Day 467 – Facing conflicts with desteni support

I made a vlog about facing conflicts

I recommend this free online course to learn basic self skills with seasoned buddy support:

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Read desteni blogs, watch desteni vlogs, people, who walk through their limitations, dishonesty, resistances, addictions, fears etc

https://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife

Day 466 – Starting the day with STOPPING

IMG_20200818_183724Continuing from Day 465 – Finding Courage

This one I wrote previously:

I forgive myself that I have not yet been expressing the courage to truly and uncompromisingly investigate and cross-reference what it actually and really means to love, to act upon unification and to express genuine freedom due to the mesmerizing distraction to self-delusions by not realizing the ticking clock, the finite amount of breaths being available before I inevitably perish.

  • Within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the energetic reaction to my automatic and often unnoticed self-judgement about ‘perishing’ – which is the fear of being incomplete, unfinished, within that the fear of ‘not making it’, meaning until my last breath not establishing consistent self-direction within self-honesty and within that unadmitted fear accumulating ‘worry’ to charge the energetic mind which is the by-product of participating in the mind, thus manifesting the oroborous, loop 22, which is the infinite cycle within and as my physical expression lead through systems within and as my daily, momentary self-acceptance of giving into the temptation of ‘not needing to stand unafraid’.
  • I forgive myself that I have hidden from my coming and going worry, – specifically within sugarcoating FEAR with ‘worry’ as defining worry as something as a mild annoyance comparing to FEAR as then fear it is the real deal, can not be denied anymore thus within that I forgive myself that I have not taken full responsibility in every moments to first admit that I have not yet transcended this fear but learned to live with it and for certain moments becoming able to suppress in order to ‘rest’ as defining STANDING UP AS LIFE WITHIN SELF-HONESTY as work, as effort, as something what I’ve defined as can exhaust me, not entertaining, not stimulating, not always positive and within that manifesting this polarity system of standing up and then resting out that effort and not daring to be honest with myself that this is self-delusion as this indicates energy, self-manipulation and still participation in self-separation through the justification to accept thoughts, feelings and emotions as my driving force and not realizing that behind that drive, the fear of change, fear of unknown and fear of responsibility I should spearhead to embrace and find practical work with it directly in a measurable, accumulative, consistent and enjoyable way, enjoyable meaning honoring myself and regardless of experiences or world events to respect that as LIFE.

So. This post is actually to open up about:

STARTING THE DAY WITH STOPPING

When I wake up, I often start with STOP to say and direct myself to.
If I just wake up in the morning(or afternoon, whenever), I do not want inner movement, I do not enjoy thin-king, I do absolutely like to prevent to get emotional and that I really enjoy to do.

To have a thought, vectoring into a thought-chain/thought-train about something I need or should do today, a point I have not yet resolved within self-honesty thus the systematic reflection automatically offers to ‘grind on’ and it is not that difficult to imagine this to become an annoyance.

How can I annoy myself into frustration with purely myself one might can ask and it is not really reaching that level nowadays, but if I would not STOP myself, even when still being in bed, I would definitely get annoyed with this aspect of myself, as I know, because I used to.

With the support of Desteni I Process and other desteni group support, it is evident that this kind of approach towards PROBLEMS is not effective and inevitably accumulates into inner and outer conflicts.

Instead of that, I STOP first – and no need to worry, if I have not entirely stopped a self-dishonest pattern, it will come back, but first I like to have an inner clarity, a quiet collectedness.
Sometimes it is enough to direct myself STOP and breathe, sometimes I apply self-forgiveness, with direct self-movement (without physical movement but sometimes with that), sometimes I whisper or even say aloud the self-forgiveness words, sentences. To. Each. And. Every. Single. Inner. Reaction.
Inner reactions, backchat, once looking at it within self-honesty, the thoughts often directly can lead directly back to the core self-dishonesty point, the fear, the distrust, the blame or any other kind of bullshit. Sometimes I need to investigate and approach the point from different angles to literally dig out that.

Of course, oftentimes I do not have the ability to do this for an hour when I wake up, yet I still take the moments, that’s why shower, brushing teeth also can be a perfect opportunity.

It’s like a self-diagnosis running at the start for sophisticated machines – it is I guess, similar approach.
It would be quite a lie to say that there are no systems within us, our mind, our approach to living, thus – systems require maintenance, sometimes a whole update or even a redesign from scratch.

That’s self-forgiveness if applied with a support who is experienced with walking this by themselves as well.
It is no way to cross-reference my own mind alone, thus recommending the Desteni support.

Sigh. Alright. For now this is it. Enjoy, breath, cheers.

Day 465 – Finding Courage

IMG_20200818_182230-2Continuing with COURAGE as it is quite relevant to my last post called Resisting Conflicts.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear to be exposed for all what I’ve defined as my weaknesses, to be publicly humiliated for the things I have been judging myself as bad, to be ridiculed for the things I have tried to get away within self-dishonesty, to be ashamed for what I have been accepting and allowing within self-interest and to be punished for what I have done what could be considered as illegal and within that to hope for reconciliation and redemption, forgiveness and liberation; instead of that fear and hope to take my faith into my own hands with courage, self-honesty and principled living.
  • I forgive myself that I have been defining myself as stubborn, refractory and self-willed because I only learn from mistakes, falls and suffering instead realizing it is not true, it is a self-judgmental self-punishment self-definition in order to manipulate myself to feel and judge myself better by manifested consequences than what I hold onto as self-definition thus stimulating myself to lean towards positive reaction in relation to myself; instead of letting go and preventing myself to participate within such system.
  • I forgive myself that I have not yet been established the unwavering courage to even try to live without systems within my head due to self-accepted justification to fear of not surviving, fear of consequences and fear of not being loved by myself and others and not realizing that all of these are energetic infestations within myself in order to consistently delude and distract, to perceive separation, safety, superiority and freedom; exactly because I am within self honesty being aware of that I lack these to be able to directly live and experience, thus becoming addicted to rely to these systems within me to EXPERIENCE these words – AT LEAST, instead of finding practical ways to directly LIVE these words of love, unity, safety and freedom.
  • I forgive myself that I have not yet been expressing the courage to truly and uncompromisingly investigate and cross-reference what it actually and really means to love, to act upon unification and to express genuine freedom due to the mesmerizing distraction to self-delusions by not realizing the ticking clock, the finite amount of breaths being available before I inevitably perish.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the practical solution to all the shame, regret, secrets and fear I hold onto being exposed or becoming public to face each of these and release the energetic charge with self-forgiveness written, sounded aloud and lived in action by understanding how why and for what I have done those actions and committing myself to STOP and then actually, physically doing so within awareness of specificty and practicality.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been judging myself for what I define as questionable and morally defineable as bad yet within self-honesty I could see that some of these are baggages from past still being carried and some of those are genuine self-expression emerging and then being suppressed because of fear of judgment of myself and others and within that not realizing that the solution is self-agreement and living courage to admit mistakes I am willing and actually going to not make again what are proving to be not self-honest and to embrace and enjoy aspect of myself what are judged only because of systems in my head.
  • I forgive myself that I have not listed up the points I’ve been judging myself as negative and positive, holding onto these self-definitions in order to be able to give permission to my mind system to automatically judge and react to, stimulate and isolate, manipulate and suppress.
  • I forgive myself that I have not admitted that there have been, in fact many times when I already was able to embrace myself how and who I am and exist for consecutive moments within self-acceptance and self-honesty – thus already being proven that this is liveable yet not yet put into the effective effort to broaden, further establish and becoming more natural to exist within such way of living expression due to still relying to systems within me to help and save me as not yet understanding the abuse and neglect, suppression and hate within those moments towards myself and life itself due to the blame and projection, anger and powerlessness.
  • I forgive myself that I have not taken the COURAGE to the utmost potential in every moment of every breath – the only way to be able to find true love and freedom within and also to realize that the addiction to being able to define and FEEL safety is a delusion what costs literally my LIFE thus
  • I commit myself to let go the fear of losing safety and perception of being accepted, loved, cared for and respected as realizing these are only mental and emotional projections in relation to myself primary anyway thus that is the courage I choose to live, it is not even a choice but the only practical common sense application within self-honesty.

Day 464 – Resisting conflicts

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  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my past experiences into current, newly built relationships as defining myself the same, the relationship and the nature of it to be the same, even when they are not.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry/fear about something in relation to someone, yet not communicating with myself and the person about it thus letting the fear sit and grow within.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that even if I bring up a fear about something in relation to someone then it can cause conflict and irreversible consequences, not realizing that this is not about the relationship, but about fear of conflicts, fear of losing the perceived control.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define external conflicts bad and avoidable because I find myself uncomfortable mentally, emotionally and physically within yet not asking why is that.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of external conflicts, interpersonal and relationship conflicts, because I fear that I would be faced with something what would make me to change my mind but I do not want to because my ‘truth’ I’ve defined to be more important than what’s real and relevant here.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto a version of truth what serves my interest within the fear of losing the control I perceive having in my reality, because of the belief that I need to protect myself from conflicts, because within conflicts I feel bad, I perform bad and I lose what I have; instead of realizing that if I really look into myself, decomposing these patterns, behind all of this is just a memory, a self-definition, an idea what is not representing what’s here, real and relevant.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that becase I’ve defined that I perform not so good within conflicts, simply defined that my interest is to avoid conflicts, instead of finding my presence, stability and self-trust within conflicts as it is part of life, and defining myself unable to adapt and represent myself as LIFE within conflicts limits me beyond my comprehension.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to find my enjoyment within external conflicts in the sense of exploring and discovering aspects of myself and embracing them as myself and working to become more practical, self-honest and relevant.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the judgement I hold onto people who are ‘highly illogical’ within conflicts, thus obviously acting within emotional reaction and fear, which is the exact representation I have defined myself to be, judged myself to be not good enough, yet not realizing that I can apply self-forgiveness in real time at moments to let go the fear, fear of loss, fear of losing control and the fear of change.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that as I stop experiencing inner conflicts, becoming more effective to deal and stop inner conflicts with self-honest communication, self-agreement and self-commitment, I also become more comfortable to not lose myself within external conflicts as realizing that who I am within and as my entire presence is not threathened by opinions or arguments, but only if I react to those; thus the common sense is to let go my inherent and automatic judgment and reaction to those kind of opinions and arguments, situations and circumstances.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within avoiding conflicts, I have been avoiding to face myself, avoiding to reveal self-judgments, self-limitations and resistances thus hiding from myself and what is here in and as the physical.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have already lived the expression of being alright with not agreeing with someone, entirely and within that to realize that it was about specific topics wherein I have started to establish self-trust and self-honesty, thus thus far not realizing that I can and should keep purifying myself within all kinds of communication and situations to not judge myself, thus becoming able to not judge others as well.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been judging myself because I have believed the fear I have been accepting to live with that I can not change, yet I can, with accumulating STOPPING participating in reactions and thoughts, feelings, emotions and thus not being energetically charged and moved, but first to discover what is this pattern here within me and why I resist to realize the common sense here.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that there is no point in not trusting myself as thus far I am 100% still breathing here, therefore
  • I commit myself to establish practical self-trust within situations of inner or external conflicts by focusing on my physical awareness, comfort and support, breathing and also to STOP my reactions to be able to HEAR HERE, to listen, to embrace what others communicate, resonate, represent, want and also what they react to and resist without going into assumptions but with open and direct communication.
  • I commit myself to let go fear of conflicts, to let go fear of losing within conflicts and to establish practical knowledge about what is practically agreeable and not agreeable to live among others.

to be continued