Continuing with the re-definition of expression, a.k.a. replacing suppression with self-direction.
I can have a tendency to over-analyze or over-complicate when it is about perceived weaknesses, and the solution is often just about to push through instead of ‘keep working on it’, a.k.a. beating around the bush for a reason I do not admit.
It’s like I always used to fight within, to force and control myself and putting effort into virtual battles and when started to stop the fight against myself I though it means never to PUSH and apply with force.
So it is to rediscover that sometimes that pressure is needed, just with the right starting point and direction.
Recently discovered that within social interactions the previously preserved self-definitions of myself about being an introvert, awkward and uncomfortable is merely history and the less I think about that, the more I am able to express myself in the moment without self-limitation.
This means that it is alright if I forgive myself for what I have accepted and allowed but from that point when it’s pretty obvious what to do to make that forgiveness a reality, it is prime time to DO.
This point is actually more a self-sabotage than I ever truly considered and understood, but this means it is a great news, because after a moment of clarity – the less I wait and ponder in my mind to wander about how glorious it will be WHEN I will act upon that realization, the more direct and immediate my change can be substantiated to.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that once it is clear on what to do and why, it is also crucial to make myself completely aware of what is the consequence of not acting upon that realization, such as accumulating inner friction, doubt and shame – because it is clear what to do, it is clear how to do yet not doing it – that means there is something yet I am holding onto and thus have to understand – or simply I have to PUSH, MOVE and DIRECT.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that when walking through these specific resistances, even only writing about them, an inherent resistance can come up making me tired, sleepy, dull or edgy, overexcited – and it is an inherent, unconscious fear of change which I have to embrace, ground and familiarize myself with to see it as a challenge to enjoy, a virtue to own and as with any other skills or aspects of myself – the key is practice and experience.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that the more I resist, the more difficult it will be to walk through, yet it is inevitable as the more I resist, the more inner friction I also will create and all I do is to accumulate avoidable and preventable uncomfortable conflict and losing time.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have defined entertainment and relaxation as distraction from facing and transcending resistances and allowing it to become an automatic self-balancing system and keeping me reacting, distracted; never giving up, yet never truly breaking through, thus containing the self-limitation due an un-worded unconscious fear.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that fear of change is what I have to be able to spot before participating in it, and not realizing that in order to be able to do that, I need to be honest with myself and write down the details of it thus it is out of my head, it is in front of me thus I do not need to think of it, yet knowing it as who I accepted myself to become.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that fear of change is fear of self, fear of life, fear of fear and thus whenever noticing resisting change, it is to slow myself down for a moment, take a deep breath and then move myself directly.
- I forgive myself that I have not admitted that there is fear within me which I am not directly aware of, only by the resistances I experience, the inner friction starting to accumulate I am able to notice, thus re-definition is required.
- When and as I am noticing inner friction within, a conflict, a fight, a struggle, I realize that I need to simplify within, to reach the state of clarity, from where it is obvious what I am going to do and how.
- When and as I am doing things wherein I experience inner friction, conflict and reactions, it is my responsibility to word down and to figure out what I fear of, what I resist exactly and to forgive that, to embrace that moving forward from that point within structured, reality-aware practical application.
- When and as I experience yawning and dull mental focus during facing my resistances, writing my blog, focusing to the points I am changing – I realize it is a resistance to face consequences and there is nothing to avoid that eventually, so it is my responsibility to assess the most direct yet doable way to do it, otherwise the problem, inner conflict will accumulate unnecessarily.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that when applying self-forgiveness, meaning writing, realizing, sounding it – there is a momentum of self-direction and presence what is supporting me to remain within this self-movement and thus it is common sense to connect and stay with this type of self-intimacy and self-support and accumulate self-trust and effectiveness further.
- When and as I realize what to do about something and I can do it – I commit myself to move, to do a step, to plan, to structure and prepare myself to do it if necessary, to move forward and expand with change.
- When and as I give into resistances of self-moving and change, I realize the lack of self-direction momentum and I give myself a break from what I do, take a breath, have a walk, lay down for a moment, making a tea, whatever to recollect myself and to realize – this resistance I am now going to walk through, no matter what, it is my responsibility to take care of this and no one will do it for me and if I do not apply the self-honest action I already know, I will create consequences, even if I would think it’s only about me, it is truly affecting others around me whether I admit it or not as it will influence my stand, my very existence.
- When and as I fall into resistances and waste time with distractions and eventually picking myself up, I prevent myself from judging myself and direct my effort to accumulate actual change, writing, planning, preparation or a prevention.
- I see, realize and understand that there is no mental or emotional mind pattern within me what I can not stop or transcend, and if seems challenging, I step back, decompose the pattern and work on it with accumulating effort until it’s done, it’s gone and I re-define, re-design and re-birth myself in and as the physical directly.
- I commit myself to keep my notebook close and making notes, to ground myself, to keep my head light, to be able to know and remember without relying to thought cycles, to keep my direction steady without emotional energies and focus in effective action, practical common sense and reality-awareness.
- I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not being able to differentiate with self-direction with force versus forcing myself through emotional and suppressed energy and thus not being able to truly push myself at moments when needing at resisting situations.
- I commit myself to learn how to live the word PUSH and FORCE without the mind, without energy, but direct physical moment here, in presence and self-honesty.
- I see, realize and understand that I can bring my awareness into and as my physical presence, movement and actions and move one breath at a time, stop patterns, reactions one breath at a time, just like when carrying a heavy bag to a distance and doing one more step, one after another and to discover what’s beyond my limitations and to also see what are inner, mental and emotional limitations versus actual, physical ones and thus get to know myself and the world better.
- When and as I notice that I am accumulating energy within when applying PUSH-ing, I stop, I let go the energy, I realize there is fear behind it and I bring it to awareness of what I fear, how to deal with it and move with awareness, taking risks, having the leap of faith in myself.
- I commit myself to learn how to continuously and consistently move myself without emotional energy, without fear, desire or reactions, judgments, polarity of the mind, but purely as physical action within clarity.
- I forgive myself that I have not realized that clarity to live does not need to KNOW everything, but to know what I know and what I do not know and focus on effective action, instead of fear-supported paranoia-based over-complication of avoidance of failure.
Let’s learn about the suppression, emotional crystallization from these two awesome supporting videos:
There is https://destonians.com/ community for support to give and receive. Check it out.
There is DIP LITE free online course to learn how to take direction towards actual solutions