Day 348 – Rejection, Blame and Help

IMG_5972I look at these points today:

  1. Fear of rejection, blame
  2. Facing unknown, asking for help

Fear of rejection

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being rejected as defining it that it means I am unworthy, not good enough, I did something horrible, I am bad person and within these self-judgments not realizing that these come up automatically by the word of rejection, without looking at the situation, what happened, how it happened, why it happened.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being rejected as then I would automatically fall into self-judgement of I am not good enough/bad/horrible and within that fear I focus on not being rejected and by that starting point I am not fully here within self-expression, but always looking at angles of how and why I could become rejected and working against it, and within that actually making it real without realizing it.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I fear from being rejected by myself, meaning when I am being triggered with the word ‘rejected‘ – by someone else for instance, then I do judge myself as ‘rejected’ and thus automatically defining myself as not good enough/bad, etc, and then I fall into that anger and self-hate, which I do not like, as if it happens I believe that it’s true, meaning all my life was mistake and I am failure and within all these not realizing that it’s a domino effect in my mind, one triggers another from something real going into totally surreal.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that the petrifying fear of being rejected was always self-accepted within me, and within last years I did not face, experience it because I made myself believe that I do not care, there is nothing or noone who I would care about, of if I would be rejected, I would not care or matter for me, and all of a sudden here is someone and something I care for, would like to walk towards, expand with and walk into as my life, and facing extreme fear from rejection and within that not realizing that this fear of rejection was constantly within me, just I have suppressed it and I justified why I should not care before, and made my life to automatically avoid situations of this fear of rejection to be triggered, just now I obviously could not make myself believe that I don’t care as I do actually.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have tendencies to judge myself without realizing it, without recognizing the trigger points, without experiencing the energy rush, the disconnect from physical presence, breath and self-direction.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that judging myself, fearing from being rejected by myself or others is doubt and giving up on myself as within something happens and I define that I am done, I have fallen, and I believe that I can’t learn from it, I can’t realize, I can’t change, I can’t grow, prevent and solve – meanwhile if I look at things with common sense, the exact point I am facing – there might be actual solution, just I do not look, as busy focusing to reactions instead of solution itself.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that it’s ok if someone rejects me as it might be just the best practical and supportive decision and action for the person to do and within not liking, defining as bad for me, I actually disregard the other within this equation, situation as instead of first to look at how and why the other made this decision, I immediately focus to my own interest, which is not to be rejected, but embraced, accepted.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I fall into despair and self-judgement any and every time I am being rejected by others, then I am basically ready to give up my decision, plan, motivation, direction on any resistance, difficulty or mistake, meanwhile also to recognize that it does not mean to completely disregard what others react/communicate/want, and yet still keep pushing, but it is to recognize that my approach might needs adjustment or simply to accept that what I want might not work in this specific scenario – the point is there is no rule, law, algorithm, what could be applied, but each time I must be reality aware and self-honest and thus make decision and action accordingly.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that being rejected does not mean that who I am is worthless, thus to accept to blame and bash myself whenever rejection comes into context as it is self-abuse, which I commit myself to stop.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not judge or punish myself when I am being rejected, then I might become psychopath and someone who does not care about what others want or not want and I would become this person who forces his will to others and within that not realizing that who I really am as Life expression, when and as I am present and self-directive, self-honest and considerate, I do not force myself to others, which I actually know already, thus this is an excuse to keep hooked on self-judgmental thoughts, energetic experiences, which I realize I have to stop, prevent and purify from myself completely.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from become a big ego and selfish person if I do not regulate and judge myself within with thoughts, feelings and emotions, and within that not realizing that these patterns are very limited forms of expression and all related to doubt and fear, thus any occurrence of these appear, I should self-investigate and take responsibility for stopping and re-aligning within direct action.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized my fear-based relationship with rejection, and my tendency to deny/suppress and avoid it by not trying to accomplish, achieve, get done things what I was not absolutely sure about that I will do/achieve/succeed – and thus not expanding, but remaining within my self-limitation cage to prevent myself facing and triggering the experience of rejection.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that if someone rejects me, my idea, my approach, my plan, my proposal, etc – does not mean that I should fall into total self-doubt, fear and reaction of fear of loss, fear of fear and start judging myself as worthless and lost, but to realize that I did an approach and that approach in that specific situation did not work, that is all.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I gotta let this fear go and embrace rejection, to also see – it’s okay to be rejected, and the relevant thing is how I handle/understand/use this rejection for practical application.

  • When and as I am about to face a possibility, option, chance for rejection, I realize, remind myself that it’s OK to be rejected, I trust myself and I focus to do the best I can, which means also not worrying, fearing of rejection.
  • When and as I participate within fear of rejection, abandonment, I stop reacting and I snap out of it, I breathe, I re-align physically, and I look at the source of my rejection, what I should focus to apply the best practical way possible.
  • When and as I fear from being rejected by someone, I realize that I can have tendency to judge myself, to push and banish myself, thus I recognize this pattern and I do not give into it.
  • When and as I think that I am rejected, I stop judging myself as I am bad/not good enough, I take a deep breath immediately and I re-align with body awareness and embrace the fact that I am rejected, it’s about my approach within that situation, not entirely as who I am, thus I allow and direct myself to remain at the center of my being, within self-direction, self-trust and self-honesty and to accept it what it is and also to consider it might not entirely about me but of course the other is also walking their process and facing points, applying the best possible decision for their life, which is also to be respected in a way as I would like to be respected equally.
  • I commit myself to not go into self-judgement and self-punishment reactions when I am about to or being rejected and to focus for reality awareness, to understanding of specificity of the situation and to look for options and the decision of what I find as best practical approach from this point and moment now.
  • I commit myself to not give into the domino effect of from rejection to self-hate and suppression of anger, but to snap out of this chain-reaction at the beginning and when I inevitably see that I am about to or being rejected, I accept it, I do not judge, I embrace it and I remain present, unwavering and directive.
  • I commit myself to decompose all patterns, associations, personality traits in relation to rejection and within self-honesty to remove, stop, change all aspects what are tainted with, influenced by, controlled through fear and I let go the fear energy and experience.
  • I commit myself to develop self-trust and self-integrity, self-honesty and clarity when facing others, when asking for something I resist – and to consider rejection but not in an energetic reaction way, but as a valid option within the situation, thus use imagination constructively, not destructively as based on fear, but by really be aware of all practical options with respect.
  • I commit myself to always respect other’s decision and action to reject something from me as realizing, that’s maybe the best decision for the person and all I can do is to share, communicate more if I see that as reasonable to support the other to understand, but ultimately, it’s their choice to accept or reject me or my proposal or my offer or my support or myself in overall and I focus to ensure that I do all I can and see where that takes.
  • I commit myself to see/realize and understand that as I also reject something or someone sometimes, it’s also can be ok if I am being rejected and I should learn from it and to see what I can do better next time if the opportunity would present itself.
  • I commit myself to, if applicable, to not give up after one or more rejection(s), if it is something I am absolutely certain about that it’s the best for all participants.
  • I commit myself to realize that if someone keeps resisting me or my offer/action, etc, then it’s proving the situation to be obviously something I should re-consider, re-align, release, based on practical common sense.

BLAME

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the person who rejects me as projecting my self-anger towards someone who I try to project responsibility for, because I am not taking it, I am not applying it, thus I should take it all back to Self, Here.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever blame anyone or anything within this world and not realizing that it’s giving my power away as allowing myself to remain convinced that who I blame is/are the responsible, not me, thus also believing that I have no power over things.
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify blaming someone by righteousness and not wanting to admit any mistake I might have made, but within the possession of blame and righteousness, I don’t even know if I made mistake or not, as if I would not like to know and then face the fact that I might have(made mistake).
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for experiences I am having within myself about rejection and not realizing that everything I feel within my thoughts, feelings and emotions are due to my own permissions, my own initiative, my own responsibility, and if I keep I project out this responsibility to others, I have no power over what’s going on within myself, thus I am just a puppet of my self-accepted personality patterns of fear.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have never looked at all the vast scale of experiences I can have within myself, from low to up, from enjoyment to resistances, from confusion to clarity – and did not realize that I can own all of these and to stand as unified and responsible and to see and understand that I cannot experience feel or think anything I would not give permission within myself to do, thus if I feel that I am being influenced to feel anyhow by someone else, it’s because I created automatic behavior in my mind to behave according to events, trigger points, experiences and if by anything I give into worry, fear, specifically fear of loss, fear of rejection, that means I must stop participate within these patterns and re-align with practical common sense and to look at reality, work with facts and become aware of what’s really happening here in the physical realm, where I can really work with others and actual events, not just within my mind to react and then to react to my reactions while trying to cope with what’s going on around me.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that until I do not take responsibility for all my life, events, experiences, then I have no chance to stand up and have ability to direct the things around me as I would always find a way to justify why I am the prey, the victim, the one who was hurt by forces outside of self, and this is self-defeat, self-dishonesty and self-diminishment, thus I commit myself to stop, prevent myself to blame or run from responsibility.

I am responsible for all the experiences, emotions, thoughts and feelings I am accepting and allowing, creating and accumulating within me and thus I stand up to them as self-reflection and to embrace without judgement, I understand without justification, I stop without reaction and I re-align without fear.

Leap of faith, stepping into the unknown

Each time I walk into something new, I am going to face an aspect of myself, which is not yet known, that’s why it’s new.
But in a sense, every day is new, even when I am within a perception of timeloop, when every day going to work, of a similar pattern repeating, actually there is structural similarity, but if I really look at it and into myself without judgement or reaction, each day is completely new, including opportunities, challenges and points to expand with.

I am grateful that I have the decision, the ability and the self-direction to change my life to something new and I am grateful for everyone who supported or still supports me, for those who I can thank for, I do, for those who I can’t directly thank to – I commit myself to not take it entirely personally and naturally express myself in a way of give as I have been received as I would like to receive.

In this world, where resources and opportunities seem so limited, it’s great to initiate and give if I am capable of – and it’s not even about money or material giving, but attention, just to be there for others or letting them know that I can be ‘here’ for them for anything they would require.

It’s something what I had to learn the hard and long way that if there is difficulty, it’s OK to accept and hell yes! to ASK for support as well – I was totally convinced that it’s the worst thing to ask for help as it means that I am weak and fool, compromised and vulnerable, but as I have learned more and more about how things are working in this world, without actual and personal judgement, I was fool not to accept support even when could have been great!

As it’s never about me, myself only, but everyone in my reality, close ones, more distanced ones, the whole humanity and existence as a whole in a way! And the sooner I can stand up, the quicker the world becomes a better place.

I was also convinced that it worth more if I do solve/stand up/help myself alone, because then I was the one, who did it, no one can say that it was not me, who helped myself, and also I was able to really prove that I am alone good enough.

So there can be seen a fear of not being good enough and the addiction possession to need to prove within this mind-possessive state of ‘me against the world’.

Whether we accept or not – humans are social beings and we are slightly or more directly all interconnected, thus to look at it by ‘me‘ – is quite limited – the opposite of being smart actually.

Intelligence does not mean it’s always advantage, especially if emotions and worries can cloud one’s mind, thus slowing down, stepping out from the chain of thoughts and energies, having a breath, a sip of water and to apply practical common sense is always the best action.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand when I am stuck and not progressing, expanding, growing, releasing and really living in relation to a point or in general and within that not admitting that I could accept for some advice, support or help, but I do not want it, because then I would think that I am weak or incapable to help myself and within that not realizing it’s not about me but to be able to stand up as Life as effectively as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge those who seem like they could and/or should ask for assistance, support, but they don’t and within that not realizing that I judge what I also am responsible for, therefore I do commit myself to always check, if I can really solve something and if not at the moment or would take too much time/effort, then I ask for support, assistance, to just open up to someone and share and within that might realize more.

I forgive myself that I feel rejected within offering my support and assistance to someone who does not want it, because thinks that it’s weakness and does not want to be compromised by that and thinking that it’s not the smartest thing due to pride and ego, and not realizing that also for me took quite significant amount of time and work on myself to realize that it’s the best practical common sense to always check if it’s suitable and self-honest to ask for support, help or just to open up.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I offer support or assistance to someone, I should first check if I need any support for me and am I able to stand firmly within that offering, commitment to support through the other until it’s necessary, within responsibility and self-honesty.

I commit myself to assist and support myself and if required, to ask for support and share as it’s OK for everyone to not walk this process of self-realization alone, especially as the mind can be tricky thing as the master of self-deception reflection, thus it’s always great idea to cross-reference all the information I/we perceive, think or being convinced of as sometimes it’s too late or some point to walk or realize would take too much time or opportunities would pass.

That’s it for today.

I have found a great support series about ‘abandoned‘ and fear of abandonment and self-forgiveness and standing up and related things I can open up within self. So I am currently listening and working on this point and will share soon of what I have realized.

  1. https://eqafe.com/p/abandoned-atlanteans-part-478
  2. https://eqafe.com/p/abandoned-part-2-atlanteans-part-479
  3. https://eqafe.com/p/abandoned-self-forgiveness-and-correction-atlanteans-part-480
  4. https://eqafe.com/p/abandoned-conclusion-atlanteans-part-481
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