Day 443 – VLOG Share day of Self-honesty

Did a couple of VLOGs today, just a momentary self-reflection and unconditional share.

This is a playlist, consisting of ten videos. Just to see how it folds as I keep sharing.


Closed captions (CC button below) as transcription also works about at 96% precision.

I had gained some insights about my expression during these videos, will share those later. Sharing yourself is key towards establishing integrity and credibility, stability and consistency in this quickly changing existence.

Do not miss this opportunity – if you are able to see this, you are part of the elite, who has food, shelter, money, time and internet. Most of the humans on this earth can’t have it.

Each video has this description with all the cool support links:

This is shared on my Self-honesty Journey to Life Desteni blog at

Desteni I Process mind-blowing FREE course:

Desteni I Process PRO for deeper understanding

Existential Knowledge about our existence audio-book library

Facebook group of people walking self-honesty and real-time change

Closed group of Desteni community to share with each other openly:

Self and Living awesome and practical support:

Please do not hesitate to drop a line, we should support each other as life

Bernard Poolman’s mind-blowing blog:

Desteni core site with support forum, many articles, etc

Day 442 – Judging the annoying person


Amazing plant I saw recently

I had this recently, there was a dude in the new office we moved into, who just seemed so obnoxious, something in his voice was just bugging me so much. Not only for me, others said similar as well. Then I realized, let’s see what’s this, I never liked gossip or talking behind people, so at a company party I literally took myself and walked to him and started talking with him, to get to know him, not just let him in, in my presence and react, but to direct myself to ask, to understand, to directly ‘feel’ without inner, mind movement.

By talking with him, I had to realize so many things; this guy had so much bad stuff in his life, he is sort of broken inside at the moment, burned out, disappointed, treated badly, got really bad injury(hit by a car!), almost like lost everything. He is tainted with sadness and bitterness.
He had this sort of perfect, well worked out, model-like muscular body and handsome face, yet somehow his sort of aura was still not ‘attractive'(not for me, just he also explained, had no ‘luck’ with ladies nowadays).
I felt a bit sorry for him and myself judging him before knowing as well for a moment.

He said, he wants to leave, to restart in an other country. Usually I do not agree with changing environment instead of changing self here first, but this time I naturally told him, yes, go, leave ASAP, change your life for the better. He told me, he already resigned, yes, will leave. Good. Absolutely self-honestly, not for me not needing to be exposed to his presence and voice, but for him.
Since then – I had no reaction to him in my mind. I did not mind anymore when he was close to exchange words a couple of times until he left. It still seemed we will not be buddies, I even observed a thought once that ‘he does not like me’ – but then I did let that go for real and it worked.

So it’s the direct intervention what assisted me here, to step beyond my reaction, my feel, my definition and the wish to reveal what’s actually real here, not just what’s in my head.

Of course, all bad, annoying, apparently selfish and harmful people: they are not inherently evil, they are just currently concluded into this sort of expression – but it’s different from KNOWING to LIVING this knowledge, in real time action.

This made me realize MY responsibility, even with strangers I have. To be myself. That is best I can do for all. Mind blown. Whoever I encounter, whatever I go through in any given moment, that is my responsibility, that is my reality, that is who I am: to express within self-honesty, no matter what. This is the real freedom, not a bunch of billions and yachts I always believed.

I used to shut down any notion of this kind within myself before, by generating a sort of doubt and worry of who am I to want to influence others, what if I am wrong, what if I ‘assist’, direct or push people towards something what would end up being even worse – the thought of manifesting an irreversible, yet defined by me as bad consequence haunted me to utter oblivion until I did shovel this kind of attitude of mine deep and dark into me so then I do not ‘risk’. Just then I do not LIVE either.

So it’s fascinating how easily people can judge without understanding, just because they are being triggered. Well, myself, for sure.
In the moment of emotional reaction I live out distraction, a sort of result of a deduction process in my mind but based on doubt and fear, self-interest, judgment and conviction; instead of always working with facts here, regardless of good or bad based on my past pre-programming.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people before knowing them just because they trigger me to react with ‘bad’, ‘negative’ automatically, believing this experience to be real, to be the other person; instead of slowing down within for a moment and acknowledge: I only see, experience, react to MYSELF, I project, I blame, I judge, because to embrace, to reveal, to become vulnerable for what’s really here I define as not worth risking, rather choosing self-limitation, even when I know that I do limit myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people’s voice, tonality based on how I react to the voice to automatically conclude how or who the person is, based on the automatic scoring system in my mind, because whatever is ‘negative’ – I do not like, I do not want, I do not care to understand.
  • I forgive myself that I have not fully allowed to sink in that I define myself, who I am as already solid, manifested, birthed, this is who I am and I can not change who I really am in flesh, so I need to accept myself and live with it and not admitting that this is an excuse that I was wandering in a maze and although I have the thread of Ariadne with what I can back track where I came from, I do not do that, I define myself to be lost in a way, that ‘it happened that I came out to be here like this, so this is it’ instead of really embracing the fact that I can go back, I can undo my self-creation and choose a different path within self-honesty, even if it means years of work, receiving support and truly committing for working through even the ‘bad’ experiences, what always turning out to be just a perception.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that whenever I hesitate  in front of a judgment, reaction of whether I accept this and become,  or I MOVE and step out of it’s way and ACT IMMEDIATELY and open up, communicate, share and trust myself unconditionally – even if I will make mistake, that is how I learn who I am today and assisting myself
    to keep re-committing myself to re-align again and push and birth myself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized how and why I judge people and why I accept myself keep judging them day by day, instead of admitting, this is dumb, this is limiting, boring and robotic; instead of stepping out from the mind’s apparently safe and clever comfort zone into a vulnerable yet more potent with opportunity to express within self-honesty situation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I do not need to be
    liked by anyone to be who I am within self-honesty, it is not dependent on anything but who I am as Life here, thus any time I find myself still relying on this dependency, I forgive myself for that specifically and let go IN REAL TIME within and as BREATH HERE as action.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that freedom is to have enormous amount of money and to be able to buy and pay anything, not realizing that this is a compensation in my mind, because can’t become in flesh who I am as a being, so rather just buy everything I desire – and within that not admitting that this is not freedom, this is indoctrination.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized what actual and real freedom is for me, which is to be absolutely honest with myself in every and all moments consistently, to commit and live myself without the participation of the mind, the thoughts, the feelings, emotions, systems, comparisons, polarities, separations, convictions; and to learn to breathe without a thought, walk without thinking, move without mind-energy of feelings or emotions, to direct and move as the physical directly, no separation, no dependency of conviction.
  • I commit myself to not accept any judgment within myself towards myself or others, but to walk right into this construct and decompose, understand and transcend in real time.
  • I commit myself to keep sharing my process of self-honesty within the realization that this is who I really am as life.

Be bold and brave, delve into Desteni, it is extraordinary, incomprehensible support for anyone who dares to be honest with themselves.

Day 441 – The feral mind


Seeing my Shadow

This is about the feral mind humans, what have never been domesticated. Yet we live with it, as it every day, no break.

Sometimes it is even cryptic – when I look at my stance towards a specific person, who I judge as ‘not cool’ – simply because of my interest connecting me to that person, all I do is that I judge, box and define the person based on that interest of mine.

We can even call it love when our self-interest totally consumed us, the sheer amount of fear of not being able to experience that self-interesting love will eventually show who we really are in our limited actions.

I remember my love experiences – falling into those regarding to specific ladies – total disaster eventually all what has became, because I was blinded by my obsession for a reason – neglecting, not loving myself.

I have no problem with the word love or the love as action itself, it’s just everything is awesome, yet rotten from the core because of our starting point with ourselves, our mind, the world and others, which is not absolute self-trust, not absolute clarity, stability, consistency and practicality.

I remember, some people around me were telling me that they desire this fall in love experience, yet they can’t control it to simply have it with someone. It comes or not, and even if it does – it can go away just that easily as well.
Hell, some even admit, when the partner seems perfect – if that sort of obsessive, blinding ‘love’ experience is not presenting itself after a while, they just move on. It sounds almost like fishing, you put out a bate and you hope.

I used to accept to take refugee in these love experiences – and just as I did that – I catalyzed to manifest consequences for my lack of self-love, self-respect, self-trust, self-honesty.

So then how can I actually love myself within self-respect, self-trust and self-honesty?

That is a question everyone has to answer for themselves. It is certainly not about accumulating feeling good. It’s not about feeling bad either, like saying – tough life, hard justice, only real what is bad, like pain makes you feel real – it is just a sort of twisted rationalization of being lost in a mind-oblivion.

The mind is a fascinating design – although we all use it to hide with all the thoughts, feelings, emotions – who is not preoccupied with their own mind-crap, they can see what are the facts, here, real.

To see the Matrix is not magic or something mystical – it is to be able to see, walk through and understand systems.

Systems in my own mind. Systems in my own behavior, reactions, justifications. And by that, eventually the real world opens up.

If I look at my own existence, it seems quite complex yet mostly automatic. Apparently I make the decisions, yet I can’t seem to weave, sculpture, forge exactly what I want.

This often results in simply letting go of that specific want, the one which I can’t seem to be able to pull out to fulfill.

I am really good with adapting – I always noticed – and yet, if I am brutally honest with myself – not really – it’s just I have adapted to always be able to explain what I experience and do of why I do that, yet if I really investigate the atomic steps of how my mind, words, actions flow, it is quite obvious that most of me, who I am today is quite automatic, as a consequence based on my past participation with my mind, body and reality in overall.

Cool experiment – try to abandon yourself – do not ‘do’ – just ‘be’ – it might not be that awesome, yet you can observe that you are going to keep existing without actual conscious ‘decisions’.

Recently became obvious via walking the amazing DIP Pro course that just because a simple judgmental point, I was able to judge someone, completely justified to make a decision about that person’s life in a way what I defined as ‘tough love’.

Meanwhile, all I did was that this person being in my life has triggered my ‘mind-wounds’ of my past, just because this situation resembles to that situation from the times when I was clueless, powerless and totally exposed to this world without practical skills, money and actual understanding.

Just to make it more clear – I had experiences in my childhood what I really did not like and now when I see something similar to that, I automatically react, I automatically score negative points in my mind, I automatically accumulate inner friction about it and most importantly – I keep branding people and situations around me based on that. This guy did good, +1 – but yesterday did bad, -1.

Negative has to has positive side – both are unreal, only seem relevant through my self-interest mind consciousness system, so the only way I can make them believable is that I try to keep my mind in a sort of consequential, yet consistently logical operation. What’s good is good, what’s bad is bad. For my interest. Even if that interest is called ‘love and best for all’. That is my interest, right.

See – I have the greatest intention – yet filled and manifested through rules and regulations based on the past. Although I have born total innocent, without a system in my head,- as a grown-up I am now formed, branded and limited.

I have been doing pilgrimage, meditation, rituals, trances, alcohol, drugs and many other activities in order to unconsciously try to purify myself from my own self-definitions, judgments and limitations; by time they just build and grow; just like my mind has developed it’s rigidity and limiting solidity, the same way as most of the old people’s body show how they are in their own mind as well: they become completely calcified, crystallized and totally the opposite of being innocent, flexible and free as everyone was born here.

Eventually I have realized that I can distract myself from my self-dishonesty as long as I want with meditating on buddha form, or doing a ritual for some god’s goodwill or forgiveness, they will wait for me when I am done. Every single dishonesty of mine will not go away, unless I work on it, and I live real time, consistently the actual change. It is a job, no doubt.

Sure, I work at this IT company, I do this and that, but my real job is to reveal, deal with and prevent dishonesty in this world. This world is mine. I am the world. Today I have realized, yeah, yeah, when I visit another country, I visit them, I am the tourist there, in a way – but from another perspective, I am still home, I am in the world, as the world. Always. Silly idea of separating myself from the world. Where is the end of me and starting the world? My skin? What my body is made of is not the world? The whole thing is ridiculous.

Anyone stating that they do not care about the world is just a funny way showing that they do not truly care about themselves, maybe, because they have never directly saw/met/experienced/lived themselves. But again – what is care, how can I truly live real care without any percentage of delusion?

How can I care for others, the world, when I do not know how to care for myself, my ‘human condition’, branded with my own mind-systems, limiting my perception, experience and expression.

That’s why it’s common sense – want to love, care? Learn how to care for yourself!
Sure, that entails dealing with the hardware, our bodies, but any hardware is only capable of doing what it’s software allows to do – thus, the well-being of SELF within self-honesty is also pretty important.

Of course, too much self-introspection, self-care, self-love might seem as self-interest, it reminds me to the presumably true old stories about some saints from holy books dedicating their life to ‘get enlightened’ or ‘unify/experience/live god’, etc.

Like, seriously – if there would be a real Artificial Intelligence in this world – I mean, true intelligence, it would laugh it’s ass off on humans and their thousands of gods, saints and all kinds of mystical friends.

Yet these are just symbols of our own relationship with our own mind.

Just like when I automatically believe that an experience, a situation and a judgment from my childhood should justify me still feeling, defining and acting the same way. Ridiculous.

Of course, if you have been bullied by multiple legless men for instance (just a funky idea), it is quite a challenge not to define this, them and in general as bad automatically.

It seems like it’s beneficial. Feels like the whole ‘Darwinism’ and ‘evolution’ is just comprehensive pre-programming to be honest towards the perfection of mind consciousness as system as god.

Surely, every single living being has their own individual expression(sometimes we can catch this, when a rabbit, categorized as scared, chases away poisonous snakes, showing extreme fearlessness), yet it also can be that it’s still programming, somehow some rabbit-mind-variable overflown and calculating decision differently what we usually expect by our own systematic categorization and judgment.

Same with humans – we all try to manage our lives to everything make sense, yet sometimes it’s just falling apart, at least for a while, when we undeniably have to admit that ‘here, now, I have zero direction in this, yet I am moving, being moved, I react, I word, I act’.

For instance back to my referred personal ‘judgment self-dishonesty’ – I love my mom, I guess – and anyone I perceive not being the best they could be with her, I automatically develop a mind-beef with that person.

That is my definition of love. I want her to feel and be good, not feel bad and not be bad. Hahaha, very simple. In a way, poetically robotic.

So why all this strange rant? I am walking a specific lesson with DIP course and within the lesson I learn about my relationship with my mind, how I develop scoring towards everything and everyone, the polarity of good and bad and how most of this is now automatic. This is not taught in any school, yet seems like the most important lesson in life.

Everything I believe to be me has a reason, a logic if you like, processed, filtered and manifested through my interest.

With DIP courses, one naturally learns to decompose and understand these logical, crystallized(compressed, automatized, concealed and forgotten) structured mind-systems, walking through them with the power of self-honesty, writing and of course the people who refer themselves as destonians.

Destonian: word; means someone who commits oneself to walk the Process of Self-forgiveness in this lifetime, to expose and transcend all systems, within or without of the boundaries of our mind to birth life from the physical as all as equal as one and within that realization to live responsibility, care and love.
See, love can be re-defined, re-educated by taking out the self-interest, polarity, mind parts to see who I want to be as living this – and all – words.

I have been among the luckiest ones, because throughout my rocky journey to find my location in existence, I have had experiences of finding the end, the edge and the limit of Consciousness – which is of course an other system to offer to be cradled by our own and well-praised and justified systematic self-interest.
That’s why I was able to be assisted to let go the desire to even trust consciousness systems and start asking the real, critical questions of who I have became and who I am going to be from here now on.

Since childhood I have been learning and working as computer programmer, which consists of using specific words to structure and animate behavior and the resemblance of human mind to automatic characters in computer games is mind-blowing. The reason for today’s computer games automatic characters not yet being that complex and multi-dimensional as ourselves, humans is that it takes LONG time to create this complexity and they not need to be that complex – for now. But imagine, if you could have like a hundred thousand years to program a character. Every day, further and further – and when going into a dead end, then going back, adjusting, re-aligning, continuing to weave who this person will be, literally pre-programming to be ‘alive’.

That’s why Desteni courses, awesome community people are constantly working with words – because in this human reality, those are the real building blocks of this world – that is why it is the most simplest yet challenging practical common sense point to admit – that we need to work with words to understand more. Words we already consist of. Words we react to, words we associate positive/negative with, words we want, we resist, etc.


Investigating my Shadow

It is through writing words I have been able to become aware of this self-dishonesty of mine, wherein I have been scoring a person just through my own interest without realizing it, and when fully slowing down, sitting down multiple times focusing, digging out, pushing through various resistances to understand how and why I have became this automatic about it.


Of course, some automatic ‘self-creation’ is useful, doing recurring activities, it can assist to be effective – for instance driving car.
Today I have been assisting someone to learn to be better driver. He is somewhat experienced, just comes from another continent, culture, used to drive automatic gear, now has to use manual for the exam – so he is in the process of automatizing that process, ‘driving with the stick’.
I observed him making similar mistakes I used to, some were somewhat unsafe-like, yet I did not judge, react, only offered to share how I would do in this situation. Before going off-topic about this, just to reference something what many can relate to. It takes time. And sort of repetition. To accumulate.

Same with how we live – or do not live our words we use in our mind, on our lips, as our actions.

It can be invigorating to have a break through of a self-delusion/limitation/abuse – yet if that does not become natural, part of who I am, it will not remain.

It is not enough to understand the fact that I have been judging someone based on my past, projecting to him what I feel have been done to me by ‘similar people’. I continue to walk the DIP course lesson, assignment to see this through until it is not moving me anymore ever. So I re-and return to that point until I see within absolute self-honesty that this is not within my living expression anymore.

That is also a humbling process, because no matter how long one walks this process, it’s not like there are people who have ‘done’ this self-cleansing, if one picks up arrogance, becoming overconfident – that’s just an other mind-construct waiting to be walked and transcended.

Everyone starts with an opportunity to live life to the fullest potential, every day. Better to use that.

Closing this one with self-forgiveness on my personal point I’ve been referring here and there today.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my behavior in my mind, words and actions to become judgmental, based on polarity, my interest in a way that I’ve been stuck in a perception of something ‘bad’ have been done to me by specific situations/people – which caught me off-guard and felt so bad that I rather have decided to avoid this happening again, so then I constantly seek out signs of resemblances to that past event and then automatically define it to react the same way as I have done when I was clueless, powerless, not yet realizing that today who I am, I am capable of revealing all points, words, reactions, conditions, convictions and forgive myself for not letting it go, to fear this to happen to me again, to want to separate and protect myself from experiences I defined as bad.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense within writing out, down my automatically moving mind, so then I can understanding it and thus myself more directly, in a way what is more stable, reliable and accumulative in terms of the more I write within self-honesty, the more I will understand to support real change.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that resisting facing my judgments, self-definitions, any self-dishonesty is a definite sign that I am walking towards the right direction to assist and support myself, just by the accumulative past acceptance of my starting point to rather ‘hide/suppress/deny/justify’ has also became automatic which I also need to embrace, understand and stop participating within it.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if a person does something what reminds me to something in the past, where I experienced and defined that as negative, it does not mean that this is the same, the person is kind of the same, I should react the same way as I did back then, or even more trying to ‘protect’ myself to avoid that ‘negative’ experience without questioning that ‘Is this the best way to deal with this, for sure?’.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the realization to really sink in that whenever I want to LOVE something or someone outside of myself, who I am here, it is literally due to lack of self-love and it is purely mind-stimulation to try to make it up to what I miss in reality, as an experience, not as physical fact and within that
  • I forgive myself that I have been using my mind to systematize my perception, behavior and judgments in order to maximize the effectiveness of self-stimulation by reacting to words based on polarity, my interest without even for a moment stopping to admit that this is pure delusion, yet it will manifest consequences in the physical, which is undoubtedly shared with all here.
  • I forgive myself that I have not yet allowed to fully admit the extent of my self-automatism wherein the algorithms are obviously showing their flaws, exposing me to the fact of my self-limitation and within that realization to naturally start accumulating understanding and practical change to go through ALL of me and forgive and let go what is not who I really am within absolute self-honesty.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that my resistance to consistency within self-directed actions is also a sign of self-definition and self-refugee taken in my mind, which is not stable, consistent, physical here, as my human physical body, therefore to take responsibility and start accumulating towards developing that consistency with effective support, meaning to see what works, to keep that, and to let go what does not.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have no idea how to love – unconditionally – myself and thus others, as I define love based on what I have previously defined as good, and simply following that and wanting to feel good, make others feel good, instead of realizing that I can start to live that love by sticking to consistently work with my self-dishonesty in mind, word and action.
  • PSX_20200108_234716I commit myself to continue accumulating physical efforts to uncover, understand, forgive and let go any and all self-definitions, self-limitations, self-delusions and self-dishonesty, no matter what, this to be the code, nature, law of my being as life as living love.
  • I commit myself to keep publicly walk and share my process of self-honesty to take responsibility for all have been manifested as consequence, for all I am, for all who we are as systems and life.

Links for future/high-tech awesome support:

Desteni homepage:

Desteni I Process – the future of education

Journey to Life blogs, vlogs to become self-honest and more effective

SELF and LIVING, exceptional support for self-realization

EQAFE, existential library about the knowledge of creation

Day 440 – Effectiveness within Accumulation

PSX_20191231_182819I am boosting up the frequency of my shares here. There is so much to express, explore, expand with.

I have a particular ‘style’ and system about my vlogs, blogs – realized that if I want to share more, I should optimize the workflow of it, so then I do not spend too much time on mundane, time-consuming tasks.
Such as each post should have a cool picture.
Or videos to have in-rendered title, other edits in the VLOG’s footage. From now on, it will be just pure recording on the phone for a while, then youtube upload, and that’s it. So much faster than download the footage, edit with premiere, add title, add links, add date, edit color, edit length, some fade in, fade out, etc – sure, they look then ‘better’ – but it’s not about the video quality here, but about the effectiveness. Aho!

I was camping in nature last week. For some days, I slept in the car, I kind of like it, because it’s extremely mobile and there is a sort of romantic association to it for me, almost like living in a tent, but it’s even better, because the car insulates for heat, noises, can be locked. And from the window I was able to stare the stars during the night! Amazing! Who needs five star hotel when you can have a billion star for free?

So for the night I’ve organized my things to the front seat, pulled down the back seats, prepared the blanket, sleeping bag – made my ‘bed’ – every night.
The more I did it, it became more and more easy, organized, practical and quite simple and effective.

Repetition is key for accumulation. Not just blind, robotic repetition, but with adjustments, always to evaluate the last result and improve if you can without inner tension. Naturally.

It seems working.
I will be working more with this kind of approach on many aspects in my life.

It might seem strange that I blog about this simple thing, yet sometimes can be not that obvious, when we are preoccupied with so many things in our minds, rushing through the days and sometimes there is no self-direction with awareness.

Losing presence due to some inner friction, reaction means losing context with reality as well. While I am thin-king, I am definitely not present. I still see with my eyes, I still sense with my other senses, but it’s like I am split. I am not fully in my mind, neither here in the physical reality. I am in this mind-body rift and it does not seem ‘bad’, because thoughts happen so fast – but it also accumulates. The more trigger point I give into to ‘leave’ the full, absolute, consistent physical awareness presence, the more it becomes my nature, my manifested physical beingness behavior, my default.

Imagine decades of participation within a particular, specific inner conflict. Year by year, month by month, sometimes even day by day reacting the same way, the mind becomes energetically lubricated, because it’s energy will feel like an inner movement, as it is an actual self-movement, but it is definitely not. It is a self-stimulation to take me out from what’s here. That’s a self-honesty point to admit, acknowledge, to discover, understand why, how, when and for what to be able to deal with it.

Admitting can be difficult, because everything we do, we justify, there is always reason – logic is the game’s name here, yet that logic is biased by my own self-interest to contain, avoid, suppress and deny that inner conflict. But this way it will definitely not disappear, because I give life to it by keep participating within it.

It’s like, politics. Someone hates a politician, because ‘he is bad’. Then every time I see that person in the news, I react, ‘this guy is a buffoon, a joke, he should not be president’. And this accumulates.

What is the actual benefit for me me keep defining this person as bad each time I see him? I do not see what’s going on behind of my judgment, my initial self-separation, judgment projected out about something I am already existing as tendency to judge instead of embrace, point and project, instead of take responsibility for what I see as an issue.

Then I dig further. Why? Because I have defined, I have no power over this, I can’t do anything. I am nobody. Yet I judge, I react, I experience that conflict within. Even though it is distracting, becomes automatic and it literally takes away my freedom in the moment of do anything, because I am pre-conditioned to react.

Like racists – they can’t help themselves but judge and blame. Mental issue. Judge-mental issue.

That’s why accumulation of self-support is needed. There is no one red pill remedy. No drug, no spiritual guru, retreat or meditation will change that by overnight.

What’s also extremely important is to accumulate what is self-liberation, not self-enslavement.

Meditation and equalizing the mind seems like an improvement in terms of my daily living, because I feel more balanced, my mind is not out of place, because I meditate.
The problem with it is that whatever I used to react I remedy myself with the meditation, that I am not addressing directly. I am addressing the consequence of that inner conflict. So I will remedy that consequence, will disappear. Then I will meditate again. But this is the infinite loop, it is no solution.

Based on practical common sense, my internal conflict is based on words, I could name the specific emotions, thoughts, feelings. WORDS are the building blocks of my reality. Not meditation or mantra. So why not investigate the words I react to? Simplicity is key here. So step by step to explore what words I see in my mind, what words I react with positive, negative – I need to decompose that, to dissect, to release and prevent myself to re-bound again.

I mean, I can do a million mantra of some magical, universe vibration frequency shit – or I can just admit that I miss my old days because I made bad decisions recently(just an example) and maybe I should change some parts of my life. Maybe I need to talk with a person who I do not want to. Maybe I need to give up some entertainment for a while until I work on the change I want to see. Maybe I need to do something uncomfortable for a while to get through this.

I am no way bashing, attacking anyone doing spiritual mantra meditation, just stating the obvious that it is some sort of energy-work – and energy is the fuel of the mind. So instead of that, rather just do not participate in the mind at all!

But in order to do that, I need to understand what’s it’s doing, what I AM doing with it.
And for that, again – words – writing out my mind assists, because it’s a physical action, already not only existing in the head, but bringing ‘down’ to earth literally the words I experience, react to, associate with.

“Don’t think you are – know you are” – means I study and understand – so then I do not think. It does not mean I do not use my brain. It just means that when I am in action, real time, I do not leave presence. I do not need to. I do not doubt myself(as all thoughts are signs of doubt and fear, for sure). So for that, self-agreement is really supportive, check out Desteni I Process Agreement course – not just about relationship, partnership, marriage – as every agreement with others starts with agreement with oneself.

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Journey to Life blogs, vlogs to become self-honest and more effective

SELF and LIVING, exceptional support for self-realization

EQAFE, existential library about the knowledge of creation

Day 439 Self-agreement to avoid internal conflict

img_0655Made a VLOG about self-agreement in real time


Desteni supporting tools, courses, articles, community, blogs, vlogs are AWESOME!

Desteni homepage:

Desteni I Process – the future of education

Journey to Life blogs, vlogs to become self-honest and more effective

This vlog is on my BLOG:

SELF and LIVING, exceptional support for self-realization

EQAFE, existential library about the knowledge of creation

Day 438 – Perfection in the context of imperfection

I’ve made another VLOG when did the last shared one.

This time I am at the concept of Self-perfection.

How I allow to get limited with ideas of self-limitation through the mind instead of processing through all the information NOT in my head, but in front of me through consistent writing application via DESTENI I PROCESS online course.

Reflecting back to this speech with Bernard

And this one in particular about Process

Day 437 – Social and in general anxiety

I have made a vlog about my undercurrent anxiety.

It’s time to decompose this:

  • I forgive myself that I have not realized when, how and why I am participating within social anxiety; not being able to see/realize/understand the physical, mental, emotional and in general energetic symptoms for sabotaging my presence, direction, self-trust and effective application in real time.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have manifested my expression and presence to be so smooth, cool that I am not facing social anxiety, yet not admitting that in and as my human physical body I literally can feel it’s effect.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized my tendency to fall into social anxiety, and in general anxiety as thinking, comparing myself to an image of me being awkward, slow to react, composed and hesitant due to wanting to be accepted, liked, respected by others, due to patterns of not being able to do so with myself directly, such as accept who I am in this moment, as what are the facts, letting go the energetic high of positive self-judgment and respect myself unconditionally.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what it actually can mean to respect myself unconditionally, such as no matter what, not compromising my process of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and actual change with excuses, justifications, energetic states and mental/emotional projections.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the desire to be liked originates from defining myself as outcast, yet powerless, different from what I usually see others being motivated, animated by, thus wanting to fit in, yet at the same time also wanting to keep my label of being different than others.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of rejection, just because defining experiences to become the determining factor of who I will myself judge to be and thus falling into the fear of becoming what I experience, thus avoiding risky situations in terms of possibility of being rejected, even with the price of remaining alone in a certain situation.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that each and every single anxiety I experience will literally manifest in and as my human physical body, creating difficulty, unhealthy, uncomfortable and painful symptoms, such as rhomboid strain and in general muscle knots due to accepting to exist in stress and unhealthy positions, because of becoming preoccupied with unhealthy mind-patterns.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that going to massage to help dissipating the muscle knots is only a momentary relief and if I do not change my behavior, posturing, stress, then I will re-create it again, as the body is showing that I(as muscle) can get just as stuck as I am in my mind as equal as one.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that uncomfortable physical postures are acceptable when I want

To be continued…P1020405