Day 354 – Projection and Responsibility

IMG_0061_hdr_mode_1bogaSuppression vs courage with responsibility
Dis-empowerment vs confidence with understanding

These are so intertwined at the moment, thus walking them together, but at the end, it’s all about dealing with fear.

Most of these points and realizations did not just ‘occur’ to me, I have got assistance from DIP Desteni I Process Online course, Quantum Change Kinesiology and the one and only state of the art education center: EQAFE.

Approaching to decompose self-disempowerment in the form of projection, a.k.a resisting to take responsibility.

Projection is, when I subtly imply that what I experience is not my responsibility, that I have an emotional reaction, which I’ve been exposed to – allegedly – by someone or something, so I am convinced that it’s done to me.

I perceive an experience, an emotional reaction within me, and by looking at the trigger point – or what I think was the trigger point:

I accept what I experience, I submit into the reaction, regardless if it’s good or bad – or let’s phrase like this: supportive or not supportive.

I certainly recognize that something is happening in between me and the world – another person, or something – but I get a conclusion that it’s not entirely me creating this here, which by I PROJECT a certain responsibility of by that I am going to be exposed/triggered to experience something.

The trap with projection is that I am within a mental/emotional state, which is not real, I believe that someone or somewhat else is responsible for what I am within, and thus I don’t consider, I am incapable of realizing the solution, which is changing myself. It’s really a convenient for lazy or coward, ignorant or scared people, because until the projection is not dropped, ‘I don’t need to take responsibility’. – Unfortunately this means limitation, friction, frustration and accumulating consequence of something opposite of great, because it’s based on deception. Self-deception.

Usually it’s easier to recognize, when it’s about something negative I experience.

Recently I have had a Quantum Change Kinesiology session and it was mindblowingly exact on what I have been projecting to someone by identifying the words what really can describe the subtle, unconscious projection.

It really assisted to drop the act of projection, but it’s really just the consequence, -the tip of the iceberg- of a deeper pattern: how I can accept to be subjected, submissive by my self-created and accepted relationships, projected out to actual relationship with others.

It’s about describing real life scenarios, actual experiences, memories and behaviors fitting this pattern with the decision and commitment to take responsibility for to be able to stop and change.

This reveals the deep pattern behind these as self-acceptance and a giving up attitude into a doubtful, submissive and insecure starting point in relation to a lot of things in my life, and actually it’s all based on fear of loss. Fear of losing control and fear of that things would turn to worse than I perceive them to be currently. And not realizing that the reason things are not supportive in the first place, because of this ‘holding onto’ ideas what are good for survival. But this is not living. Big difference.

So. Let’s walk this.

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop and live intimate and honest relationship with myself, thus not dis-empower and deceive myself with mental and emotional projections, which by not wanting to take responsibility for what I experience but to subtly imply that its all done to me, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that I only can experience what I create, accept and allow within my mind; what words, emotions, judgments, definitions I participate within and the person or thing I project to is only existing within this scenario as a trigger point for my self-dishonesty.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized when and how I submit into reaction of emotional turmoil wherein I project beliefs, qualities, actions and words to others as if they were like that, meanwhile not becoming aware that it is only my judgement, and as I project those beliefs, delusions to the person, I believe what I project and I act according to what I project, which is not related to reality, thus creating conflict, friction, mis-aligmnent with what’s really here, based on a fear I don’t admit or being fully aware of.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize what is the core point, the starting experience, judgement within what I start projecting by, as when I do, I am not present, I am not here, I am immediately falling into and move with the emotional reaction judgement energy and within that movement being distracted, deluded and only see the trigger point, which then to define as ‘source of experience’ and within that not realizing that I have given permission to my mind to throw experiences to me and thus going into submission, automatic inferiority and within that relationship, not considering and looking for practical ways to stand up to the experience, to become one and equal with it and to decide to stop to see through the veil of projection delusion.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself prior to the moment of projection to name the fear I fall into experiencing and within that to want to avoid it as defining it as bad, and within that definition trying to understand the condition, but with the total acceptance and submission to the experience of reaction of emotional negativity, taking it granted, believing it to be real, accepting it as myself and the act of projection to use to try to define what’s going on and how to avoid this experience, but already accepting the reaction and emotion first, thus as becoming the PROJECTION itself, not seeing it, and becoming the specificity of projection itself, as for instance defining someone to be ‘repulsive’, when I notice someone is not welcoming a certain behavior of mine, but due to my past programming and acceptance, I jump into conclusion based on fear that the other is now ‘repulsed’ by me, so basically painting a worst case scenario in my mind, so then I believe that by this I can ‘handle’ the worst, which is compensating to fear of loss, doubt, lack of confidence.
  • I forgive myself that I have not recognized the pattern of projection as pure self-delusion as I use creativity lost within fear and with the desire of wanting to avoid something, I fall into the emotional reaction of fear so steep, so immediate that I change my perception of reality, but as I want to change actual physical reality, actually I end up only change my own, mind-virtual reality by the conviction of projection: so it’s admitting being incapable of taking responsibility of the actual, real deal of issue at hand, and literally overreacting it and by losing inner balance, I react to my overreaction – the actual, original point becomes unavailable, hidden and irrelevant, thus I end up dealing with my own projection without realizing it’s a projection and not realizing that I have to slow down within, breathe, stabilize to PREVENT giving into fear, reacting to memory, to specificity of trigger point I allow to react to, by forgiving each details of self-acceptance I allowed in the past.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense of specificity of walking through the actual details of fears I give into while ‘falling into’ projections, what is fear of loss, fear of losing control, fear of failure and fear of falling, in relation to partnership, financial status and my overall standing in and as the society, the world and existence.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized the continuous self-petrification I accept by fear of making mistakes and fear of failures and within that not specifying what are the worst fears and why I defined those as worst and within that literally ‘facing my demons’ as seeing what I define as I can’t handle, and thus supporting myself to be able to prepare and PREVENT these to accept.
  • I forgive myself that I have not recognized the doubt I give into, the self-disempowering self-distrust by giving into fear and within those moments, when I see the glimpse of actual real truth, fact here, I automatically give permission to my mind to categorize as ‘I can’t handle’ – and to come up with something I am pre-programmed to perceive as I can handle, and within that not realizing that I give up even before I try to deal with what’s ahead, which if I would really see the extent of it, I would realize the gravity of the problem I accept myself existing as, and thus to commit myself to stop doubting myself and defining myself DECIDING TO FACE REALITY AS IT IS and accept making mistakes and failing, but not without first trying with my best to solve.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough for partnership, because I only focus to myself due to my nature and recent decade of experiences of being and standing alone and doubting myself of whenever I am waving and ‘falling back’ to stand alone and thus within partnership not being consistent, and not realizing that it’s a fear of judgement, as fear of being judged, fear of being left, because I chose stability of myself first, always, and not the relationship itself, and within that doubt, not realizing, that this is not selfish, but practical common sense, as relationship consists of individuals, and if I can’t stand individually first and foremost, then I can’t really be a stable pillar of any relationship, thus it’s not real fear, it’s a make-belief fear, a fear of being criticized, or justified to be left, thus I commit myself to stop participating within this fear, but to communicate and share within relationship if there is anything what would waver my stability, how to deal with it and what’s the solution and offer agreement, thus strengthen the relationship and myself as equals.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I am experiencing being judged or rejected, repulsed or punished by anyone, it’s something I accept, I create and maintain, not something what others ‘expose me to’ – thus realizing – it’s on me, not others, and no one can make me feel repulsed, unless I accept to, and within that acceptance, submissive behavior, to see, what makes me to fall into doubt and self-judgement, emotional reaction, which I balance out/suppress/justify by projection, thus I commit myself to not forget this pattern – but to for-give myself to prevent myself to participate and see the relationship with by I doubt and fear, judge myself, thus to specify self-forgiveness, thus to be really become aware of the pattern and being able to STOP.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within projection I give away my power, which is awareness, self-honesty and responsibility, the ability to direct action and prevent consequences I become aware of.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that generalizing judgement based on falling into fear is to try to find and match patterns to which I defined myself as not understanding, not having the ability to apply direction to influence, change and not realizing that by projecting out something I fear from, what I defined that I have no influence over, I actually give into the fear and within that fear, not expanding, not understanding, not finding solution, but to blame and justify, to accept defeat, to submit into experiences to re-loop within emotional friction, instead of seeing the pattern and saying no to participate before ‘falling into’ automatically.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotional turmoil, self-judgement and reaction to self-acceptance of existing within worry and fear, without being aware of it and within that not realizing that if I would slow down, to stop, to ask and answer to myself what I really do – then I would see: I exactly know what I am doing and within that to have the courage to take responsibility and make a stand to STOP, with becoming aware, specifically with all details, words, trigger points, reactions, judgments of what I actually do, and thus understanding the mind machine, becoming able to be equal and one with it and to make the stand and just breathe, to not allow it to move.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-disempowerment stops when I live the word COURAGE to become responsible for all the automatic mind movements I give permission automatically happen in the name of justification and conviction of trying to cope and manage, control and save from the things and experience I fear facing or being exposed to and within this to realize that self-empowerment is to LIVE COURAGE AS SELF-HONESTY to stop participate in the mind and stop living through it, but directly here, in and AS BREATH, as the LIVING FLESH.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I am able to slow down within to see the pattern before participating in it, I remain present, to see the issue at hand more clearly, without going into the fear/projection/emotional reaction, which would assist and support me to be able to not just see problem, but also to see and carry out solution as well.

Standing as Self as Life – regardless of alone or others – direct support applied here from EQAFE – Abandoned – Self-forgiveness

  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that within projecting qualities, behavior and attitudes to others, words, what I accepted as ‘I cannot live by myself directly, thus needing someone for that’ and I try to cope with the self-accepted experience of uncertainty, insecurity of I might not ‘get fulfilled about those words’ and submit myself into my mind to hope that it tells me what is going on and within that not realizing that I project out things what are not there, but this way I do not have to deal with the fear of loss, the possibility to lose what I hold onto as defining it’s value within the self-identification and self-definition of this thing I do not want to lose is part of me, who I define myself to be and fear losing as then I would need to see who I am behind, without it, barely myself, facing myself, which I’ve defined as not whole, not soothing, not strong enough.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have defined strength outside of me, defined to become whole to be part of something, to join with someone, thus becoming dependent and relied to have the experience of whole and strength, soothing ONLY when being in relation to something or someone separate from me, THROUGH the definitions and experiences, feelings and emotions, energies OF THE MIND, instead of realizing that this is not direct living, this is a bubble, a delusion, pink sunglasses, which will never last, and the more I struggle to keep holding onto it, the more difficult and stressed, worrisome and submissive I become in relation to the relationship, to my mind and in overall anything but self here directly.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the self-definition of not being strong enough is delusion, an energetic addiction as coming from self-judgement based on memories and imprinting, which I can break through with consistent and disciplined application of specificity within applying, writing and sounding Self-forgiveness to release the suppressed and stored tension within my body and mind, to accumulate understanding and direction to what I commit myself to STOP and the more I stop participate within the mind, the more I see the reality, thus becoming able to deal with it, thus seeing it more clearly, thus more and more being able to become effective to apply practical solutions.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define strength in relation to muscles, how do I look and how much I can lift or do in comparison to other men I saw, read or heard about and within that comparison seeing that I am inferior and not realizing that real strength as self here has nothing to do with physical strength, but as a will, a commitment, a discipline, a real expression of who I am as LIFE and within that what I accept and what I don’t and also to realize that when I would give up or in, into doubt, fear, give up, projection or suppression – it also has nothing to do with physical strength, muscles or how do I look or how much I can lift or endure physically, thus to realize, any time I compare to physical strength in relation to whether to give into self-dishonesty, it’s an excuse, a justification, thus literally lie to myself, which I commit myself to stop.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself not being whole, because not being able to experience, have access to certain qualities, aspects, to live words, and finding the need to rely to, to connect for, to become dependent on others in order to be able to live strength, wholesome and soothing and within that not realizing that this is an experience I give into, and behind the experience, there is a self-creation process, which I do not want to become aware of, because then I would see, that not only I have accepted myself to be created like this, but each and every single time, when being triggered to the same pattern, actually and actively giving permission to my mind, fueling with my beingness acceptance, re-creating the same ‘me’ as self-dishonesty – and within that not realizing that this is the key for the solution: all I need to start doing is to STOP participating within the same pattern with becoming aware of the exact words, reactions, trigger points with absolute specificity, commitment and diligent accumulation of understanding and self-movement to manifest the consequence of breaking the habit of: – defining myself not whole, not strong, not being able to care and love myself directly, and finding practical ways to accumulate and stabilize, expand with and express of living the words of strength, soothing, whole directly.
  • I forgive myself that I have defined women to be needed for experience myself as whole, to define myself existing without woman as not have access to soothing, without the back and forth communication and share with a woman who I trust and respect, not to be able to experience strength as I have defined myself being alone as a lone wolf, a wanderer, someone without being roots, interpersonal commitment or interest; instead of realizing that if I define and give myself ‘roots’ and purpose with a woman, then I am consistently accepting a dependency, which as in it’s relationship form directs me and I hold onto, thus accept self-compromise and self-dishonesty, thus I let all go and create relationship, connection without polarity, without wanting to fulfill what I lack within self, but to see how can I live words directly.

This is it for now – so walking from submitting into projection towards taking responsibility to see the patterns and the reason to be submissive within the experience of lacking and being unable to have access to experience and live specific words and within that belief, to depend on, hope for and submit myself into relationships based on fear of not being able to ‘LIVE’ or fear of losing what I believe I have of such.

Projection is really a trap, let’s clarify: it’s unacceptable, and ‘luckily’ Desteni I Process and EQAFE provide quite a detailed, structured and specific understanding to be able to stand up to it and being able to break the cycle and start accumulating self-trust and self-honest honoring Life as self as equal as one.

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