Day 491 – Opening the Sexual Mind box

A lot has been happening lately. It almost seems like time is being fractalized sometimes. A lot of movement and change.

So. I start a new series, let’s call it Walking out from my ego system. Well, I have been doing this since a while, but now doing it a bit more directly. This will have several sub-sections.

I started to work with mind systems ien a more direct way recently, big gratefulness to Kim from Quantum Change Kinesiology, whom I cannot recommend it enough as it is very revealing when it comes to find solutions to not obvious issues.

The wrist system(what we’ve talked about) seems to get less painful nowadays, improving slowly, and still committed to walk that in a more detailed way, eventually sharing here.

My Structural Resonances Interviews are an immense help to be able to walk my own relationships in the mind to decompose, stop and self-forgivingly let go from myself.

I have identified various other systems within my physical, almost like ‘sitting, ingrained, weaved, infested’ into and as my human physical flesh, and each time I participate in energetic mind experiences, being charged, activated.

Those systems will be also walked, and eventually shared here as simply not seeing any other way but to directly walk those out of my mind. Not really saying that I am such a dimensional seer that I literally see these within me, yet when I directly ask and answer myself while cross-referencing physical experiences, I notice the energy, the pain and the points coming up in my mind what reveal the word-based relationship loaded with memories, polarity and emotions or feelings, what I need to bring to my awareness, understand, decompose, self-forgive and stop participating within those while re-defining and designing my expression in the moment.

One of the most prominent systems within me is the ‘balance and sexuality‘, which has been one of the greatest self-deceptions, self-abusive and self-delusional systems within my life and nowadays finding myself to be stable and ready enough to start directly walking and also sharing my story of self-correction and change in that regard.

Thus, System 01, Sexuality is the topic today

This is the beginning of some posts, which starts with storytelling and eventually connecting the dots. I have been walking through a lot of systems in terms of sexuality in the last couple of years. Yet barely shared aspect of it as this is one of the mightiest core systems of my mind consciousness system, thus it took some time to actually start to transcend the self-abuse, self-deception and the energetic addiction of it.

So sexuality – such a taboo to talk about, most worries to be judged – yet luckily, for me, I am walking out of my mind, thus no judgment can affect me anymore – neither coming from myself or others.

YET – it is time to open up this point as the consciousness systems in this world are intensifying and thus this will have an impact on harmonizing on the longer run within all beings who become more aware of the mind consciousness aspect of the self-dishonest aspect of sexuality.

That is an other reason why I dare to openly talk this point here, as it simply can not remain secret within human minds, everyone must take full responsibility for what they accept and allow, including aspects what used to be considered as ‘private, intimate and secretive’. As those points hide the ego-power-fear-possession points as building blocks of ego-selfish-personality for most of the humans in this world.

So I start with sharing a bunch of personal talks, it became hours – most of them are more than 30 minutes, I do not really expect anyone to watch through these, it is rather assisting me to share my personal walk, to dare to open up about my earlier years in regarding to sexuality and how I was falling into the traps I have been walking throughout my life and nowadays actually standing up to a real, substantial, physical change.

This(this topic and in fact all points of the self-mind-being relationship) is a very individual process, what can and will be specific to each of us, thus it is important to pronounce NOT TO JUDGE, COMPARE and REACT TO each other’s own life journey from consciousness to awareness, especially when it comes to sexuality.

As it is part of the issue here, really, that this topic is so sensitive, loaded and suppressed – and those who openly talk and live their sexuality in any way actually, are often being attacked and rejected – yet people rarely realize that all they judge is themselves due to fear.

For now, I’ve recorded ten videos, the first several ones are sort of my story, or at least in the momentary talking how I can describe that and the last couple are a bit into more of the correcting and re-aligning part of it.

Even a little bit of practical realizations, principles and even to some extent techniques when it comes to self-honesty from the starting point of SELF here and to assist and support myself and others about how to liberate ourselves from this HUGE pillar of enslavement system casted upon us – which was in fact conjured onto us by none else but ourselves.

Note – this is how I see my story today – if someone is not familiar with the concept of Mandela effect, which is when people remember the past not as it was, but how one relates to that information through consciousness, what can shift and alter. At least two times I was caught up remembering wrongly about my own memories – I was not trying to consciously lie – it still can happen, thus when we will hear more and more people coming out explaining things and their awakening, remembering their story – this phenomenon will be also more prominent – for instance when some mentions that ‘I can not trust myself’ – they feel that they should not trust their own conscious mind automatically as it is after all just a CON.

In this regard, when I go into storytelling and it is not exactly as it was – it could be because of that – so regardless, I walk this with self-forgiveness as after all, once I am able to remain here – the intricate, geometrical, systematic details of the con matters less and less – yet this should not be self-abused deliberately to justify not digging deeper and deeper into one’s own creation, until can truly stop participating in any mind systems…

Simple, yet powerful approach can be to always work with what is here, or available to bring into physical presence – and oftentimes once one worked through (self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment manifesting in action), more layers, even remembrance can open up…

Asexuality: I also understand, there are quite some people who identify themselves as asexual and not really into reacting, judging or doing any form of sex – I would ask how much of that is suppression, fear and self-denial and if one is satisfied with the certainty of self-honesty by that answer to be not the case, then fine, this topic might not be relevant for them, so then maybe this type of ‘walk’ can be a glimpse into understanding those, who are still controlled and animated by their sexuality, because not being direct, self-honest and physical expression here.

There were some years when I was really suppressing my sexuality – even were some moments when considered to choose the path of the monk – well that dissipated quickly when I met with a lady who I liked…yet the discipline, commitment and seriousness of exploring the mind states was always a primal point in my life. But because of the nature of how I developed my relationship with my own mind, sexuality was most of the time part of my every day living. Yet, oftentimes I simply suppressed, denied this aspect of myself until it became an energetic overload what then took me over and made me wanting to exert it without consideration. It was quite annoying and exhausting imbalance.

Sexuality: The fact is, human society is built around sex, the energy, the value, power and manipulation of it, people barely consider to how much extent this exists even within the shape of products, such as soda drink bottles or cars, the very symbolism and meanings of those symbols within corporate and religious logos(language) as well, because anything sexual-related can be highly tainted with heightened amount of mind-energy. Thus mind-control being a very real phenomenon through indoctrination of media, literature, advertising, entertainment, education and even politics.

Sexuality has immense power, after all it is the way how we reproduce, literally portal other beings into this physical world, yet we are also responsible to not only reproduce our mind systems into our children, but to give birth to ourselves and through that others without tainting them with our self-dishonesty.

In a way, many worldly systems are controlling the expression of sexuality with iron fist, because they are also aware of that without this to be held back, dosed, productized and price-tagged, people would be much less controllable.

Including the very lie and desire what has been implanted into most is that we need others to fulfill ourselves and become whole, and thus entering into various compromising relationships, through and as the starting point of the mind system, what is feeding off – energy — and what has immense energy source – sexuality.

This is a VAST topic, for now, my singular direction is to walk myself out of energy-based sexuality to fully become able to only and always see, experience and express this within inner clarity, silence and self-trust into physical action without the needing to judge, energize and feel through the mind – thus assisting and supporting myself to

  • become more free from mind-energy, thus being able to remain here consistently more naturally within self-direction
  • become more stable,
  • less being able to be controlled,
  • less limited within forming my partnerships

and in general a ‘fuller’ being in my expression, to equalize this aspect of myself to join to other equal and one aspects of the unification of man, who I am already and in this regard this is a way to realize, purify and express that.

And besides of this, to inspire everyone to dare to walk the sexual mind matrix – openly or privately, it does not matter, as it is a mighty, worthy thing to do, hiding many gifts and understandings about not only ourselves but humanity in its entirety as well.

My overall observation is that it’s easier to talk about sexuality with ladies than with men as ladies in general like to talk about their inner experiences more and men usually are more reserved or even less practiced to be able to word some of their inner starting points when it comes to sexuality – or oftentimes many are more into the objectification possession, about how this one is hot, what they would do with that lady, or sometimes sharing embarrassing memories, but to become vulnerable is a bit less popular among men, yet my realization is that it is very supportive – to admit and review, cross-reference and overcome mistakes, weaknesses and unworded fears for instance – as well to decompose un-releasable unrealistic desires for instance what can drive one into further mind-based sex.

It is also prominent and evident that the less secrets I need to hold and protect, justify and feed in my mind, the more free I literally become, thus it is common sense to purify ourselves from any form of energy, judgment and delusion when it comes to a commonly accepted as intimate topic in this society.

Obviously, if you’d consider to share about your sexuality, you should also look at the context you are finding yourself within, such as in many places, countries, workplaces it is more stigmatizing, hating or even deemed to be illegal to share or express specific parts, types or values of sexuality – then bravery is grand, yet it’s important to remain practical and do not invoke more trouble than you already have with the sex mind to make your neighbors and even government to exorcise you by their own not yet looked at, self-forgiven, transcended and lived into actual expression and thus they might be susceptible to react, project, blame and even hate.


  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I participate within sexual energy through my mind, I feed my consciousness system, which through I support self-separation, self-delusion and self-abuse through the polarity-based, judgmental self-interested fuzzy logic(more than 2 states of logic) self-definition system, wherein I stimulate myself not with and as the direct physical sex, but first through my perception, my senses, and based on that, to judge it as arousing, sexy, exciting and stimulating, and within that not realizing the self-separation I feed, and through that energy movement within my body and mind, feeling and then defining as self-movement, believing that now I am directly doing sex, yet not being honest with myself that I am not in and as the physical body of mine, only using it as an organic robot, in separation both within perception and action and thus never ever actually truly experiencing and expressing physical sex, without even realizing this point as always having my mind, consciousness as a starting point.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to walk a system within me without reacting to the points I’m walking through, thus even when walking through the patterns and mind-constructs of sex and sexuality, I am generating sexual energy by ‘leaving judgments’ or memories or any reaction to sex or sexuality, thus in this regard, walking the sexual mind, yet at the same time, through the accepted judgments and reactions to it, ending up walking IN this mind construct, not OUT OF it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to walk practical transcendence and physical change of my sexual mind, what comes in the form of yawning, tiredness, numbness, sleepiness, lack of energy, lack of direction and lack of self-will and within that to give into some form of energetic temptation to re-generate the energy mind, to justify that this I can’t walk, I am not yet ready, this is too deep, too ingrained or simply would take too much effort to do and not realizing that with each step it becomes more clear, less resisted and I am becoming more present and self-directive HERE to be able to express myself without dependency and manipulation tactics with, through and as energy of mind consciousness system.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into physical symptoms of resistance when about to walk or transcend, realize or understand about my mind energies and my participation within those.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how much energy my mind gains with sexuality-related thoughts, feelings and emotions and within those loops how much I am not present, practical and self-honest due to the animation of those energetic fluctuation preoccupations and justifying them as this is only me and my mind and believing that
    it is private, I have the right and freedom to do it as I am responsible for my own happiness and defining happy with positive energetic reactions, allowing myself to be stimulated, elevated from what is here in and as the physical, into the realm of energy mind, where I can perceive myself more than what I actually am and thus inflating my experiences and reactions to the degree that I can feel as being powerful,
    it is not affecting the world and within that believing that what’s in my head does not have direct effect to the world, yet not realizing this affects the whole existence of all consciousness, including making me accept certain abusive world system manifestations, such as sexual abuse, exploitation, manipulation and harm, including unwanted prostitution, sexual slavery and rape, without me realizing my responsibility in this all, as even if not directly ‘charging up’ a rapist in this world, yet with the same signature energy, what I accept within by justifying with my ‘freedom’ and ‘right’ to do so, also accepting and allowing such systems to manifest in this world.
  • I forgive myself that I have not yet established an effective, simple, natural, in and out, unbroken by thinking, judgments and reactions processes within and as my PHYSICAL BREATH, thus falling into experiences of lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of direction and not realizing that within these also mirroring to myself that what it can be possible once I drop the energy mind participation, to self-liberate myself from the enslavement and dependency of energy, finding self-created and consistent motivation, direction and self-will within and as the natural physical expression of breathing here, without needing to abandon my physical presence and self-trust into polarity-based energy word-reaction rituals.
  • I forgive myself that I have not dared yet to dig down into and as me as deep as I can in order to ultimately discover my own energy mind justifications, such as I deserve and have the right to have sex, even if it’s mind-sex, to have the tool of stimulation and simulation, separate from this 3D physical world, yet still superimposed onto this reality through consciousness systems, basically perceiving myself and my sexuality unattached from the physical, and through that disregarding the physical here, turning my attention and responsibility away from it, even if the very same act of sexuality causing conflicts, harm and abuse in this world, by saying – well, world sex-related crimes are not great, but hey, what can I do, I only can stimulate myself as thinking no one would stimulate me to feel better, so that means I have to do so as in spite of all negative world experiences, for which I crank up my self-stimulation even more to overtone what I perceive and judge around the world as ‘bad’.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame o(u)thers outside of myself for how and what I experience sexually, including it’s lack, my desire to do so and also the resistance to look at this as equal aspect of myself with any and all other aspects of myself and within that when getting sexually stimulated and feeling or doing things what I am not 100% clear and permissive about, to blame the stimulation, the trigger point, the information, blaming the person who I judge ‘sexually’, also blaming biology, gods, the devil or any mind-entity in order to abdicate full and uncompromising self-responsibility to embrace the fact that it is all me, even when being triggered, manipulated deliberately, and once re-aligning with my truth of my mind here, to be able to recognize what I should do in order to reflect back that blame and stop it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and compartmentalize my sexuality and within that defining it as something to be needed to protected, hide and justify for all costs and not asking why, and justifying that this is my birth right, this is part of and IS who I am to be considerate to others to not make others react or judge MY sexuality, and within that fear not realizing, in fact I am projecting out my own insecurity, self-manipulation to be able to remain pre-defined, limited and permissible to be able to be manipulated by symbolism, depiction or voices and sounds of sexuality and not realizing that the same way as I can manipulate and twist, separate and suppress, demonise and exert sexuality within myself; I can accept that to be done to myself by triggers of sensory stimulation, without realizing, this is not self-direction, self-expression or self-movement.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the reason that I am defensive, shy or even ashamed of being able to of openly direct myself to see into myself, understand and talk about my sexuality is that I do not fully know these aspects of myself or even if I do, I am not consciously aware of them, I am sensing or even directly knowing that I am approaching or even doing this in a way that I do not find honorable and proud to be able to recognize, talk about it and doing it, and defining this as ‘normal’, ‘modesty’ and ‘conservative’ – yet in fact I do not want to fully know, or I know enough to know that I do not want to know more as then I would face the fact that this is not the best I could be, but this is what I’ve ended up with, thus this is what I should continue bearing and doing;

not realizing that however and whatever, however and whenever I’ve ended up as self-limitation, it is always changeable, if I am willing to change my relationship with the words I participate within – including self-definitions, self-judgments and structural forms of self-expressions.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my sexuality based on what I see within myself desiring to see, hear, touch and experience, in any way whatsoever as judging it as positive or negative, kinky or conservative, high-drive or low key, etc, and within judging myself, also defining myself as such and based on that, justifying and defending it in order to not get challenged and manipulated into change by fearing of being known, seen and read, also fear from being influenced, controlled or even changed, not realizing that all what I experience (besides of being attacked, raped or harmed by others) is because this is how I’ve defined and expressed myself to be and become, and within that, realizing that I can change myself with understanding, self-honesty and self-forgiveness in action, thus resulting in a more self- and others honoring genuine self-expression through and as sexuality without participating within any judgment, emotion or feeling, but become the living word sexuality.

  • I commit myself to purify myself from any definitions, judgments, trigger points, reactions, memory imprints, expectations, worries, fears, resistances, desires, attractions coming from my mind in the form of thoughts, feelings and emotions – to liberate myself to STOP participating within such patterns, and to START developing practical ways to remain here, in and as the physical expression within each breath, consistently and reliably.
  • I commit myself to walk through the valley of the shadow of my mind, which consists of definitions, judgments, RELATIONSHIPS and purifying myself with self-forgiveness, to prepare myself to STAND without any of those relationships, in-formations, but to KNOW myself in practicality to TRUST myself in any circumstances, unconditionally, in any place, anytime, anywhere.
  • I commit myself to share my process of self-purification from consciousness to awareness when it comes to sexuality and sensual self-expression in the realization of sharing is caring when it comes to practical solutions in this world.
  • I commit myself to let go all image, sound, picture, film, video, movie, written scenario and depicted art form of sexuality to react to in my mind in the form of judgment, scoring, reaction and thus being able to see beings as who they are, regardless of body shape, clothing or the sound they make, but to focus to who am I within my relation to that person and through that to trust myself to empty myself to be able to embrace the other, who is also me in another life.
  • I commit myself to learn practical ways to stand, express and move myself without anything or anyone would move me, influence, stimulate or manipulate me but to remain myself, unafraid, unwavering, uninterrupted within my consistent physical presence and expression.
  • I commit myself to purify myself from mind-consciousness-based sex-patterns as realizing that it is affecting the whole world, if nothing else but what I accept within in terms of self-dishonesty, self-deception, self-manipulation and self-abuse, then that I also would accept in this world, which I commit myself to stop doing so.
  • I commit myself to expose all mind-based sexuality to be fake, delusional, abusive, systematic and shallow through walking out from these patterns within myself and live that in the flesh, uncompromised, unconditional and unafraid.

to be continued

Highly recommended: EQAFE:

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