I have made a vlog about my undercurrent anxiety.
It’s time to decompose this:
- I forgive myself that I have not realized when, how and why I am participating within social anxiety; not being able to see/realize/understand the physical, mental, emotional and in general energetic symptoms for sabotaging my presence, direction, self-trust and effective application in real time.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have manifested my expression and presence to be so smooth, cool that I am not facing social anxiety, yet not admitting that in and as my human physical body I literally can feel it’s effect.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized my tendency to fall into social anxiety, and in general anxiety as thinking, comparing myself to an image of me being awkward, slow to react, composed and hesitant due to wanting to be accepted, liked, respected by others, due to patterns of not being able to do so with myself directly, such as accept who I am in this moment, as what are the facts, letting go the energetic high of positive self-judgment and respect myself unconditionally.
- I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what it actually can mean to respect myself unconditionally, such as no matter what, not compromising my process of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and actual change with excuses, justifications, energetic states and mental/emotional projections.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that the desire to be liked originates from defining myself as outcast, yet powerless, different from what I usually see others being motivated, animated by, thus wanting to fit in, yet at the same time also wanting to keep my label of being different than others.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of rejection, just because defining experiences to become the determining factor of who I will myself judge to be and thus falling into the fear of becoming what I experience, thus avoiding risky situations in terms of possibility of being rejected, even with the price of remaining alone in a certain situation.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that each and every single anxiety I experience will literally manifest in and as my human physical body, creating difficulty, unhealthy, uncomfortable and painful symptoms, such as rhomboid strain and in general muscle knots due to accepting to exist in stress and unhealthy positions, because of becoming preoccupied with unhealthy mind-patterns.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that going to massage to help dissipating the muscle knots is only a momentary relief and if I do not change my behavior, posturing, stress, then I will re-create it again, as the body is showing that I(as muscle) can get just as stuck as I am in my mind as equal as one.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that uncomfortable physical postures are acceptable when I want
To be continued…