(Oupps, this post became a bit longer than planned, apologies, just needed to walk through this all. I will focus more on structuring in the next post.)
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed to realize the simplicity within Disciplined Living as Self-honesty, whereas I keep expressing myself to direct myself through the mind, as physical expression in any and all moments, meaning whenever I see reaction, emotional buildup, doubtful thoughts, I disengage within understanding and re-aligning with practical common sense.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that the tendency of accepting self-dishonesty in any specific aspects of my every day living is what I need to pinpoint with wording and not forgetting those in order to be able to recognize the pattern BEFORE participating.
I really enjoy to be at new situations, and if I look at it with virgin eye, especially living after some decades – there is always a pattern, such as relating to something from my past – and the fallacy into self-dishonesty is something I have to work on becoming aware of, basically all the time.
I was out with my colleagues, bar and clubbing experience. Most of them were drunk, I was completely sober. My mind was flooded with all kinds of patterns to relate, to categorize and justify based on my past and I had to admit that regardless of all my efforts to remain present, directive, some of those patterns were triggered and I got ‘under the influence’ of several specific convictions.
It was fascinating to discover what are the specific points I was reacting to and thus slipping back to my obviously self-dishonest patterns.
I do not really see that the exact details and patterns do matter this much to others, however the structured walk through those could be assisting to others as well.
And of course, it is definitely supporting me to walk through, thus it’s a genuine self-enjoyment to write and share these as it is literally The Journey To Life from Consciousness System to Living Awareness.
Let’s walk some of those patterns here, what went through my mind:
The music was crap, some retro-pop, the sound system was sounding horribly, was calibrated wrong and were bashing my ears quite much, every time we had to talk, had to shout.
The music itself was mostly very repetitive and primitive to my taste and even the DJ and his mixing abilities were atrocious, thus mostly was a direct crossfade to completely different vibes, rhythms or types.
My friends were so drunk, they could not care less about what we were dancing to, and their full-blown careless enjoyment in fact tainted me to elevate me from the ridiculousness of the music and sounds to actual enjoyment anyway.
There were ladies, actually many, mostly were gangs of 3-6, they were also kind of illuminated and most of them seemed to enjoy the music thus were dancing to their individual preferences. I speak about Ace of Base, Shakira and all other kinds of pop I do not really recognize or know.
It seemed normal to have fun with them as just with anyone else, although I know that I am good with dancing and moving, I just did not really feel right to directly contact or interact with them, which was interesting to notice, so I looked further why.
Some were more open to interact with our group, some weren’t – I was wondering if I should now engage or not, some of them seemed to be even attractive to my norms to a certain extent, and when I was wondering about that, I just kept finding reasons and justifications why not to – I mean if I really look anyone, I can find imperfection, especially in a badly lighted drunken dancefloor, and I realized this is just weird not to enjoy and have fun, but to squander around in my mind to decide if I want or not to get closer to women as for fun or potential friendship or even partnership. Typical mind-slippery slope, one becomes righteous and what thoughts come, just accept as self and becomes so, directed by and completely inferior to.
That moment of stopping self-expression during dance was enough to get a ‘feeling weird’ moment among them and I decided to decide (funny) not to care about women and my desire to ‘get’ a woman.
“I am with my friends, there is a reason to this party, so that’s why I am here, period.”
But I saw, it’s obviously a stinky reasoning – as it came, and why, I saw, I am limiting myself by some unadmitted fear.
Of course, this was just seconds in the party, but due to extensive amount of experience and exploration on dance floors in my past, this is truly one of my ‘I am at home’ situations, thus this uncomfortability was shaken off in less than a minute, but I saw several points what I am lacking to directly be aware of and position myself to a stable, consistent, self-trusting self-agreement about the surfaced points.
And just as life could not be more fun, after all the excuses of ‘there is noone here who would really make me being interested’, I have noticed a lady who just seemed like out of perfection to my personally pre-programmed desirable image and likeness, and I had to realize the ridiculousness of my current mind-setup about this.
I walked through the crowd and looked into her eyes and it ‘seemed’ that there is a mutual interest, like ‘hey, you seem interesting, hm’ – but in that minute we were about to leave as my team’s decision, which, actually I have initiated to resonate among us and they all agreed upon already, so I left with a quirky smile on my face.
There is no rocket science of that triggering about why this ‘she is grand’ condition was activated – she had cute and attractive face, tall and thin body with a dress just revealing enough in a still socially acceptable way. It’s probably just for me, but she was like a swan among ducks to me and in that moment I also realized, I am just falling into this pattern, well, not the first time in my life.
Even within that ‘sweet’ mind-high moment of judging her as pleasant, her heels were quite high which I clearly remember, defined as ‘hmm maybe too much’ but in overall, this was still like ‘hmm, cool’.
Also, by reflecting back from her, I felt my body, face and dressing to be uninteresting and kind of inferior towards the judgments I have projected towards her and thus I even had a slight doubt, as I just went out to a pub to say good bye to a resigning colleague friend, and the night turned into this club-dancing blast.
And of course, she was with a guy, who she was smiling with, thus I concluded, she might have a boyfriend already, probably, so this is just it and let’s just move on. *Sigh.
I felt that I should stretch my spine to stand as more straight and push my chest forward, my chin up as I started to lose my presence into the mind completely, thus these physical alignment points are here to assist me to return HERE with common sense, instead of keep falling into justifications, doubt and self-limitation. So then I was able to step out from this pattern eventually with a big deep breath from the cool city air outside.
This is kind of a start for establishing a sort of physical timeline of points I see, can directly realize as points of self-dishonest participation within my mind.
Relevant to note, there is nothing wrong, I am certain of, if I have preferences, decisions and I act upon those, especially about partnership, however when I am influenced by my past, which I have not yet walked to forgive, understand and let go, based on convictions, definitions, another self-dishonest reactions, then I am literally gullible to act upon something which is not resulting to direct self-expression within honesty with myself to the utmost, as probably not really and directly relevant to what is actually here in real time.
Or if putting so much attention to one aspect only, such as visuals, I am might be possessed or obsessed with it for a reason what might also hide self-dishonesty, which again: deserves self-introspection and if needed: correction as well. Not saying one should not consider the look as well, but when one has the tendency to just ‘fall’ into someone based on that only, that’s a good sign that it’s probably a massive mind-construct is waiting to be walked through.
One might argue, why to strive and struggle towards something like ‘utmost, perfect honesty with myself’, as everyone has their own past and moments of doubts and worries, preferences and illogical things, that makes us humans – it’s just I do not accept myself to remain limited, especially not by my own self-limitations based on something I did or believed, feared of or desired in the past.
Also there were several reference points which made me compare myself in a kind of ‘right’ way with others, for instance there was one of my friends, who had no difficulty to approach ladies, hold their hands, dance with them, although there was nothing sexual or mating about it – for instance he is married and still, he can dance with ladies in a ‘respectable’ way and I saw that this is the case, he just had some fun moments without considered to be cheating. I was pretty sure about that he had no intent to pick up ladies, he just had some ‘normal’ dance and fun.
I saw that I am not like that, I am rather a bit antisocial in this sense, as I do not approach ladies, even just as part of the ‘normal’ fun on the dancefloor.
My type of parties, I used to conditioned to were mostly trance parties, where people are a bit more isolated as many can be on drugs and have the stimulation coming from inside more than outside, not generally always being this the case, but that I was more comfortable with.
When visited folk music events for instance, it’s more about everyone interacting, dancing, holding hands, shoulders, hips and do some ‘traditional-like’ dancings, which I never got absolutely comfortable with, and it’s like a trap of 22 – I do not have enough experience and skill to do that, but because of that I do not even try to do it, thus will not have experience, and thus I am doomed to avoid it, yet kind of missing it as well.
Because of worry if I make mistake or not being able to do a perfect way instantly – and it is a typical self-dishonesty point as well.
There were ‘gate’ points wherein I saw the opportunity to bridge through my experienced isolation, for instance with those ladies, who were ‘not my type’ (I quote points what are kind of mind-patterns just to be more obvious in this writing), yet I fell into the definition of objects, thus I had this separation experience as them there, vs me here.
So I had the intent to release a desire and find target for it, and in the process of ‘matching’ out there to the subject for it, I lost my ability to really connect with them, regardless of the ‘matching’ process of ‘true or false’.
As with the ones I concluded as ‘not interested really’ – based on behavior and how they look, I decided to not even try to interact with them on the dancefloor, kind of ignoring them, while in a way I also noticed the same they seemed doing with me, just ignoring me, although we were a meter away.
This is something I can relate to with my experience at goa trance parties experience, when I am ‘whole’ – there is no them or me, separation or even desire – rather seems like a safe, mischievous game.
Also at times, when I went there with ladies I know, we always had a blast together, great connection, dance and flow, but then it was obvious from the beginning, we arrived together, had fun together too, was no need to do ‘first contact’.
Either way, I was preprogrammed of when and how I am comfortable and certain.
And this way it SEEMS unlimited, because of the rules I’ve formed already and in between those I am confident, safe and free. But the moment I disregard a single rule, I am about to experience friction.
One for instance: not to try to pick up a lady there. Many occasions there were quite obvious signs that ladies showed interest to connect with me on various levels, even just dancing with or talking to – I used to say – I am not here to date, but dance and have fun with my friends.
This came back again – not that women were ‘hitting on’ me, just they were so close, I was triggered by my suppressed desire and judgments of beauty and attraction.
And all of a sudden I find my limitations – shall I or how to approach them, what if something is not great, I would be refused for instance or turns out the lady I get together with is not someone I would date for long term, what if my hair is wrong, all the stupid worries a teenager boy would think of in front of a lady he likes.
So then, at this party, as it was different than I used to go to – had to ‘realign’ with my rules, and then I stated – I am here just for fun with my friends, not to get women.
All of a sudden all is more clear again, I do not have friction, I kind of relax, no need to hunt, no need to look all the 50 points I should consider.
I guess, that’s why people drink alcohol, so those mind-systems are inhibited, so people just engage, try and see what happens.
Meanwhile other part of their mind-system is boosted, such as desire, directness, so they feel empowered to do things uninhibited, things they would not do sober.
So this is just an example of how much one can see and work with one’s self-dishonesty and self-limiting mind to reveal.
Also, it is the first step to acknowledge, to write down, and then the investigation starts, why and how I got to this point, what exactly happened in the physical timeline in relation to reality around me, what I did, felt and thought.
This allows me to start applying self-forgiveness on the patterns of self-dishonesty, what I have allowed and accepted to become me, but I give myself a chance to change, to stop and discover another ways to act in these specific situations.
It might take a while, days, weeks, sometimes even months to walk through big points within, but once real change starts, I guarantee that everyone would say ‘yes, it is worthy’ as we actually do not know how much limitation we accept within ourselves until we start unshackling those chains and discover how much free and enjoyable our life can be if really becoming self-honest.
For instance a question: why would be a problem if I approach a lady and she would say no?
It’s alright – she has the right – am I less if she says no? No.
I mean the exact same thing I expect me to have – the ability to say no to a person who I do not want to be with.
If then the fear kicks in of what if all ladies who I like say no, then what I should do?
Am I then remaining alone forever? No – but in the mind, time is quite a relative thing, fear really can bend it, thus seems scary and final, but in reality – there are other opportunities, maybe even at the same party, maybe on an another next day or week.
Or if not, then I might need to reconsider my attitude, my approach, my presentation, starting point, selection or desire.
So if one has the ability to see through these patterns with practical common sense, then these typical things, for what we tend to apply rules to protect ourselves from experiences we define as uncomfortable, such as rejection, self-judgement.
But has to take the time to slow down within to see each details – and it is a skill, an ability, which has to be developed, grown, become, and takes effort and time.
That’s why writing a diary, a blog with the starting point of self-honesty(no finger pointing to others, no blame, but bringing back all to self and to see if am I accepting any belief, hope or lie and if so, to commit myself to stop it and find a practical way to do so)
Desteni I Process LITE is the perfect introductory course for the basics, as one can do it online for free, with daily, short assignments and a guide there, who already know how to walk this understanding and self-honesty change.
The Desteni I Process PRO course is for deeper understanding, that is where the physical timelines are being walked, to find not just conscious patterns, but subconscious too, to be able to understand – and change – more with more disciplined, and more assignments. There is also a buddy in the system, who with one have regular chats to be assisted and cross-referenced through the establishment of self-honesty, meaning cross-referencing perception with facts, as human mind alone can be self-deceptive in a very convincing way, thus the another person, who already walked similar path. The DIP PRO course is not free, but it’s a significantly more effective way to support self-honesty. There is even a way to apply for sponsorship, so it’s not about the money, however if someone can pay the course fee, then supporting a whole network of other people who are supporting others, also developing similar new courses and of course, the website hosting and online presence also has some costs, what is nice to be covered.
It’s all about putting out there the support and make it obvious how people can assist themselves – as it’s always self-movement, no course exists what can change for us, we have to walk it, but there is a lot of people who are willing to support, the same way as they were also supported before.
I am going to walk the rest of self-forgiveness for my patterns shared for today to support understanding and prepare myself to find practical ways to stop those self-limitations and figure out what I really want and then live it within self-honesty.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the self-limitations I define myself in order to create a bubble of friction-free, conflict-avoiding experience for myself within excuses and justifications and convictions about why I do not want what makes me conflicted, fearful, anxious or worried.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from rejection in general, believing that it means I am not good enough, I am stupid, awkward and ugly, meanwhile if I look at it without any emotional pressure, just common sense, I would say, I am fine and it’s a self-sabotage, which is hiding layered another self-interest protection not to be discovered by me, such as not wanting to get attached to people, not want to compromise my perceived freedom and the fear of not being a nice person, if I would be honest the way actually I also would like to be honest with.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can any time expose my perpetuated self-honesty as a lie by not giving to others what I would like to receive in the situation of dating and partnership, because of the values I hold onto and self-definitions I try to follow in order to remain within the self-defined self-limited self-definition system, such as not wanting to reject others as I feel that I would feel bad if I would be rejected, meanwhile directly seeing that rejection is normal, everyone cannot say yes to everyone all the time to everything, it’s common sense.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see points within me with what I can generate self-judgement, resulting in doubt and self-compromising non-action mode, instead of applying common sense to all those points about what are those, what I can do about those, if I should and establish a clarity and self-agreement with myself, for instance how I find myself presentable and if not, why, what I should do about it and what is the extent I should go, and to see, if any fear is behind of any action, and then apply self-forgiveness and bring back myself to facts, reality, practicality here.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to give to others what I would like to receive, the ability to say no, or reject things I would offer, and fearing to be rejected, instead of accepting the ability to response and be responded to and thus form and grow, instead of falling into fear and not acting to avoid the things I fear, meanwhile what I really fear is just an inflated thing, in reality it’s absolutely no problem.
- I forgive myself that I have not been honest with myself about the points I can give into fear and thus speed up in my mind based on the scenarios I want to avoid and within that not seeing that some of those are completely alright, but I still accept to fear to face, such as rejection, someone’s judgement, being inexperienced or awkward in situations I did not allowed myself to experience or grow with, thus sabotaging my natural trust and grow.
- I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to bastion myself around with excuses and justifications to specific situations in order to avoid friction inside and thus feeling conflicted within in order to not need to face these self-limitations and aspects of myself naturally wanting to grow, such as casual fun with females without objectifying.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge objectifying women as bad, however not being aware of how I can be participating in the same behavior without realizing, such as when being at a party and judging and reacting to women on the dancefloor based on how they look and how I rate them in my mind automatically to always establish an automatic approach of how much I am attracted to them based on their look, behavior and sound.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to admit that I have a specific ‘type’ of women who I am attracted to, based on my past and preconditioning and not wanting to give up, but also not wanting to take responsibility for as believing to be limiting and not nice, yet not giving up either, thus not being certain, not being honest and not being directive within my actions either.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that some self-definitions I deliberately keep, even within walking the process of self-honesty as believing to have the right to do so and justifying it with that this is my true and natural self-expression, yet not being absolutely sure about it and thus allowing doubt about it, inner friction, causing me to be awkward and stumbling.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am not being clear towards women who are strangers and not yet placed in my social halo as ‘potential partner prospect’ or ‘accepted as not potential partner prospect’ and based on that not being sure how to behave with them, what’s appropriate or beneficial, and not realizing that this separation is self-dishonest, because completely relies and biased by my self-interest yet not wanting to admit it because then I would need to face the fact that I have to let it go completely, which I do not want to do for a reason I do not admit to myself.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow down within, backtrack and debug, understand and expose my mind-s movement within me at the moment of being triggered by ‘a striking beautiful woman’ to see what it is I am valuing, how and why.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized, admitted and acknowledged that when I value a woman based on look, of what I defined as valuable, that it is related to doubt, fear and self-hate to be balanced out, suppressed down and distracted from by the value I’d perceive by the person’s decision to choose to be with me, thus having this positive affirmation to a negative starting point within, instead of directly opening up and seeing these points within me to start forgiving and releasing at the first place, thus, instead of remaining dependent on energy, others and judgement, projection and desire; to be able to establish self-trust, self-value and self-love directly.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized in the moment of self-compromise within a situation I have preprogrammed myself not to look beyond my self-limitations, because each of those I can justify in any second, and this is automatic, creating self-interest, protecting it and automatically avoiding to challenge my beliefs, yet not realizing that in each moment I accept an excuse, it becomes more automatic, and the way is to apply self-forgiveness to see, realize and become aware of those self-compromises.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about how I look and behave, but not investing effort to review if those worries are relatable to reality or not, and if so, what I could actually do about those, for instance if I worry that my hair is weird, because I cut it myself, I can ask someone to help fixing it or paying for hairdresser, but as I have defined that it’s too much time and money to waste, I am doing myself, yet not being satisfied with the result, accepting conflict within, doubt and uncertainty, and at situations, when doubt is triggered, confidence is challenged, I automatically jump back to this – and other similarly self-made up – point and re-energize the doubt, the reason why I should justify to remain doubtful, thus to limit my expression what would expose me to the worries I try to avoid to be triggered.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about not having specific skills or abilities in order to engage to specific social activities, yet whenever I would have opportunity to express, practice, live or expand with, I automatically justify ‘being not good with’ instead of simply doing it and learning, finding out who I am within that.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from rejection as then I would define myself to be not good enough and I would define myself as worthless and not realizing that the initial experience of worthlessness is already self-accepted and present within me and my mind, and trying to avoiding to be triggered by not engaging into activities wherein I would be able to judge myself as such, and thus believing to be not limited, meanwhile it is literally the definition of self-limitation.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the positive self-affirmations about what I am good with based on feelings and experiences and not realizing that where is positivity, there is negativity as the only way to create positive energy is by also creating negative, thus all is self-created, and if I accept myself to be driven by, addicted to, mesmerized by positive and negative experiences, I am the slave of my self-delusion.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge music as primitive and define it as annoying and only being able to enjoy music if it is part of my self-defined type of goodness, otherwise automatically closing down and rejecting it and thus predetermining my experience towards it, instead of truly being here in the moment and trusting myself – whether I stay and enjoy or stay and not reacting to it, or even to decide to leave, but without thinking, judging, feeling good or bad, as direct self-expression.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge music, sound system and people based on the quality I define these to be according to my past and self-definitions and anything ‘less than’ I judge any of these and I would feel superior and better or more refined or higher than this, I stop, breathe and realize that it is not about the judgement, the definition, but who I am directing myself to be in this very moment of exposure of such experience.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have developed and accepted a bunch of rules to define to me what is good and acceptable, what is bad and unacceptable and stop questioning myself, reality, direct experiences, but limiting myself with these rules to form my roles in society, and even within obvious and serious self-limitation situations, not stopping participating within those self-definitions limitations, but rather justifying them, identifying them as who I am and thus protecting my interest, not seeing that it is due to fear as conserving the same fear essence moment at the inception of those specific self-definitions from my past to keep bringing with me all the time but being shielded from by the interest of not wanting to experience the fear directly, yet still being limited by.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress desire towards qualities projected to women thus developing a desire to women in general and not realizing that this desire is not direct self-expression, thus manifesting separation within from real expression HERE in the physical, and thus allowing the tendency to objectify women based on the SUBJECT of my desire, a hope for fulfilling it with a woman or women in general.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized the inflation of suppressed sexual and other desires towards women which by manifesting my behavior not being direct and honest with myself or with women in general, because always categorizing, rating, defining, measuring, comparing them and based on that behaving in relation to or with them.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity to treat women as beings nothing special and thus being able to see the person, not the projection I created within my mind and thus not being mesmerized by looks and expectations, and therefore limiting my expression based on a desire I suppress and want to live out, based on qualities I do not find ways to express myself alone and defined myself being dependent on women in order to being able to live those qualities I lack or defined myself lacking.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that I define dancing, when its not trance dance to be about mating and partnering, hooking up, because people touch, hold hands or hug, therefore being triggered by sexual desires and thinking and thus categorizing as something what it is not.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain casual, confident and actually being able to enjoy presence, party and self-expression when about to talk with partner prospect(s) as allowing worry as defining high stakes here, instead of being myself, expressing myself, trusting myself and to see who with I connect naturally, mutually and allowing this whole partner thing to be just as every day, normal expression, as anything else.
- I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become obsessed with picture presentations of people, ladies and myself as well and defining it to be the highest value, meanwhile de-prioritizing everything else, thus limiting my perception, because believing the visual to be the most value, because that is what everyone can see, define and value by, and not admitting that wanting to compensate a doubt by this value, which is completely subjective and inflated.
- I forgive myself that I have defined myself that my type is the thin and tall and all other else are inferior in terms of subject of my partner prospect desire, just because I defined that to be the most attractive to me, therefore that definition is who I am and I must be honest to me when admitting it, just because when I had that type of girlfriend, I was extensively able to enjoy that kind of visual and body type, and wanting to be stimulated the same way again.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that at this moment almost all of my partnership did not end well, and certainly ended, therefore anything I remember and want to re-do or recollect might not be the best, or at least does not make sense to exclude anything else based on the thought pattern of ‘if I chose this in the past, I must like that only and must choose the same in the future too’ – instead of letting go the categories at all and to see what works in the moment and when seeing energy reaction to visuals, categorization or value – to apply self-forgiveness and step out from the self-stimulation based on value and in fact doubt and fear.
Self-forgiveness assists to walk through patterns I was not directly aware of before – or even if I was – by writing down, I open myself up and see – what this opens up further.
SOUNDING these Self-forgiveness sentences assist by directly seeing and adjusting what I miss between those lines and gives the ability to see what I react to based on that and to refine, to specify and expand with to cover the points I was not aware of this much before. Especially about the consequences I manifest and the responsibility I have, along with the actual opportunity to change by prevention, by redefinition and a more aware self-expression.
So, this is it for now, enough to see those patterns before manifesting to keep revealing the patterns, and closing this with some self-commitments and self-corrective preparatory statements.
I commit myself to expose any original negative experiences in relation to myself which would cause me to strive towards seek out positive affirmations with others, creating attraction, desire and value based on automatically triggered, preconditioned polarity categorization, so then I can see the patterns before participating, bring myself here, keep myself at presence, at center, as a whole to see what’s of the energy mind, what’s real and support self-expression directly.
I commit myself to stop judging people based on their looks, trust myself with the empty mind, have a feel, have an experience, have a direct living and to see what works what not and not to automatically fall into the polarity of good and bad, nice or ugly, as realizing – those were conditioned into my mind, and if I am slave of those, I am less than who I accept myself to be as puppet of what I see.
I commit myself to stop defining music based on how simple or popular it is, rather to see if I enjoy it or not, if anything is brought up from my mind with the music, it is not the music itself what is not cool, but I have a point to work with within self-honesty to forgive and let go.
I commit myself to stop falling into energetic mind experiences by not realizing the physical presence, consistency and factual truth here, and believing that what I experience is more relevant than what is here, thus justifying why I do not need to always consider what’s here – so
I commit myself to direct myself to explore my limits with feeling and being in and as the physical and keep expanding with those limits with living self-forgiveness in all moments equally.
I commit myself to communicate with myself to agree with points I am not clear within and falling into thinking mind patterns to help me to tell me who I supposed to be in relation to those, so in those situations, I stop, I breathe and I see what I direct myself to live as and then trusting myself – and if not the best for all participants, including me, I stop again and re-align, re-decide and start living that – always in clarity.
When and as I fall into the thinking mind about who is good or bad for me as partner, I stop and realize that I have no idea, only having memories and judgments, and until I did not try, live and experience, I literally can’t know.
When and as I am losing presence, especially at a directly physically active situation, such as dancing, starting to feel emotions, feelings, such as strange, awkward, inferior or confused, I realize, because of the mind-thought-pattern I was just participating in, thus I snap out of it, I breathe, I move myself and let it go and focus to what’s here.
When and as I see patterns reoccuring in regaring to relaxing, party, dance or social events, I apply self-forgiveness, I write down, I walk through the mind-constructs, establishing physical timeline to reveal the specific self-dishonesty patterns and support myself with preventing self-forgiveness, self-correction and self-commitment statements.
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