Day 405 – Suppression further investigation

IMG_4508Continuing from the last post, where I opened up the suppression point…

Going back in time…

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotional experiences as overwhelming and avoidable because of losing the ability for clear logic to apply and within that fearing from manifesting irreversible consequences, meanwhile if am able to keep sliding on the logical thinking, I have a feel of ability to counter-avoid everything I think I would be doing wrong, and within that developing a phobia of making mistakes in general and within that not seeing/realizing and understanding that this rendered me action+less and more suppressing, instead of to dare trying, making mistakes, learning from them.
  • I forgive myself that I have defined myself and my actions to be good or bad based on the self-definition preferences personality system I’ve defined as who I am and within that trying to never risk and step out from my character in order to minimize the negative judgments coming up automatically in my head about what’s good or bad.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy being in control within my mind and reactions, so to use suppressing, muting, over-dominating thoughts, feelings and emotions within me, I became accustomed to strive for the perfect balance within me and only coming out from this behavior when feeling confident and whenever doing something not perfect, defining it as not good enough.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the extent of clinging to morality, even though defining morality as limitation and imprint from the system and finding it not to be influencing to me, in fact sometimes giving into the worry of other people’s judgments, what are actually the projections of my own judgments, justified by memories and within this not realizing that morality is only existing because there is no self-honesty, yet people do not want to feel bad about that, so they follow rules in order to make-believe that they are good.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized how blinding I have became with the morality projected out to other people, especially can be easily caught when someone is acting differently what is ‘normal’ and within that automatically judging the person and defining how relatable/cool/attractive/good they are and within that not realizing that it is also for hunting positive feedback, then turning them to self-judgments for my interest.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized how I am suppressing during an ordinary normal day, wherein I wake up, go to bathroom, having breakfast and going out for work or to meet someone or get or do something and within my moments not being aware of how much I communicate with myself.

Self-communication vs self-suppression

Looks like communicating with myself is being suppressed, and thus my actions also becoming suppressed.

  • I commit myself to establish self-agreement with myself to not only acknowledge and admit but to embrace who I am today, what I do, how and why and within that staying, resting, standing as my home and trusting myself that I can be-come absolute self-honest without any judgement or suppression.
  • I commit myself to express instead of suppress – meaning to open up, initiate conversations, move, show and do things without fear of failure, fear of judgement and fear of loss.
  • I commit myself to discover each moments within my living wherein I participate in suppression and to understand why I not express and to figure out how to express and what to express.
  • I commit myself to stop using my thoughts, feelings and emotions as those are results and seeds of suppression, meanwhile expression, movement, direction, clarity, planning, organizing, enjoying are seeds for further and more free expression.
  • I commit myself to balance myself out to not be needed an energetic mind consciousness system within me to balance me out with thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories and reactions. I become the physical expression of who I am as life directly.
    I learn to live with a dark and empty mind wherein I do not need to think to know, where I do not need to become emotional to feel and no need to have feelings in order to love, because actions speak louder than the mind.
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