Day 271 – Physical integration

DSC_0424After my last post I am continuing with the re-alignment from the conscious mind experience into physical awareness direction.

Scripting some slowing down and preparing for practical change to prevent going into thinking while doing something – specifically some physical activities, such as gardening, dish washing.
When and as I do gardening, such as watering plants, weeding the vegetables, cutting the vegetation, raking the leaves I let go everything else but what I do – slow down within and make the decision to postpone everything else, whatever would bother me or a worry would come up that I would forget to do something if I would not think about it – I stop all and focus to my physical action.

When and as I see that while doing gardening, physical action and thoughts arise in my head about something I worry to forget about – I decide not to follow, react to and I let it go and also decide to remember the point came up and I breathe in and then breathe out and I ‘follow’ my presence, I ensure that I am clear, empty and here and I continue my physical action.

When and as I feel overwhelmed by thoughts while doing something, I drop the thoughts, re-align with breathing here and make the decision to stand HERE within physical presence.

When and as I worry of forgetting something, I utilize my phone’s calendar and then I re-align with breath and continue with my application here and make the decision not to be distracted.

The point just came to the surface is that I have the tendency to get occupied so ‘deep’ with something, that I ‘fall into’, ‘get lost within it’, basically forgetting the bigger context, which is often all right, but usually when really losing the ‘big picture’, that means I am losing actual and full presence here, which means I am within reactions during that activity, so then my mind is being stimulated, distracted, and thus raising the chance of not ‘remembering’ things I would like to remember, therefore welcoming such worry-thought-reminders of things I’d not like to forget, meanwhile I am completely subjected to my mind and the more I ‘trust it’, the less I am fully here within consistency.

I forgive myself that I have not realized, seen and understood that actual, real, manifested and living awareness as self here is when I am constantly, consistently present, and even when there is something WITHIN myself to be noticed, processed or experienced, I do not lose presence, I do not ‘fall into it’ and do not lose direction, but remaining present, directive and whole, meaning not going into separation mode with duality as observing, subjecting and defining things based on memories, categories and self-interest of positive and negative.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the lack of self-trust and self-honesty to be required to stick with myself constantly and consistently here, no matter what I experience, feel or going through, because of the self-defined belief and hope that if I go into energetic reactions of the mind to the specific words I give permission to it to be activated automatically based on circumstances and not realizing that I hold onto the idea of choosing something known instead of exploring the unknown based on the fear of experiencing worse than I defined I would desire to experience and not realizing that it’s not based on physical facts, common sense, thus it’s delusion, self-dishonesty, false hope.

I forgive myself that I have not realized and understood that I keep holding onto the false hope within my mind based on memories, definitions, positive and negative polarities related to words to not need to face reality, facts, consequences here, because I’ve defined those would be too intense, I would change by those experiences and I do not want to change what I believe that is me, because then I would have to face the unknown and not realizing that that unknown is actually myself here, thus based on fear, I hold onto not to know myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that in the moment of stopping myself to express myself here in and as the physical, I am suppressing, I go into fear, regardless of I admit it or not, regardless of I am becoming aware of how and why, but still: I am not actually living, but surviving and the more I give into this energetic experience, the more I manifest consequences what I have to face eventually, thus the common sense is to face myself and the manifested consequences as soon and as directly as I can to take responsibility for separating myself from what is actually here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that by fearing from making mistakes, I became addicted to follow thoughts by believing that by that I can avoid mistakes I did in the past and not realizing that when I follow thoughts, I am not fully here, thus I am preventing myself to apply and express myself to the fullest potential, thus actually giving more chance to not direct it as fully as I could, and by that, manifesting what I fear from: making mistake, forgetfulness, experiencing uncomfortability.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the best practical way to re-align myself from thought-based, internal backchat, silent inner dialogue-based living to actual, physically present, whole and silent within expression here in and as the physical, which is to stop participating and directing all I am to be fully here – and what I resist to direct to be here or any aspect of myself I am unable to align to be fully here is the point and actual self-separation manifested through and as the mind what I have to take responsibility for and investigate, embrace and understand within it’s entire creation and with that practical understanding supporting myself to preventing myself to go into it again and thus stopping the pattern and moving to the next point required to be aligned.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I do something and I do it based on thinking, backchat, internal dialogue and all of a sudden someone appears or sounds something and I get afraid for a moment – is the point of self-reflection that am I get scared for a moment, because I was completely off and not present from here, and that’s why I got so surprised that I got afraid for a moment, because not knowing what’s happening for a moment – meanwhile if I am constantly and consistently here, this surprise is not that ‘harsh’, because as I am here, I see it appearing, the person getting closer and there is no thought process I am busy being distracted from being here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have to commit myself to every single specific activity and experience of my practical living to transform those moments of myself to re-align to be here, by starting with the most obvious ones, such as waking up, walking to bathroom, taking shower, dishwashing, watering plants, weeding plants, walking, going to toilet and then when I am effectively present without constant thought-patterns occupying my attention, I expand to other activities and I accumulate self-trust.

When and as I use water for gardening, dishwashing, shower or other activities – I feel it physically, feeling it on my skin, feeling it’s temperature, it’s moist, its flow, movement and substance and the tactile experience on my skin, thus bringing myself to my senses and physical body awareness from the thoughts, feelings, emotions and thus accumulating physical presence and awareness.

When and as I use tools to work with physically, I feel the material on my hand, feel the weight, the substance on my skin, it’s temperature, the pattern of the surface of it and so on and I expand my senses, awareness and direction to embrace more and more experience from this physical existence.

When and as I walk, move and travel, I focus to my body movement, direction, feel the pressure on the soil, feel the muscles I use for movement, I feel the gravity, feel the physical resistances I have to move through, such as the weight of my body, if moving faster, the air, wind or in water, then it’s resistance and I feel it on my skin and embrace all here.

I commit myself to constantly be aware of the fact that there is no ‘less important’ moment within my life, each is equal opportunity to apply self-honesty, align myself to be here, regardless of what I do, how I do it, where I am doing it or am I alone or not – and if there is change within myself based on these external circumstances, then I open up those points and forgiving myself and stop this one breath at a time and accumulate presence, self-trust and self-honesty.

I commit myself to walk this process of purification and unification within self-honesty and share it with others and thus cross-reference and support myself and also those who are in doubt and fear from letting go the self-sabotaging mind-constructs of doubt, fear and energetic addiction to thoughts.

When and as I am seeing doubt, something to figure out, a worry would come up about something – I stop and let go the fear and re-align and assist and support myself to open up the point by asking the right question and then answering to myself and directly move within my mind within presence without losing the physical awareness, here-ness, direction and explore – and if too many things are going on to be able to slow myself down, then I utilize sounding words, self-forgiveness and stabilizing myself – or taking time and effort and sit down and write the words down, use what I already learned from DesteniIProcess and support myself to become aware of the patterns within the starting point and principle of ‘Know myself instead of Think myself’ – as real knowledge frees myself from the need of thinking and I can focus on directly living here.

Online support for re-defining words – School of Ultimate Living

Slowing down – Spirituality of the snail


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