Something I always tried to push myself into, or explode myself out to and eventually realizing that it is something what only can be accumulated with stable, constant and consistent self-direction here, in and as the physical.
By releasing the delusions of perception of superiority of consciousness and the self-righteousness of trusting and listening to, following and being subjected to thoughts, I start to see the energy in my mind, which animates me, what defines me, what has this false purpose and reasoning, which can be decomposed, understood, realized and purified from my living with actual presence here.
The expression of ‘who I am is what is here’ is more profound than most of the humans can conceive and the actual truth is hidden in plain sight as all the things I do not know is also here, right in front of my eyes, but when I am constantly busy, distracted and completely occupied with the self-induced, self-accepted judgments, reactions and energetic experiences, then I am not able to grasp how my mind actually works.
The surprise is that the more I am actually giving up from the personality, self-definitions, the obligation to participate within thoughts, feelings and emotions, the more present and free I can become.
Then I am less automatic, which might seem as more uncomfortable, because it means I have to be present and really aware at the situations, moments, experiences and actions what I previously defined as mundane, avoidable, uncomfortable or even horrible – and that self-protection, what actually turned out to become completely justified self-interest, regardless of how I labelled it.
Especially imperative to realize that the actual self-abdication I’ve participated within during ‘abandoning’ my direct presence within those self-labelled mundane/avoidable/uncomfortable/horrible situations and experiences did not really liberate me from all the energetic reactions of my self-acceptance and actual suppression of standing up to what is not good, but only supported the evolution of the mind and the religion of self, within which I deliberately perfected the self-delusion about how things are and what is really going on and actually why.
The very idea of seeking the truth and finding answers is the actual and obvious reflection of how truly and vastly lost we can be within our mind consciousness experiences, thus the re-definition and re-alignment from consciousness to awareness is a practical common sense decision I dedicate my existence to as honouring life within myself and all equally.
I did not yet find the ‘end’ or ‘limitation’ to presence, wherein I could truly and absolutely self-honestly state out with all of my cells completely unified expressing that: I am HERE.
The more I stop the participation within the pattern of my mind, the less I am occupied with distractions and reactions ‘making me’ short-sighted within self-realization, thus the recognition and decomposition of my existing relationships with all the words I react to, use and express is the best practical way to start accumulating practical understanding of who I am.
It’s a fascinating process and the more I empty my mind, the more I can embrace of what is going on here, within myself, within my body and around me as well. The less I participate and react to thoughts, the more I can discover about things as how they are without my preconceived judgments.
Not to judge, not to self-define with what I see, realize and understand, but keep decomposing, releasing and forgiving for what I have accepted and allowed and keep exploring and expressing and unifying myself with this physical presence in and as my human body as the expression of life as equal as one without judgement, without desire and without fear, but to directly live, share and express.
Every day I discover something new, just within my human physical body, how the blood flows through my veins, feeling the breath, at nostrils, the sound of it, the muscles, feel of the gravity, the weight, the air on my skin, it’s a vast array of impression here in every moment, which can be so easily dismissed while becoming angry at something(which is in fact always of myself for something actually) or becoming obsessed with what I want or not want, meanwhile not realizing that I only move within limited patterns, determined and suggested by my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
To give up thinking people might believe I mean ‘critical thinking’ or ‘common sense’, which I certainly not, but rather to stop listening to the inner conversations, the backchat, which is just to justify something self-interested and then to react to it with positive or negative energetic reactions, to use the thoughts to process and conclude things, based on my past judgments and get boosted up, convinced or completely disturbed by something which is absolutely imaginary.
Yet, many people can recognize and imagine the advantages to be able to just turn off thoughts when becoming annoying or distracting, or even for someone to stop the really creepy and dreadful thoughts entering their minds – and also within many profession or sport: – it’s really important to be able to turn thoughts off, for instance while driving a sport car or just enjoying sex – no thoughts is required and if I allow them to just pop up constantly, I might get into trouble about my driving or the actual enjoyment and pleasing of my partner…
Emotions and feelings to give up might seem as a bigger chunk, especially for those, who cannot imagine life without emotions, because they believe that is required to really enjoy and become passionate about, however within investigating the mind, self and consciousness, these are also limited forms of experiences and are tainted with energy of the mind, which is like a liquid separation from directly experiencing and living the words themselves as self here and rather relying on definitions, polarity and self-interest.
Instead of feeling love, I redefine love as something to be expressed and shared.
Instead of feeling joy, I redefine enjoyment as something to be express and experienced with direct participation.
Instead of being angry, I redefine anger as something what I feel obliged to be separated from based on the perception of not being good for me, thus showing me what I should investigate, fully understand and to see if I am really self-honest about this and if concluding that it’s really not good, then to take responsibility for find practical solution to stop it or prevent it – for instance if I am angry for corporations what pollute the oceans then to actually research and find out what would matter to do something, as my anger as emotion is not supporting and rather making me less powerful, because I keep accepting the thing and internalizing instead of start doing something.
And so on, the relationships to words can determine how I perceive, experience and express myself.
That’s why self-forgiveness is a really powerful tool, to become aware of what I have already accepted and now taking responsibility for not only understanding, but figuring out what would actually be practical solution to prevent myself participating within next time or start applying solutions for the problems already manifested.
In my next post I will share an audio recording continuing sharing some points about the topic of ‘Presence’…