I try to manipulate myself to the self-delusion of it’s not my fault, not my responsibility, not my choice, chance and decision, but in fact it is, in each moment equally, always certainly.
I forgive myself that I have not realized directly, immediately and obviously in each given moment of how justifying and having excuses of why accepting and re-creating stress is necessary and even required to express myself as who I am perceiving myself to be without questioning why really, without finding answers to myself of what is the exact starting point, origin and source of this ‘giving up’ within me.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that giving up on myself in relation to stress, even that I am well aware of it’s uncomfortable and not supporting effects on my physical body, on my mental state, on my stability, but justifying it with ‘it helps me face and deal with problems’ and not realizing that I create the extra energy of stress to push me, move me, and not realizing that it is taken from my physical, life force, because I allow myself not to believe in myself, not to trust in myself, not knowing myself and not honouring myself to find out why this is self-dishonest and invest into how to stop it as myself and change my approach and live that unconditionally without stress.
I forgive myself that I have not been honest with myself in terms of how much stress I ENDURE and SUPPRESS, just because I give up on learning, changing, expanding, and also of what exact mind-patterns I call upon and then forgiving myself and unlearning, stopping, releasing it from my very beingness, moment by moment.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can actually take the time and make decision, plan and from that I can express myself within presence, self-expression and even enjoyment, and if difficulties, pressure, challenge arises, I embrace it and I trust myself and also realizing that if I would ‘fail’ within it while having stress, then it was also unnecessary and even if I would ‘success’ while being in big stress, then the question I have to ask is that ‘could not I do it without stress actually? How can I?’
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I enjoy being in the tunnel vision, because then time seems to be flying and then no need to see everything around me, consider all existence, all my life, where I am coming from, where I am going to, because in this moment I am completely pre-occupied with ‘this thing I am doing’ and then I only need to be focusing to one thing, and not realizing within this, that I have defined as a good thing to momentarily forget everything else, regardless of their importance, priority, or even necessity, just because of this ‘rush’ experience in this moment to only consider it.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I defined my human physical body as inferior, as machine, as something I can possess through the self-identification of the mind, the thoughts, the feelings, emotions and not realizing that all of those could not work without the physical body, thus even to think that the physical is inferior indicates obsession and possession by thought-patterns, which are completely pre-occupying my mind and thus the whole beingness of me.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that within myself when words appear in my mind and I listen to it, react to it, focus to it, while I do something, I am not fully here, because in that moment I am in the mind and not fully aware of what I am doing/experiencing/feeling in and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the consequence of not being here in and as the physical while doing something, because of focusing and following thinking and reactions to it, and thus not becoming aware of the fact that I am giving permission to my mind to react, to also do the action I am doing based on the past and thus not fully embracing and expanding HERE in this new moment, but timelooping based on a conviction I am not aware of directly, such as ‘wanting to be more effective’, ‘wanting to be more prepared’, ‘wanting to automatize actions what I’ve pre-defined as less interesting, boring’, ‘resisting to do it’ or ‘defined as not wanting/enjoying to do it’ – and thus automatically preventing myself to see the source of this self-automation, therefore not giving the chance to realize the self-dishonesty within it, and then supporting myself with change.
I forgive myself that I have believed to be superior if I can go into thinking mode while doing something, believing that then I am doing two things at a time, and thus being able to automatically do things I’ve defined as less interesting, not wanting to do, because the other thing I prefer to focus to I’ve defined as important, more interesting, more enjoyable, and by this automatization hoping that I do not need to be fully here, experiencing directly that, but I can pre-occupy myself with another activity.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the addition to thoughts can be stopped, broken and decomposed by slowing down within, letting the breath be -here – as myself and deciding to do something and then doing it directly and whenever my mind would want to rush to backchat, thinking about the thing I do, then I embrace breathing and I bring myself back here and disregard the thought, and I focus to the details of the very action I’ve decided to do.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can decompose any mind-pattern and to see how I’ve created it and then being able to stop and break the loop, and then exploring new things of what I can actually do if I would stop doing what I always did in this specific situation I am already finding myself as automatized.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to automatically get obsessed with the image and likeness of my desire what I superimpose to reality by focusing to what I want to manifest and meanwhile doing it, not actually directly seeing, experiencing, living the thing I need to do for it, but constantly focusing to the end result, the future, and feeding the action by my energetic reactions to the feeling what I generate by the thinking and imagination of why will be good once I ‘will get there’ and not realizing meanwhile that I am not fully here, I am kind of ‘remote controlling’ my body to make me go there, which becomes actually more difficult as effective and specific work requires direct presence and consistent application HERE, not through the thoughts, emotions, feelings of the mind.
Relevant to this topic, here is this blog post I suggest expanding with:
William’s Process BLOG – Day 294 – Free Mental Energy
to be continued…