Day 282 – Courage about ‘NO’

dsc_0747I continue with Courage

Preparing to practical change at situations I’ve already realized that I can have tendency to not LIVE COURAGE within self-honesty. Specificity supports self-honesty and awareness, thus this time writing about hearing or saying ‘NO’.

When and as I feel the pressure within to speak up about something to someone yet not doing it and actually not knowing exactly why not to do it – I acknowledge that I suppress myself and I judge without knowing it, therefore I slow down within, take a breath and check if I can see the actual reason, why not speaking up.

When and as I see that all of a sudden in a situation, apparently ‘not wanting’ to speak up, but I suppose to, I planned to, I should, I acknowledge that I suppress, based on judgement and a specific fear – thus I realize that the reason WHY I do not do it is the point of suppression, for what I commit myself to LIVE COURAGE to express myself and within that decision I stand and breathe in and find the best moment to share myself and trust myself.

When and as I worry about what the other/others would react to what I am going to say, I check – what I am going to say is of practical common sense, supporting for all participants, including me and if yes, then I realize, I fear losing something existing in my mind – and even if it would exist in the other’s mind – that’s their point to face within self-honesty, and mine is to disregard my own belief/delusion, thus I LIVE COURAGE and express myself by focusing to my expression to do it the best way possible within self-trust.

When and as I would think that I should have done something but I did not, I realize that I am judging myself for what I have or have not done in the past, which I cannot change, but I can commit and decide myself to do next time differently and also to consider to prevent judging myself, I should do it if it’s common sense to do so.

When and as I focus to energetic reactions to judging what I imagine as of what I should have done and it’s consequence if I could have done it, I stop as realizing that I stimulate myself with energetic reactions instead of focusing to the COURAGE to commit myself to LIVE when the opportunity comes next time to do what I suppressed to do previously and also to name, word the actual reason I did not do it and by that supporting to prevent myself to make the same mistake again.

When and as I worry to ask something from somebody because of fearing of what if the other would say no and within that I would fear that I should define and judge myself based on that ‘no’, therefore not even trying and thus trying to avoid making ‘mistake’ but by that not even giving the chance to ‘hear’ a yes, basically sabotaging myself, therefore once I see the resistance to ask the person the question I fear of hearing of a ‘no’ – I realize that if I do not ask, I will judge myself not even trying, therefore I decide and commit myself to LIVE the COURAGE to ask the question I fear hearing a no of.

When and as I fear hearing a ‘NO’ from someone who I would ask something of, I name the game and word the subject of fear – what is the point I mostly fear about that ‘no’, where my imagination goes in this self-sabotaging pattern..

This is interesting – Self-forgiveness on fearing ‘NO’ when asking:

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize the extent of being consumed of self-interest within fearing of hearing a ‘NO’ when asking something from someone and within that only considering myself, my goal, desire, want of that person and actually not respecting the other equally as myself within if he/she said ‘NO’, then that’s their point, decision, stance and if I still feel bad/wrong/hurt/disappointed/frustrated about it, then I only care about my want/need/desire, thus I have to evaluate my starting point within this self-consumed want, which through I can automatically get off-balance by the reaction of even imagining not ‘getting what I want’.

When and as I ask something of somebody and considering the option of hearing a ‘no’, I realize that it’s part of ‘asking’ to hear a no, and it does not mean that is final and ultimate, however it’s the other person’s stance within this, which should be considered and also to see if there is possibility/place/option to re-evaluate my starting point within this ‘asking’ and also to see if I could further communicate, express, explain myself to use reasoning by seeing if there is something maybe the other person does not know or should know about this point to maybe reconsider her/his answer – and meanwhile to stay here, present, direct without fear/judgement and emotional reaction to ensure not compromising my utmost potential to express myself within self-honesty.

When and as I communicate within someone and being asked of something which I consider saying NO to it, I realize the tendency to avoid saying ‘NO’, based on my own tendency to what I could feel when hearing a ‘NO’, and based on that saying ‘YES’, only to use this superimposed ‘compassion’, which actually is of self-interest projected out – therefore I drop this game and re-check within self-honesty and practical common sense – what should be my answer and then LIVE THE COURAGE to say ‘NO’ if that’s what I should say.

When and as I see that there is an interest behind not saying ‘NO’ to someone when being asked as by this trying to appear as ‘a good guy’ or by considering a hidden agenda/desire regarding to this person (for instance being attracted to a woman who asks me something really difficult/time-consuming but at this moment it’s really compromising, maybe even in relation to somebody else, who I ‘forget to consider’ by the imagination of ‘being good’ with the person I am attracted to), then in the tension appearing in my mind in this moment, wanting to say ‘YES’, then I should stop, re-align with a breath here and to ‘come clean’ and to communicate and express myself and remain within integrity according to what I would sabotage in order to cling onto this energetic ‘hope’ I feel in this moment by judgement and in this scenario I LIVE COURAGE to say ‘NO’ when it’s the common sense I should say.

When and as I worry of what people would think of me if I would say ‘NO’ to things I do not want to do – I check why not wanting to and if it’s self-honest, I LIVE COURAGE to say no and trust myself and to realize that if I try to live according to what others would think, I would not really be myself, and also it’s starting point is actually fear, doubt, which I commit myself to prevent accumulating within myself.

I commit myself to say ‘NO’ when it’s what I want without energetic/emotional pressure within and I commit myself to LIVE the COURAGE to ask even if a ‘NO’ I would get not be the best I could imagine and also to realize that it’s not always should be ‘the end of story’ if someone says ‘NO’ in the moment, unless it’s that direct and ‘ultimate’ and obvious ‘NO’, then I embrace it as fact and move on.

I commit myself to stop imagining and reacting emotionally to hearing ‘NO’ about a question I am considering to ask from somebody, but rather stick to practical common sense and to realize that it means to remain present, directive and if possible or required, to communicate further or move on actually.

To support self within awareness and learn to change: free online course http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Supporting video interviews about understanding SELF: https://www.facebook.com/schoolofultimateliving

 

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