Concise word-vector to explore today. Nothing serious, yet each word is what it is.
Empty, to ensure nothing moves me, but I am me, no thought separates, no negative emotion burns, no positive feeling elevates, but total inner transparency down to the inner core of my very being to directly present self here.
Movement, to express, to share, to live, to direct, to explore, to expand and experience.
So many exerted extrovert word examples to explain.
The more I find emptiness within, the less I need to find motivation to move. Embracing self here is already movement, thus the physical expression is no separation from me here.
I used to believe that I need to find, have, implant, maintain and fuel motivation in order to properly ensure moving myself. To not to run out of mind-fuel and float in an empty limbo so to speak. But at the same time when I want, when it’s too much, being able to become empty too. Totally. This is basically the war of consciousness within. Total conflict. Constant friction. Existing as refracted, distracted, distanced and separated from all parts of self without unification. So – it was quite a long run, but finally understanding why I have to stop, how I stop.
The recognition here is if I am in any way whatsoever allow my mind to separate me from the motivation I use to move me, my movement is conditional, my expression, my direction is compromised, limited, finite and actually not being united with it, with the subject of my motivation, with the goal of my motivation – it’s like a consistent puzzle game.
What do I mean my mind to separate me from motivation? With my mind I can split the world, subject-object, from participant I become observer, a judgement can born and thus polarity too, according to my interest.
I am motivated to go to work to the office by the salary. Would I still go there if I would get that money free? Probably not. Am I owned by that motivation? Do I need that money? Is that still a decision I make every day that I should continue to go in for that money? Yes. Am I compromised? Yes, in a way – but other way I can also see how I am liberated from worry of survival, granted access to certain things in the human system, such as travel and communication, creativity and sharing, expansion and change. Is that motivation with polarity? No. I am literally that motivation, thus it’s not an effort anymore. I do not need to reinforce it, I become it. This obviously can be problem too, if I become a pattern I am not aware of, when the decision have been made for me, by my past, my fear, my desires; then I am owned by my self-accepted imperfection within due to self-separation through my mind-participation.
Just like when I committed myself to stop drinking alcohol, to constantly say no – and later on joined with all drugs as well – it was an effort – I was motivated, now it’s effortless – I am one and equal with the motivation to be committed to stay sober. For ever? Not saying never, but within self-honest and common sense – it’s still obviously supportive to say no. In the beginning I had some sort of temptation. No doubt, I had.
Sometimes I still encounter a good weed, hey, I even sometimes hold it, smell it, smells good – I can say that too – but to get high with it – I don’t feel so. Not at all. That’s clear. It’s beyond proof. I trust myself in this and I stand unwavering, firm, no matter what.
If I would be facing cancer, extreme pain and it might support me, sure I’d seriously consider it, but until that: it’s clear – I do not take it. I do not need motivation to not take it. I become that motivation with investigation, self-honesty, decision and living application.
Well, it’s just an example, how and what I mean to be motivation, not be motivated by this and that. Through the mind. The moiiinnnd. Self-separation, big time, if I need to have an inner court, a judge in my head to decide what to do. To plead or abstain participation within any polarity of good or bad, up or down, in or out – any direction.
That’s computer stuff, algorithm, program code, logic, even when someone is being overwhelmingly emotional, that’s still logic – the mind’s logic: I have these proofs of why I should feel and do this way – and my proof is my emotion experience. RIGHT NOW!
See – still a machine. Humans so happily separate themselves from robots with the emotional reasoning – ‘but we have emotions, so we are much more, superior, humans‘ – ridiculous. Give me a handful of talented programmers and I could create human-like emotion system, so intricate, multi-dimensional, rich and vivid as any human can experience or describe. Just no need. It’s obvious. Emotions are the proof that we have allowed our mind consciousness system to run amok within and among ourselves and thus we have lost direction, control and responsibility, thus the sense of actual awareness. Not self-awareness, but LIFE-awareness!
Which entails not only self-interest, but life-in-the-rest. Simple stuff. No argument required, no excuse can be applied, but if still so – with proper deduction, decomposition with practical common sense and self-honesty any complex mind-ego-consciousness system can be transcended. With support. Not alone. Alone we are lonely, vulnerable to our own already accepted and manifested self-dishonesty. Cross-referencing with facts is suggested with others committed to walk through the valley of the shadow of self-delusions with self-honesty, self-forgiveness, self-commitment to change.
Why I write this? I used to have the goal to find emptiness. I am certain that this is now ending. Emptiness is no more goal or a state I am looking forward to, but this is where I find myself re-creating from within, because I am change. I am motivation, I am direction, I am movement. Even with the mind, I embrace that serpent, I acknowledge my weaknesses, although I do not define myself along the path I walk through, I do not motivate myself with desire or fear and I certainly not find peace within emptiness anymore.
What is peace but another word to be decomposed and re-defined to ensure nothing I allow to move me from my self-accepted refractions of the past, present and future.
As I stop typing, I feel the tea in my body, my heart is throbbing, through my chest, my arms, my palms, my fingers feeling the rhythmical pressure, my bones in my spine as I sit, the various sounds I hear around, the sound my half-full nose makes as taking breath, my belly raising as air goes into my lung. Behind me, the stove is going cold and as it does, clicks often, always similarly, yet never the same way. Well – this presence can be recognized, yet not to be preoccupied with – balancing with inner presence, awareness, where my words come from, am I aware of what and why I do in this moment? And in this one? What is the direction I accumulate towards in manifesting consequences with this expression, with this word, and then this one, or this next. This is interesting play, words become me and I become words. Nothing less and nothing more.
That’s why it’s relevant to see if any word I express, experience: re-present – is not pointing to the past, with polarity, with separation, relationship with thoughts, feelings, emotions. Because if I do, I am only able to express, experience and one with that word through the mind, with the very act of self-separation I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be defined with.
So when I mention empty – it does not mean I am empty, like a bucket, no, I am full of life, but my mind is empty of polarity, empty of reactive thought-chain, empty of wet, echoing emotions and empty of energetic high-frequency-generating feelings; yet I understand, I embrace, I know what and why I am and do. Equal and one as who I am within the starting point of life. Including all life, no separation, which is not peace and happiness and love, neither ruthless efficiency and logic. Beyond polarity, beyond reason, but a living recognition of what it means to really live in and as the physical, not separated, not limited, but unified as awareness.
And if not – better to re-align, decompose, forgive and stop to change, to re-define, to live, because if not, then my manifested consequences will be the directive principle I am becoming equal and one to face the very points I not yet became aware of – indirectly first, well, sometimes even directly into my face. It’s my choice. Well – is it really a choice?
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