Day 442 – Judging the annoying person

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Amazing plant I saw recently

I had this recently, there was a dude in the new office we moved into, who just seemed so obnoxious, something in his voice was just bugging me so much. Not only for me, others said similar as well. Then I realized, let’s see what’s this, I never liked gossip or talking behind people, so at a company party I literally took myself and walked to him and started talking with him, to get to know him, not just let him in, in my presence and react, but to direct myself to ask, to understand, to directly ‘feel’ without inner, mind movement.

By talking with him, I had to realize so many things; this guy had so much bad stuff in his life, he is sort of broken inside at the moment, burned out, disappointed, treated badly, got really bad injury(hit by a car!), almost like lost everything. He is tainted with sadness and bitterness.
He had this sort of perfect, well worked out, model-like muscular body and handsome face, yet somehow his sort of aura was still not ‘attractive'(not for me, just he also explained, had no ‘luck’ with ladies nowadays).
I felt a bit sorry for him and myself judging him before knowing as well for a moment.

He said, he wants to leave, to restart in an other country. Usually I do not agree with changing environment instead of changing self here first, but this time I naturally told him, yes, go, leave ASAP, change your life for the better. He told me, he already resigned, yes, will leave. Good. Absolutely self-honestly, not for me not needing to be exposed to his presence and voice, but for him.
Since then – I had no reaction to him in my mind. I did not mind anymore when he was close to exchange words a couple of times until he left. It still seemed we will not be buddies, I even observed a thought once that ‘he does not like me’ – but then I did let that go for real and it worked.

So it’s the direct intervention what assisted me here, to step beyond my reaction, my feel, my definition and the wish to reveal what’s actually real here, not just what’s in my head.

Of course, all bad, annoying, apparently selfish and harmful people: they are not inherently evil, they are just currently concluded into this sort of expression – but it’s different from KNOWING to LIVING this knowledge, in real time action.

This made me realize MY responsibility, even with strangers I have. To be myself. That is best I can do for all. Mind blown. Whoever I encounter, whatever I go through in any given moment, that is my responsibility, that is my reality, that is who I am: to express within self-honesty, no matter what. This is the real freedom, not a bunch of billions and yachts I always believed.

I used to shut down any notion of this kind within myself before, by generating a sort of doubt and worry of who am I to want to influence others, what if I am wrong, what if I ‘assist’, direct or push people towards something what would end up being even worse – the thought of manifesting an irreversible, yet defined by me as bad consequence haunted me to utter oblivion until I did shovel this kind of attitude of mine deep and dark into me so then I do not ‘risk’. Just then I do not LIVE either.

So it’s fascinating how easily people can judge without understanding, just because they are being triggered. Well, myself, for sure.
In the moment of emotional reaction I live out distraction, a sort of result of a deduction process in my mind but based on doubt and fear, self-interest, judgment and conviction; instead of always working with facts here, regardless of good or bad based on my past pre-programming.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people before knowing them just because they trigger me to react with ‘bad’, ‘negative’ automatically, believing this experience to be real, to be the other person; instead of slowing down within for a moment and acknowledge: I only see, experience, react to MYSELF, I project, I blame, I judge, because to embrace, to reveal, to become vulnerable for what’s really here I define as not worth risking, rather choosing self-limitation, even when I know that I do limit myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people’s voice, tonality based on how I react to the voice to automatically conclude how or who the person is, based on the automatic scoring system in my mind, because whatever is ‘negative’ – I do not like, I do not want, I do not care to understand.
  • I forgive myself that I have not fully allowed to sink in that I define myself, who I am as already solid, manifested, birthed, this is who I am and I can not change who I really am in flesh, so I need to accept myself and live with it and not admitting that this is an excuse that I was wandering in a maze and although I have the thread of Ariadne with what I can back track where I came from, I do not do that, I define myself to be lost in a way, that ‘it happened that I came out to be here like this, so this is it’ instead of really embracing the fact that I can go back, I can undo my self-creation and choose a different path within self-honesty, even if it means years of work, receiving support and truly committing for working through even the ‘bad’ experiences, what always turning out to be just a perception.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that whenever I hesitate  in front of a judgment, reaction of whether I accept this and become,  or I MOVE and step out of it’s way and ACT IMMEDIATELY and open up, communicate, share and trust myself unconditionally – even if I will make mistake, that is how I learn who I am today and assisting myself
    to keep re-committing myself to re-align again and push and birth myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized how and why I judge people and why I accept myself keep judging them day by day, instead of admitting, this is dumb, this is limiting, boring and robotic; instead of stepping out from the mind’s apparently safe and clever comfort zone into a vulnerable yet more potent with opportunity to express within self-honesty situation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I do not need to be
    liked by anyone to be who I am within self-honesty, it is not dependent on anything but who I am as Life here, thus any time I find myself still relying on this dependency, I forgive myself for that specifically and let go IN REAL TIME within and as BREATH HERE as action.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that freedom is to have enormous amount of money and to be able to buy and pay anything, not realizing that this is a compensation in my mind, because can’t become in flesh who I am as a being, so rather just buy everything I desire – and within that not admitting that this is not freedom, this is indoctrination.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized what actual and real freedom is for me, which is to be absolutely honest with myself in every and all moments consistently, to commit and live myself without the participation of the mind, the thoughts, the feelings, emotions, systems, comparisons, polarities, separations, convictions; and to learn to breathe without a thought, walk without thinking, move without mind-energy of feelings or emotions, to direct and move as the physical directly, no separation, no dependency of conviction.
  • I commit myself to not accept any judgment within myself towards myself or others, but to walk right into this construct and decompose, understand and transcend in real time.
  • I commit myself to keep sharing my process of self-honesty within the realization that this is who I really am as life.

Be bold and brave, delve into Desteni, it is extraordinary, incomprehensible support for anyone who dares to be honest with themselves.

Day 441 – The feral mind

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Seeing my Shadow

This is about the feral mind humans, what have never been domesticated. Yet we live with it, as it every day, no break.

Sometimes it is even cryptic – when I look at my stance towards a specific person, who I judge as ‘not cool’ – simply because of my interest connecting me to that person, all I do is that I judge, box and define the person based on that interest of mine.

We can even call it love when our self-interest totally consumed us, the sheer amount of fear of not being able to experience that self-interesting love will eventually show who we really are in our limited actions.

I remember my love experiences – falling into those regarding to specific ladies – total disaster eventually all what has became, because I was blinded by my obsession for a reason – neglecting, not loving myself.

I have no problem with the word love or the love as action itself, it’s just everything is awesome, yet rotten from the core because of our starting point with ourselves, our mind, the world and others, which is not absolute self-trust, not absolute clarity, stability, consistency and practicality.

I remember, some people around me were telling me that they desire this fall in love experience, yet they can’t control it to simply have it with someone. It comes or not, and even if it does – it can go away just that easily as well.
Hell, some even admit, when the partner seems perfect – if that sort of obsessive, blinding ‘love’ experience is not presenting itself after a while, they just move on. It sounds almost like fishing, you put out a bate and you hope.

I used to accept to take refugee in these love experiences – and just as I did that – I catalyzed to manifest consequences for my lack of self-love, self-respect, self-trust, self-honesty.

So then how can I actually love myself within self-respect, self-trust and self-honesty?

That is a question everyone has to answer for themselves. It is certainly not about accumulating feeling good. It’s not about feeling bad either, like saying – tough life, hard justice, only real what is bad, like pain makes you feel real – it is just a sort of twisted rationalization of being lost in a mind-oblivion.

The mind is a fascinating design – although we all use it to hide with all the thoughts, feelings, emotions – who is not preoccupied with their own mind-crap, they can see what are the facts, here, real.

To see the Matrix is not magic or something mystical – it is to be able to see, walk through and understand systems.

Systems in my own mind. Systems in my own behavior, reactions, justifications. And by that, eventually the real world opens up.

If I look at my own existence, it seems quite complex yet mostly automatic. Apparently I make the decisions, yet I can’t seem to weave, sculpture, forge exactly what I want.

This often results in simply letting go of that specific want, the one which I can’t seem to be able to pull out to fulfill.

I am really good with adapting – I always noticed – and yet, if I am brutally honest with myself – not really – it’s just I have adapted to always be able to explain what I experience and do of why I do that, yet if I really investigate the atomic steps of how my mind, words, actions flow, it is quite obvious that most of me, who I am today is quite automatic, as a consequence based on my past participation with my mind, body and reality in overall.

Cool experiment – try to abandon yourself – do not ‘do’ – just ‘be’ – it might not be that awesome, yet you can observe that you are going to keep existing without actual conscious ‘decisions’.

Recently became obvious via walking the amazing DIP Pro course that just because a simple judgmental point, I was able to judge someone, completely justified to make a decision about that person’s life in a way what I defined as ‘tough love’.

Meanwhile, all I did was that this person being in my life has triggered my ‘mind-wounds’ of my past, just because this situation resembles to that situation from the times when I was clueless, powerless and totally exposed to this world without practical skills, money and actual understanding.

Just to make it more clear – I had experiences in my childhood what I really did not like and now when I see something similar to that, I automatically react, I automatically score negative points in my mind, I automatically accumulate inner friction about it and most importantly – I keep branding people and situations around me based on that. This guy did good, +1 – but yesterday did bad, -1.

Negative has to has positive side – both are unreal, only seem relevant through my self-interest mind consciousness system, so the only way I can make them believable is that I try to keep my mind in a sort of consequential, yet consistently logical operation. What’s good is good, what’s bad is bad. For my interest. Even if that interest is called ‘love and best for all’. That is my interest, right.

See – I have the greatest intention – yet filled and manifested through rules and regulations based on the past. Although I have born total innocent, without a system in my head,- as a grown-up I am now formed, branded and limited.

I have been doing pilgrimage, meditation, rituals, trances, alcohol, drugs and many other activities in order to unconsciously try to purify myself from my own self-definitions, judgments and limitations; by time they just build and grow; just like my mind has developed it’s rigidity and limiting solidity, the same way as most of the old people’s body show how they are in their own mind as well: they become completely calcified, crystallized and totally the opposite of being innocent, flexible and free as everyone was born here.

Eventually I have realized that I can distract myself from my self-dishonesty as long as I want with meditating on buddha form, or doing a ritual for some god’s goodwill or forgiveness, they will wait for me when I am done. Every single dishonesty of mine will not go away, unless I work on it, and I live real time, consistently the actual change. It is a job, no doubt.

Sure, I work at this IT company, I do this and that, but my real job is to reveal, deal with and prevent dishonesty in this world. This world is mine. I am the world. Today I have realized, yeah, yeah, when I visit another country, I visit them, I am the tourist there, in a way – but from another perspective, I am still home, I am in the world, as the world. Always. Silly idea of separating myself from the world. Where is the end of me and starting the world? My skin? What my body is made of is not the world? The whole thing is ridiculous.

Anyone stating that they do not care about the world is just a funny way showing that they do not truly care about themselves, maybe, because they have never directly saw/met/experienced/lived themselves. But again – what is care, how can I truly live real care without any percentage of delusion?

How can I care for others, the world, when I do not know how to care for myself, my ‘human condition’, branded with my own mind-systems, limiting my perception, experience and expression.

That’s why it’s common sense – want to love, care? Learn how to care for yourself!
Sure, that entails dealing with the hardware, our bodies, but any hardware is only capable of doing what it’s software allows to do – thus, the well-being of SELF within self-honesty is also pretty important.

Of course, too much self-introspection, self-care, self-love might seem as self-interest, it reminds me to the presumably true old stories about some saints from holy books dedicating their life to ‘get enlightened’ or ‘unify/experience/live god’, etc.

Like, seriously – if there would be a real Artificial Intelligence in this world – I mean, true intelligence, it would laugh it’s ass off on humans and their thousands of gods, saints and all kinds of mystical friends.

Yet these are just symbols of our own relationship with our own mind.

Just like when I automatically believe that an experience, a situation and a judgment from my childhood should justify me still feeling, defining and acting the same way. Ridiculous.

Of course, if you have been bullied by multiple legless men for instance (just a funky idea), it is quite a challenge not to define this, them and in general as bad automatically.

It seems like it’s beneficial. Feels like the whole ‘Darwinism’ and ‘evolution’ is just comprehensive pre-programming to be honest towards the perfection of mind consciousness as system as god.

Surely, every single living being has their own individual expression(sometimes we can catch this, when a rabbit, categorized as scared, chases away poisonous snakes, showing extreme fearlessness), yet it also can be that it’s still programming, somehow some rabbit-mind-variable overflown and calculating decision differently what we usually expect by our own systematic categorization and judgment.

Same with humans – we all try to manage our lives to everything make sense, yet sometimes it’s just falling apart, at least for a while, when we undeniably have to admit that ‘here, now, I have zero direction in this, yet I am moving, being moved, I react, I word, I act’.

For instance back to my referred personal ‘judgment self-dishonesty’ – I love my mom, I guess – and anyone I perceive not being the best they could be with her, I automatically develop a mind-beef with that person.

That is my definition of love. I want her to feel and be good, not feel bad and not be bad. Hahaha, very simple. In a way, poetically robotic.

So why all this strange rant? I am walking a specific lesson with DIP course and within the lesson I learn about my relationship with my mind, how I develop scoring towards everything and everyone, the polarity of good and bad and how most of this is now automatic. This is not taught in any school, yet seems like the most important lesson in life.

Everything I believe to be me has a reason, a logic if you like, processed, filtered and manifested through my interest.

With DIP courses, one naturally learns to decompose and understand these logical, crystallized(compressed, automatized, concealed and forgotten) structured mind-systems, walking through them with the power of self-honesty, writing and of course the people who refer themselves as destonians.

Destonian: word; means someone who commits oneself to walk the Process of Self-forgiveness in this lifetime, to expose and transcend all systems, within or without of the boundaries of our mind to birth life from the physical as all as equal as one and within that realization to live responsibility, care and love.
See, love can be re-defined, re-educated by taking out the self-interest, polarity, mind parts to see who I want to be as living this – and all – words.

I have been among the luckiest ones, because throughout my rocky journey to find my location in existence, I have had experiences of finding the end, the edge and the limit of Consciousness – which is of course an other system to offer to be cradled by our own and well-praised and justified systematic self-interest.
That’s why I was able to be assisted to let go the desire to even trust consciousness systems and start asking the real, critical questions of who I have became and who I am going to be from here now on.

Since childhood I have been learning and working as computer programmer, which consists of using specific words to structure and animate behavior and the resemblance of human mind to automatic characters in computer games is mind-blowing. The reason for today’s computer games automatic characters not yet being that complex and multi-dimensional as ourselves, humans is that it takes LONG time to create this complexity and they not need to be that complex – for now. But imagine, if you could have like a hundred thousand years to program a character. Every day, further and further – and when going into a dead end, then going back, adjusting, re-aligning, continuing to weave who this person will be, literally pre-programming to be ‘alive’.

That’s why Desteni courses, awesome community people are constantly working with words – because in this human reality, those are the real building blocks of this world – that is why it is the most simplest yet challenging practical common sense point to admit – that we need to work with words to understand more. Words we already consist of. Words we react to, words we associate positive/negative with, words we want, we resist, etc.

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Investigating my Shadow

It is through writing words I have been able to become aware of this self-dishonesty of mine, wherein I have been scoring a person just through my own interest without realizing it, and when fully slowing down, sitting down multiple times focusing, digging out, pushing through various resistances to understand how and why I have became this automatic about it.

 

Of course, some automatic ‘self-creation’ is useful, doing recurring activities, it can assist to be effective – for instance driving car.
Today I have been assisting someone to learn to be better driver. He is somewhat experienced, just comes from another continent, culture, used to drive automatic gear, now has to use manual for the exam – so he is in the process of automatizing that process, ‘driving with the stick’.
I observed him making similar mistakes I used to, some were somewhat unsafe-like, yet I did not judge, react, only offered to share how I would do in this situation. Before going off-topic about this, just to reference something what many can relate to. It takes time. And sort of repetition. To accumulate.

Same with how we live – or do not live our words we use in our mind, on our lips, as our actions.

It can be invigorating to have a break through of a self-delusion/limitation/abuse – yet if that does not become natural, part of who I am, it will not remain.

It is not enough to understand the fact that I have been judging someone based on my past, projecting to him what I feel have been done to me by ‘similar people’. I continue to walk the DIP course lesson, assignment to see this through until it is not moving me anymore ever. So I re-and return to that point until I see within absolute self-honesty that this is not within my living expression anymore.

That is also a humbling process, because no matter how long one walks this process, it’s not like there are people who have ‘done’ this self-cleansing, if one picks up arrogance, becoming overconfident – that’s just an other mind-construct waiting to be walked and transcended.

Everyone starts with an opportunity to live life to the fullest potential, every day. Better to use that.

Closing this one with self-forgiveness on my personal point I’ve been referring here and there today.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my behavior in my mind, words and actions to become judgmental, based on polarity, my interest in a way that I’ve been stuck in a perception of something ‘bad’ have been done to me by specific situations/people – which caught me off-guard and felt so bad that I rather have decided to avoid this happening again, so then I constantly seek out signs of resemblances to that past event and then automatically define it to react the same way as I have done when I was clueless, powerless, not yet realizing that today who I am, I am capable of revealing all points, words, reactions, conditions, convictions and forgive myself for not letting it go, to fear this to happen to me again, to want to separate and protect myself from experiences I defined as bad.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense within writing out, down my automatically moving mind, so then I can understanding it and thus myself more directly, in a way what is more stable, reliable and accumulative in terms of the more I write within self-honesty, the more I will understand to support real change.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that resisting facing my judgments, self-definitions, any self-dishonesty is a definite sign that I am walking towards the right direction to assist and support myself, just by the accumulative past acceptance of my starting point to rather ‘hide/suppress/deny/justify’ has also became automatic which I also need to embrace, understand and stop participating within it.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if a person does something what reminds me to something in the past, where I experienced and defined that as negative, it does not mean that this is the same, the person is kind of the same, I should react the same way as I did back then, or even more trying to ‘protect’ myself to avoid that ‘negative’ experience without questioning that ‘Is this the best way to deal with this, for sure?’.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the realization to really sink in that whenever I want to LOVE something or someone outside of myself, who I am here, it is literally due to lack of self-love and it is purely mind-stimulation to try to make it up to what I miss in reality, as an experience, not as physical fact and within that
  • I forgive myself that I have been using my mind to systematize my perception, behavior and judgments in order to maximize the effectiveness of self-stimulation by reacting to words based on polarity, my interest without even for a moment stopping to admit that this is pure delusion, yet it will manifest consequences in the physical, which is undoubtedly shared with all here.
  • I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed to fully admit the extent of my self-automatism wherein the algorithms are obviously showing their flaws, exposing me to the fact of my self-limitation and within that realization to naturally start accumulating understanding and practical change to go through ALL of me and forgive and let go what is not who I really am within absolute self-honesty.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that my resistance to consistency within self-directed actions is also a sign of self-definition and self-refugee taken in my mind, which is not stable, consistent, physical here, as my human physical body, therefore to take responsibility and start accumulating towards developing that consistency with effective support, meaning to see what works, to keep that, and to let go what does not.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have no idea how to love – unconditionally – myself and thus others, as I define love based on what I have previously defined as good, and simply following that and wanting to feel good, make others feel good, instead of realizing that I can start to live that love by sticking to consistently work with my self-dishonesty in mind, word and action.
  • PSX_20200108_234716I commit myself to continue accumulating physical efforts to uncover, understand, forgive and let go any and all self-definitions, self-limitations, self-delusions and self-dishonesty, no matter what, this to be the code, nature, law of my being as life as living love.
  • I commit myself to keep publicly walk and share my process of self-honesty to take responsibility for all have been manifested as consequence, for all I am, for all who we are as systems and life.

Links for future/high-tech awesome support:

Desteni homepage:
https://desteni.org/

Desteni I Process – the future of education
http://desteniiprocess.com/

Journey to Life blogs, vlogs to become self-honest and more effective
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

SELF and LIVING, exceptional support for self-realization
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCnhWaie2IH1lO1fIHVVsoA

EQAFE, existential library about the knowledge of creation
https://eqafe.com/

Day 440 – Effectiveness within Accumulation

PSX_20191231_182819I am boosting up the frequency of my shares here. There is so much to express, explore, expand with.

I have a particular ‘style’ and system about my vlogs, blogs – realized that if I want to share more, I should optimize the workflow of it, so then I do not spend too much time on mundane, time-consuming tasks.
Such as each post should have a cool picture.
Or videos to have in-rendered title, other edits in the VLOG’s footage. From now on, it will be just pure recording on the phone for a while, then youtube upload, and that’s it. So much faster than download the footage, edit with premiere, add title, add links, add date, edit color, edit length, some fade in, fade out, etc – sure, they look then ‘better’ – but it’s not about the video quality here, but about the effectiveness. Aho!

I was camping in nature last week. For some days, I slept in the car, I kind of like it, because it’s extremely mobile and there is a sort of romantic association to it for me, almost like living in a tent, but it’s even better, because the car insulates for heat, noises, can be locked. And from the window I was able to stare the stars during the night! Amazing! Who needs five star hotel when you can have a billion star for free?

So for the night I’ve organized my things to the front seat, pulled down the back seats, prepared the blanket, sleeping bag – made my ‘bed’ – every night.
The more I did it, it became more and more easy, organized, practical and quite simple and effective.

Repetition is key for accumulation. Not just blind, robotic repetition, but with adjustments, always to evaluate the last result and improve if you can without inner tension. Naturally.

It seems working.
I will be working more with this kind of approach on many aspects in my life.

It might seem strange that I blog about this simple thing, yet sometimes can be not that obvious, when we are preoccupied with so many things in our minds, rushing through the days and sometimes there is no self-direction with awareness.

Losing presence due to some inner friction, reaction means losing context with reality as well. While I am thin-king, I am definitely not present. I still see with my eyes, I still sense with my other senses, but it’s like I am split. I am not fully in my mind, neither here in the physical reality. I am in this mind-body rift and it does not seem ‘bad’, because thoughts happen so fast – but it also accumulates. The more trigger point I give into to ‘leave’ the full, absolute, consistent physical awareness presence, the more it becomes my nature, my manifested physical beingness behavior, my default.

Imagine decades of participation within a particular, specific inner conflict. Year by year, month by month, sometimes even day by day reacting the same way, the mind becomes energetically lubricated, because it’s energy will feel like an inner movement, as it is an actual self-movement, but it is definitely not. It is a self-stimulation to take me out from what’s here. That’s a self-honesty point to admit, acknowledge, to discover, understand why, how, when and for what to be able to deal with it.

Admitting can be difficult, because everything we do, we justify, there is always reason – logic is the game’s name here, yet that logic is biased by my own self-interest to contain, avoid, suppress and deny that inner conflict. But this way it will definitely not disappear, because I give life to it by keep participating within it.

It’s like, politics. Someone hates a politician, because ‘he is bad’. Then every time I see that person in the news, I react, ‘this guy is a buffoon, a joke, he should not be president’. And this accumulates.

What is the actual benefit for me me keep defining this person as bad each time I see him? I do not see what’s going on behind of my judgment, my initial self-separation, judgment projected out about something I am already existing as tendency to judge instead of embrace, point and project, instead of take responsibility for what I see as an issue.

Then I dig further. Why? Because I have defined, I have no power over this, I can’t do anything. I am nobody. Yet I judge, I react, I experience that conflict within. Even though it is distracting, becomes automatic and it literally takes away my freedom in the moment of do anything, because I am pre-conditioned to react.

Like racists – they can’t help themselves but judge and blame. Mental issue. Judge-mental issue.

That’s why accumulation of self-support is needed. There is no one red pill remedy. No drug, no spiritual guru, retreat or meditation will change that by overnight.

What’s also extremely important is to accumulate what is self-liberation, not self-enslavement.

Meditation and equalizing the mind seems like an improvement in terms of my daily living, because I feel more balanced, my mind is not out of place, because I meditate.
The problem with it is that whatever I used to react I remedy myself with the meditation, that I am not addressing directly. I am addressing the consequence of that inner conflict. So I will remedy that consequence, will disappear. Then I will meditate again. But this is the infinite loop, it is no solution.

Based on practical common sense, my internal conflict is based on words, I could name the specific emotions, thoughts, feelings. WORDS are the building blocks of my reality. Not meditation or mantra. So why not investigate the words I react to? Simplicity is key here. So step by step to explore what words I see in my mind, what words I react with positive, negative – I need to decompose that, to dissect, to release and prevent myself to re-bound again.

I mean, I can do a million mantra of some magical, universe vibration frequency shit – or I can just admit that I miss my old days because I made bad decisions recently(just an example) and maybe I should change some parts of my life. Maybe I need to talk with a person who I do not want to. Maybe I need to give up some entertainment for a while until I work on the change I want to see. Maybe I need to do something uncomfortable for a while to get through this.

I am no way bashing, attacking anyone doing spiritual mantra meditation, just stating the obvious that it is some sort of energy-work – and energy is the fuel of the mind. So instead of that, rather just do not participate in the mind at all!

But in order to do that, I need to understand what’s it’s doing, what I AM doing with it.
And for that, again – words – writing out my mind assists, because it’s a physical action, already not only existing in the head, but bringing ‘down’ to earth literally the words I experience, react to, associate with.

“Don’t think you are – know you are” – means I study and understand – so then I do not think. It does not mean I do not use my brain. It just means that when I am in action, real time, I do not leave presence. I do not need to. I do not doubt myself(as all thoughts are signs of doubt and fear, for sure). So for that, self-agreement is really supportive, check out Desteni I Process Agreement course – not just about relationship, partnership, marriage – as every agreement with others starts with agreement with oneself.

Desteni homepage:
https://desteni.org/

Desteni I Process – the future of education
http://desteniiprocess.com/

Journey to Life blogs, vlogs to become self-honest and more effective
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

SELF and LIVING, exceptional support for self-realization
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCnhWaie2IH1lO1fIHVVsoA

EQAFE, existential library about the knowledge of creation
https://eqafe.com/

Day 439 Self-agreement to avoid internal conflict

img_0655Made a VLOG about self-agreement in real time

 

Desteni supporting tools, courses, articles, community, blogs, vlogs are AWESOME!

Desteni homepage:
https://desteni.org/

Desteni I Process – the future of education
http://desteniiprocess.com/

Journey to Life blogs, vlogs to become self-honest and more effective
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

This vlog is on my BLOG:
https://talamon.wordpress.com/

SELF and LIVING, exceptional support for self-realization
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCnhWaie2IH1lO1fIHVVsoA

EQAFE, existential library about the knowledge of creation
https://eqafe.com/

Day 436 – Is everyone schizophrenic?

20160820235937_1

Image from game DOOM

Just watched a video interview with Tormod, who has an incredible blog called

A schizophrenic’s journey from consciousness to awareness.

I know Tormod personally and he had quite a rough past in his life struggling with schizophrenia,- until he has found the tools, techniques, study material, courses and community of Desteni.
Since then, he has been accumulating self-directed change and substantiation of his mind patterns and constructs to transform into living self-expression and in fact his life has became much more stable, enjoyable and quite honorable since then. Highly recommended to read/watch his sharings:

Walking desteni I process with schizophrenia

Tormod mentions that in a way, we all are schizophrenic as each of us having these thought processes, patterns, internal conversations, automatic judgments, categorizations, self-definitions, convictions, emotions and feelings – the very programming of who we express and experience ourselves to be.

If I look at this world with common sense, there is no real unification, limitless physical integration of actual responsibility, what would entail all of us, humans here.
No one stands for all, everyone is divided into belief systems, convictions, fears, desires, delusions, more or less our lives have been conquered by our very own consciousness, which through we systematically keep separating ourselves from what is really here.
The actual human world system is the result of the accumulation of all the individuals, thus it is also common sense to acknowledge that we are all separated already within and with ourselves, with each other and in general from all life here.

Conflict is humanity’s main driving force, what often turns to aggression, domination and extermination. I am not talking about the rough and tumble play, what is everywhere, even with animals. Healthy competition, rewarding games are fine, but when it’s a race for one to win the lottery so to speak, then many can turn into monsters. I talk about hate, spite, sadism and ideological warfare.

The scarcity and delusion of limited resources, that only a handful can live in wealth makes everyone disregard all others naturally and within the frenzy of this survival instinct makes everyone blind from the facts here.

Yes, the resources, the physical is limited in a way on this ground and there is often not enough for many, yet we do not admit that some hoard and deny so much from all others.

Yes, the resources are limited, yet, if the circulation of energy, power, money, a.k.a real compassion would be more fluid, shared and distributed, then everyone would have abundance. Imagine if your brain would say – I like blood, oxygen, nutrition, I want to have it all – I do not care what the body will get, the arms, the legs, even the senses – that being will soon decay, no matter what. The blood must be flown through ALL of the body’s parts equally, to nurture and practically LOVE all it’s parts. How come we do not see this very analogy with our own body and the world system and money?

Everything turns into consciousness energy, from the physical substance with the humans, but that energy is not real, not here, it is an experience. Invigorating, for sure, yet it will not last. The actual investment human individuals and collective make is into this realm of mind con science uselessness system. The very design of thinking is the result and reason of our own suppressing limitation, wherein we can’t experience actual relationship with anything or anyone directly in and as the physical without participating within this polarity mind system, what people can’t let go of, because they feel protected, armored, weaponized against the odds of this cruel world, thus the separation, split from common sense prevails. Anywhere we go, there will be someone’s interest not to want us to go, thus everything is just recycle of what has always been existing already. This image is just a very sarcastic example, but it is true:

joker-point

That is why humans in general do not have yet actual power to change.

When I mention Change, what I really mean is self-directed, responsible, all-encompassing change. What is best for all almost seems like some scrappy catchphrase from a cult’s wacky holy book, yet why do we associate to that, when the words themselves are also common sense?

Isn’t it, because we are contaminated with our own limited perception, based on our own self-interest, divided by the polarity of good and bad, convinced by a logic, which is biased by our own self-accepted and justified limitation? Programmed by our parents, their parents, their parent’s parents;- endless generations of indoctrination.

I just talked with a good friend of mine. She does not like Christmas, as it’s upon us now again, yet she will do it for her children. So as her parents, her parent’s parents. Sure, it’s fun, you get gifts, people come together, eat and rest, etc. But only, who have money. Who does not, they do not have Santa coming down the chimney. Sure, there is charity, giving gift packages to the poor, so we can feel good about ourselves, but nothing changes on the greater scale.

From time to time we can observe people appearing in the world, just one person, bringing about something new, a change about something specific – an inventor, a composer, a philosopher, a politician, a teacher, an artist, etc.

Why not everyone or anyone can become unique yet obviously impactful in this world?

Why do we all are constantly preoccupied with our own thoughts, feelings, emotions to the level of never breaking through from the safe, yet common limitations?

Everyone believes that without emotions and feelings we are just organic robots, no humane spirit, yet not emotions and feelings give true power to us, but only, when we are able to LIVE WORDS without self-limitations. No polarity, no self-interest, no hidden agenda. We all know how ruined a person can become without proper care, fun, education and practical love – so difficult to deal with them as they just take whatever they can, without any remorse or compassion. The awful consequences these people can create for everyone, let’s say mass shootings, serial killers, etc – yet we are not able to change the system what keeps resulting in such atrocities. Theoretically we are all unlimited potentials, yet in one a million(or much more) it can happen that someone truly breaks through self-limitations. And then we point to genes, illusionary friends, the government.

This world, as it’s current physical form, as we experience it is in fact limited, no doubt, the resources, the dimensions, the manifesting consequences – in a way being exact, measurable: physical, real.

It is a common misconception that this physical reality is confined, imprisoning, limiting – which sounds almost like an un-admitted blame to me – “I am not limited, I am not responsible, this world, someone else is!” – “I am infinite and free spirit, yet this world is limiting me, this world system is imprisoning me; our own human physical body is confining us!”, etc. Popular, common perception, no doubt.

I used to exist like that, for a loooooong time! Yet, not anymore, since about a decade.

It’s the same when someone creates something – an artist, a builder, a gardener, an engineer: it is not the tool what limits my living/creation, but who I am within that expression.

An example: painting – we used to do a lot of artistic explorations after university with my friends. One of us came from art school background, he helped us to learn the tools, the techniques, encompassing with a vision. In particular, I loved to paint, impressionism has always been very close to me. Yet I used to believe, what limits me is the quality of the paint colors I’ve bought, the quality of my brushes, the paper or canvas, thus I kept aiming for the best available. I worked in an art supplier shop for a while, thus it was affordable, so I followed my reasoning to the utmost. Just to make sure, this is not limiting me.
There was a time, when without my fancy racoon-fur brushes I just did not even enjoy painting!
Eventually my friend, with the art school background, he said to me – it does not matter – you can even use your own finger with any type of color directly, the fancy tools are handy, but do not ever project your own limitation to the tool itself! By looking at those magnificent paintings in museums, created centuries ago – what technology, tools they had comparing to us?

Same happened with me when I have embarked to learning/writing music. I have bought one of the most expensive and ridiculously capable external sound adapters(sound card), composition software, quality synthesizers, drums, guitar, speakers, gadgets, cables, etc; what, on my level did not really matter!
In a way, I always knew that, yet to prove that to myself, I needed to obtain the best available, and yet struggling with creation of these art forms, and then, eventually to let that sink in that, yes, I am allowing myself to be limited, not the tools.

It was almost like I always knew that not the tools limit me, yet I needed to prove that to myself – I just could not birth enough self-honesty to directly answer this question, needed to walk the long and hard way to figure out, when I had all, yet I still got stuck, then I needed to let it to sink in and eventually committing myself to walk the Desteni I Process Pro online course, which is specifically designed for transcending these type of self-limitations, self-delusions, self-suppressions. It is the best! And while walking specific type of self-limitations to change starting to realize that this is the same with everything of me, not just art as a hobbi.

Same with all of our potential, each of us – there is no such thing as special, yet this whole world system currently has been built to make us believe that some are more equal than the others, just, because some are more efficient, rich, unrestricted or even lucky with their living expression.

For myself, back to the schizophrenia point, needed to admit that what has been accepted within myself, this mind consciousness engine running, that I limit myself with.

To really acknowledge that I am extremely limiting myself through and AS my mind, who I perceive myself to be, was quite a painful process, because as soon one really stands into that realization – there is no more blame, projected responsibility OUTSIDE of SELF – all is me, who I am is all, what is here with and around me.

Why I am sure that everyone is schizophrenic in this regard? Because we are not yet reaching the actual unification as all as one in a practical, effective measurement within creation. Within just ourselves, as someone, as a person to become ‘whole’. Of course, not literally independent from anything, yet self-reliable and self-trustworthy at least.

Might be critical to admit, we are all in the same boat, and until all are not free, no one is truly free. And if we accept ourselves and each other to be enslaved by internal mind, or external world systems – that is on us.

Is it not schizophrenic to be consumed by greed to a level of polluting our environment, to accept and protect slavery, exploitation and wars for some surreal level of profit? We literally fight and kill ourselves, not only humans, but animals, plants, the very potential of our living, breathing essence. Until we can’t stop it spiraling out, until the majority does not stand up to change from within, that is truly schizophrenic.

Even in the definition from dictionary, wikipedia:

Other symptoms may include false beliefs, unclear or confused thinking, 
hearing voices that do not exist, reduced social engagement and emotional 
expression, and lack of motivation.
People with schizophrenia often have additional mental health 
problems such as anxiety, depression, or substance-use disorders.

Is it not confused, unclear, false thinking that it is acceptable to live with rape, murder, war, exploitation, poverty, extinction, economic or literal slavery?
Are not we lacking motivation to stand up to these sick symptoms we all accept as ‘human nature’?
Do we not regularly stimulate ourselves with gadgets, gizmos, entertainment, movies, sports, alcohol, drugs, sex, invisible gods and illusionary friends?
Are not we all responsible for all the children to come to this earth, vulnerable, innocent expression of life, what do we expose them to become in this human system?

So easy to slip down into blaming politicians, rapists, capitalists or even parents, teachers, celebrities, our bosses or even ourselves! Yet that road only leads to further self-separation within our own mind, onto further self-disempowerment, because until we stop blaming, we do not take responsibility for who we are here.

I had quite a struggle in my younger years due to my mind, thoughts, emotions going almost insane from time to time due to my indoctrination into self-judgment, self-doubt, self-suppression and self-hate – and these patterns only can exist through the systematic participation and self-identification of thoughts, feelings and emotions.

How to approach this HUGE challenge ahead – and within – ourselves? Certainly not with fighting, resisting, denying – I’ve done that, it does not work.

I have mastered self-distraction from my self-honesty points, what are always here to mirror who I accepted myself to be, when I compromise myself, others, when I justify delusion and self-interest, when I distract with addiction to entertainment, energy, stimulation for instance.

That silent whisperer advocate within our head, the strange experience of thinking is really a computer program, I am telling you.

Since my childhood, I’ve been studying, working with computers, programming languages, various sized systems, wherein we animate these complex systems to behave, adapt and serve specific purposes.
Self-driving cars, trains, trucks and ships making literally thousands of decisions per second based on their pre-programmed design. Same as humans.
Look at religious fundamentals – they really do believe that they are the chosen nation while all others are here just to serve their purposes.
Same way, these capitalist moguls, CEO-s, dictators – they are all fully convinced that what they do and represent is the right thing to do – yet from a more objective perspective, it’s so easy to expose their biased, twisted self-interest.

Same with nazis, racists, zionists, etc – they are living in a constant mind-consciousness frenzy, wherein there is me, us and them – separation. Projecting out their own judged as bad personality to others.
Then there is the conflict between these perceived separated aspects, when we struggle between good and evil, laziness and productivity, selfishness and selflessness, bravery and cowardliness, etc…
These conflicts only can exist through the systematic manifestation of our mind consciousness system, what has the building blocks of thoughts, feelings, emotions, complex, multi-layered mind patterns and constructs.

That was, and still, every day is my location of self-honesty in this life, that to answer to myself and all life, am I honest with myself, am I compromising, am I consumed with self-interest, do I give into fear of loss?

We all believe that ‘my own self-limitation’ is only my own business, that is ‘my freedom’ and everyone has the right to choose to not only limit, but suffer as well. Yet we are not yet admitting that nothing is truly separated as all manifesting consequences are accumulating on the truly and undoubtedly shared one physical level with all equally.
If I spill poisonous chemical into this lake, I might kill all animals and plants in it. Of course, nothing is final, yet these kind of consequences are truly permanent, at least for a long while.
Thus, anyone does not want or can’t comprehend, care, embrace this simple fact in my view is schizophrenic, deluded, lost in oblivion. Not forever, yet might not be that obvious how long or what this will bring next.

When I was harassed by my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, when I was literally abused by my own self-judgments, self-cruelness, I was totally lost, I was always searching the meaning, the truth, out there, in the world, someone or something to tell me what to do, who I am, because I just did not feel stability, consistency and that is no fun at all.

Sure, there are people in this world with unwavering confidence, ability to express, create and change – yet the majority is trapped within their own mental and emotional loops.
We can even look at it like there are eras, ages of humans, let’s say industrial era, information era; yet what still has to come, it is emerging nowadays is the era of unification, responsibility, awareness of all life equally.

Whenever I am thinking, I am schizophrenic. I do not know myself, I think myself. If I would know myself, I would not stop for thinking for a split second, I would directly express and live!

If I need to FEEL love, I am not LIVING love, I am utilizing my mind, it’s positive and negative polarity-based interest system to help me to automatically decide how to and what to feel within what situation, how and why.

Like the soldier veterans, returning from the hell of war, from Vietnam, Iraq, Afganistan, Syria, etc – there is often something broken inside of them, the ability for compassion, trust and vulnerability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

In a way, we all are like them, they are just advanced within this exposure of hell, what catalyzes the mind to accumulate it’s effect on the human being.

Schizophrenic people – same – – – their mind is not just one entity with one major personality, but more, so the internal conflict is just more brutal, thus they lose their direction, effectiveness to manage, stabilize their own relationship with their mind, thus often required chemical(medicine) support to stabilize them.

In a way, it’s the same with hobbies, entertainment, addiction, conviction for various activities.

I used to take psychedelic drugs, that seemed to be remediating my almost schizophrenic experiences within me, the constant battles of internal thought processes have faded, almost melted into this one blob of all-encompassing white light experiences, wherein I stopped existing as conflict, but a sort of oneness. It seemed like something from the next possible level of existence as a human, because I did not have the doubt, the fear, the emotional, mental and physical pain for a while.

What I did not realize is that I did not transcend my mind, my limitations, I just have completely amalgamated myself with it without resistance, thus literally became the systematic aspect of myself, that is the unity, oneness experience people have on these psychedelic, shamanic, mystical drug or religious, trance, etc experiences.
Almost like, when we sometimes observe children, or schizophrenic people regressing into catatonic mind and body patterns.

People are so worked up with all the labeling and judging them – for instance many attack religious people, for their religious rituals, experiences, thinking minds; yet no one admits when watching Star Wars or Joker, it is a religious experience; dancing, clubbing, fucking, anything in this world is a SELF-RELIGION if not lived in and as the physical as the actual, real and only substance of LIFE as all as equal as one.

Why do I need to THINK that this is a CHAIR, when it is a chair? Don’t I know that it is a chair? Don’t I know what’s it’s purpose or how to use it? Why don’t I trust myself to KNOW already what’s here and what I’m capable of? Why do I need mental cane to navigate through the unknown of each upcoming moments?

That’s why was to me, psychedelic drug interesting as it had the ability to take away this addiction to the thin-king mind. It screws you other ways, no doubt, yet that can be the scary factor as it is very distinct of humans, who would even dare to take such substance, not out of desperation and their life being an utter failure, at least on experience level, but out of curiosity, the temptation of what’s more in this life, beyond this conscious experience.

In my view, all is catatonic, hypnotic trance, even what humans refer as LOVE – it is a preoccupied mind consciousness system-generated experience, as let’s answer this: How can true LOVE be limited, and if can not be, then why always, our love needs to have a subject?

The interesting point about the human personality itself is that if one stops participating in it, it all fades away. Not that every day we die as EGO is much relevant, but rather the fact that every day we RE-ANIMATE it again as we can’t exist without the mind constructs. Just like the idea of love is the answer – yeah, sure. What love?
Of course, I also used to believe, I love everyone, everything and that’s it. Total delusion.

Let’s bring in some art: Freelove, just like Depeche mode sings about –

We’ve been running from love
And we don’t know what we’re doing here
We’re only here
Sharing our free love
Let’s make it clear
That this is free love
No hidden catch
No strings attached

This song talks to me loudly. I know, it might seem with this I just prove the opposite what I’ve been writing thus far – yet for me it is exactly the same. How come?

Running from love what’s the actual true nature and limitation with(in) and as our mind consciousness system.
We do not know what we’re doing here as we do not grasp the true consequences of our self-limited actions
We’re only here – all, equally, no exception, we are just HERE

So how to align ourselves, how to make ourselves more clear to Share our free love?
No hidden catch, no secret, thinking mind, no attachment through the relationship matrices of our consciousness system.

So, this time making my point with a song, let’s bring another:

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You, you may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one.

Check out Desteni community, it is an extremely strong group since a dozen years within it’s core values, what is to take full responsibility for all, who we exist here as life.

Within birthing ourselves as less and less limited by our own mind, this is quite tangible and realistically accumulative process, do not get me wrong, this is not spiritual, this is even transcending that pattern of this world.

If it is something what is calling you, if you get tired of all the bullshit and are ready to really find actual, true, practical freedom with and as self and all, then enjoy to walk the Journey to Life as it is almost never too late to start doing so. Almost. EVERY ONE standing up adds to the world, never underestimate, even the slightest self-honest action!

I know, this is not the usual self-introspective ‘walk through and realize’ stuff, but this time it is what I express. Thank you very much.

Day 434 – Taking on a simple responsibility for years

jo7lifeI am picking Desteni self-honesty blogs each week for a half day time-frame since a couple of years now(among with others).

If you would not be aware of: at desteni, a group of people dedicating themselves to seek out, understand and overcome of their self-limitations, delusions, character flaws, self-dishonesty points, calling it 7 years of Journey to Life as to accumulate a real impact for self-change, an already developed human being requires at least 7-14 years walking this process to reach to a real, permanent change within their beingness and living expression through consistent application, accumulation and specific techniques shared at Desteni I process Lite and Desteni I Process Pro online courses.

This is, no doubt one of the greatest gifts in life I can give to myself and the world, to take responsibility for who and what I am, have become and going to be – instead of light-worker, spiritual, religious, scientific approach, this is simply practical common sense and being radically honest with myself.

So, on different days, different people take point on going through the pre-created auto-collecting feed page, what pulls in all the subscribed blogs/vlogs pages/sites posts, making it easier to go through them and select the ones the person responsible for the given day to schedule them being shared.

It has been quite a journey and there were some experiences in regarding to it what I’d like to share here.

I do not remember when I took this responsibility, at least 5 years ago, maybe more, it does not matter now. It has been an immensely rewarding process and still continuing to do so.

My impressions were:

  • it’s so difficult to keep my commitment each week, even though it takes up to a half an hour to go through a set of already shared self-honesty destonian blogs and pick the ones what I consider as worth reading thus also worth sharing on the page.
  • oftentimes I’ve felt frustration due to slow internet network, Facebook’s not user-friendly user interface/scheduling workflow
  • sometimes also had massive resistances to do it and thus postponing to do it until the last moment(Sunday, 20:30 PM)
  • also sometimes had this strange burden of big responsibility that now I decide which ones can make it to the selected page, what if I share something what are not aligned with my(and desteni) principles, what if I am wrong?
  • rarely though, but also sometimes I made a mistake with the scheduling, which I felt really bad about and judged myself extensively
  • even more rarely, but also happened, I’ve missed a sharing day entirely due to me travelling, not having access to internet and I forgot to delegate to/ask people to do it for me because I could not and again, feeling bad about it, judging myself too hard
  • sometimes I need to use my smartphone to read through, pick and shedule these blogs/vlogs and that is quite awkward and ineffective way to do it, yet with practise by the years, it has been much more easier in the last years
  • on top of that, as the Page is on Facebook, the platform itself keeps mutating, changing in terms of the buttons, the way one can schedule blog shares on the page from time to time needs to be adapted and sometimes it is not an improvement (like right now, scheduling has been taken out from the page’s sharing link/text field into a sub-page, a publishing tool for the 7 years of journey to life page and one needs to specify the day and time twice for scheduling) – or for a while they introduce a bug(annoyance, glitch) and I need to figure out how to overcome it and in the beginning I was very judgmental about it, reactive, got frustrated, angry on Facebook itself.
    Eventually I have realized that it is completely futile to react to this, just pure waste of time and effort, because I have committed myself to do this, so there is no other way, I am going to do it.

It has been quite rewarding to overcome these, week by week until I own the ability to do it without reactions becoming real distraction
At the same time it has been and continuing to be an extraordinary journey, got the opportunity and honor to read all these people’s sharing and in general their process of walking through specific and in the longer run, so many points within self-honesty.

Currently, there has been so many destonian blog posts in their publication times that the 7 Years of Journey to Life page is way behind of the current sharing, at least 10 months now; meaning what I share today on the page, has been shared in January, 2019.

It is really encouraging to read all these people’s internal and practical process of how they deal with their imperfections, their discovery of themselves and the world, how they walk into self-honesty in practical action.

Sometimes one keeps writing/vlogging about the same points over and over again until they understand enough to be able to change their approach and there are several realizations I got to obtain:

Consistency is key for accumulating real, tangible results: no matter how difficult a point is – let’s say someone is dealing with an addiction – or in my own case: reactions to weekly posting these set of sharing – if one keeps applying the desteni tools: writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective statements, etc; eventually they will have a breakthrough, when they do not react with emotional turmoil, self-judgment, but pre-scripting a viable and applicable solution for their problem.

Everyone’s process is unique, it is totally unworthy to compare anyone’s process to somebody else; although we all are walking the same process of self-realization in a way, from mind consciousness system self-identification to actual, physical, direct living – all of us are in a different location, situation and challenge; therefore it is one more reason to make sure that we take responsibility for our own process of self-realization within first priority.

About the fact that I used to struggle with this responsibility: it has been quite significantly inflated in my mind, making it more than it actually is, and I also ended up judging myself on why I am so reluctant to take this simple and easy point.

One of the greatest challenges in my life is the consistency. Always do something, what is not pre-programmed into my personality already due to my childhood-schooling-past indoctrination through parenting, schooling, media delusional self-convictions, and then judging myself as bad, weak, negative, wavering, unstable quite unnecessarily. Especially when comparing this responsibility/commitment to something like having an animal or a human child care-taking responsibility. Then there is no ‘skip day’ – it could be fatal to not feed a newborn baby for instance; in comparison to that, this is a piece of cake, yet I needed to walk this for quite some time to become my natural expression, each week to sit down and do it without resistance, judgment, reactions.

Sometimes I still react, like as it is now, Facebook’s scheduling page is just silly, but now I know, it is not final, let’s focus on here, the action, the effectiveness as it probably will change again soon; and because I have extensive experience and knowledge about software development, I know that these things, especially with this huge corporation, will take time, thus it is to embrace it and still make it work.

Because my commitment is not something I had to make and now I am automatically being committed to do this each week. I am re-committing myself to do this each time, because I see it’s benefits for myself and also giving the opportunity to others, who are reading this page that this can be quite supportive for the readers. I am grateful that I can accumulate into that, regardless of if someone actually reads my scheduled sharings or not(they do).

Also teaches me that sometimes it is a leap of faith to do something without knowing what it’s result and impact will be, just to consider common sense.

This group, community is on Facebook – in the time Desteni started to spread online, this was the most viable and known social network, in a way still it is, thus it is there for convenience and maximum reach. I know, many people blame and hate Facebook for it’s weird, questionable things, sure, it’s not ideal, but it’s also like so many things: look at the bright side of life – this is a tool and can bring people together and support each other, so I could focus on what’s not good, or just appreciate what is good.

Before I joined Facebook – more than a decade before, I never even imagined I would open up an account, but for Process it is totally worth it, one can learn so much from fellow destonians and other people…I rarely use it nowadays for personal shares, collecting likes or attention; I am sure that by time something even better will replace it all of a sudden, but until that I use it without judgment or blame.

(I suggest to customize your Facebook experience with FB Purity, it’s a web browser plugin, which eliminates so many annoying things of the platform, cuts out sponsored posts, ads, etc; one can totally omit seeing a load of crap, can make disappear certain features, re-order timeline posts, etc – even can apply personal word filters (just an example, before US elections I type in “hillary clinton, donald trump” and I do not see posts with this in their link title on my FB feed – Also I do not see games, game invites, all kinds of crap I do not wish FB to use it for -as I use it mostly for Process, learning about things in groups/pages and keeping in touch with remote people; if I want to know about for instance the US elections, I look it up myself – just an example).

Back to the Picking Process Blogs to 7 Years Journey to Life page: Also learned that it’s quite alright if I make a mistake, skipping an hour to share something for instance, or this year I believe once or twice already happened that because I was flying constantly to the other side of the world, I simply did let it go and embraced the fact that I did not schedule anything for that week and I will survive. There is no point of judging myself, waste of effort, it’s accumulating also to be and become this doubt. Instead of making sure that I do all I can and keep going forward and make sure next week to do it if I can.

Of course, by walking this singular point, it opens up a lot of reflections in my life to a bunch of other things I do; which is quite a sort of trademark of the Desteni process, that anything you realize in a certain context, might opens up doors within another aspect of my life as it’s all interconnected, being self here.

So this is a great example of how a simple, small point by time can accumulate into further, greater and more profound understanding and self-expansion.
Of course, this is not something one can compare with having a child, family to take care for, yet it is still a significant opportunity to learn and reflect, grow and enjoy about.

I am grateful for this responsibility and trust have been given to me for this, thanks a million!

I encourage everyone to check this page out, there is a LOT of supportive, practical and quite frankly, extremely unique and fascinating blog/vlog posts, wherein one can observe and get into an intimate peek of people’s personal process of self-honesty.

This is the page:
https://www.facebook.com/7yearjourneytolife/

There are several another pages dedicated to the blogs/vlogs of people walking their process of self-honesty (This is where people share their blogs/vlogs at the same time when they publish them):
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

This is a closed group(for people be safe to share their more personal process without the scrutiny of the public, so it’s quite a community) – anyone can join if respecting it’s guidelines, it’s so much fun and opportunity to learn:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/DesteniUniverse/

Day 433 – Potential to limit or live

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My previous home in a chilly morning

By observing my and others life, it seems like everyone periodically gets to point of self-evaluation, meaning to question what is done, who am I, what is going to happen next.

This can be done in a way what is almost like an involuntary reaction resulting in conflicts within and without, when someone gets fed up, burned out, closed in or fall down.

I’ve seen drama. My whole family was in consistent drama when I was very young, that is my default baseline. To be paranoid, suspicious, self-interested and very-very reactive.
Reactive, meaning in the mind, thoughts, feelings, emotions, constantly up and down, left and right, there is no balance, center or a stable ground when someone is keep falling into various emotional storms, such as jealousy, fear, desire, anger or depression. These are learned patterns and repetition makes it more profound in terms of who we perceive and define ourselves to be.

The key though is the physical, to be HERE – not in the now, not in the past or future, but actually, physically embrace what is really here within and without.

My current point what I express today is that by looking at my actions, living conditions, my “HERE” location and what comes up first is that I got comfortable.

I have been walking Process since a decade now, I am much more stable than I was before that, I actually can direct and enjoy myself most of my active time, yet what I see is that I still maintain an isolation, self-separation from ALL what is here, in my mind, in my starting point, in my actions.

Let’s walk some of those excuses and justifications.

Usually the pattern is that Tala is being hard with himself, very strict, almost military-like approach – or at least this is what can be seen on me when reading my Process blog. Well, this is one aspect. Another is that I indulge myself into the daily activities, such as job, school, hobby, some travel, some party, some family time, but in general I see the desire to grow.

A desire, which is exactly what is called: something I wish for. I have plans, but not actual, realistic, worked out, practical, “executable” plans, but sort of feelings I can extract from my mind when I stimulate myself with great IDEAS.

Of course, nobody knows my potentials, what I could be capable of, including myself until it’s actually done. Not exactly calling this “to be proven”, but in a way, fact is always proof for what is real, what is here.

It is so easy to get comfort within Process yet I am always aware of that I am procrastinating, I am finding justifications why I do not risk more, why I do not organize, plan, ‘realize’ more.

That is something I am starting to embrace. The imagined, desired, perceived self versus what is actually here, real.
It’s like trying to drive a car on a road, while the GPS puts me 200 meters away on the map, showing that I am in the bushes and I do not look where I actually am with the car, the road, but I believe that I am in that forest, because my GPS is not properly calibrated, programmed.

That is Desteni I Process in a nutshell, a deprogramming, a calibration to find our LOCATION in this world, not just the GPS coordinates, but our role, our rule, our starting point, our character, constitution of self.

But not just to find, accept and embrace where and as who we are, but also who and how we would direct ourselves to CHANGE.

Self-directed change is the threshold point, the great divider in Life, not Death. Whoever can discover, understand, overcome and change their self-limitations with courage, commitment and 100% grounded, physical practicality, I call them sprouts of LIFE – that is where it starts.

It would be really naive to believe that who we are, just by our parenting, schooling in this current human world system is the most optimal, enjoyable and true to who we really are as part of all life.

It is difficult to realize when the thoughts are so fluid about an accepted self-limitation, because it has been solidified by convictions, excuses and justifications. Otherwise this human world system would be a much better place.

That to accept and take responsibility for is not easy, yet there is something incredibly grounding and maturing to eventually do.

There is so much crap happening in this world, it is so easy to lose traction of what are the real issues, problems, priorities in life and thus we end up with millions debating who can go to what toilets or when is it appropriate to kneel for what.
What is to realize is that we have collectively reached a point wherein our, everyone’s consciousness is almost like a living, breathing, reacting being with it’s own personality and character and to head-on fight it is futile.

So then how to approach WORLD CHANGE? Changing myself! I am in the world, I am of this world, I am existing AS the world. It is common sense.

Leading by example is always more effective than preaching empty words, telling people what and how to do their lives.

To transcend everything is to forgive everything, some said.

That’s why I re-commit myself to continue this blog, because the points I have already walked are here, transparent and real. I have changed so many things, made me a much more stable person, yet I still see all the uncertainty, doubt, judgment, reaction to various points, thus it is imperative to continue walking this process.

I have been ‘busy’ lately. Yes, new country, job, home. New profession, school, hobby, car, people, climate, everything is new. Except me.

Do I want to reborn, renew, change? Yes, indeed.

Do I want more happiness, joy or love? Not really. Those are reactions in my mind, don’t bother to chase any of those, they are delusions.

Instead of to focus on effectiveness, practicality, not to feel joy, but to express enjoyment. Same with love – how one can FEEL to love someone else? I mean it’s just a feeling in my head. So what? Every crazy can have a crazy feeling. What makes it true, real? Actions speak louder, so the question I ask myself and anyone reads this is what are my/your actions what are speaking louder than my thoughts, words, feelings?

Because in one way or another, we all die – inevitable. So in this way – we already lost our precious lives, the death sentence has been judged, just due to current earth’s living system’s bureaucracy, it takes a while until Death gets to us to be served. Sounds very dark, but it’s just fact.

Would I accept it to infinity as who I am existing as today? Would I be satisfied, proud, absolutely accepting? Not really.

That is the question everyone should ask themselves every day.

Not just about life in general, but this week, this day, this minute.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that I will die self-dishonest, instead of realizing this is a fear of change, otherwise I would simply change what I am not satisfied with.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify why I do not change about what I see as obvious ‘character-flaw’ within, why I accept any second to exist as what has already proven to be not my utmost potential.

Many people get triggered with this mambo-jumbo-like ‘utmost potential’ when they hear, as it is something what can distract from actually LIVING here, today.
I am capable of adapting much more than I actually do it to be able to grow more, in terms of taking responsibility, not accepting self-dishonesty, such as suppression, judging, projecting things to others, myself.

That’s why true love can only start with self-love – otherwise all people talk about love, they might be just misaligned with their inner GPS and trying to act upon this idea of love, while they are not loving themselves, because accepting self-dishonesty, self-judgment, self-manipulation, self-suppression, etc.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself, not admitting it to myself, but in the form of letting and accepting myself to exist within internal conflict, friction, doubt, worry and fear; never directly allowing this to sink in that currently, my location is like that, and the longer I postpone to really embrace this, the more I will develop internal conflicts and thus the longer I postpone to actually start dealing with facts, not convictions, delusions, hopes and desires, but what is really here in and as the physical.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate to face the points I am aware of, just because of thinking that there will be time to deal with them later, not realizing that time is just a reflection and if I do not see accumulation of action being done in time, then it is a fact that I do suppress myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to answer to myself why I suppress myself and to admit that I fear of consequence, mistake and judgment – not other but from self and not realizing that the only way to move is by walking, meaning until I do not accumulate measurable action in this world, I am not really living my obviously available potentials.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mesmerize myself with self-interest, even if it is self-limitation, it is a reason I have created myself in this way and I can discover it and learn from it.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been accepting the comfort of the balance within my mind, when there is no internal conflict, not having motivation either, thus not really moving, not realizing that I wait and hope for motivation, inspiration in a form of mind-thought-feeling-based reactions to trigger me to be charged for start moving, instead of realizing that I can create motivation with direction, commitment and self-honesty.

I highly recommend reading other people’s blogs, so much can be learned and realized:

Journey To Life Process blogs page