Investigating my resistances and limitations in relation to live the word Expansion.
Expanding, expressing, exploring, experiencing.
It’s about self-movement, self-direction. If I do not trust myself unconditionally, I stop expanding or rather not even starting it.
What reasons and justifications, or excuses I can come up in regarding to not expand?
Depends on the topic, the relationship, the interest, the definition I already have and keep having.
My first point coming up in relation to expansion is social, human relationship. That is where I always had the resistance, because of my doubt, uncertainty and fear of not being good enough, not being accepted, making mistakes, being judged and manifesting irreversible – bad – consequences. Bad here meaning something I also would not like to have to myself.
I explore what opens up with Self-forgiveness about this.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to have resistance in relation to expansion, because of fear of not being good enough, fear of loss, fear of making mistakes, causing irreversible consequences, fear of being judged and not realizing that all of these fears although I perceive as they are in relation to others, in fact all exist primarily within me, primarily meaning that maybe can exist within somebody else’s mind too, but from what I resist expanding is because of my own thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that what somebody thinks or feels of me is not my responsibility, and if I start to define and form my opinion and experience of myself according to others, then I expose myself to the fact that I do not trust myself and I do not honor myself but only trust what others think of me and within that not considering why I would do that and also not considering why it’s not common sense to do that way.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that if I do not trust myself in relation to something, I should specify exactly what is the topic, the subject of my doubt, to be able be aware of my limitation and to see if that is practical or not.
I forgive myself that I have not realized what should be priority to trust within myself, such as decision making and prioritizing within my life, within that to consider facts when making decisions and also not only be interested about myself but other participants of my reality around here, because if someone is around me, I also would like them to consider me too within their decisions what might influence me.
I forgive myself that I have not realized what exactly means that I do not trust myself and within that to see the extent of my doubt and within that to understand specifically what impact I have because of that and within that to realize if there is any limitation I create with this specific lack of trust.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have no trust within myself in relation to make a decision about who to consider as partner for relationship and mutual self-support and expansion and within that not to decide to investigate further this lack of trust but rather then accept limiting myself to expand towards partnership and relationship.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have limited my social expansion as getting to know new people and make first contact with certain type of people, certain individuals based on my interests and plans, curiosity and within that not realizing the reason and justification for not expanding, even with the realization and awareness of I’d enjoy to do that, yet accepting myself not to move, yet not to ask myself why not.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the extent of self-limitation resulted from fear from rejection, fear from judgement and fear from not being good enough is much greater than the very chance of these to happen, and thus I am not even giving the chance not to ‘fail’, but within not even taking the opportunity to expand I ‘fail’ by default in terms of manifesting the fear I accept to have and wanting to avoid.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that the fear of rejection by others is the fear of self-judgement projected out to others so then I would not have to take responsibility for what I am participating within my own mind, but thus then I can blame, expect and hope not to be rejected and within those I give permission to my mind to render me powerless, because not looking at practical ways to stop fearing from rejection, or even to look beyond this fear and to actually see why I need other’s feedback to make me move or even to see that what is the reason of trusting others judgement more than trusting myself.
I forgive myself that I have not admitted and acknowledged, seen and realized, fully understood that within creating specific limitations of my expansion I’ve defined the word of expansion according to these limitations, thus created a system within myself wherein even when I perceive that I am not limited, I actually am, but simply not even considering, trying, moving beyond those limitations, thus perceiving not being limited by literally identifying myself with these limitations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with self-limitations to the extent that not being able to directly see these limitations within myself, the origin and source of these within and as myself, thus in order to really become aware, I have to investigate, open up, cross-reference and identify the existing word-relationships within myself to assist and support myself to stop participate within these limitations.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that even if I experience fear from being judged, not being enough, rejected, failure in relation to others – that is always about my relationship with myself and thus there is a direct solution to walk through these relationships and decomposing and forgiving myself for accepting and allowing to not just remain limited, but actively re-creating these limitations by the same or same type of thoughts, feelings, emotions to be triggered, reacted to and associated with, remembered to.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can expose my fear of being judged, or rejected by simply deciding to go towards a direction, to do something and within that decision to take the risk or possibility to be rejected and not to expect any outcome, but embrace whatever will happen and trust myself meanwhile whenever the reaction of fear, doubt, uncertainty would arise – to forgive myself, re-align myself and direct myself to remain present and directive.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense within becoming aware of the trigger points of where and why I start to go into doubt, fear of rejection and failure and within those trigger points/events/circumstances/situations/persons/conditions, whenever I encounter, already be aware of the tendency to react that way and to stop the cycle and give for myself a chance to not react the same way and to explore what can actually happen beyond this fear and thus practically walking through the resistance.
I commit myself to become aware of all trigger points of potentially doubtful and fearful from rejection points/events/circumstances/situations/persons/conditions and to decide not to participate, one by one of these and altogether and make a stand and trust myself that even if I would be rejected, or even if I would lose something, I am still here and who I am as life is not about that event and by accumulating this walk I live trust and gift myself with the ability to expand.