Day 378 – Discipline specificity

P1020203I find myself time-looping about a specific point, so it should be on the table.

I repeatedly observe the fact that I lack discipline, so I should focus on working on it.
So I wake up, today as well – and deciding – today’s word is Discipline. I should develop more discipline.
And then the day passes. Next day – I still pick this word, as not much specific I ‘dsciplined’ enough yet.

Thus realizing – the specificity is missing – if I look at my life, almost 4 decade of memories, experiences, realizations and mistakes I have available to review already, I actually see that there is nothing wrong with my abilities to be able to manifest unchallenged discipline. This is not about bragging, as I have proven to myself various times that I can do what I decide to do, if I really want it – so the first flag point is MOTIVATION.

Am I motivated to discipline myself? If yes – then I go through anything – I remember, once I was sitting for days only watching the candle burn, because wanted to prove a point to myself about my mind and experiences – and it was actually very supportive, but only later put the puzzles together, because I was able to recreate experiences(not much more than an effect, but did not realize that back then) of high dosage LSD without using the substance with discipline and in that time my life was really simple – just put EVERYTHING to what I decide to do and no looking back, no regret, I did not own anything, I was nothing. Or at least felt like or wanted to be.

My relationship with that particular ME from that times today is certainly not only memory-based, however I must admit that I today simply lack a quality I was more naturally living back then, and that is my kind of romantic flash-back to an aspect of myself which I miss.

This very specific WILL I was onto or rather into however was proven to be energy-based mind-possession and thus was temporally.

However, it showed a potential, an unbreakable decision, which is with me now as lived it and ths seeing the value within it to bring it to a more aware, self-expression-type of ability to birth.

I start the investigation by seeing what topics I am very confident about to do.

When have to find the best item for my purposes, to make the most practical decision.
Needing to buy a camera, a phone, a car, a music instrument. I check all relevant information, to support my decision until there is no doubt, only clarity and then going for it. Even if the buy later proves to be not completely satisfying the initial ‘requirements’ – my clarity remains impeccable, because I know that I did all I could.

This is a word I find important, thus repeating here, marking as second flag point: IMPECCABLE.

(All flag point words will be further investigated separately to support this ‘walking the mind’)

At this point did an introductory VLOG about this point…


Closing this post with some Self-forgiveness specificity awareness points

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as having extraordinary ability for discipline and justifying not being disciplined at situations where I obviously should by saying to myself ‘if I really would want to be disciplined, I would, so no worries’ and within that not realizing that the situation within I accept and allow this is specific and I am not honest about it, and actually giving up to a resistance I do not want to walk through for another specific reason I am not allowing myself to be honest about.
  • I commit myself to stop defining myself to be someone with extraordinary discipline as realizing I only define myself to justify not being disciplined, and instead of focusing to real, tangible situations wherein I can practically re-define, plan and prepare myself to the potential of LIVING DISCIPLINE.

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