Day 357 – Projection to forgive

IMG_9567Still walking relationship-projection decomposition and preparation to live the change.

  • I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not being aware of being insecure about fear of losing relationship, projecting out values, qualities and experiences towards someone and getting attached to the feelings and not realizing that I am not being honest with myself by not realizing that I accept being submissive and insecure in relation to the relationship itself and giving into the fear of losing it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into fear of loss and thus paranoia of focusing to imagining and looking for signs of compromises and so self-defined: dangers to the relationship and assuming the worst within interpreting reality and not considering that I use this mechanism to overreact in order to protect my investment, not to lose what I value, here the relationship and not realizing that what I interpret and what I project out is not real.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that projection means fear, wherein I don’t face what is within, but acting like it’s someone else’s fault and responsibility, meanwhile I am the one who projects the original issue out, and not realizing the nature of it, as it’s just a mirage, a projection, not real, but if I believe so, then I automatically exist within my mind in conflict with reality.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense to stop for a moment when I have experience conflict within myself, a friction, an energetic reaction, an emotional wave and to realize that I need to slow down and breathe, let all go what’s within my mind and come back to reality and take responsibility for what I experience and actually can – and should do.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the tendency to project out the things I can’t deal with, I am unaware of, I defined as not my responsibility, not me, who has to solve, change, and within that not seeing the disempowerment, because I experience something, I accept myself to exist in a way – feel and be – yet I define that something or someone else is doing this, meanwhile not wanting to understand/see and realize that I am doing it all, and not only I can understand how I am doing this, but also I should take responsibility directly and immediately to stop projecting.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting projection I also do not communicate, do not ask, do not clarify of what I assume is relevant and/or real, because I do not want to admit that I fear from being true what I fear from and within that not realizing that I fear from fear, thus I am lost within my mind, thus, I need to slow down, stop and re-align within breath and word the points to specify what I am dealing with in order to see the self-dishonesty as a pattern objectively.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have been programmed, accepted myself to resonantly tuned to have a starting point for relationship and partnership with thoughts, emotions and feelings and based on those to form and shape my experiences and behavior, spoken words and actions and not realizing that this is a compromise, a self-dishonesty, because these are related to polarity-based self-interest and fear – rather to see the common sense to commit myself to live the principle of life as equality and oneness, meaning to not be influenced, changed and controlled by circumstances, energetic experiences, but to be able to consistently realize, consider and apply what’s best for all participants equally.
  • I forgive myself that I have not admitted that the energetic experience of ‘falling in love’ feels like a drug, an energetic high, which seems to uplift all the negative pointers/parameters/aspects within my life by focusing to the previous, current or next positive energetic experience, meanwhile not realizing that the source of that positivity is also being fed by not needing to/ignoring/suppressing all the other points I defined as negative.
  • I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself, and within that not facing the fact that within re-creating energetic experiences within myself I am avoiding facing reality here, I am escaping to the past, I fear from change, making mistakes and causing irreversible consequences – and within that not realizing that I can stop for a moment and consider what’s real, what I can actually do to prevent things what are not supportive and trust myself to do the best possible by actually doing so.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within projection I rely to the past, wherein there was an event, an experience what I have defined bad and wanting to avoid it now, and by looking back, what were the conditions, circumstances, I define that ‘if this and this, then that and that will happen’ and trying to generalize, automatize in order to ensure preventing what I defined as bad and avoidable and within this all not realizing that nothing is always exactly the same and if I rely to these rules, self-definitions, then I do not allow to trust myself here, in the moment, within full presence.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I try to communicate or bring up the point of my worry or subject of my projection to the other and does not seem to work, the actual communication does not happen, then I allow the temptation to give up and fall back into judgements, projection, fear, and not committing myself to not give up and keep finding effective and supportive ways to communicate and solve conflicts, even if it only exists within me.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that getting attached to something within my mind means that I give into the fear of loss, which leads to anger and suffering and instead of trying to own or have source of experiences, to see as gift and support and if it’s time to let it go then to trust and honor myself and the other to remain respectful for open and honest communication and agreement of practically living the principle of ‘Give as I would like to receive’.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within insecurity, fear and worry, because believing that this energetic state helps to cope and fight for what I do not want to lose and not realizing that this experience is not supportive, not enjoyable and definitely not productive in terms of finding the best practical way to prevent things I do not wish to happen.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to not develop practical skills and direct awareness to immediately become aware when I am going into worry, fear and insecurity, not learning to see the signs of doubt within my self-mind and body awareness, thus PREVENT going into patterns triggered by insecurity, such as energy rush, need for more energy, feeling tired, exhausted, lack of discipline, temptations to distractions, wanting to rest, sleep, be entertained, stimulated, sweets, etc and within those patterns, also not being aware that when these ‘kick in’ all of a sudden, to slow down within, to even stop what I do for a moment to check – whether am I acting out based on worry/fear/insecurity and thus to automatically prevent feeling low/bad/down/blue, to cheer me up, to feel good/up/high, and meanwhile timelooping and what not realizing that I avoid facing a problem, a self-limitation.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge others, meaning to define how they are based on polarity, based on ‘in relation to me or to my interest or my experiences/wisdom/memory/realizations/whatever’ and giving into the temptation of righteousness and not realizing the projection I fall into and not realizing that my original judgement is projected out to other, because I distract/I hide/I suppress to face the point of responsibility about that point and thus trying to say – I am victim, I am not responsible, but within this not realizing the powerlessness I give into thus not being able to direct change, apply solution.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I use projection to protect my perceived investment of belief and self-definition in order to prevent something I fear from happening, and within that not realizing that I am not dealing with reality, I am focusing to others, their point, their mistakes, their self-dishonesty, while I am allowing to roam free within my already existing self-dishonesty, and within that not seeing the point and common sense to ask what’s my original problem in this, what’s the source of my fear/worry/insecurity/doubt to start finding solution.
  • When and as I see that I am defining someone to be this or that, repulsive, sulky or reprimanding, child-like or foolish, worrysome or fearful – I stop, I breathe, I become aware of my physical presence, my body, gravity, the overall feel of me here, the air, the temperature, the clothes on me, the surroundings for a moment of reference and support to bring myself here, without defining it, without focusing to that, but to see who I am within this moment, how I feel, what is the fear I give into to answer myself the honesty I am being tempted to slip away from with projection.
  • When and as I feel that someone is this or that with me, doing this or that to me and I start to relate to the person according to these definitions, projections, I stop and check – is it really fact, not just I am projecting based on past memory reference, to avoid something to re-occur, because I do not like that outcome, so I try to use the past, that ‘when this was like this, that happened, and now the situation is similar, and then the person seemed to be this and that, so now probably the situation is similar, so I must react somehow to prevent the same to happen’ – and within that not realizing that I act upon fear, I give into fear, I start reality to be interacted with by fear, instead of take a breath, look at the situation and apply common sense. This does not mean I should never learn from the past, but if there is this emotional fear first, the solar plexus energy flow, this convolution around stomach, this tension within limbs, the breath becoming superficial, losing presence, direction from within without any emotion, then I need to check is there any fear I give into, because fear-related categorizing, patterning, judging is highly tainted with delusion, projection, self-dishonesty, thus I stop myself doing so.
  • When and as I am within a situation wherein I am in relation to something or someone and I think or feel that the other’s fault is something, or the other is screwing up, doing something to me and based on that I start to feel and experience something, I realize, I am projecting, based on worry and fear, fear of loss, thus I stop and let go the fear and to see what is my responsibility here, what I should do, what I can do to solve, what shall I or need to clarify or communicate with myself and/or the other person.
  • When and as I am uncertan and worried about something and it’s related to someone, instead of assuming, imagining, worrying from an outcome/consequence/manifestation/happening, I consider that is it really relevant, actual and real, and if it seems to be, while I ensure that I am not under influence of emotional turmoil, fear and conflict, then I approach the related, involved person and I communicate, ask directly without fear, and ‘coming out’ that I interpret signs like this and that, and ask that what the other sees, perceives, stands for – instead of allowing to fall into my mind and combine and process, rather find out what’s real and then act accordingly.
  • When and as I approach someone to clarify and ask about something what bothers me, or seems relevant within practical living or communication and after one or more attempts to communicate it does not happen or can’t clarify what is relevant to do so, then I remain calm and directive, consider if can I find a better/another approach to share or reach the other and being able to create effective communication as realizing – if I give it up, I will end up just like if I did not even try to communicate, except I would also judge this attempt as excuse that ‘I tried’ – and thus realizing that it’s not about trying, but getting through, done and sort out perceived or real conflicts to be able to move on and expand.
  • When and as I can’t communicate, share or agree about something with someone about a point what bothers me or I am uncertain of, I do not get emotional, fed up or become frustrated and angry, worried or anxious, but I remain present, directive and consider if there is opportunity to find an another way, tonality, word selection, method or strategy to try to communicate and to realize – when or where is the point of realizing that this does not seem to work and stop trying and if there is such, still not use it to justify for any projection or fear, but to realize – the other might have their own process to walk and it might not be personal on how handles me and certainly this should not be a reason to justify becoming reactive and blaming.
  • I commit myself to stop projecting thoughts, feelings, emotions to others and to take it all back to self and to realize and live my responsibility and thus being able to practically see what I can do to solve or prevent conflict or difficulties/obstacles ahead.
  • I commit myself to become aware of all patterns, trigger points, situations and conditions, mind-states and definitions, events, memories and scenarios wherein I can fall into projection and fear, judgement and blame and to be able to realize within each and every single of these occurrences that the best practical solution here is the PREVENTION and thus not go into projection and blame, emotional states and fear of loss, but to realize that within reality all that exists is facts and actions, and thus I should keep focusing to these.
  • I commit myself to forgive all the self-acceptances and self-delusions about what I should fear from losing and thus justifying the worry to exist within by believing that this fear helps to prevent happening what I fear from manifesting, and not realizing that this actually a distraction and a self-defeatism wherein I use worry and fear to cope with the self-accepted self-disempowerment to not dare to do something new or radical to break the loop of self-dishonesty, and thus within this realization to push myself each time to stop and re-align when I experience or notice, feel or participate within fear of loss.
  • I commit myself to embrace and stop fear of loss by realizing and specifying all my fears in general and actual form, thus practically approaching to decide of which is unrealistic and thus to be released and stopped, and which relates to something I actually can prevent happening.
  • I commit myself to become aware of my human physical body to the more intimate, direct and profound awareness of it’s physical existence, meaning how it feels, positions, moves and lives within this reality, as with air, gravity, breathing, interaction, location, space and all the physical factors and if I am not aware of wherein and what I do, then I need to re-align to be able to, because there is a point I am falling into in an impractical and not-solution-oriented way, thus I stop and re-align with breath.
  • I commit myself to expose all my fears and thus I can practically know myself and be able to see what fear is what, why I accept it, how much it’s real in terms of actual reality and to be able to let go fear and focus to what I can do to solve problems and trust myself.
  • I commit myself to stop fearing from ‘shit happening’, wherein beyond my power, simply something what is not supportive to me or others around me happens and not to blame myself or other, because it might just happened and thus I need to accept it and stop blaming myself and rather ask if I could do something to prevent unsupportive consequences to manifest and if so, then to commit myself to do so next time, and if there is nothing I could have done, then to consider what it would take to be able to or to simply accept and let it go, such as weather or random events/accidents/luck-unluck.
  • I commit myself to stop defining partner and relationship according to my past and start focusing to get to know the person and the relationship in real time with self-trust within consideration of all participants equally and physical awareness as well.

 

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