Day 307 – Challenge of all secret thoughts exposure

img_1005This is something like a challenge, Cerise and Joe asked to consider it:

“Imagine for a moment that every person you’ve ever had a thought about, ever pictured something about, ever had a fantasy about became fully aware, in absolute detail of the contents of your thoughts. Every secret revealed, every lie exposed, every dark thought laid bare before them. Would knowing all of this change the way they see you? Would you be able to face them without shame or guilt?”

This can be seen as a confession – or a shrift – but it’s rather brutal self-honesty. The key here is to recognize that we do not need to wait until we die to face the creator with what we have done and became to – anyone can do it with and as self here. In a self-responsible perspective – I am my creator in terms of my actions and reactions, thoughts and feelings and emotions too. This means I also can change my attitude to things, persons, events. Furthermore I even can decompose, explore, change word-relationships within myself to re-define and re-shape my perception, personality and thus my spoken word and physical expression too.
So whatever secret thoughts, imaginations I perceive and today it is who I exist as – I can change. Many state that human nature cannot, inherent instinct and basic programming cannot – I humbly disagree. It’s a question of investment, tools, starting point, effort and self-honesty.

Others to be aware of my secret thoughts – in a way – this is what we do with the Journey to Life blogs/vlogs and the DesteniIProcess online course and community: we share our secret mind as we decompose it and also share why and how we change our own nature of thoughts/feelings/emotions to discover how to live without the need for a secret mind, to be able to not needing to hide what’s within, because it’s equal with what we say and do. Sounds romantic in a harsh world, but it’s totally doable. It does not mean we all must become this ideologists about love and freedom, but to see/recognize and respect the common denominator within each equally – because there is the physical needs: food, shelter, education, water, health care – this is basic math – if it’s not given to someone, it’s death sentence by agreement of others. Until everyone is not fed, taken care of on Earth – it is nothing to debate about why to change – on individual level, as all real change starts with self. Also everyone has this life force, what might seem totally differently manifested within each individual – but it’s actually the same life within all equally. Undeniable. Fool or wise, green or purple skinned, curly or baldy, kind and rude – they are all of the same life. And everyone has the same mind – different preconditioning, images, definitions, abilities, but the nature of each one’s mind is the same – thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, energies, desires, fears. Even when we consider the ‘different ones’ – the characteristic is the same. So if anyone claims they are superior – only within the self-convinced delusion they could render their own mind into based on the total consumption of self-interest. Which then can be opened up to expose and share – and thus take responsibility for.

So, personally – what do I have in my mind to face in regarding to that question? Definitely some relationship/sexual day-dreaming, surprisingly also some desire to certain people make a nod to me, kind of respect but a subtle one. I would not want anyone to praise or worship me. But where I would still lack self-respect and self-trust – there I’d subconsciously want to stimulate myself by defining other’s respect as compensating up to that, which is self-dishonesty.

Also interesting to discover that many of my fantasies are not really specific, but up to the point where I was able to relate, react, feel an energetic reaction – so in a sense I was not really using/abusing them in my mind(not to my protection to add, but I did not imagine hurting anyone), but only myself.

Although I have also thought sometimes aggressive movements, within it’s nature I see that it was more likely to try a way to stand up to myself, like not dominate, win others, just to show them with brute force that I am also one of them, not lesser, inferior. It’s quite like a symbol for standing up to my own accepted personality.

To be honest with my desires, secret thoughts is also supporting to reflect back of what I feel lacking, separated from, here bravery, strength, dare to indulge, not to fear from rejection or mistakes. Others to love me, respect me, because I did not allow to love or respect myself, hey what’s love anyway and what to respect in myself when I have self-trust issues, inconsistency, fear of vulnerability and of no substance?

When I was child, I also had these impulsive thoughts for destruction, real messy stuff, like warzone-like, it seemed that then that was my nature – and today here I am – completely changed – no desire to kill or punish, no impulsive thoughts for aggression, and if I ever feel any anger, I slow down and realize what I am angry AT MYSELF actually to be able to focus to solution. Any fight I’d go into is fighting myself anyway, and in the fear of cannot direct myself, want to become aggressive, which is quite dumb actually. Why would I hate myself? What have I done – or haven’t I done actually? It’s part of the problem if I start to judge myself – but to truly accept myself at moments, when I do not want to look good, happy, smiling – this day is horrible, I do not want fake happiness – and it’s completely alright to have days like that – or make mistakes, even big ones – why would I judge myself, instead of learning from the mistake and to commit myself not to make them again by understanding what was really happening and how I could ensure not happening again? I mean, if I screw up – to take responsibility is key – if someone masturbates to his schoolmate – it’s alright to admit – although it probably makes the one really awkward near to her and it’s like leaving reality – delusion – not just disempowering, but if it would be public, probably embarrassing too. So, rather get a real girl, come on – if there is shyness, doubt, then work through that…even if this means to uncover some deep nasty shit from within, the past, whatever. Mostly it’s not even personal, so to overreact is just making it more difficult to stop and change. Also many had no choice but born into a screwed up family, so a lot of preconditioning is not even the kid’s fault. Yet to take responsibility for oneself is key.

It’s alright to admit, it’s part of the healing process, many people still daydream, fantasize about things actively, meaning sitting on the bus and keep thinking about a scenario of if this would happen, and then what – it’s like a virtual reality – I did that so many times, but I’ve stopped it quite some years ago. It just did not feel good enough as the real experience and also realized that this makes me more separated from the real world. I wanted to have the real deal. Also played role play games(RPG), I was a crazy elf wizard sometimes, or a hi-tech badass future street samurai and went through stories with friends and acted out in the game and that felt good. But I decided to live in this 3D reality, with my real self and literally took my body to exotic places, to have adventures, like Pyramids in Egypt, Ang-kor in Cambodia, ocean-coasted jungle in Thailand, far-away mountain temples in India, sleeping on sandy beaches of south Sicily, etc.

Reality always seemed more relevant, having more impact. Yes, I still did not have the absolute self-honest starting point, as wanted intensity, thrill, even danger, as I believed that can help evolve, change, but when realized intensity and energetic experiences is not the key within change, but self-honesty, after a while I did let the strive for thrill go as well. What remains is the starting point as to be able to think, say and act the way that if anyone or everyone could read my mind, to hear all what I speak, to see all I do, to be able to not feel shame or regret. This is who I am and I have nothing to hide.

Currently? Today? There would be some ladies who I never told to that I could enjoy to spend more time with them(about 2-3 persons being in my life), but whenever I really looked at these impressions, mostly always could decompose to the point of realizing: well, it’s not really about her/them – but my own relationships in my mind.
Although, regardless of that – still no problem to want to be with someone, I guess, so it’s an interesting realization of that if I would do something and actually could have opportunities to act, then why not to? So I see that I am also dealing with a sort of rationalizing suppression here.

What I am waiting for, everything can change, so whether I trust myself and act accordingly or not. And if not, then why I accept myself that way and if I want to do about that something, then what exactly and how?

After all, I think there will be a time when with technology, people’s mind will become sort of transparent, so why not to embrace and change already?

Especially, if I’d only sort out my secret mind to not become exposed, when I know that there is a chance for that, well, then it’s also a bit forced anyway.

Who knows, maybe, in the future – this will be pressured on ‘citizens’ by the system, which would of course need and ways to skip/cheat it, as real change always has to come from self here.

Many has to go through a lot of suffering and loss before realizing they are holding onto delusions and beliefs based on self-dishonesty what is limiting, abusing them, and that’s not cool.
Eventually everyone will change – the question is that by external forces or by direct self-will. Again: it comes down to who do I prefer trusting? The system, world, existence, gods, karma – or myself here?

I definitely choose self here to trust. And to sort out anything I would not be proud of within myself – and even if in the past I had quite some nastiness – if things would become transparent – then the viewer also would see the process of change, and that also is relevant. So better stop any habit, thought, secrecy in the mind as soon as possible! Especially, because it’s literally self-liberating.
Sure, to always live in this reality might not always be about happiness – but if we change here, do supporting things in reality, it’s accumulating and others also can be part of it.

Happiness is overrated anyway – it’s a self-created experience, so people can literally make anything up if their needs are fulfilled, even if it means to completely disregard or degrade others within the delusion bubble of ego – so I’d rather choose self-honesty and transparency(for myself and others) than happiness.

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