Day 335 – Self-Change with Self-forgiveness

change-with-sfSharing a point of looking back to a recent energetic reaction within my mind-body relationship, triggered by fear – and applying Self-honesty with Self-forgiveness to stop and prepare myself to prevent to repeat this automatic pattern.

Change one moment at a time. Structure yourself, your progress, your decision to not accept anything less than your true potential, which only can be discovered, manifested and truly lived with constant and consistent, disciplined and principled self-movement in and as this physical reality as unifying thoughts, words and deeds.

 

The video is my sound recording about the point with some imagery.

From the video quoting Self-forgiveness:

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed patterns within my past to dictate what I should do, because I am not sure or in fear that I am not in control, therefore:
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not get what I want and within that not realizing that, that want I participate within is only about myself and my fear of not getting what I want, which simply means complete obsession and lost within self-interest, therefore I commit myself to stand up and stand within the principle of Equality and Oneness and I change.
  • When and as I see this energy to move, I change, I stop, I step out, I recognize, this is from my past, and therefore I move out within the energy and move into the Self-direction, the change, the recognition as who I am as I direct.

And by looking back, from the memory my fear comes from:

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that worry and fear can help me to get what I want, because with that experience I get ‘tube-visioned’, so only focusing to the point of what I want, because of the fear, that otherwise, directly myself I could not get what I want.
  • And I forgive myself that I have not realized my starting point of wanting within the mind energy relationship through accepted definitions of words with memories and reacting to re-activating those, and thus not trusting myself directly here – not trusting that I can do, act, live what I decide, but through this relationship with my mind, which is self-dishonest.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized why it is self-dishonest to participate within energetic experiences of fear and worry, doubt and despair, as focusing to the side effect and not the core of the real issue I am experiencing myself as equal and one.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that my fear, doubt, despair and worry ALWAYS has explanation, justification within me, and until I am not becoming specifically aware of those word-based patterns by directly seeing them in front of me without reacting, until that I am not the directive principle here, but influences can stimulate, move and direct me, regardless of my decisions.
  • I forgive myself that I have not realized that I was in doubt and thus was afraid that my partner would leave me in my past and within that fearing that then I would need to be alone, so I could not get what I want, there would be noone to be with me, so then I would need to face myself directly, which I believed is undesirable, boring and limiting – and within these judgements, not realizing the actual opportunity to live self-honesty:
  • desire to be with someone in general, defining myself as boring, limited – and not looking to how to expand within these dimensions, but rather to just stimulate myself with someone I defined as great.
  • I forgive myself that I have not been honest with myself about that I doubt myself, I fear myself ending up remaining alone, and projecting out the lack of self-trust, self-support and self-love by wanting to someone to trust me, support me and love me, because otherwise I can’t experience these qualities, as I am unable to do so alone, based on the original judgement, fears and limitations I accepted to became part of me.

– So this is like I can reveal that I fear losing the opportunity to override an original experience within myself of doubt, inability to support and love myself primarily.

Yes, this was the case, but I have changed, still changing, however this kind of pattern within my behavior still can be revealed after years of work within a specific situation, for instance mixed up with another set of memories of mine, with a specific individual I was within partnership before.

With her we had conflict, doubt, worry and even control-related self-dishonesty – I focus to myself and my responsibility, so here meaning within me, not focusing to other person, as I change myself first and she is long gone since years now anyway. But if not dealt with, a memory, a reaction, a fear pattern from the past, can remain as a splinter in the mind, and sooner or later one will face consequences, thus it’s common sense to go ahead of that and deal with it when I direct. This means I do not watch all the series, I initiate, I investigate, I prevent, I change. Actually great enjoyment to get to know myself and thus the human psyche in overall.

And after a pattern becomes more clear – also to see how and why it’s being triggered, when what exact point my partner says or reveals to me, I associate with – then I re-define what to do, ‘prescript’ myself in a way, this does not mean I become robotic – just giving a structure for a moment to myself to support with change, which takes time, and real action.

So these are layers of the consciousness. And one might think, well this can be just thought through while running in the forest for an hour.

Well, not really, thoughts can’t really be trusted as they come and go, also can trigger energetic experiences, emotions, feelings, another set of thoughts, which can compromise the ‘unbiased’ – self-honest ability to open up and walk through points within oneself.
Thus the writing, thus the recording of sound/video. Cross-reference, make notes, script and execute decisions. Sounds very machine-like, but discipline is suggested, although also not to become this rigid person, but also to have fun and enjoyment.

To learn this principle, skill, self-directed change from shyness, fear, addiction, inferiority, doubt or in overall lack of reason to live, shine and grow – investigate these supporting sites:

FREE Online course for essential skills to develop Self-honesty:
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Self-supporting audio books for understanding the mind, behavior and existence from many angles:
http://eqafe.com

Participate in the forum and the community, or even ask for support about a point you got tired of accepting and wanting to grow out from:
http://desteni.org
http://forum.desteni.org

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