Waking up as Breath as me, Moment as Me and Process overall
I started to support self-realization with Desteni tools and courses, self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective statements some years ago and it’s literally the holy grail of those who really want to awake.
It is the kind of thing what can’t be explained, because until one does not really-really(honestly) try and live these tools(which are structured way to get to know and debunk our own mind, words and limitations), then it does not seem that special.
It’s literally the most direct way to develop throughout understanding and self-empowerment to be able to finetune, correct and evolve our ability to learn, really feel and become much more effective, because it operates on the mind’s building blocks level, which are words.
No mystical, or belief-related point is in this – but simply learning the ability to question and answer to myself – absolute honesty, open and direct communication with me, my potentials, strengths and even weaknesses.
This is obviously the greatest aspect of life for me, because before applying these understandings, principles and realizations, tools and structured supporting courses and activites, I was literally lost between fear and hope, I was suppressing emotions, was addicted to various things to do, could not admit my responsibilities, the things I resisted to accept in reality and the not real things I kept chasing.
I am really grateful and this is really a pride point in my existence, not that I am proud of myself, but definitely proud to the principle of living in or changing towards Self-honesty, when being witness or part of people realizing and sharing their process of becoming aware of self-dishonesty and the daily commitment, forgiveness and living to change.
I am not proud of myself in particular, but it’s also part of the picture that I used to be – still sometimes but way less – really tough and judgemental about how I perceive and react to my mistakes and weaknesses.
That the practicality is that when I see a mistake I made, instead of judging, mentally and emotionally punishing, abusing myself, whipping up with harsh thoughts to the state of frustration and shame – that’s something I am really releasing these days by the support of Desteni tools, online courses and great community.
As if I do something stupid or dumb, which obviously does not support me, that the solution is not to fight myself, but to slow down, open up and understand – yet not to become too soft or unfocused – its really an art and only comes with consistent work and practical application.
The fact is that writing this blog, walking the Desteni I Process online courses is just a glimpse of the effort people do in Desteni community, because all of these are preparations to real time change.
That is something one can not guarantee and only comes with dedication and effort.
Everyone has their own strenghts and weaknesses, someone can easily stop smoking for instance or drive a car in any situation, while someone other can really struggle with finding a job to earn enough or to not to fall into a relationship what is not mutually supportive.
So, everyone has their own challenges, but as spending a decade decomposing my mind and consciousness to really understand who I am and how I am created, it is obvious that everyone walks the same process.
Maybe the words, the feelings, the pictures and sounds are different in their life, but the same mind mirror consciousness system is with everyone to show what we have accepted and allowed to manifest and what we have to own and take responsibility for to stop self-interest, stop being part of a system what is anti-life, non-sustainable.
To be able to tame and dissolve my own inner demons is just the start – then the whole world opens up and one really can start to work on to continue the expansion and to realize that any separation from anything or anyone in this existence is a protection mechanism for the temporally self-interest bubble, and then it’s obvious that it’s an all or nothing scenario. Noone is really free until everyone is free.
Free means free of fear, free of death, fear of enslavement, fear of fear.
I did not plan the post/writing to be this holistic, but I don’t mind.
What originally wanted to write about is that I had an exhausting work day and had a big nap after lunch. After waking up around 20PM, I felt really heavy, still kind of slow and tired, but I know myself enough to be aware of that it’s not real tiredness, it’s a mental resistance, thus will dissolve.
To support this waking up without the mind system’s exhausting patterns – one of the greatest support for me with Desteni tools was – and still is – this very sentence:
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to wake up in the morning(or the afternoon) as moment as me, breath as me.
(Jack – Self-forgiveness: Sleeping ) The link can be found here among many other points to become aware with Self-forgiveness self-expansion:
Instead of waking up as thinking, focusing to energetic feelings in my mind, my body – what are results of thinking, resistances, desires and worries – mind constructs and judgments, definitions and polarities – to simply wake up as tiny children do: simply breath without thoughts, act, play and express in the moment, as me, as life. Yet with understanding, awareness of responsibility and direction.
Sometimes things and points in this blog seem repetitive, and it’s alright – if throughout the years the same points, issues, patterns come back without any significant and substantial change, that’s a sign that I walk around the real points, not directly into and through them and I might need to re-align, ask for support.
Alone it’s extremely difficult, because one does not see the deception within own’s perception without objective decomposition, absolute self-honesty.
Many go to psychologist, to talk their mind and heart out, that also can help, but with deeply ingrained convictions, automatic patterns, one has to have a technique with a principle to create a way to accumulate the change one wants to manifest.
For instance I already know how to deal with this dull tiredness if occurs to me after waking up – no need to think about, react to it, or judge – but simply apply what is practically working and to see how I can do better, more directly and also how to prevent it to manifest. What contributes to this tiredness during my day, when I am not present, allowing thoughts to chase and react with energy, so then that energy being suppressed and creating this energetic density which sits onto my mind, like a bucket of mud.
All the thoughts are indications of points and things in my life with what I do not yet have real awareness and practical application of self-honest responsibility, that’s why the doubt, worry resonantly triggering those thoughts, activating feelings and emotions – instead of directly LIVING WORDS without any inner play.
It’s humanity’s grand theme to really understand the inner space within our mind and how to honestly support the betterment of mankind with dealing the signs of self-dishonesty, which is manifested within our actions, accumulated to our and future generations.
My mental tiredness after waking up come from the desires, worries I did not yet develop a practical plan which with I trust myself that I am going to do all I can to solve – thus it’s also a mirror to see, what is the reason that I have this experience in a month about 2-3 times.
This post is not about going into details about those, but rather to share that everyone has their dozens of self-honesty points within their life and the ones we do not embrace and take responsibility for, will escalate and will manifest consequences what will even further reduce the perception of our choices, especially, because as a human, it’s so easy to fall into blame, justification and all kinds of emotional distractions.
Not falling into emotional self-traps do not mean not to feel, live or truly love – but when I feel the love, want to feel more or feel a hate – that’s actually completely self-interest – because love is not about how I feel, but it’s about what is really being done in the actual, physical realm.
When I stated ten years ago that I am done with spiritual ‘practises’, ‘beliefs’ and ‘systems’ and I am grounding myself to birth myself as the physical, I did not mean that I am now materialistic and denying everything beyond the matter. No. But what really matters is obvious on the actual physical realm. There are dimensions, many, inter and extra and maybe even ultra-dimensional things, systems or whatever. But to become practical and effective, one has to substantiate all the refractioned, scattered self.
I have an understanding of a lot of buddhist and eastern teaching’s scriptures and guidelines, teachings and I also see what they supposed to mean, there is value and factuality in that. But the whole thing, how is actually manifested is extremely deceiving and entrapping and most of the humans are not supported enough to be able to see those mental and emotional traps, because their own convictions and beliefs, hopes and fears. Thus it is not suggested to continue participating in those systems, simply because they literally are like one step forward, two steps back in the longer term.
Many will not realize this, or they will when they are too old to do something about it as they layered up and ‘consequenced’ their life to the point of everything is so automatic that it’s extremely challenging to stop those mind-patterns. And even if those patterns are about meditation, inner emptiness experience, feeling blissful and positive – that’s also an elaborate trap.
I am not sure if I was lucky, chosen or simply being really ready to be able to really apply critical investigation to spirituality and being able to see the shortcomings and fallacy within those.
It’s all about what’s really the motivation, to feel free or really, proven to walk into freedom from my own self-limitations.
The solution to my dazed, groggy tired experience after waking up is really simple – start moving, expressing without thinking mind, without worry, and as I move, as I breath, as I write these words, as literally directing myself to type these letters on the keyboard – I am here. Not in the past, not in the future, fully here.
And I guarantee this – this ‘I am here’ – is just a location reference and as one ‘spends more time’ in and as ‘this moment as expression, here within awareness of me being here’ – it expands and substantiates and brings more realizations, self-trust and clarity.
And within self-direction – self-movement I look – what really worries me, what I truly desire, and what is the solution about that.
Many can worry about to be really honest with myself – they just end up being really selfish or even evil, to just want to be rich, money, power, sex and all kinds of stuff – so they rather not be honest about what they truly desire.
It’s alright to admit – and to also acknowledge that it’s a state for now – maybe I truly desire to have sex with that lady, who I just barely know – and self-honesty is not to be like: ‘aha – so I honestly want to have sex with her, okay, how to do that, lets go’.
But often this self-honesty is just the surface of an other layer, for instance – ‘I really desire a partner, trust someone, mutual support, live with, etc’ – and then the next ‘aha’ – is that maybe I hope that this lady would be that someone I miss to have.
And many also stops there, and they chase relationship, wife, family and financial stability.
One also can look further, why I need these qualities, these words to be experienced BY SOMEONE, what I truly lack within myself for myself, and I can for instance see : I really miss love – because I do not love myself, I want to feel loved, because I don’t know how to love myself.
what is love – what is life, who I am?
It’s that easy to have existential crisis – so many do not do this to really face what’s within and not just ask but try to answer as well.
This is why for many, psychedelic drugs are so creepy scary things – as one can just slip into this state of questions and then to realize that ‘holy fuck I have no idea, clarity or real understanding’.
Some then gets freaked out, some uses it as a motivation to start a journey to find answers.
I bring drugs up as myself have experience with those, but what I have realized that they can induce fascinating experiences, really intense, very cool and also very uncool moments – but eventually, when I was ready to really answer these questions, then the drugs were in the way, they are distraction, too much lubrication of the mind, where I already realized that having those automatic habits of thought and reaction patterns are not solving, so until one do not stop taking the substances, will always slip back willingly or unwillingly to the patterns honestly really wants to change already.
Do I only want to have a feel in relation to see these unanswered questions, do I only want to feel oneness or I actually want real awareness, which is responsibility and practical understanding of action and consequences?
So, after all those mind-blowing years, my real self-realization process started only when stopped the substances and started writing within self-honesty, to be able to forgive myself to still participating within patterns I already knew that I am sabotaging self-growth and taking responsibility for my and my surrounding’s reality.
Truly we are our own worst enemy and greatest support as well.
To be able to admit for instance that I allow lack of clarity and spending time in doubt because of financial instability brings up the point of working on my fears, doubts based on memory and childhood imprinting, and also to start practically looking in current reality of what I can actually do to dig myself out from the lack of money or to be able to see if it is really the problem in my life, or just distracting myself with the idea and excuse of having these problems, as by objectively looking, I am no way being rich, but earning so much more than anyone in my family for instance.
So decomposing the mind is great, the most important aspect of it is to structure and self-direct – not to start chasing thoughts and then ending up being chased by those and just jumping all over from problem to problem and not solving anything.
That’s where Desteni I Process online course is my life saver as the lessons, assignments, chats with the buddy, week by week – provides a timeline to walk through points with objective insights.
It has a cost, yes – as the whole course, the people invest their life to create, run and improve these courses every day, currently in this world money is a fuel, a symbol of awareness of creation, but if look back to see who I would be without paying and walking these courses – it’s really close to being scary to see how bad shape I was before in comparison to who I am today and I am still in these courses, every week working on patterns, weaknesses, honesty points and practical solutions.
That’s beyond value, because it’s literally the betterment of the world – which starts with ourselves. And this is not a vain or pride thing to say, but to clarify what it means to walk this process.
Sharing these doubts, fears, dishonesties in this public blog is also part of it – as I realize who I accepted myself to become, but I do not accept myself as these self-dishonesty points and I am going to change, and I share the process of change – this is integrity. Thus I develop self-trust, and also to stand up with and as the world – that this is who I really am, I am open book and everyone is encouraged to join and participate.
This is a really great substantiation of all the desteni tools and materials and experiences, really can support with practical living in self-honesty:
This is also an other way to explore how to catalyze self-expansion:
Great library of studies about the mind and consciousness, problems and solutions, existence and all kinds of health, and many more issues: