Day 324 – Self-leadership

IMG_1680Still walking de-composing and re-defining the word leadership, leader, leading.

Each word to live starts with self here, leading is no different. To look at how to lead myself, at first it seems too obvious and raises the question of why would not I am constantly leading myself already?

So what I have realized through walking this process of Journey to Life, which is writing down my mind, seeing where I give into fear, self-interest, unrealistic desire or wherein I am compromising my support, growth and expansion and once I see the thought-patterns, the trigger points, the attached memories, the reactions, the energetic experiences, physical consequence, I have the ability to change and take responsibility.

In this context, where do I allow to unbalancing emotions, inner resistances, energetic addictions, fear or even direct or indirect spite towards others to influence, control and take over my actions? That is where I have to OWN my leadership to so speak, to my beingness, self and self-honesty to become the directive principle, not my unsolved past problems.

Many people immediately associate leadership with big bosses, CEO-s, military commanders, cult leaders, but actual, real leadership always starts with SELF. Otherwise how can I be sure that leading others is not altered, compromised my own lack of self-leadership?

Thus, then how can I assist and support myself to lead myself within integrity, principle and stability? How to find balance within all of the experiences, things, activities and consequences a human has to deal with, in a way, which is not only ‘okay’, but also stands out, shows an example of what’s really good for all participants in this human-nature closed system, what’s possible.

Self-honesty can not be mimicked or imitated, this is not something what comes by the phrase of ‘fake it until you make it’, but exactly the opposite. I have to become my own authority, the initiative, the living and expressing decision of who I am within unison and consistency to be able to stand firmly every day, in every minute, with every breath.

A challenge within decision-making is doubt, especially when it’s about leadership. No matter what was the decision to do, within reality problems will appear, what then have to be solved without hesitation or reaction, otherwise the problem escalates to the point of compromising the whole process, whatever it might be.

To be able to make decisions practically and effectively, a leader has to have knowledge about the situation, the possibilities, the actual method what has to be done, otherwise might risking the impossible to do, which then can result in failure.
If that happens, certainly does not boosts confidence, so leadership is also about to honestly see what is actually doable, what can be risked and what can’t. What to compromise when, and what never to. What abilities are my weak and strong points and to be able to answer why.

Leading is also about taking the initiative, to literally ‘lead the way’, which brings or results in change. To be able to face, anticipate and even enjoy that change, if possible; it’s certainly a challenge, but depending on the context of leading, it can be supported by writing down all the factors, relevant informations, variables and constants.

It’s easy to see here that by looking at leading a company, a country, as to live the word lead is not much different within definitions when I try to apply it to myself, my personal life, my direction.

When I am deciding to change a habit within myself, let’s have a typical example here:

To stop abusing myself by alcohol and drugs – while almost all of my friends currently do not want to stop doing it. It’s challenging. But even to make that decision, I have to be able to see clearly that why I want to stop, what made me decide to really stop and also to have a look at how I am going to do that.

It’s actually quite easy in theory – I just do not drink or take drug. Simple as that. But if all of my personal, social life was around it, it is who currently I am, then I will have impulses not to stop, facing resistances to stop. And this is just from within, and when others will keep telling, asking, even commanding me to drink ‘just this one for me’ – to say firmly ‘NO’ might be difficult.

So to initiate such change within my life, I lead myself to support what is best for me. And if I really look at it with common sense, I cannot do wrong or harm if I do not drink anymore, so whatever others say, they still talk to the person who I initiate to change, so they might have no idea that I am in the phase of change.
And if their communication, responses or even persuasions still influence, direct me – then I am simply realizing that yes, in theory I have made the decision to change, but in reality, I am still being leaded by aspects of myself I am currently not ‘leading’ within myself, so it’s time to investigate those points within me to understand why I still hold onto my past within and as self-definitions, manifesting into action.

For instance, when I experience inhibition, tiredness, feel of exclusion without taking the alcohol/drug, I look at how am I limiting myself to still be inhibited, why I feel tired or excluded without doing the same mind-altering ritual as others?
Why can’t I be simply uninhibited without anything, what is the resistance and why? What do I fear or risk making me stop unconditionally expressing?
In a way my ‘freedom of expression’ is not even really me if only can be accessed by influence of substances – thus I am actually the slave of this condition, relationship within me, what allows me to be uninhibited, when feeling the effect of the stuff.
What is the actual fear when I would just talk, move, dance as freely as I do when being drunk or high?
When I investigate this, it’s almost like not even me having party, but the drug/alcohol and my mind with me, but not me directly, which is quite weird thing to realize.

Obviously, when I want to face reality without any mind-altering, I am facing reality more, which might also can be disappointing, but that’s the thing with reality, it’s direct, it’s real, meaning if it’s not cool, it will be like that until I change it.
So then I can realize – I can change reality, but first I have to face and embrace it.

I have walked this path with alcohol and drugs and it’s actually mind-blowing how greatly supports my stability, self-honesty and growth within awareness and expression.
Also, many people do actually reflect to me with respect, admiration and even jealousy sometimes that they can see that this would be great for them too, but they did not yet or cannot make this change within their life.

But some are actually inspired to try, well, not actually by me, but their own reaction to me when they realize that here is someone who do what they actually would like to do. But not really-really – just some parts of them. So in a way, they are also allowing themselves to exist within refractions through their ever-changing mind. And that is certainly not confidence, neither stability. Once I decide what I do with myself, I should be able to do it. Otherwise I am not actually owning my life, but I am being owned by something I have no actual power over.

That’s in a way, already leadership. Directing myself to initiate a change, to manifest it and stand as that change consistently – leading by example, not by force or manipulation. And if there are others, who do not want to change it within themselves, it’s fine – I do not react, but if there is opportunity and potential, I can have a little share of reflection to the individual, if it seems supportive in the context and situation I find myself within. For instance if someone got some mess to themselves by doing something uncool while under influence, to just remind the person that the current trouble he/she is facing right now, it would not be existent, if they would not have got drunken/high so much. But it’s not really a ‘mission’ for me to lecture anyone, my responsibility is within my decision to live.

But to be able to do that – well, with alcohol, actually for me it was not that extremely difficult, but in my past I have abused myself with it extensively, just before I stopped drinking, I have realized that this is not really supporting me and my awareness when drinking uncontrollable amount of drinks becomes extremely limited, which leads to poor decisions, bad physical experiences and actual waste of time and money. But with drugs, psychedelics and marijuana, I had to walk a longer path to stop first. And for that I had to walk a process of self-honesty and self-purification so to speak.

To purify my relationship with my past, memories, personality, reactions, patterns to stop participate within those what are infused with fear, doubt, resistances and when not taking responsibility for myself.

Purify here meaning to see the relationships within me, the exact words I associate with patterns of fears/resistances, the emotional reactions, suppressions, the physical experiences, the actual inner or outer trigger points and when recognizing that I am about to ‘enter into the same pattern to do the same shit again’ – I give myself a new chance, a change, literally for-giving myself for accepting and allowing myself that until this point I was giving into this fear, this compromise, but here no further, I make a stand, no matter what!

And if that starts with not smoking that good-smelling, smoking joint what comes around in the circle today, right now, then that’s what I am going to do. Certainly I will survive! Then justifications and excuses will come, ‘oh just one more time’ – ‘I have pain, for that I need’, ‘I will be more creative, smooth, relaxed’, ‘this is for consciousness growth’, etc. – Then I realize – my mind has movement, power and direction, and until I still identify myself with this reasoning, I am going to go into the pattern again. Even if I will regret later, especially if I have made the decision NOT to do it at this moment, which is showing me who is the boss right now, who is leading, my manifested inner mirror of who I accept myself to be – my mind consciousness system.
Mind as computer-like machine, consciousness as a multi-dimensional system.
And if I give into these justifications – then I have to open up, write down, understand and forgive those too – if my decision is still to say and do not more alcohol/drugs.

If I ‘change my mind’ so to speak, meaning ‘not wanting to stop anymore’ – it’s fine, as long as I will not regret this ‘give in’ moment later. Or if I will, I will certainly undermine my self-trust, confidence and clarity.

The hardest within this is probably not to judge myself, especially when ‘falling into a pattern, what already decided to stop’. To blame, curse, hate myself, which is obviously not supportive, not helping, but also showing that I am still accepting my mind consciousness system to be my real leader. Which is only a manifested consequence of my accumulated previously accepted and allowed decisions and actions.

The practical common sense when shit hits the fan is to ACT IMMEDIATELY. To recognize that any reaction in my mind is like throwing myself into a swamp – it will swallow it, but in a way myself too and not really being a solution, I will just sink more. Meanwhile the problem remains, plus the actual fact that I gave in, did not stop, lost direction also accumulates, – so next time when I face this point, I will also have the memory, my habit, even my physical imprint about this moment as I gave in/up.

The emotional reaction with self-judgement might generate ‘energy’ not to do it next time, but the dynamics of emotional mind-energy house-holding is also important to realize here, to not get stuck into a pattern of only to move when ‘being worked up’ within, like becoming so angry and irritated and only to start moving by that energy ending up to do/not to do something I want. Because, if the next time this emotional/anger energy is not present, then I might not move the same way as I did before, thus ending up ‘falling back’ into the pattern I want to stop. Then judging myself again to have that energy to be able to stop. And it’s a vicious circle and this certainly undermines self-trust and effective self-leadership.

That’s why direct self-expression and actual movement is key here, not through the emotions, feelings and thoughts to start moving self, to live life, the words I decide to express. Thus then, my mind has no power, actually me directly here is the leader.

That’s self-leadership, to realize the need for change within self-honesty, to plan and initiate that change and live it unwavering, skipping the mind, but to live in and as the flesh directly.

I will continue with Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective statements about my points what I see still influencing and undermining effective and self-honest self-leadership.

There are a LOT of extremely supporting audio interviews about the topic of LEADERSHIP, which I strongly suggest to listen, not only for those who are or going to be leaders in the system, but for everyone wanting to become the leader of their own individual life as well.

Self-leadership also starts with getting to know the deeper levels of ourselves. A free online course here presents an unique way to learn more about our relationship with our mind, self, body to be able to change what is not supporting us:

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s