Day 344 – Becoming ‘Unreactive’

20171022_160920About Feeling upset/hurt and reactive – which means a give up experience I see within and not liking it, and feeling bad about not doing and/or feeling that can’t do anything about it.

Well, not literally a give up experience, rather as a thought pattern and results in some fear of loss, fear of failure, a doubt, but it is rare and it relates to the changes I committed myself to live in my life as facing unknown, it’s not specific, in this sense in regarding to my decisions, actual commitments, this worry is not ‘personal’. It’s just mind stuff.
Although the specific reaction I participated within, that can’t be more personal.

How not react to this inner consequential outflow but focus to what I can act, prevent and solve is the topic today.

Not to react – yet – not to suppress either is also key, but that I will continue with later.

I have watched a film character review video essay on ‘James Bond’. Kind of silly, as whatever that character does in any of the Bond films is obviously pre-scripted, specialists worked for years on how he should act, react, not act or not react, how to move, what clothes to wear, what and how to say, etc.

But there was a great point in the review video, which I express here as it is related to what re-design of myself I am working currently with.

“How James Bond is the man of Action, but also he is the man of Inaction. He is unreactive, whenever his life isn’t immediately in danger. Bond doesn’t waste energy on needless anger, frustration, threats or worry. If he can change something to his benefit, he’ll act, otherwise, he just moves on. This makes sure that he doesn’t get stuck in his head reliving past mistakes or worrying about the future….What action needs to be taken to shift things?”

Within my process I realized similar to become effective. Well, the video explains it as starting point of ‘charisma and be liked’ – for me that’s not the point, but to trust myself and don’t go to reactions but to solving with direct actions.

Reaction, as ‘activity’ – well, more literally it’s ‘passivity’ – when I am emotionally reactive to the fact that I feel that I have no power to solve something I do not like, and thus I focus to the reaction, instead of trusting myself and to do to something to change the outcome, give myself the power to be able to solve the problem.

Someone insults me and I react – why? In this sense, until there is no actual threat – why to waste any energy?

Unreactive is a cool word in this sense.

Just look at little children – when they learn to walk – they fall and maybe cry, but then they keep learning and falling, and eventually will be able to walk – they don’t focus too much on reacting to a mistake meanwhile – they just move on. Great example.

  • I forgive myself that I have ever wasted any moment to go into emotional reactions and stop expressing, stop moving, stop trusting my actions and to focus to and go into the deep pits of my mind, instead of applying the ‘just do it’ with self-directed physical and presence, reality and circumstances-awareness.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized each and every single time when I am becoming reactive, emotional, going into worry, fear that at that moment I am delving into a ‘give up’ experience, and that I actually recognize and I start reacting to – thus I do not focus to the original point, but how I judge that according to my past, conclusions, convictions, memories, values, previously accepted and lived out fears and experiences.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within the moment of slipping into emotional reactions I have the opportunity and authority to snap out of it, and directly see the problem and to immediately act for the solution – and if it is not clear what action that might be, then the immediate action is the investigation, or making notes, or looking at surrounding ‘points’, things to understand in order to support the solution.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that each and every single time I give into fear and worry, a ‘reactive’, emotional negative experience, I am creating myself as this self-acceptance for giving up in relation to fear itself, and the point I connect with fear, as powerlessness, as doubt, as self-sabotage, and all the accumulation within grows and to be able to stand up to, I should accumulate the same with self-direction, stopping, assisting myself to come back, not give into fear, worry, hope, but to look what actions I can do here, today, tomorrow and do it, and if seems too difficult, instead of fearing and doubting, to look at how can I ask for support, assistance as realizing that it’s not about me, me, me, but the problem and it’s solution.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that resisting to ask for support based on fear of becoming vulnerable and weak is not valid as it also can happen that while accepting support I learn something and expand, so thus, next time I will be able to do it myself, and within this ‘I want to be independent, solve alone’ arrogant and ego-state of mind, in fact I am still within fear, which is not the most effective way, and then I shall ask that what’s more important here, me, and my righteousness, or solving the things ahead, which might involve others as well, and within that I only give more opportunity to not solve and then later more self-judgement to blame myself and justify why I need to fight more, alone, to another forms of vicious self-eating cycles, instead of just focus to what’s the best common sense option and go for it without hesitation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I am not in immediate physical danger, there is no point to really take it personally and seriously to a way, when I should justify to get emotional and reactive, and if it is indeed life-threatening point I am facing, then anyway no point, time and reason to get into emotions, but immediate action, so it is to realize, I have to stand up to be able to say no and stop participating within reactions and to apply all efforts to actions.

It is possible to re-wire one’s behavior and personality and that self-transformation is simple, doable for anyone with simple steps and it’s extraordinary how much we can change within ourselves, and then living that among others as well, to be able to feel more directly, to enjoy and learn, expand and grow more freely and naturally. Supporting myself fruits supporting others more effectively as well, thus it’s indeed the best common sense decision and motivation to do a little bit of self-investigation and re-alignment here and there.


Day 311 – Changing the World starts with changing SELF

img_0978I am kind of flu-ish right now, but realized this does not stop me from sharing some points today.

Let’s look a day like a mini-creation. I mean, I am already created, the world is too, but in terms of what if I would wake up like I am actually a creator, meaning I could literally create and/or change things.
In my life and in the world equally so.
What would I change? Stop all wars in the world, end slavery, stop the destruction of biodiversity and nature’s healthy ecosystem. This seems like a good choice, but what if those of my changing/creating abilities are not actually magical, supernatural, but totally from this world. I mean we all know that there are actual individuals who are leading the way of re-shaping specific aspects of society with their power of influence, inventions and innovative investments. Just giving an example: electric car. It’s inevitable now, what car company does not brings out awesome electric cars in the next 5-10 years, they soon will fade away silently. Okay, probably there will always be some petrolhead, but here talking about the majority.
So if I look at what it would take to imagine/plan/finance/develop/create/maintain/profit and expand such company: it’s not magical – but a lot of effort, work, work and work. That’s what I am referring to here.
Not the excuses and justifications, but to see what it would take to change the world.

This might not be an obvious approach, so let’s go like this:

What if I would not be limited from within, mentally, emotionally, morally at all – ever – and then this comes up: I’d be then limited by financially, right? Because if I would have endless amount of money, how things would be much-much easier?
But really? I’d hire a bunch of professionals of what I’d like them to do, like ‘fix the economy’ or ‘make people become smarter’.
Hehe, does not those super-rich politicians do exactly like this, the latest monkeylord presidents here and there, and probably soon there will be more of these opportunists – don’t they do what they think is the best? It does not matter in what context of what interest they mean -the best-. Of course it matters, but what it takes to get into such position is also a question here.

I am sure they will have to be absolute dedication, commitment, self-trust and relentless effort of accumulating of actually DOING STUFF. Only actions are relevant, all thoughts are like smoke – fly away pretty quick.

I do really want to change the world, make it better, not needing children to suffer as much as I did suffer, although in comparison I did not suffer that much as other kids suffer elsewhere – I definitely wish to end that too.
In fact by looking at the kids starving to death, being drone-missiled to shreds, being brainwashed as suicide bombers – or being a 7 years old slave in a sapphire-mine or a scrapyard – my own childhood limitations and sufferings were like a privileged happy barbie camp.

But still – my family was struggling, most of the adults often shouted and argued drunk, because of lack of money, their fear and insecurities plus their constant petty blaming all the time. I could use better clothes, more proper equipment, gear to learn and study a lot more effectively, especially if some of my school teachers would not have been such douches and hitting me several times, which did hurt me not really physically, but also made me realize, I should trust myself, not in school, not in family support, not in others – although my constant desire was to find somebody or something to tell me what to do and how to do it – and it never came.

The real support was to show me how can I support and assist myself to change my world, which originates from me, within, myself here. How I would want to change the world of everyone if I can’t stop being nervous when talking to a woman I like? Or how could I imagine being an inspiring leader for the betterment of humanity if I am shy and uncertain when I would have to make a speech or talk in front of a bunch of people?
More specifically:
How could I become an example of world change, if I could not change my self-compromising habits, such as being addicted to relentlessly avoiding responsibility, stability and consistency, unwilling and unable to commit myself to a real partnership? I had to realize that who I was had to die, I have to rebirth and reinvent, re-define and re-create myself.
Although my aim was getting more clear of what I have to do, for a while I was mesmerized with experiences and intensity, desires and inner resistances, I walked some years with spirituality, psychedelic drugs and a sort of off-grid lifestyle. Well, after a while this did lead to literally nowhere and I’ve walked some big cycles and after each I’ve found myself literally at the same spot I’ve started with nothing but myself here.
It was obvious that what I accumulate has no merit, no substance and no real self-trust here.

So after the next hit rock bottom experience, I’ve re-started searching for the N. time and this time I’ve found something really interesting, about the concept of self-honesty, the principle of equality and oneness and the practical application of self-forgiveness. That immediately hit my mind, like a virus and could not let go.

Then I literally dropped immediately all previous concepts, belief systems, processes, methods, thoughts and realized that I always chase oneness and equality separately and the only reason was that I always remained separated, thus powerless from being one AND equal with myself at the same time, is because of my mind, my consciousness, my systematic thought, emotion, feeling-processes, basically pre-conditioned to situations, experiences, words, sound, visual and other sensory stimuli.

In this world, the ability to change starts with changing myself to being able to see things as they are – also starting with self: seeing what I am accepting and allowing currently.

And it’s a tough one, never to be underestimated. Even though I am literally accepting and allowing everything to exist and continuing to be re-created in this world, on this earth, within this human ‘civilization’, I am not aware of the specifics, thus I do not understand, I am literally unaware.
I am not even aware of how my own human physical body works – seems like magic, science itself is still only scratching the surface, so how can I be so sure of what’s possible and what not if not investigated anything and everything by myself?

Again – although seems so fascinating to jump into the household of living cells and DNA-reproduction, I’d still start with my immediate, obvious reality within and around me – let’s say human relationships, family. Why? Because it’s here, I can approach it every day, I can work with it, I can slow down, I can create distance and observe, I can get closer, I can interact, it’s a direct system, which is here. Of course not everyone is fortunate enough to have family or not being totally douche bags, but most of us have ~okay~ family to start to learn about self.

Even though, I want to change let’s say how my family members argue and fight with each other, and every time I am among them, I get frustrated, ashamed, nervous, angry and then I also might start shouting at them and eventually leaving them and spending time to calm down, blame them, basically giving up on them, but not really, -not giving up- on them either, thus constantly re-creating the cycle of the same pattern. Even further: it always changes, evolves a bit more each time it happens, what’s being accumulated becomes part of reality and once actions were made, words have been said, there is consequence, which of some cannot be changed back. For instance in my family, once I witnessed how my drunk grandpa took the door off from it’s hinges and started to bash other family members with it while my mum jumped at his neck with a knife to save my grandma from him and luckily no one has injured seriously, but that scene probably influenced me much more than just watching it on TV and my family’s and probably my own life could have been gone into different direction if that night would have ended with a fatality, which was kind of luck in a way… So yes, irreversible consequences do exist. Best cure is prevention.

In this situation for instance, – when the family is only at ‘argument level’ – although it seems like obviously ‘my family members’ are the problem in my world, what I’d like to change – who I am today and how I handle ‘them’ – makes it impossible to have actual direction, influence and power, the ability to solve actual problems.
Why? Because I am part of this system now, as long as I am automatically reacting, then acting upon those reactions – I am part of the problem.

So, even though it might seem as good idea to somehow get control over the arguing people’s conversation, my starting point is influenced by, motivated with my own reactions, which is already stimulating me in a way I might not be aware to the utmost extent, because when I am in it, I am of it too.

Thus, first step is to be able to see what I am accepting and allowing and take responsibility for that.
Also to take responsibility for what I have not accepted and allowed to see/realize/understand about this, within me, in relation to the situation.

Then I can realize that I could totally not react, not get angry, emotional, taking it personally the things I hear/see from others and it’s a process to stop reacting to the things I’ve defined and experienced as negative since aeons of time. That’s my interest and there will be a lot of justifications of why it’s in my interest to do so.

Until I do not take a ‘leap of faith’ in this stopping/decompositing with the realization that ‘it’s bad enough now to start questioning’ – I will not stop automatically judging and reacting, and thus I will not be able to start to really see and understand what’s going on.

And the more reactions and judgements, emotions and thought-patterns I can prevent re-occuring within me, the more I will be able to understand, not only about myself, but the dynamics of these ‘arguments’, the other participants too.

It’s the next point I should look at – my justifications – is there any polarity, self-interest, emotional charge, reaction in regarding to those words of with I justify? To take responsibility for that is common sense. Part of the healing process.

It does not mean I should accept bully and abuse, definitely not, but I should not react with pre-defined patterns, which by I get locked into an experience automatically.

For instance if everyone gets angry around me and I could remain stable and directive, that would already be such a presence among them, that they might recognize it already – and furthermore I could start to see them for the first time without being distracted and overwhelmed by my own reactions in regarding to them.

Then still – to see what comes up in my mind, what judgement, positive or negative about others, and I also take responsibility for those – because it seems like it’s about them, well, it’s still within me, completely, thus until I can’t stop that – I will not directly see the situation, the others.

It’s pretty obvious. Well, it was not for me 9 years ago, and it might not be for someone else, but it’s even within science has been proven – the observer by it’s own observation already influences the observed. Meaning, what I experience about someone can be uncontrollably biased my own preconceptions. How can I be sure that I am not doing it? Practical understanding to it’s utmost specificity.

If I am not aware of what I actually thought 2 minutes before and why; or 5 minutes, ten minutes before – that literally means I am not really aware. I might be always conscious within a certain context, but certainly not aware. That’s a huge difference.

Consciousness vs awareness – knowing vs understanding. And if I do not understand how and why my thoughts pester in my head, it should be pretty obvious that I am not really aware of why I am doing what I am doing.

And this alone literally makes it impossible to objectively see, not only myself, but then based on my perception then: anything and everyone, including myself.

It’s like I try to change something in the world, which I am not even seeing clearly. Obviously I am not going to change it as I’d like to. It’s like when I put on binoculars the wrong way and I try to walk around and as I try to grab objects around me – my perception is wrong! Or opening up a car hood and randomly poking around with a wrench while not having any idea how this works – the chances of making it better are thin, most probably I’d make things worse.

Silly, but quite accurate comparison and example.

Then people, as they realize that their effort is not bringing the result they desire, they get more angry and choose to deal the situation with control, aggression – deception or weapons and destruction.

If I can’t explain to my neighbours why would be awesome to live in peace, I might soon ending up persuading someone, or the whole ‘nation’, the ‘congress’, the ‘cabinet’ that ‘those are the problem’ and a couple of thousands of thermonuclear weapons of mass destructions will be the solution for our ‘defense’ and peace. Insane, but this is the reality we are facing on earth.

One unrealized singular thought in the head is enough to misinterpret the reality and thus totally reacting with a really silly action with full confidence. Then imagine how many thoughts people have all the time, every day. Hundreds and thousands! It’s actually scary and sad at the same time, especially when one realizes the extent of deep shit we put ourselves into, individuals and humanity as a whole as well.

But then again – it’s not common sense to overreact on this topic either – but until someone does not admit the extent of insanity and total powerlessness of our own existence through our biased perception, our own mind consciousness system, then the individual will still trust reactions, thoughts, more easily get tempted to project, blame and justify, give up or overreact, because that’s the language of CONsciousness.

All in short – any change must start with self – because as the reality currently exists, including SELF here – is part of it, resonates with it, accepts it, as allows it – the individual is already equal and one with the problem, just not yet became aware of it, in details of it’s creation, and thus having no practical understanding how to accumulate actions towards changing it as self as equal as one.

All starts with apparently insignificant steps, changing the world starts with changing self. Until I can’t change myself, how would I like to change the world, which is a much complex system.

I indeed grew up in an arguing family, I used to react, I used to suppress, I used to judge, I used to accept such behavior until I realized I do not have to and if I ever want to change it, start supporting the arguing individuals, first I have to become the living example who I’d support with.

In Hungary, there is the saying: Help yourself and the god will help you. It refers to not wait, beg or pray for help, but do it yourself and within that you realize that you are creator and created already, now just have to live with that opportunity and for that there is no need any religion or belief.

For most of a problematic situation there is no one blueprint to always apply – sometimes to speak up, sometimes to walk away, sometimes to raise or lower voice – but never of emotions, never of energetic possessions, that’s certain. That’s like petrol to fire – just uncontrollable.

I also used to have problem with raising my voice, because it was intertwined and associated, remembered, pre-programmed within me with losing control, I used to shout only, when I already lost temper.

And interestingly, when I had to raise my volume, even when there was no argument, emotion, pretty soon I became reactive.
Example: talking with someone on the phone. The other person does not hear me, asks me to repeat it louder, and thus I do, but still, the other can’t hear me, so keeps asking me to speak louder, and all of a sudden I am shouting like a maniac. It’s like triggering all the suppressed angers. No control, no integrity, no honour in that situation, just stupid anger, which I know is not even related to the other person or the situation – or is it?
That’s the ‘beauty’ of emotions – blinding, demanding and exhausting they are.

And when I mention ’emotions’ – I do not mean love, happiness, freedom – I call emotions as negative: anger, hate, jealousy – while positive reactions as feelings – and each of those are result of self-delusion actually. Yes. Real love should never be some fuzzy, warm, positive energetic experience. Drugs can do that, even sugar with the body directly – is that love? Not really.

Love is only real when it’s lived directly. In action. Not in the mind in relation to something or someone. That’s just imagination, self-conviction, self-delusion actually. Words should not exist separately from self, the energetic experiences – that means observing, judging, categorizing through and as the mind, like a computer. Better to Live Words. Express Words, Become Words.
Nowadays I am much-much less influenced by people’s argument, tension, because it’s not supporting me and I’ve worked with that, I committed myself to prevent myself to go into those patterns/reactions.

I used to believe that to be sensitive, open, vulnerable means to allow other’s suffering to influence me, unbalance me, and thus ending up me kind of feeling the same. That’s not real either. That’s just reaction in the mind again. Also not really supportive, as to really support someone, I shall be stable and balanced.

I remember, when I used to travel in the metro and seeing those sad, exhausted, lonely and tired faces – I became sad too, I was completely unhappy and I believed that now I am connected.

At the same time I always judged and admired the people who are unaffected and completely unaware of how others feel, although they always seemed as totally self-centered and rude, but I wished for being able to have a direction within this, to find the balance between really sensing and still remain stable.

For some people for instance North India was fascinating, amazing, magical – for me it was horrible, ashaming and deeply disturbing, because some saw the nice things, such as buildings, landscapes, ancient cultures while I often focused to the illiterate, starving, begging, miserable masses of poverty, where people behave like zombies.

As I see it now – neither is self-honest, because the other person was focusing only to the positive, while I was fixated to the negative.

But not a real supportive manner, because I was not seeing directly how things are, but I was seeing through my negative judgement. And it does not mean for instance slavery is not wrong! It’s absolutely unacceptable, but I should not get worked up by negative emotions to a degree of ‘losing it’ when experiencing such phenomenon, because then I also lose direction, effectiveness and practical common sense.

This process then also brings up how morality, inner compass, the whole personality is just an elaborate facade and once we poke around our personality, motivation, it also can become totally empty and fake, just as those self-generated negative emotions or positive feelings. Life must be far beyond than these silly games. But then how to relate, connect, feel and live?

Isn’t it possible to support someone without feeling sorry and sad, because of how much the person suffered?

From another angle? Why can’t I trust myself that I would do the right thing without morality, which is taught, conditioned? Why can’t I do something supportive to someone else, who I don’t feel sorry for?

How can I ensure that once I find real self-trust, stability and unwavering constant and consistent presence, that I will not lose myself to the point of being unable to relate to anyone else but myself?

Humbleness is also key here, and principled living, to act upon what is best for all participants, including self here. And then if I am unaware of what that would actually mean, before – or after – I’d judge it, that it’s crazy, impossible, naive or utopistic, I see/realize and understand that I maybe know too much and it’s time to unlearn and by that starting to see with naked/virgin eye again, with the innocence of a child, but within awareness, responsibility and consistent presence.

Thus – changing the world – only can start with self here. One can start by listing up by how possibly could become more effective and then also to write down what are the actual facts what seem to block those possibilities to become real. Then to go further and to investigate, what I could actually do about it? How I’d do it? Do I know and understand enough for that? If not, then what it would take and how actually?

Be always on point – and if challenging, which probably will be at some point, it’s never shame to utilize writing, well, it’s literally the alchemy of creation to be the master of words, not the slave of them, so I’d encourage everyone to write regularly. Self perspective, not to keep blaming and justifying, but taking responsibility and to see what can be done and what should be forgiven to be able to move on.

Day 299 From Movies to Transcend Consciousness

img_0679Recently watched some great movies and reflecting back to the systematic nature of Consciousness and how is possible to understand how the human mind works in order to assist and support ourselves with practical change.

First watched the In the Mouth of Madness (1994), then The Manchurian candidate(2004).

Different type, genre and style – yet for me shown the same aspect about human consciousness. I’d suggest to watch both, although the first one is rather a comedy/gory horror/philosophical train ride, the second is a slower, more like peeling off, investigative, conspiracy-related story line, but within both movie, the protagonists recognize that they have been used as a tool within somebody else’s plan who was altering their mind consciousness, utterly and brutally. No more spoilers.

How to create/alter/re-write history/reality/future and how consciousness is actually operating as a system?
Or shall I rephrase to say consciousness is an operating system for the human? Although it’s quite mesmerizing and has deep-ends, it certainly is limited bluntly and when one is awakening, rather painfully, but it is only then to be realized how limited it is;  not just when one is talking smart, streetwise or rephrasing the spiritual mumbo-lingo, but to walk it into and as the physical as the living flesh.

Or all these zombie movies with the walking and re-animated dead…or all those cheesy vampire stories, wherein they are even the good guys, the ones to find as desirable, hot – I mean in this system Everything is a Symbol.
The question is am I asking questions? Am I answering too?

It’s all related to the human mind’s condition, which is within it’s programmability. That’s why we are susceptible to ‘mind control’ and ‘brainwashing’, ‘culture’ and ‘imprinting’, just pick any desire from ‘deep within’ and go out there and try to attain it – or to sneak around our un-worded, background-lurking secret fears what we cannot comprehend, face or even acknowledge.

Human nature is nothing but long and consistent accumulation of pre-conditioning, ‘guided meditation’, ‘group trance’, and a lot of powerlessness, thus spiced up with a lot of survival instinct and fear.

If I look at poor family’s children, their lack of vocabulary, the underdeveloped writing and communication skills in fact determine their actual possibilities to venture in the world system and become so to speak ‘successful’, meaning not becoming grinded into survival and fight for material or even spiritual goals, such as house, car, travel; or overcoming anxiety, shame, phobias and to find inner balance, stability and trust and to live beyond survival and self-interest to actually being able to give back real value to the system.

There are few, who get more rich or find peace emerging from the poor, but it is rare, almost random and one might just say it’s neo-darwinism, as now it’s not about who can kill more and faster, but who can adapt faster and easier into a system of deception, layers of superimposed facades and glimpses of what life could be without compromises, but beyond each of consciousness character, there is vast and lacking emptiness, which to fill, consciousness itself has just a handful, yet powerful tricks and tips at it’s – and thus our – disposal: belief, blame, greed, fear of loss.

Most of the people who claim themselves to be in the ‘awakening state’ praise, eulogize and celebrate consciousness, although it’s quite a cheap trick and it’s nothing more but an elaborate con. Science will show us soon when will starts to pump out more and more ‘environment-and self-aware’ Artificial Intelligence units, such as robots, interfaces, whole systems, what eventually will be designing their own next generation with their superior mathematical and virtualization power and they will analyze, reproduce and evolve how we are built and then everyone will see that consciousness is certainly NOT Life.

It tries to imitate it as close as possible, and definitely can fool the not yet life-aware individual manifestations and expressions of One Life ‘itself’, but to trust in consciousness is really the worst advocate a human can find, because it’s nature is CON itself, therefore it only reflects back our lack of self-trust, self-knowledge, self-honoring and the very experience of being separated from our own life-source as awareness of all what is here in and as existence. Consciousness cannot exist without relationships, and the very points of relationship is which through we are defined, owned, limited. It’s a system.

I used to wonder what movies I really-really like, and just now I realized that the ones what can glimpse up a little more of how consciousness works, it almost ‘feels like’ itself is trying to show us what we are accepting and allowing to be enslaved by.

But only those who really look can see.

The saying of ‘Nothing is what it seems.‘ – or to remain in the ‘movie‘ style – ‘The owls aren’t what they seem.‘.

How to walk through the maze of consciousness and what are those building blocks of it?

I tell a little back story of mine, from where I started to question my own existence…

When I finished university, I was lucky to have a psychologist partner, who was quite open to not only mainstream psychological models and views, but also to more ‘fringe at that time’ ones, such as works of Carl Jung and Andras Feldmar – these two have influenced me to start on my own journey to discover what is beyond my personality, which was extremely frustrating and limited, when I was about 20 years old.

Jung talked about the layers of the human mind, such as unconscious, subconscious, conscious minds and how we are only aware of the conscious mind, yet the other two also influence, direct us, much-much more than we want to acknowledge and understand, and I had an openness to this view since quite early of my own awakening process, often I felt myself to be quite instinct-based being, who had many times experienced life like an animal. It’s a weird comparison, but often I felt myself like that, I was raw and wild within, yet I was able to suppress it, so I could act the nice guy to comply my fear of rejection and failure, but within how I experienced was that beyond my conscious mind, there was some more primal and direct force what was basically pulling the strings within my life and I had no idea how and why.

Feldmar talked about mind-altering substances with which one can have a specific experience of mind-death, from which one can release all what to humans holding onto, such as all kinds of fears, desires, struggles, definitions as in the perception of death, one kind of gives up all, because it’s a total release/explosion/melting down experience and with that he suggested that one can start to investigate what’s beyond the conscious mind who we perceive ourselves to be.

I became quite obsessed with studying the mind according to things currently available at libraries, slowly but surely moving towards eastern and older-culture-based views, practices, in order to explore the whole spectrum of humanity’s available knowledge and information to be able to have deeper understanding and preferably also to find reasons and purpose for my existence. I even tried to find gurus and masters to tell me what to do but that usually did not work, especially when I considered that until I can’t rely to myself – I am still vulnerable to external control, limitation, and I had to ensure that there is a starting point from which I can take my life to my own hands, not to be dependent.

As I was peeling off the layers of my culture, the morality, the inhibition and suppression, I had to realize that there is nothing within me, what cannot be decomposed, understood and released within my perception of who I am or why I do what I do. The constant quest I was on was: WHY? This very thing can help to tumble down to the rabbit hole totally – there is no need any meditation, substance or any altered state – but the decision and application of self-honesty.

I am also going to give an example of how to walk through a pattern within the mind with simply questioning and answering. Many people claim that they need special knowledge, empowerment, mind-altering substance, years of eastern mysticism or shamanic/religious/trance rituals to perform in order to know, be empowered with or understand a more, deeper level of how reality actually works.

That’s not true, actually it’s quite the opposite – the more someone indulges into these kind of agendas, the merrier these will influence and alter the person’s perception and even the starting point and it’s tricky, because most of them contain some relevance to facts, but only partially – and I have made the mistake of wanting to gather the ‘truth’ from all of them to put together – it’s too tedious, exhausting and quite unnecessary to do so. Not even mentioning that when I recognize my flawed/self-dishonest acceptance of myself – how could I trust myself to recognize what’s relevant/good within what? First I have to purify and decompose to have to ensure the purity and effectiveness of letting go patterns of self-limitations.

To transcend, we do not need any technology/religion/spirituality – only self-honesty and to be able to question + answer and forgive for ourselves our accepted mistakes, meaning not to regret, but to understand the consequences, to recognize the tendency before participating, preventing and giving space and time to something new and also the commitment to stop those mistakes, fears, delusions and finding practical ways to actually become that forgiveness, that commitment, that living action. It’s as simple as 1+1=2.

Forgiveness is not just to turn a blind eye on something bad/unjust/selfish/evil – it does not make any sense if it’s not really lived into action – that’s why forgiving to others does not make much sense either if the person does not change – they have to forgive for themselves. The same way with my own self-dishonesty – fear is self-dishonesty. Self-interest is self-dishonesty, because it’s also based on fear of loss, although it does not mean to sacrifice myself with no reason. Self-honesty is also practical common sense…

img_6035So for a relevant point for myself today:
I don’t feel like continuing with my video making.
I feel like it’s a waste of time.
I think it’s not going to be that good that I would define as worthy.
I think I imagined perfectly, but turns out that it will be mediocre.
Because I’ve defined this, because of this and that, to be mediocre.
Because I’ve used previously seen artworks, movies, I’ve seen in TV, VHS, Cinemas.
Because I’ve defined that is quality and that I wanted to be able to create.
Because I want to become successful and respected.

Because I have to prove to myself and the world that I am good enough.
Because I grew up with the fear that I am not good enough.
Because I have experienced falls and failures during my childhood what felt horrible and could not let it go.
Because I’ve created a system within me what charges energy when feeling bad, shit, horrible and that fuels a motivation to become better.
Because I do not want to fail again, it’s so horrible, I have to work hard to avoid it.
Because I experience negative things and I become influenced by negative things, the way I do not like it.
Because I start defining myself according to what and how I experience.
Because I identified myself with what I experience in my mind according to what I define and judge automatically.
Because I have this separation in my mind which through I can polarize as positive or negative based on my interest in regarding to all my judgments and memories.
Because this way I can apparently use the past to not make the mistakes again in the future.
Because I fear from making mistakes, thus rather not even move to avoid it at all costs.
Because I fear that I can’t change and expand, thus I have to avoid specific experiences/conditions/situations to keep my mind-state to not be faced with the inability to change.
Because then I become frustrated and by I focus to the frustration and not even looking it’s source anymore, so basically become distracted by the reaction and not seeing the point.
Because then I do not see the problem directly, thus not even being capable of solving it, thus I can remain ‘hiding’ behind false resistances.
Because I have experiences and memories when tried to push through resistances and I given up.
Because I started to lose the stability of what I’ve defined as my mind, and without that I was becoming more uncertain.
Because I did not give direction to myself, thus I was exposed to random things and I felt myself being unstable, and not realized that what I experience as polarity system of stability/instability – is not me, but my mind system, and then as I identified myself with it, I started to protect it by justifications and excuses, why I give up freedom from conditioning.
Because then I do not have to be aware of the exact point I justify being resisted to, I still can be ignorant.
Because I fear from unknown, because then I will not have any judgment, memory, polarity, definition, rule, idea to help me to face it, I would be totally vulnerable, naked and that is scary.
Because I could lose myself, I could lose things I hold onto.
Because I do not know what will happen and I fear from that.
Because within facing the unknown, I would face with myself and that scares me.
Because I do not want to face and experience and know myself without any extra layer.
Because I fear from realizing who I am here, what I have became, what I would experience or do.
Because I do not trust myself.
And this can be continued – see – there is no need to pray for gods for years, to say mantras for months, to dance in trance for a day, to take psychedelic drugs for hours to go deeper into my mind, to find understanding, reality itself. I mean, one can do these for fun or exploration, but for self-realization, self-support, self-growth, self-liberation, certainly not.

Although personally I’ve made the decision to not continue with those, once found self-honest writing and self-forgiveness this powerful for real change – as it’s very direct: I only have to honestly question and answer to myself. No gurus, teachings, imaginary friends, other worlds relevant – there could be cool stories about what might have been, but what’s relevant is what is here in my current here and present moment. Always. Sometimes I still dance to trance music, but just for self-expression, no expectation, no drugs, no alcohol, but physical presence. But even in relation to that I had to walk through a decomposition phase and let go all the concepts in my mind what stood in the way of being really present on the dance floor. Why I want to intensify? Why I want to ‘get through’, Why exactly is not good currently? What do I experience? How it’s being triggered? What do I resist? What do I fear?

That’s why kids also ask ‘Why?‘ – and we get fed up and stop answering – and maybe at the exact same point where our resistances/fears stopped us to explore further. Of course one parent can say: ‘just being annoyed and don’t have time for this/feeling tired/busy‘ – but if really that is the case, one should reconsider and start using the opportunity to walk this process with the child to ask and answer – this way also teaching by example…

That is challenging, and at points you might experience resistance towards asking the right and direct questions, especially wherein already have been some ‘unsuccessful’ imprinting within the past.
Resistance might come up as an idea of ‘oh, I have to do this or that’ – and jumping away, like a distraction – remember, we’ve been mastering our ability to have excuse to remain limited and fearful, powerless and doubtful to the point of never really being absolutely honest with ourselves. That’s about to change.

Write down the question to not forget and focus to the resistance, name it, word it’s physical experience too and it’s already being tamed, as I write, type the characters, write with the pen, forming the letters – my mind slows down, I focus to the physical expression of writing, and I see one point at a time – this way I can really see the things coming up within me. And as I word the experiences, I can dig further, start investigating. When a resistance dissolves, I can continue with the point I started to walk through.

Why I resist understanding why I keep becoming shy and suppressing, worrisome and awkward near to women who I feel attraction towards?

img_5642I fear that if I make a mistake or do stupid things, the person who I am attracted to might judge me as unworthy of wanting to continue to be with, to spend time with, etc.
Why I fear that?
Because I feel like I have something to lose and it depends on my actions and I remember how I screwed up similar situation in the past.
Because I do not trust myself who I am without ‘behaving the way I think she would be attracted to me’
I trust within personality patterns, tactics, not myself, because my memory tells me that I was a loser
Because I made mistake and I’ve defined myself according to that mistake. Then I trust that condition and situation as to be remembered to avoid next accident.

Okay, this is just an example, but see – this also can be looked at as a skill – which then can be learned, and it’s essential to real understanding.

Here Self-forgiveness can give a new perspective – not just with understanding, but already taking responsibility within realizing how this was not self-honest – and thus expressing my decision to stop this pattern, start changing myself as realizing I can do it. Or if not, then I ask and answer more. Until it’s clear, here.

For instance I apply:

  • I forgive myself that I have not realized why exactly I do not trust myself in all ways, situations, conditions and never considered to decide to understand and thus being able to discover what to do in order to trust myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within participating the fear of failure, I’ve focused to the emotional reaction of that fear, instead of the actual subject of my fear, which is to not make the video or make it but not being the level of quality I want to do.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that without making it, even allowing to make mistakes, I do not fear, I do not expand, I do not understand, thus realizing making mistake is part of the process, and within that I forgive myself that I have identified myself with the experience, the reaction to making mistake, and thus defining myself with and as the mistake, and thus wanting to avoid it and within that, not moving, not expanding, not living.

See – this is how one awakens, not with repeating a mantra and feel energies in the stomach and get high.
Or at least this is much more direct and obvious way. I can choose to start trusting myself by running in the forest with blindfolded eyes or to use a torch and see directly. Weird analogy, but anyway. Always ask questions, and answer them – and if you cannot, ask for support from the ones who are proving to be able to walk the mind, such as buddies at the Desteni I Process online course. I’ve go so many support from this online ‘school’, that is extraordinary. That’s why I share these words also – as it might support others too, certainly would do if one is applying 100%. The key is consistent application.

When I stop the flow of this questioning, there is a judgement, or a justification, to have an excuse why I ‘do not have to’ continue digging, asking, understanding – and that is certainly a point of self-dishonesty, what can and should be further investigated and stopped participating within and to continue the expansion.
See – words are specific, words are powerful elements of our mind consciousness, thus it’s really suggested to get to know our own definitions of words, our relationships, associated memories, feelings to specific words – they might not been set-up the most effective/supporting way, maybe I was influenced by tremendous fear in the moment I concluded something in my past, which never re-visited, thus I still carry that in my personality.
And such as the brick wall of human development: most children are special, talented, artistic and smart, and as their brick wall is being built word by word – one or two ‘flawed’ construct will not cause huge problem, but as the building is being built, those at the foundation level will have to carry a much more weight and that’s why it’s specific the first years to have the greatest parenting, education possible…

Later it’s much more work to decompose the person-s building blocks to dig out which are the faulty ones, that’s why each parent wants the best for their children, but within the current human system, it’s limited by the values humans agreed upon, most of the people have no money for proper education for their children, or having no time to support their children, and this rolls forward generation by generation of human consciousness.

That’s for now about my rant on consciousness, just let me add two more TV series in relation to it:

I’d also suggest to check out the 2016 version of Westworld, as it also tells a story about that – creation of consciousness systems.

I’d even add Humans(2015) TV Series too.

Both has A.I, what goes through a sort of gaining consciousness and struggling with decisions about what awareness should mean or to be applied as, what is purpose and going through a journey of who they really are.

I’ve found these latter two also quite specific to understand how human consciousness systems have been sort of engineered, pre-programmed, controlled and used for enslavement.

It’s very specific to watch through Westworld Season 1 and to recognize the similarities of human’s mind consciousness systems and the ‘hosts’ journey there.

The very point from where ‘they gain full consciousness’ – is quite irrelevant, but from that moment, if we start really honestly investigating and comparing ‘them’ to actual humans – the differences is merely technological/biological, but philosophically, spiritually and existentially there is(or will be) no difference.

There is even a fun moment within a scene(I think in Humans 2nd season), where an A.I says that humans are countless, like pests, they are worthless and the real value is them(the self-conscious robots), because it’s new, rare and much more promising in terms of what still can become, meanwhile humans are already what they are – and within that quite limited, flawed and even possibly doomed by their own hands too due to self- and environmental destruction by greed and power, which are in a way also quite meaningless – philosophically speaking, of course.

So, to understand consciousness, to understand our own mind, personality, the way we can be influenced, changed is crucial to become really aware of what we are, what are the consequences we manifested and how to start accumulating a real awakening, not just one within consciousness, but beyond, and certainly more directly.

To further challenge with one point: the human flesh is way more superior than consciousness itself, just to start with. Consider that what organization, billions of cell’s unified work has to be done in each moments for a human to function. Are we aware of that? Consciousness itself is also just a halo, a net, a layer over the body – . Imagine if you would go thinking about that cute girl from yesterday, you would be so far away, that you would forget to breathe and the brain would stop functioning…That would be weird…Many think that’s an advantage, but honestly, we are just as unaware as our other parts of consciousness we are also unaware of. And luckily we have these physical bodies, what are consistent, alive, always present, while our mind can shift into spaces/times here and there, and there is no continuity, only within it’s constant change, while the body’s heart beats, breathes, and these represent a consistent location, the only stable point within the whole universe we can and should to consider as starting point, a real location and relevant point to start taking responsibility for in relation to each of our individual life, social networks, family, friends, bracket of reality to see what are the potentials and where I can ask the right question to answer to unlock myself from any limitation I’ve allowed to physically become. Walk this process and see that consciousness is not just limited, slow and annoying – it is our one aspect we must transcend before embracing life itself as ourselves as equal as one.

I do not preach about Self-forgiveness and Self-honesty, Writing and asking/answering questions – anyone can state immediately that: “It’s not my style/way” – although one has to be really honest to see if it’s not justification and excuse. Many, like I did, often have to go through extreme amount of out of ordinary and I’d even say dangerous experiences to lose almost everything multiple times and to recognize that – again – I’ve a huge mistake – although mistakes are part of the process, it does not mean one has to timeloop until extreme frustration and pain, anger and even self-hatred emerges. Do not believe what I wrote, investigate and walk your journey to life yourself. Everyone is unique, but the things we have to transcend is quite the equal, the same: our own mind consciousness system limitation fear mechanism. Just a cool reference point to not get cocky and remain humble and to give as we would like to receive.

It is certainly a great way is to look at world events, movies, stories, products and systems to always start with reflecting back to self – what this tells about ME, what I have not yet seen, understood – thus not going into blame, projection, separation to find problems ‘out there’ immediately, but to see within, what is or could be my own responsibility in relation to this point I am facing currently?

For more, check out EQAFE – to learn about consciousness, existence, life with unique audio books.

To learn about Words, how to support our living to be more alive, I’d suggest to go to

Enjoy, share, live!

Day 293 – Driving self-correction reflection

img_4874Yesterday I wrote about going into reactions and losing presence, thus not breathing effectively, ‘properly’ within awareness here while driving and brought up the most relevant patterns I encounter on the road.

I was bringing up a lot of situations wherein I find it more common sense to not to react, not to take personally, not to lose direction and effective driving.

Today I was looking at what is changed in relation to driving since I wrote that yesterday, to further specify and accumulate the change I work on within myself.

In the morning I had at least three times when I was seeing that I would go into reaction, like ‘come on guys, go faster now’ or ‘what the hell you are doing?’ when some other driver does an unusual, illegal or even dangerous move on the road. Also something I’ve noticed is that there is a computer game I’ve played recently, a shooter, wherein I fight hordes of demons and when they injure you, the character I control shouts like ‘Motherf**ker!’ with a specific, angry, hurt tone and it was quite automatic that I said that word once today in relation to a car’s move in front of me. Well it’s kind of funny, nothing serious, but I see that this is related to judgement to that person, and behind that it’s a judgement within myself towards something I did not want to see then: that what the person did surprised me, did not like for some reason I also was not aware of, such as feeling like I have to slow down, I have to avert his car for instance.

Well, it’s nothing serious here, but when going upwards on a big hill, I have to slow down, shift down, use the clutch, the brake, the gearshift, maybe not just once, but 2-3 times, then also involving e-brake(handbrake). Well, it’s quite natural movement to do so, I do not need to think about it to execute it, so it should not be problem, but at times still being annoyed by.

Also I drive a diesel car, which warms up a bit slower than a petrol one; thus often, in the mornings, when I climb up the hill in the city through heavy traffic, I should be gentle with the engine until it’s warmed up properly, but sometimes it feels like all these stops and starts while maintaining the fluidity of the traffic, it’s just sometimes seems uncool to the car too.

Well, probably it’s not a huge problem, but in an ideal world, sometimes I’d be more gentle with the car until it’s totally warmed up engine-wise.

Also, there is this expectation that as I leave home quite late, there should be no heavy traffic anymore, but sometimes is, there can be an accident, roadwork, some really slow vehicles, indeed an old and/or slow dude/dudette is driving at front,  whatever; so all of these can still feel like influencing my direction by giving into judgments and reactions, which I see necessary to further specify, stop, forgive and transcend. Just a note to self.

Again: nothing serious, probably I could be perceived as already/still below than an average/most of the car driver human’s reaction, but here we deal with self-honesty and self-perfection in terms of decomposing, stopping and transcending all the patterns of self-dishonesty and self-limitation, so let’s keep specifying.

Backwards, at night, when I drove home, I had a passenger, and when I was talking with him, some of my attention was ‘with him’ and I did not judge that much about the road conditions, rather was observing the situation and handling accordingly.

I also have to share that there were also several times when I was able to become aware of this pattern of going into judgement and I was able to say ‘NO’ and re-align immediately to focus to driving itself without going into judgement and reaction.

Well, I could go into much-much more details on what is happening on my daily driving, such as there is only one lane on most of the mountain road part and there are buses and it’s kind of obligatory to support the bus to come out from it’s stop and that also means I have to slow down, even stop sometimes, and then follow the slow bus behind for a while and just this, predictable, all the time happening re-occurring event what can bring up in terms of me reacting to this and and other drivers behavior.

Or even there are some tight time-windows from specific green lights to be able to go through another before getting the red light, and some of those red lights are quite long, like 1-2 minutes too, and if those add together, I can literally get to my destination 8-15 minutes later. This itself does not justify to speed, but certainly adds to the actual practical knowledge of when to push the gas a bit harder and when it’s completely useless. And even prior to this knowledge, not to be overconfident and expect the best outcome and then get frustrated when it does not play out like that.

I go into details to just demonstrate that specificity matters and within any every day re-occurring event, activity or interaction within the ‘system’ one can use it as an opportunity to get to know thyself further, to discover self-limitation, self-dishonesty and to find their reasons, how those are being re-and recreated at what trigger points to empower oneself to be able to stop those patterns. There is no such moment when one should waste not to apply self-honesty, or if still existing such perception/belief, that should be also investigated and stopped with the same tools applied here.

It does not need to be perceived as completely wasted times, when for instance getting that 2 minutes red light, and just because there was a slow truck carrying glass windows that I should become frustrated. It’s actually quite silly and foolish, especially if this happens every day, all the time. I can go through all my presence, mind, body, beingness in that 1-2 minutes, to see if there is built up tension, pressure, thought-pattern, worry, desire, and I can enjoy breathing and re-aligning with real self here in physical reality.

And another point I want to bring up – is that often the source, origin of ‘moody’ behavior is not even regards to driving and traffic exclusively, but also what’s influencing me in that morning, like what thoughts, problems, emotions I experience and why.

For instance I will have a random amount of bill soon and if I go into worry of not being able to pay for it and at the same time to afford to buy firewood for the winter, to pay for dentist, to buy enough food and also to travel to family and support them and in the meantime considering everything and to be also become frustrated by each and accumulating that during a simple morning shower – well, it’s also not unusual for an ordinary human to get ‘worked up’ before even getting dressed or sitting into the car, stepping up to the bus, arriving at work, etc.

That’s why it’s essential to invest time and effort to work with our mind, our thoughts, reactions, patterns, personality manifestations + at the same time to develop body and physical presence awareness, real intimacy with being here, ‘bodywork’, giving the time and space to slow down within and to find little moments of pure self-expression without any fear or desire, past or future.

I also could already move ahead with another point and leaving this driving point behind by stating, well, I’ve wrote stuff about it, became aware of quite several patterns of it, I am DONE, NEXT.

It’s also quite supporting to stick to a point and walk it through until it’s really-really owned, meaning I am clear, directive, nothing moves me, I am here, this is who I am.

Well, it’s a process in terms of driving, but I just commit here to continue investigating, decomposing, correcting, forgiving myself until I am naturally present without any reaction. I do not know when that would occur, maybe never, but it does not matter, this is what’s here today, that’s where I am directing myself towards: to discover more patterns, to stop I am already being aware of and keep expressing, exploring, sharing and living.

One last point – reflecting back to the apparently less related point of ‘motherf**ker’ remark I did – this also can open up a whole lot of dimensions of self-identification, like ‘what’s cool’ and why seems to be cool and awesome to curse, what it feels like, what I experience gaining, but when walking a point, a dimension, a pattern, most of the time overlapping, another points will come up and although it’s great to note them, but not to be distracted by, jumped over – except when it seems common sense to open up, and work through that aspect first in order to continue working through the current point I walk through.

The ‘everything is interconnected’ is never a worn-out phrase here – if I ‘work’ on driving, it does not mean I would not get, develop, manifest, substantiate insights, realizations, practical and effective self-correction ‘spreading’ to another aspects of my life. Patience is a decision, which can accumulate into self-trust, self-direction, discipline, what obviously can be applied at all aspects of life. That’s why it’s also common sense to walk through a point really, because often cannot be foreseen what benefits I might manifest, until I really am clear of any reactions in regarding to that point/aspect/scenario.

Again – that’s why writing is extremely supportive here – written word remains, I do not think about it, so my head can become clear, and it’s in front of me, and remains so, therefore I can return to it, continue with it, this is really awesome.

Thanks, enjoy, bye

Day 285 – Stopped psychedelics, Started Living

talaprocessupdate-2016-10-14I used to take spiritual and psychedelic ‘practices’ in order to find and know and change myself but I had to realize there is a much more direct and effective way to live transcendence.
What it means to be here and to see what’s relevant?


Study the mind and SELF and Life at

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Day 283 – Consciousness is less than we think

fraToday I reflect to this article I bookmarked quite some time before:

Consciousness has less control than believed, according to new theory

“Why do you have an urge or thought that you shouldn’t be having? Because, in a sense, the consciousness system doesn’t know that you shouldn’t be thinking about something,” Morsella said. “An urge generator doesn’t know that an urge is irrelevant to other thoughts or ongoing action.”

We say this since quite some years now – consciousness is a consequence of the separation from SELF as physical body presence through polarity, judgement and imaginary fear of loss – thus that’s the real limitation, that should be transcended by investigating our own relationships with the words we react to, we express…it’s common sense actually: how we would try to transcend what is constantly here as substance when we are even unable to understand and stop being limited by our own thoughts, feelings, images and waving emotions and to fully experience and express ourselves through and AS our human body, which is way more aware than our perception through the mind consciousness.
Even mind-blowing drug experiences cannot be trusted as only showing the system and it’s borders, not actual, real power of Self, which is Physical Living Words, what cannot be induced by anything else but decision, understanding, direction and expression as Self. So much to learn and unlearn…

Nothing is what it seems and this is specific to each individual equally – the more tempting to let go of something within your mind, life, which is not common sense, then it’s really great chance that you are conned by your own consciousness system in your mind, that’s a mechanism, not real self, not real at all, but superimposed, organic computer stuff, which sometimes can be handy, and also can be really-really deceitful, totally consumed by self-interest and also highly illogical, inefficient and really destructive if we follow it’s patterns blindly without stopping for a breath and considering what I am actually doing right now…

And this can be quite tricky, because the trend is to getting afraid of possible scenarios of Artificial Intelligence would take over or becoming more smart, do a quantum leap, a singularity, which actually nothing else, but our own mind consciousness system trying to evolve by actually fixing it’s limitations – totally externally, totally separated from self, from the physical, from human body, which might be the end of our path. Who knows? What I’ve found is that we can fix our own mind consciousness with Self-honesty, Self-correction, Responsibility, investigating, re-defining and changing our own relationships with our building blocks of life: words.

The more I am present, empty in my mind and whole, direct and physical so to speak, the more I can embrace, understand and see, feel and experience without the inner mind polarity-based interpretation, self-limitation of self-interest, fear and judgements.

This ‘knowledge’ is quite known since many-many years, yet really-really few people can really understand what it actually means to live like that and how to transform the current ‘human’ into this more direct, self-honest and actually life-aware beingness.

The scriptures, spiritual, religious books are full of contradictions, ignorance, darkness and even nastiness, and when about of actual, down to earth, practical methods, daily applications, they all rely on some belief, energetic accumulation or disregarding some aspects of the full spectrum of human existence.

I’d say, instead of exclusion, investigate all things and keep which is good, what is best for all participant, and that is not really difficult, only have to see the common denominator, what we all require to be supported on the physical level – food, shelter, water, education, health care, real connection, share and care. Which starts with what we have already here: ourselves, thus I start to care about my mind-consciousness – body relationship, my delusions, my fears, my limitations and understand them as who I am currently.
By becoming aware of what I have accepted to manifest as who I am today I acknowledge, but do not stop there, do not define as who I am, because I also see the potential of who I could be without fear, without self-interest, without the mesmerizing hypnotic trance of my thoughts and I decompose the patterns, I give a new chance for myself and thus I stop these patterns and explore what is beyond the consciousness system.

I’ve studied computer science, basically all my life working with programmed and programmable machines and also studied some fuzzy logic – which is word-rule-based system, what is used in machines already and that is also how a human mind is operating.
We keep saying that emotions are so damn valuable and the trademark of our ‘specialness’, which differentiates us from every animal, plant and machines, but if I really look at these also word-based, mostly systematic manifestations within the human mind consciousness – it’s not impossible to program such things, even by humans – it’s just a whole lot more complex and multidimensional system with much more data we ever dealt before in science. But look at the news, we are getting ‘there’ as already mentioned AI(Artificial Intelligence).
As time passes, the less will be needed for skills what we currently think as valuable today – machines take over factory, production, soon driving, transportation, farming, even applying law – the whole stock market is already running under A.I. control, and now military is joining, education, health care.
We are in the process of externalizing all aspects of human the mind consciousness system and then soon – apparently – nothing will remain as -sacred human value- what cannot be programmed into technology – maybe to just prove this very point that we are none of our dearly held values we imagine as who we think we are.

I am not against technology, hell no, but real awareness, actual care for LIFE – can be found if we, as organic human body beings start trusting to become with physical substance directly, without consciousness, without thoughts, not separated by words and reactions, but unified, become equal with the words we think, we say and express.

That is quite doable, I am part of this group, called Desteni, whereat individuals are understanding consciousness, it’s limitations, it’s programmability, it’s ‘place within our life’ and what is beyond that and how to learn and change our so-called ‘unchangeable’ human nature, which at the moment seems to be self-destructive.
The very fact that there are rarely human individuals who really care and consider the fact that our living environment we are destroying is a proof that they are identified and placed themselves within and as the consciousness, not here in and as Earth.
It’s not a judgement, but those who do not take responsibility for all what is happening on this planet, in this human-ruled system – are still in the self-limited hypnotic trance of consciousness systems and it’s not a game, each and every single human being is equally manifesting irreversible consequences in every second, thus it’s common sense to take responsibility also for those who are still trapped in the ‘won’t or can’t‘.

There is an online –free– course which can support with taking the first steps of understanding consciousness and to realize there is so much more beyond it…

So…investigate, be self-honest and blow your mind one breath- and step – at a time. Enjoy!

Day 267 – Spiritual vs Common sense – words

IMG_4571In terms of why I found spiritual practices to be actually not really supporting in comparison to simple practical common sense is the following.

What are the facts: we react to specific words, images, pictures, experiences, feelings, emotions, memories. Regardless of how much we would like to doubt, we are existing on a word-based system. It sounds so liberating to have some magical energetic experiences, based on mantra, for instance OM, because it resonates the galaxy or whatever and thinking that it is a specific and special word if we speak and sound and contain and express, then it would help us. I’ve experimented with this and what I’ve found was fascinating.

(Download link for the audio is here.)