Day 328 – Beauty continued to decompose

IMG_2251-EditContinuing with beauty. Particularly supportive this at the moment in my life.

Not as I would have problem with beauty or experience something beautiful, I guess it is quite nice. However who I am as life within absolute self-honesty brings up the realization and necessity of purifying this word: beauty to be able to directly experience, live and express without polarity, memories from the past, desires to the future, but anchored into and as this moment, right here, in and as the physical.

Why always bringing up the word and specificity of ‘physical‘?

What do I mean beauty in relation to the physical? Certainly sounds as I would mean to judge someone’s appearance according to the physical image. But it’s quite not.

It is NOT TO judge the person through the mind, about the interpretation of the physical picture, as beyond that there is equality existing on the physical substance awareness level.

In the current world, culture, or even ‘ancient scriptures’ – this is barely mentioned.

Everything of this system guides truth seekers towards consciousness, energy, mind, the light, visuals, bliss and beauty, but the real and ultimate reality is within and as the physical substance awareness level. That is why it is crucial, highly recommended and absolutely supportive to at least grasp this paradigm, which is quite frankly, within it’s full spectrum, still only shared through EQAFE.com, supported with courses of http:/desteniiprocess.com. That is why I keep mentioning it, not of any personal agenda, it’s that awesome! Even with the fact that some interviews are only available for some dollars. Well, running such a website has some costs and the individuals are uploading are normal people, no corporation, government or billionaire behind it. So, for me, it’s rather EQAFE to spend to than for beer or fancy latte in a posh uptown groovy place.

During my entire life, since I’ve gained consciousness, I was looking for answers, truth and actual power, and everything is here, with me, in and as my human flesh also, as that is the only gate, the key which through I can really live. No matter, how beautiful visions, feelings I can experience, but if not lived in the flesh, then it’s just a stimulating simulation. That is why this process of transformation with words within the Journey to Life.
And indeed, takes 7 years, and actually more, but it is the greatest investment one can have as it is directly self here.

This self-purification and re-definition process can open up a more direct experience, relationship, communication and expression, which is not based on what I like and what I do not like, but something much more.

Thus, I become aware of the pattern by being honest with myself through for-GIVING myself the clarity of where and why, how and when I specifically give into self-dishonesty and I genuinely want to stop participating within those patterns. And if I stop, then I can be free of such self-limitation.

My entire life has been vastly stimulated by the idea of beauty, I was also compromising myself to gain, experience and trying to get hooked to the energetic reactions I’ve defined as positive feedback to my own self-created idea of beauty, beautiful, as value, as identity.

The fact that I needed and wanted to be stimulated by experience and feelings in relation to beauty indicates that I am separated from the meaning of beauty through these mind-and thought, and energetic feeling processes, therefore I can only become one and equal with beauty itself, through the mind, but still separated from me. And that is a trap, never satisfying, always changing, unreliable starting point to live by. Therefore to decompose all those thought, reaction patterns and to allow to be vulnerable, to be open and directly embrace and experience the things – beyond beauty. And then to explore, what and how I could re-define beauty, the word and the EXPRESSION, not just an experience of beauty without polarity, to be able to live it without separation and limitation. It’s quite extraordinary process. Just as with each words. That is I walk here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a ‘balancing out’ mode in my mind according to beauty, as whenever I recognize the pattern that I went into judging someone based on looks, such as ‘she is good looking’ – and then to say ‘and she is also beautiful within’. Or ‘she has no beautiful body, but within, she is beautiful. Or ‘she is beautiful, but her pants is ugly’ – meaning there is polarity, good and bad – according to my own preference, thus interest.

I forgive myself that I have not been honest with myself to acknowledge that when I go into the ‘beauty within’ about a person, I am balancing out the polarity system in my mind from the judgement of the look, the picture, the image of a person, to be able to make myself believe that I am not only considering the image, the picture, as that would make me feel as someone not profound, only looking the visual and not the actual being within and not realizing that this is all self-manipulation and justification to keep judging based on positive and negative and relate to that within self-interest automatically, and within that not realizing the inherent self-acceptance for pure self-interest existing on a subconscious level.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the value is not real, of what I give into beauty and being attracted to experiences, persons of interest about that self-defined beauty energetic experience to be able to be triggered, because this value is only based on my pre-defined judgements. If I would not be able to recall my definitions, memories, I would lose the entire ‘beauty construct’, thus also indicating, I never really actually ‘had’ it, but I made myself being able to constantly and consistently re-create these patterns within me to experience beauty, through my mind, but never directly – and without asking why not? What is the fear, the loss I do not want to embark to?

I forgive myself that I have not realized that beauty itself is just a word, and what meaning I give to it, that defines and creates my experience, my expression and actual living about it, thus if it is based on compensation, fear, then that will always be part of it, and thus me, which in itself is not the beauty definition I really would like to live.

I forgive myself that I have not realized how and when and why I define myself as opposite of beauty, wanting to be beautiful, but feeling that I can’t, therefore wanting to find a source of beauty so to speak to be able to any time judge it as beautiful, therefore experience beauty and within that not seeing when and why I do that, as when lacking it, or automatically accepting self-definition about defining myself not beautiful, not nice, ugly, unattractive and not realizing that whole construct I never yet explored, forgiven and transcended, because believing that is not significant in my life, but if it is still existing, influencing me today, then it is surely a priority to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to re-define my rate of beauty according to norms in the world, society, movies, magazines, and based on that seeing some parts of my visual representation as not as perfect as it could be, therefore should be, yet not really doing anything about it, but only judging myself, because within self-honesty, I also see that I should not try to ‘make myself to be more beautiful’ as it is based on a delusion, a fear, and if I would start to act upon it, that would mean that I am more fucked that I can feel myself when simply defining myself not beautiful.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the main reason of the whole addiction to experiencing beauty as not trusting myself, not loving myself, not LIVING myself unconditionally to my utmost potential consistently, therefore instead of doing all I can, when not doing so, judging myself as ‘bad boy’, and within that judge experience activating inner conflict, based on the actual and real self-acceptance within the starting point of doubt, fear – and to deal with that inner conflict, to manipulate and stimulate myself into experiences, for instance with beauty, and here, as what is acceptable in the world system for instance, to ‘have a beautiful partner’. Or to be around people I could automatically judge as beautiful, therefore feeling the value and experience it and no need to look into myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within looking beauty outside of me, I am not taking responsibility for the inner conflict I allow and create and within that also realizing that why need to be beautiful and within that also not realizing that beauty is power as I defined it, therefore compensating power with it.

Within beauty what Power I want to have access to?

Obviously attraction, respect and also more chance to success and better support from others, although not really consciously.

This is also kind of key, especially towards leadership, so I stop here for now, and will continue to decompose the patterns just unfolded.

Meanwhile, enjoy breath, and do not allow self-interested beauty to take over the practical common sense.

Also not the best to balance out beauty with simply saying ‘everyone is beautiful, or a glass of water is beautiful too’, etc – that is still compensating, eventually will create the same construct within. So better to walk through this once and for all.
And yes, beyond, after and through that, still one can express beauty, live beauty, but not in a self-limiting, craving, common sense-blinding way.

Each and every single one of us has to see to what extent should walk through the self-limiting mind patterns, this is mine, do not compare it to yours, best to be just absolutely self-honest with yourself and you can discover what is self-dishonest and thus should be stopped.

After a decade of this process, life is still not ‘easier’ but my goodness, a million times simpler as now starting to be able to KNOW myself and how to deal with points, when to apply how much effort to change a pattern, a behavior, to stop a worry, a fear, a pre-judgement, a self-limitation. Maybe someone else never had any self-dishonesty about beauty, can be(but still worth a try to check). So, that is it for now, thanks, enjoy, bye.

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