Day 263 Redefining Spirituality

IMG_4687Recognizing and decomposing the self-dishonesty, self-limitation and self-deception within my self-created spiritual mind is in a way the preparation for the practical re-alignment and actual re-definition of the words I am transforming my expression and actions into direct physical living.

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I forgive myself that I have not realized the practical common sense within releasing the energetic reactions to specific trigger points I face during my living and resisting to decompose and understand the very creation of of these reactions and take responsibility for recognizing the decision, when, how and why I’ve made to participate, define, judge, compare and attach self-interest to it based on fear, based on being addicted to a specific feeling within my body and mind without realizing that this feeling is not directly me, it is not freedom, it is not genuine self-expression, therefore whatever I’ve constructed within who I perceive myself to be is false, based on the premises of actually not wanting to face myself but hiding into energetic constructs from the facts of who I accepted myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that real change only can happen if I level myself with the facts here, meaning letting go all definitions, judgments based on polarity, based on self-interest, based on a specific fear, what can be named, worded, thus faced and acknowledged, taken responsibility for and starting to work on finding practical ways to stop participate within and transform my actual living breath by breath into consistent stance of real manifested change.

I forgive myself that I have not taken the courage to face everything of who I am, right here, right now in this very moment and to realize what I am still accepting and allowing as self-dishonesty, which I can actually stop, but first have to really decide and then live that decision from now on within unwavering consistency.

I forgive myself that I have not realized how to manifest unwavering consistency within standing as living self-honesty as real change, by actually seeing what comes up within me, my mind, what reaction activates, what resistance I see within and digging, decomposing, writing, investigating, testing, understanding every slight or more intense reaction what would come without self-direction and to realize that it is not directly me what moves me, but the manifested mind-construct, which seems as a vessel, a tool for supporting me, but it is actually limiting, imprisoning me without me realizing that it is not that who I must be, how I must be.

I forgive myself that I have resisted to let go all desires of my mind and to let go all fears of my mind and to see what remains here as ‘I’ and take responsibility for all what is here as myself as all as equal as one.

Specific, my personal examples of self-delusions to forgive.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the ridiculousness of wanting to be dissolved within a white light experience within the belief that it is the source of who I am and it is enlightenment, which would mean more awareness than I experience today, thus desiring after it.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am lucky, chosen, blessed to do good and whatever I do can be justified for the greater good, for what I am certain that I am absolutely benevolent without actually accumulating anything of real support, change and not even understanding that, how I am not accumulating anything relevant change while I am obsessed with ‘my life’, ‘my experiences’, ‘my realization’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am a beacon for white light and within that being obsessed with light and intensified energetic experiences within me what I perceive as ‘dissolving into white light’ or seeing light forms and patterns and believing that I see the truth or reality, meanwhile not considering the fact that it’s just the mind I see, which is programmable, conditional and subjective and helps to reflect back equal and one of all my make believe self-definitions, self-delusions, which I justify believing by ‘I experience it, therefore it is real’.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that bliss is part of the awakening and awareness, and believing that realization is a pleasant experience, which by I actually ending up filtering out any possible way to face and deal with anything I do not automatically enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that everything I resist in this world is specific of a self-definition I am possessed by within a self-interest originated by a hypnotized fear I accept and allow myself existing within without being honest with myself and take responsibility and do practical measures to accumulate physical transcendence of such self-compromise.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that any symbolism, belief system, which is not supporting me to stop being the slave of the self-created, self-accepted mind-symbolism as energetic addiction to feel good and righteous –  is basically abuse of life not only in the context of myself but all of existence equally.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe within consciousness systems to be life and not realizing that it is superimposed and infused with who I really am and at the moment I can’t even imagine being able to existing without consciousness, thus revealing to myself that I am not yet living.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the simple practical, measurable and obvious solution to the separation, limitation, dishonesty I accept myself existing within, which is investigating the very words I consist of, defined by, reacted to and start decomposing, releasing the energetic automatic reactions, forgiving for what I have allowed to give another chance to re-align with self-honesty and start re-defining the words in alignment to all life as self as equal as one and living the words as myself directly in and as the physical substance of life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the rush experience I want or can enjoy within my mind when feeling velocity, energetic buzz, light experience is actually an inertia, wherein me as self do not move, do not live, only the systems I feed with my actual life force, which is my breath, the physical body, which is aging within each heartbeat inevitably and not considering the fact that each actions and thus the whole life of me can be measured and considered as if it is within alignment of LIFE itself or it is only manifested systems, which been created and then will be destroyed.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all of me what is created will be destroyed, because none of it was real life in terms of considering what remains as SELF once I lose the body to accumulate measurable, manifested consequences to all of existence, what can be directly seen as the ‘completed creation’ of me once I die, therefore to not consider what is best for all and me equally within each deed of mine is an indication of still being the slave of consciousness systems, therefore a process of self-forgiveness and re-alignment is required.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I relied to spirituality and all kinds of teachings, because I did not know myself, I did not find myself, I did not know what to do, how to do it and what I am supposed to do, therefore I was looking for answers outside of myself, to find somebody to tell me what to do and as long as I was busy with this and did not give it all up and in a way who I was – I was not able to realize that I am already HERE, do not need to seek, find or search, because what I experience, what I DO is who I really am, therefore I work with that, and cross-reference with facts, wherein spirituality, or any spiritual perspective, system is unnecessary, and in fact an indication of myself not yet developed an intimate relationship with myself, therefore the process of self-forgiveness is required.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I did not want to let go and release myself of the patterns of spirituality, because of the fear of that without it I would not change or become the person I want to be or I would remain the person I do not want to be, and not considering that after a point, for real change, to let go spirituality and any context of it is common sense, therefore if I resist to do so, I must investigate and to name the game, meaning word the actual points I resist and understand how and why to be able to stand up to it and start becoming the director of my life and live real, physical transcendence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that although there are some self-supporting points within spiritual systems, practices, agendas, there is no direct way to accumulate standing up to the self-accepted mind, the slavery of it’s duality and my own self-interest, only appearing so and within finding experiences wherein I am more stable, effective, even successful or be able to get what I want or feel how I feel, it does not mean I am really transcending the self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within meditation I train myself and my mind to be able to co-exist within an equilibrium, wherein when it would be too much ‘systematic mind’, I would be able to pacify it for moments to ‘feel good’ and within being able to do so, making myself believe, that I am the director of my life, while not realizing that it’s self-deception, because after the meditation I pretty much give the direction back to the mind and only ‘wanting’ to meditate, when in fact it’s interest to make me believe, that I am the boss, so then I would not really stand up to it, because I would feel I ‘tamed the beast’, meanwhile all I did was built a fuzzy-logic-based automatic energetic experience-valve system,which can regulate it to have my ‘awareness’ moments.

i forgive myself that I have not realized that the spiritual self-deception can be simply exposed if I really look at the actions I make, literally, the physical facts, consequences I manifest and to see that if I am really aware of what I do and am I really able to live up to the only way to be equal and one with LIFE is to always act according to what is best for all and within that, not just to have imaginations of what that would mean and justify my self-interested strive for personal ‘happiness’ or ‘loved ones’ – but to be able to consider all beings, all of existence as myself as equal as one, unconditionally, consistently, which basically means to completely give up the person-ally I developed to become as an individual within society and within doing so, realizing that I do not give up anything which is really myself, but actually I can create the void and emptiness within myself from which I can nurture and birth actual, real life from and as the physical, I find myself within and as substance.


IMG_2440So – as any other word – spirituality also can be not just decomposed, but redefined too, without polarity, duality, to start re-writing who I am within action and consequence.

Spirituality is to be aligned with what is best for all within all of existence and therefore to take responsibility for all self-limitation, self-delusion and commit myself to accumulate physical action to study, understand, decompose, forgive and re-align everything I consist of to be able to transcend the mind, transcend consciousness and be aware the actual material of physical life through and as the human body as self.

I commit myself to decompose and release any reaction to spirituality within my mind and let go all the ideas, expectations, definitions, judgments about it and share my process from consciousness to awareness, as life as who I am.

Self-support audio books from EQAFE on the topic of spirituality:

Self-support online -FREE- course for standing up to the mind:

School of Ultimate Living –


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