Day 327 – A beauty point

IMG_2225I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and worth, power and energy into the design of judgement of beauty, as distraction, as self-interest, as self-definition and not realizing that this pattern, behavior and act separates from my self-created subject of my judgement, what I call beautiful and not being honest with myself within that to see – it is a fear to be one and with it or with the being, the person for a reason I did not yet want/dare/believed to be relevant explore, but within self-honesty, I should.

I forgive myself that I have not realized and being honest with myself to see/realize/understand that within me, beauty is a compensation for doubt, lack of self-trust and fear in a way I did not yet named, worded, became honest with myself in relation to.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the act of judgement of beauty is a gift for cross-referencing within me of what I am not yet standing absolutely within myself, thus it is not to be judged, suppressed, denied or projected away, but to embrace, be brutally honest with myself and take care of it as creator of my existence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that fearing to be overwhelmed by beauty, to be mesmerized, controlled is self-dishonesty, because within seeing this relationship, I accept it, allow it to ‘happen’ while also seeing that this is not absolutely the greatest of my utmost potential, yet not doing everything I could to understand it further, deeper to be able to take responsibility for it and change my starting point and thus stop the self-created separation with the subject of my judgement of beauty.

I forgive myself that I have been afraid to lose the appreciation and enjoyment of beauty in this world, and within that also compensating with associating, thinking about, bringing up, reminding myself with horror to think, that if there is any horror or abuse, how could real and true, genuine and honest beauty exist, and with this construct being able to blame myself for defining something as beautiful, also manipulating myself to feel also bad and all the while not realizing that all of these are mind-games and nothing to do -at all- to live enjoyment of something I like, or not enjoying something I dislike, because it is based on patterns, judgements, thoughts, energetic experiences, feelings, emotions and not direct self-expression, self-movement, self-direction, thus all being in a way totally fake, and also on another way – seeing this too, yet not letting all go, not finding practical ways to stop participating in my mind, which is then from time to time making me realize that I am still self-dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense and the simplicity to purify my words, here: BEAUTY, to let go, get rid of and remove all associations with polarity system and also the very need and self-definition statements I am still unconsciously/consciously holding onto in regarding to any value, power or experience about beauty to be able to stand and not be controlled by any idea of any association to beauty, but to assist and support myself and others equally to live life without self-interest and the delusion of separation.

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