Continuing with Patience and discipline. This is a kind of ‘ranting’.
I am currently living patience by consistently applying the things I’ve committed to do every day within a consistent velocity to accumulate the effort until the result is manifested in the physical.
In a way, the topic, the method, the practical detail is not even relevant, but who I am within this and how I perceive, experience, see, feel and am being in general is what I want to focus here tonight.
Interesting to be able to see the abstract – yet still remain 100% practical with ground to earth moments living here in physical.
Patience is pretty much related to the physical flesh, the matter: it’s consistency, in a way – predictability is the perfect self-reflection tool to exactly be able to see who I really am without any consciousness mind noise. Actions speak, facts tell, not thoughts, neither feelings.
Of course, it’s relevant how I feel, but it’s not something to take granted or to use as reference point – especially when dealing with self-dishonesty within.
Every day I ask myself the question – can I do more for what I committed to achieve? And if I say ‘no’ – then I still cross-reference – really? Or I just answer to myself to feel better to hide or disregard or to shadow a point, even if it’s just tiny, of what I still could have tried or done additionally or differently.
Doubting myself would be self-sabotage actually, if I would fall into self-criticism so much, that the resulting reactions, frustrations would distract, obstruct me from remaining on point of effectiveness.
So, I am learning a different kind of patience as before.
And the more I see not being good enough based on the world I interact with, the less I doubt, that I am re-committing myself to continue with my decision to live it within disciplined principle.
In a way, I also can see, that there is this HUGE UNKNOWN at my door all the time, and it’s kind of heart-throbbing, I find myself present with myself, with empty mind, nothing to bring or use with me when facing it, and then I do – and realize – it is myself I discover, face and get to know. Today, literally I had this experience, being totally alone in all of existence, facing this kind of semi-anxiety, yet excitement, and to see that I only can and should trust myself and there is nothing else, so I applied: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get distracted with reactions from what’s here and I wrote words what I direct myself to live and I breathe – and in a minute, it was very stable again. But it was very fascinating to see that if I start to judge, define, relate and compare this ‘self’ experience and expression, I can completely mess it up and thus myself too. But it was alright, to risk, to make mistake, to learn, to discover. And so I did.
And the funny thing about seeing it as scary: it’s because it is suddenly here: everything I always wanted to avoid, hide, escape from, and within walking right into it’s center, another funny thing I realize: that the real scare is not actually facing and embracing my fears, but to discover what is behind them.
I always believed that the undefined is where I will find myself, freedom and power, because all of my definitions I’ve proven to be limited, delusional and self-dishonest. However, the more I decompose of my self-definitions, the merrier it’s common sense to re-define myself in a structured, self- and life-honoring way.
Thus, patience is not something I run out of, discipline is not something I get tired from, or commitment is not something I lose being motivated from, because within the re-definition there is no energy, polarity or self-dishonesty. Why should I define in a way where I am not able to live words the best possible and supportive way? And if still there is something not practical, it will be obvious within applying it and then I re-adjust, re-define, and then re-align within my application until it’s being cross-referenced in the living flesh, in and as this world. Fascinating.
This process, of walking the self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-purification with words, to re-define the words and to learn how to honour life, self and others equally with common sense is the truth I am sharing, because this is who I am and encouraging everyone to consider, investigate and also invest into, because each of our process is different in their life, but we all are walking the same: from self-limitation to self-honesty and self-liberation.
And if you have method, process, way to be more honest, supportive and caring, please do so, just ensure that you are cross-referencing and be absolutely, even brutally honest with yourself, that you are not deluding with some energy, positive, feeling or hope-based bubble, because eventually all bubbles burst.
It’s so simple: I have thoughts, feelings, emotions – all word-based – and if I can’t describe what I feel, experience with words – it’s already an indication that I am suppressing, not being honest with myself, I am unable to see myself directly – thus means I am separated from myself, I am not the director of my life, I am not honest with myself, therefore I utilize the process with words to discover, establish and get to know what is this thing called ‘me’ exactly.
Writing is great, because I stabilize, I slow down, I focus, I discipline, I direct, I move. And it remains here. Use that, enjoy that, honour that and ask yourself the question:
Is there something you could do better – at all – any tiny thing? Why not doing it, what’s the excuse? Is it valid? How and why?
What do you really want, desire the most, or what you resist, despise or fear the greatest? Why, and how?
These are things I should consider starting with.
Patience is key, no matter what is the topic, but to actually live it, I have to remove distractions, polarities, self-dishonesty. Thus consistent application, every day 3 minutes is great, and if you can’t do, ask why? Is it real? Are you real? Do you want to be?
What’s real? Science, religion would tell? Why? Can’t I figure out, trying to live it?
Limitation is not in the physical, it’s in the mind. Deal with that!
In terms of my current ‘real life’ process – I sometimes see distractions, which are like ‘tentacles from my past’ – when I focus to the other person and I start wonder what’s up, I realize, I am not focusing to my responsibilities, thus I breathe, I re-align. And when I am ‘here’ – I can initiate communication, but not with the reaction ‘energy’, rather than with curiosity, to see how can I support and understand more.
This approach also helps to understand that if something is not ‘ideal’ – is that something I can or should ‘fix’ – or it’s just some thought-emotion-pattern temptation I am facing.
For instance to return to the previous example: when I start question about other(s) doing what they should or are doing all right or not – if I go into worry, fear, remember some bad shit memory and I feel falling for even one moment – then I can give into the energy – which is also a cool indication that this is related to something I just participated within.
Thus, to stop, breathe, re-align and to see – what I was thinking, what was the trigger situation, thought, visual or just memory I am automated by to go into distraction.
For-giving myself is like unification with creator, created and creation itself.
Absolutely mind-blowing to do!
And again – distraction also can be turned into gift if I note it, write it down, remember, investigate it, because it’s always a full context, story and often even multi-dimensional pattern or construct I live in my mind. And it mostly distracts, diverts, pulls me away from reality, others, actual situations, thus I should be able to recognize it before I go out of sync with reality.
It might not seem as problematic if it’s just a moment, or more, but as everything in existence: this also accumulates.
Imagine driving and texting together – the more I text, the less I can drive safely and effectively. Maybe I will be all right, maybe I will miss a critical moment to prevent tragedy.
All of this I just mention, because
- I can ‘work’ on qualities within self from multiple angles: focusing to specific words, situations to open up, understand, forgive and let go the dishonest patterns, re-define and change;
- and also can focus to do the same with the meanwhile upcoming distractions, temptations, reactions.
The mind can be very throughout to be able to constantly preoccupy my presence, but the more I deal with it, I can realize that the mind is not the enemy, and the more I embrace, understand and be able to change it, the more it is a structured support in terms of when it moves, I don’t thus indicates self-dishonesty in a very systematic way.
And to learn that to read, deal with is essential life-skill, for which DESTENIIPROCESS.COM is crucial.