Continuing with Suppression-Courage points.
This time bringing the physical reactions of anxiety, worry, fear, because many times when facing suppression/fear/courage points, these could be signs/symptoms to be aware of and stop participating as practical awareness support for change.
Well, this might sound weird, but this topic is quite new to me, to explore, trying to word and express these experiences within and as myself, which by itself exactly reinforces me to keep doing it, because how can be that I know so little about what is happening within and as myself, especially of this particular topic, which can influence the whole existence of me?
There are points, things, activities, situations, wherein I can notice this physical and mental, in fact emotional pressure within myself according to resistances and probably not fully realized memory, comparison, judgement, fear and energetic reactions.
It’s kind of thrilling or jittering experience, still observing the actual physical reactions. Isn’t it fascinating that I am not much aware of the human physical body reactions, because I am so much positioned, located and experienced within the mind and it’s kind of ‘interdimensional’ virtual space and time.
There is a type of anxiety, fear which can manifest slight sweating, wet palms, my skin literally feels a bit electric and charged sometimes.
Also there is another kind of physical symptom, which is the breath-suppression, chest pressure, it feels like a weight is pushing me down.
Sometimes energy charges, thunders flutter from my stomach/solar plexus area and prickling through the trunk, spine, my back and sometimes through the neck to the head as well. Sometimes also towards my limbs too.
Another symptom I presume is when I hold my hand/fist into a grip, even when it’s unnecessary – probably I am holding onto of feeling pushed/resisting towards something within my mind in those moments without actually realizing it.
These could be grouped as ‘positive’ signs, and I do name some of the ‘negative’ signs and here I mean that when the positive signs are present, there is some self-dishonest/self-limitation/self-sabotage pattern is being played out, participated within, and the ‘negative’ signs are when I am not aware of these experiences, sensations, physical feelings, indicating that I am not present, but ‘tripping into the mind’.
When I am not aware of the physical breath, the actual state, phase of in-hold-out-hold actions
When I am not active physically or even stopping for a moment and if I am not aware of the blood pressure in my palms, the slight or raised throbbing of my heart
When I am not aware of the gravity, the physical laws creating pressure/resistance against my physical body, for instance when sitting, feeling the pressure on my bottoms, my feet, or when walking, feeling the weight I move with muscles, the pressure on the soil with my sole, etc
When I am not hearing ANY sounds around me – it’s really-really rare to not be any sound/noise present, and also the sound my breath does. It actually does quite a sound, which sometimes can be felt like my mind is auto-filtering it out.
There were also times when I was able to get actually annoyed with the sound of my breathing, when I started to ‘come out’ from the mind for the first time and I realized that this is also similar to that my nose is always within my vision, even if I got used to it so much. In fact it’s pretty interesting design if we think about it, why it had to be in the actual sight? Not that it really matters today here, just wondering…
For a little more than half a year I went to a BodyTime workshop, which is about presence, awareness, direct expression and even with the fact that in my life I often did intense physical activities, such as sports, juggling, dancing, physical work – only realizing how less I am actually aware of this human physical body as who I am actually.
The spiritual agenda is to not identify and superimpose somewhat inferiority to the body in relation to the mind consciousness system – because it’s a systematic representation and manifestation of myself – however if I really look at it with practical common sense, the body is the source of the mind energy, the body is being utilized to generate and store patterns, reactions, even memories, and the mind is somewhat like a software and in fact neither is superior, however it’s a real problem when the mind is the starting point and gains control by a perception of it’s superiority, meanwhile in fact I am existing and manifesting self-separation on levels I am not even aware of.
It’s really worthy for investigation, exploration of what is the mind and what thoughts actually indicate, the words and their actual relationships, and also the very nature of these experiences of thoughts, feelings and emotions.
What words, sentences, memories, experiences, interpretations, perceptions do trigger anxiety, resistance, fear and why?
I do not mean to be mean to spiritual people but no matter what apparent mystical or non-mystical method they do, eventually this is where the real problem and thus the solution can be revealed: my version of reality and how and why I am stuck within it? This is crucial to understand and prepare for stopping it by identifying the trigger and source points of such reactions, many times also being indicated by those physical experiences I started to word down, identify and thus be more aware of.
This is why I prepare and dig deeper for further understanding with Self-forgiveness about this.
But before that, I support myself with the related EQAFE audio-book amazing library. This site is crucial to understand how the mind, the physical, the nature of existence and actual details of creation works. Sounds like I am inflating, but actually not. It is highly recommended to listen interviews, there are MANY for free and the ones for price are for the living costs for those who are dedicated to constantly creating and uploading more supportive content each week.
For the price of a beer one can get support on desire, phobia, business, suppression, anger, doubt and so much more.
I am grateful for EQAFE and the creators of it as contains so much practical knowledge and understanding about life, the mind and many more!