Day 362 – Intensity as addiction – decomposition part 2

IMG_9568I have written already, actually multiple times about intensity as energetic addiction, however as the mind has multiple layers, graph-like relationship-systems, it’s often like that once I uncover a pattern, another patterns appear, what are connected to new(for my awareness) or already known patterns, words, trigger points, self-definitions, memories, convictions, worries, desires.

That’s why it can seem like going back and forth sometimes when returning to a topic, however it’s also a massive process, which takes sometimes weeks, months or even years to walk through. The important aspect is to remain disciplined and committed to accumulate action towards further and more specifying understanding and the ability to recognize my automatic personality pattern activations before participating within and being able to STOP. Prevention is the best cure, it must be applied when working with changing oneself. For me this point is quite challenging as spent decades to perfect the ability to virtually intensify – in a good – and in a bad – way equally – and for the self-honest aspect – it does not matter, it’s all of self-interest, what is good for me – or bad – in a way, if anything distracts from what’s here, from applying common sense and what’s best for all, then has to be practically stopped.

And for that, the best way is to decompose enough to see the hidden self-dishonesty, fear, doubt behind all the fancy and intriguing patterns hidden behind the word: INTENSITY. Intense can be cool and uncool, and the word itself should not direct me, as my basic pattern became about it is that if something is more intense, the greater actually, but this does not apply when I do something only for the sake and experience of it, because then I am the slave of my own creation.

So – intensity – the idea that if I multiply something, it becomes better, more and in reality, it is something what actually quite a fact, however, one has to be real honest with self to recognize that when I participate in the mind while pursuing accumulation, I am dealing with mind-energy, not direct physical energy.

Mind energy is what not real actually, it’s a make-belief system, created from the human physical body, which actually fatigues , deteriorates and ages, because all the energetic intensity somehow have to be created.

Thus this has to be investigated and thoroughly understand in order to really be able to let go the high, the rush, and the sort of bliss-like experience what one can get hooked to when tapping into the energetic mind addiction.

It’s quite common among humans, it’s kind of ingrained within all humans mind and thus personality behavior, but to admit it would mean that we all are basically selfish, which is somehow mainstream not to admit collectively, thus everyone actually protects all other within this giga-con, wherein everyone is wearing and mimicking a facade personality by pursuing all kinds of sources linked to their own individual, believed to be totally unique pursuit of happiness, but within all and each, it’s totally the same mind, the same nature of energy.

To investigate the origin and the nature of this energy is not that difficult, however there is not much within any mainstream cultural or even scientific publications: how exactly the mind operates within specific situations and how every human being is hooked onto their own mind which by the delusion of feeling good can be temporally achieved and for some of the many, even maintained as well.

As I peel off layers and layers within my mind, there is somehow always an un-admitted fear linked to some simple words lay down there, wherein I, often as a child got afraid from to face or re-live, and thus to justify my own strategy to avoid pain and loss, uncertainty and powerlessness, I came up with very powerful ways to distract myself from reality in ways, wherein I basically can have total control and power to virtually overwhelm myself with thoughts, feelings and emotions to the point of being able to disregard what’s going on here.

If this ‘skill’ is used within absolute honest discipline sometimes to relax, be entertained, rest, then it might be ok. But if this is becoming ‘normal’ – then just as with any other addiction – the person literally escapes into the recreational experience.

The same mindset and feeling is being re-created – just as with smoking weed – many people loop in the same set of types of high with the substance.

My addiction to energy and intensity had a history with drugs, although I do not do any of those anymore. Also not drinking alcohol, however within certain type of activities, I can catch myself falling into only doing things for intensity itself. And that’s not cool.

I mean, obviously something feels better if having a bigger, longer, more impacting build-up, such as within sex or achieving some athletic or sport, hiking or any sort of challenge, or even how binge-watching TV series to follow a very dramatic story – but when the prioritizing of all my current life’s activities is not happening with the best practical common sense consideration, then I’d say it’s a problem, where the addiction is not the source of that problem, but it’s actually a diversion tactic.

Then to be honest with self needs to be pushed, because there is an initial resistance, fear, what makes me disregard that point, aspect, situation, experience or even person, from what I elude myself into a loop of energetic experiences.

Part of the package is to be able to willingly lose track of reality, context and time, and within this: myself in a way – without that, it’s not yet intense enough, thus need to intensify.

The false sense of losing self, as I lose my awareness, by choice, but I end up literally manifesting myself as I choose to become, as this junkie on something what keeps me averting from my real life responsibilities.

Thus, decomposing, forgiving and re-defining the WORD intensity is required, which I am going to walk here, step by step.

  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself in terms of admitting what I really want, and thus pretending and resisting things in order to comply to my dishonesty patterns in order to not realize that I am accepting fear, even if it’s not conscious, or not obvious for myself or others, but actually I know, always know, even when trying to distract myself with intense experiences, in between the high moments, it’s always here, which invalidates and falsifies all the enjoyment I try to chase.

This is the kind of honesty what is more direct than to visit a guru and meditate for weeks in a temple. No judgement, but it’s also part of the deal to decide if I really want to stop this dishonesty or not – that is interestingly enough, also can depend on how honest I can allow myself to be to see how dishonest I accept myself to be. Strange.

And in order to communicate with myself, it’s extremely supportive to write – not necessarily the essay-type introductory, but with the self-forgiveness, most definitely.

As I become aware of what I accept and allow – and if it’s nasty, it’s dark, it’s egoistic – it can really help to see – as many times it’s also automatic to justify – like overwhelming sexual desire suppressed and not expressed in a healthy way – to justify by the kind of allowed norms by society, although obviously not the best way to approach it.
Or when someone not just smokes weed once or twice, but every day, getting stoned all the possible times – that’s probably a distraction, evasion from something what’s in front of the individual. As I did that, I know.

The list of what can be ‘sacrificed’ for the mind-altair of self-consuming kind of pursuit after the vibe of intensity itself, which is in a way an energetic addiction can manifest as myself in the flesh.
As the human flesh is quite a programmable one, thus the deprogramming with the right tools, structured, disciplined process makes the best sense.

That’s why I commit myself to walk through all the addiction to intensity, decompose all patterns I am not yet fully aware of to the extent of having a throughout understanding of what I accept and allow to participate within and be able to prevent myself to fall into the self-distractive nature of time-looping with the energetic experience connected and associated to the word intensity.

Most of my practical examples are related to drugs and sexuality as those were probably the most ‘intense’ ways to fall into the energetic addiction, but as I see it today – those were not the source, core, starting points of the problem, but also were symptoms, distraction points – and this means that I have to dig deeper and what’s more important is that I have to learn to be able to discover, stop and re-align within real time moments to be able to really change this one breath at a time.

Great, very strongly recommended online course – freely available for everyone:

Exceptional profound understanding of how the mind, consciousness and energies work:

Just an example from EQAFE: This is way ahead of any science even talking about these points in relation to how human individuals participate within the mind:

How Mental Energy Addiction Becomes Behavioural Addiction – Quantum Physical


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