Day 400 – Relax balanced discipline

IMG_0538With the DIP PRO online course I am walking re-defining of specific words what are relevant to live the change I structure myself to manifest in regarding to several scenarios and situations in my life. Through walking the actual physical timelines of those selected past events I acclaim further understanding of what was happening under my conscious mind, the pre-programming, the beliefs, hopes and delusions as well.

This is the habit of a modern man in my eyes, saying ‘modern’ not as technologically advanced or actually related to the ages we live in, but rather the utilization of writing, self-honesty and the actual awareness accumulation with applying self-forgiveness. It is essentially crucial to self-investigate, self-introspect, because if we do not slow down, mirror ourselves back through investigating the words and their relationships we participate within, when not cross-referencing with reality and facts – we are basically too vulnerable for mind-control from all angles within society, including our ourselves. Everyone has weaknesses and strengths, but to know thyself is not happening automatically, only with disciplined and consistent application of tools, such as the mentioned DIP PRO course, or it’s predecessor, the DIP LITE.

Often finding interesting polarities, such as one recent, discipline versus relaxation. The belief and definition I found within myself is that discipline is like a laser focus, it is high-intensity and an all or nothing-type of switch, one what would imagine a samurai warrior to be within a sword fight when life is at stake.
I am always fascinated by discipline, finding it to be very important ‘to be good at’ – as it is what can elevate me from ordinary to extraordinary, because most of the humans can be easily distracted or tempted to fade away from intensity. That’s why about a decade ago most of my dedication within self-development was about ‘practicing’ discipline.

What I have attained was not really useful in actual real life, I’d rather say it’s a stubbornness, but oh jesus it’s exhausting to do.
Because it’s not really ‘professional’, it’s rather a mind-state of this is a battle, I have to fight with all my energy for this extreme state to upkeep. Well, obviously, resulting in exhaustion, tiredness and fatigue after a while. Sometimes earlier than I’d want it to be. Then I arrive to the problem of my definition and thus exposing it’s limitation within my own mind-dictionary.

As it’s polarity-based – I am not directly accessing and expressing the word to LIVE it in the flesh, but only through polarity – what costs, I have to play by it’s rules, it’s limited and definitely not unconditionally available at my will.

There were moments when I was questioning it, even before walking DIP course – like if I really consider, even my analogy of a samurai warrior at battle – he – or she – is not always on full power mode, to be able to act and react with the sword, must be relaxed as well, because if I strain too hard my muscles – they become slower, and obviously tired more earlier.

So this was often at the back of my mind but in order to admit, acknowledge, see and really understand, had to write the timelines at the points, where it originates from and what are the patterns through I am manifesting the consequences. For instance when playing music with others, who are really good, let’s say ‘professionals’. Or when talking at a corporate meeting to be able to intervene, speak up and express what I want in a way what is not reactive, but directive, has clarity yet not too firm with the consideration of others and myself equally.
Or when balancing my responsibilities during the days, to prioritize yet not compromise, to challenge my limits yet not exhaust myself either.

So – working on that with the course, takes some weeks. It seems like extreme amount of work invested in only ONE WORD – but I’d rather walk it now than looking back after some more decades and to realize I had so many years and did not walk this when had the opportunity. It’s a must to walk, decompose, understand and forgive all polarities from my mind, there is no excuse and this is who I am, so doing it one breath at a time.

Thus – today at one company meeting I was looking at the application of this – it was not totally planned, like woke up to do this today at this or any upcoming meetings. This is rather like ‘the week is about this, let’s see when I can work with it’. And today was this opening up, when I was looking at my physical body, posture and experience – while talking with my colleagues. I found myself to be quite relaxed, so realized this point and checked further in my body parts – where is tension, and in seconds I was confirming: I am totally relaxed physically, the body is at rest, yet I am still here, not in the mind faded away, and it seemed so casual, ALMOST judged myself that it was like when I was stoned in the past – except today I was not, rather just had the opportunity to be relaxed and at the same time discipline myself to communicate and share.

It’s something to write and talk about balance but when in real time seeing the opportunity to DIRECT MYSELF into that expression, it’s quite fascinating.
What I have developed to be able access discipline was okay, not perfect, but let’s say it was a good start. Now, with the re-definition of the word, I am able to expand so much, to further re-design my whole beingness, from physical stance level to the actual movement, it’s literally like re-birthing myself in and as this flesh. This is beyond anything, the most powerful thing in existence. Power referring here as life-force.

It’s still sometimes distracting the previously accepted self-programming of judging the level of relaxation in the body to react to, such as ‘wohoho how relaxed I am, cool, dude’ – but this will fade away as designing myself to not give attention to these kind of reactions, but honor myself with acknowledging it yet disciplining to remain in and as expression. But this time not with control and force, energy and rigidity, but opening it with self-trust and curiosity.

So discipline does not need to be intense or this self-soldiering to be, it can be casual – and I do not need to rely on certain types of body postures or expressions – in itself it is a decision, an understanding.

And it totally makes sense, for instance when I used to do juggling, it also has to be firm yet casual, because in the air, with the gravity – I can’t be too rigid and trying to control with brute force – has to be agile and spontaneous as well – but still directing the tool with clarity. For that one has to practice to have a feel, an understanding, skill and confidence as well, but if not being open to new and better ways, will not grow or expand anymore.

Same with playing music – now I am playing simple songs on piano with two hands and although it’s a closed, very specific and and exactly defined system I have to practice and be able to express(to read the notes and play in tempo) – there is freedom opening up within those moments to be able to give character and unique expression. Playing Beethoven with classic style, or jazzy or gipsy folk style for instance. And within those moments I have to find balance within discipline and relaxation – and thus maybe focus and awareness, application and expression is better word. But what’s behind is the living of the word discipline.

Of course, this is not rocket-science, many can agree with this and say – of course! But the thing is that due to everyone’s semi-unique past – all of us is programmed a bit differently, and it’s self-honesty to acknowledge for each of us to see – This is my own responsibility to correct.

For me it did not seem to have problem with discipline in general, I had the conviction that I am just superior in this than most of others, but when I decide to descend back to earth, into reality, the facts, the actual timeline of real experiences can reveal that I only believed that, and there is place for improvement. There are several situations, types of scenarios where I actually lack of discipline, no matter what, and in order to be able to live this word without bias(self-created) – I have to work with the surrounding words, the associations, the reactions, emotions, thought-patterns for a while to reveal the source, the core of belief, self-dishonesty and delusion. Then to plan an actual, walkable solution to express it.

Such as being relaxed, thus not getting tired at a corporate meeting while being able to focus to and effectively express myself with my words. It’s a skill, just like everything else, thus worth working with.

For this and in general I am immensely grateful for Desteni I Process course and the buddies within it(the experienced persons who we chat with regularly, who read and comment on our assignments and support us for more awareness and change).

Check it out – and the PRO course costs, yes, but the value it gives in time is extraordinary. And actually – if someone can’t afford it, there are ways to be able to walk the course without paying, so money can’t be a real excuse here. Rather than if I can afford it, I give value to the course and people and if I can pay it, I am also supporting someone else to be able to walk it without paying. As internet costs, servers cost, the people who spend many hours reading our assignments also have commitments and need to eat, etc – in this world this is how it is, at least there is no corporation or some greedy board of directors behind of this, but dedicated individuals who are literally walking and suppoting actual change.

DIP LITE is and always will be free – with also a buddy person supporting by reading your assignments, etc – it’s really extraordinary course and I just say again, no matter what is your life status, I am sure you can gain from registering and start walking it.

What I resisted these with was like ‘I am too creative and free soul, can’t be structured or limited into regular exercises’ – as these courses often require you to consistently write, for instance daily, or weekly – but the thing is if one does not do this – will not see the resistances, excuses coming up – as we all can have moods of ups and downs, wherein it’s so easy to justify to skip discipline or commitment – but actually facing it, I am learning about myself, my limits, my thinking, my weaknesses and strengths – just as when someone works out regularly – will be days when just want to skip it – and it’s up to self to decide.

So – the best is to work out on self-honesty regularly and then share it on blog – to be transparent, thus others can also understand where I am in my process, they can assist me if seems odd or not the best approach – or one might can understand the patterns you walk and share through.

This is where blogs and vlogs are shared for instance: http://destonians.com

Ideal is to write every day – one might not be able to do so – I have been writing blogs since a decade now, and the current structure is called 7 years of Journey to Life – thus counting the days – this is the 400th since that commitment – several years ago it was – not that it’s a competition, but also shows the accumulative effect so I can reflect back who I am within this discipline, where is the direction and how to improve if needed.

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