Day 255 – Opening up wounds to fully heal

IMG_5968I had a blister yesterday, which I am going to use as an analogy for Self-realization.

My stove has the pipe into the chimney, which is covered with white enamel paints and at one part it is wearing out from the constant heat changes and yesterday, while I started to make fire, the whole pipe slipped out from the wall, so I had to act immediately and pushed the pipe into it’s place back and at it’s edge a spiky piece of paint went deep into my left longest finger.

It was painful immediately, so I started to pull it and it came out but I felt a little cracking, so I knew that deep down under my skin, there is still a part.
I used the tap to wash away the blood from time to time to see the wound and as by pushing the wound from angles it did not come out just intensified the pain, I knew that I have to open up the skin somehow to reach the remaining part.
So I took a needle and basically started to carve out all the way long as deep as the blister entered my finger muscle sideways.

Well, that was more painful and more blood came, but I realized, there is no other way, so under the tap, opened it up with needle scratches all the way until I did start to feel the hard enamel piece with the needle and started to pick it out but still did not come out as it was embedded into the muscle already. So I kept carving the thing out as I knew, that if this would remain within, it would cause much more pain, maybe even inflammation and more problems, so I just kept using the needle regardless of the pain until I was able to use my Swiss army knife’s forceps to grab it after many tries and could pick it out. It was just 2 millimeters, a little white triangle, but I was glad that I could take it out. Well, the whole area was not big, about a centimeter long, but it’s interesting to open up a wound by myself with a needle.

With all of this I see similarity with my own process of self-realization. Even when I worked hard to find a peace, a calmness, with Self-honesty I can see that there is something from deep within what still not perfect and at the moment I am unable to see it, feel it, understand it, but later it will cause some conflict, limitation, so when I have the opportunity, I have to open it up.
Even if it brings up many other, uncomfortable things, such as memories, failures, dishonesty, fear, which will be not so nice to walk through, but under all of those I can find the source of the problem and that I have to take care of.
Many people have sort of ‘psychological’ problems, such as doubt, addiction, phobia, obsession and those are probably just the tip of the iceberg, the origin point is deep within, beyond many years of acceptances, justifications and accumulation of given up moments when the person occasion by occasion allowed oneself to live with that source point of problem, which later manifested symptoms, like energetic addiction or avoiding conflicts, apathy, instability etc.

In the last couple of blog posts I’ve wrote and talked about one of my surface points, which is driving, what I resisted for many years until I started to dig deeper for what is the origin of that resistance, thus manifested self-limitation.

I’ve found multiple dimensions, but one of the most relevant points was that I’ve accepted myself as limited with the belief that I can not change and from that, I allowed my past to define who I am and who I am going to remain as.

I’ve tried many ways to change myself, but the most direct, most aware process I’ve ever found is the Desteni I Process, because it supports with understanding of oneself, the nature of consciousness and the design of the mind and it’s simple as 1+1=2.

What is also imperative to realize is that even when I open up deeper wounds within myself, that uncomfortable experience, resistance and pain I experience meanwhile is also a manifested consequence of my consistent acceptances and allowances and the sooner I walk through and become aware of the source of that self-dishonesty, the sooner I can embrace it and stop participating within it, starting to correct myself.

It will be sometimes even ‘darker’, as I realize how selfish, deluded or even evil I was at some occasions with others or myself, but the key here again: to remind myself, that I CAN CHANGE. It’s completely unnecessary to judge myself and go down on the emotional storms of self-pity to basically just activate an another personality within me to not take responsibility for the practical change I should do, so then no need emotions, no need to remain so, no need to judge.
Recognize the tendency of self-judgement and re-align immediately, as within any judgement, it’s an attempt of cover up by a perceived separation and then within polarity, there is good and bad, morality and the more ‘time’ I spend in that mind-field, the more reaction, emotion will be generated, which then will take my direction away, or activate an another self-dishonest, not yet became aware of personality manifestation of me, which then will just for instance jump onto distraction experience, such as entertainment, need for energy, party, sex, whatever the person’s mind defined as ‘good’ to balance ‘bad’. But then the pattern remains.

Self-honesty is not really a ‘nice’ thing, as self faces all of it’s creation and manifested consequences, which are on personal level, how the person is behaving with self and others, what impact does on society, the world and at the same time, that same world is also a manifested consequences for all of us as humanity as a whole, from what we also can’t escape. But process is walked breath by breath, and once self is not defined by past, not influenced by reactions can change self to see what are the potentials on an individual, interpersonal and global levels.

In terms of ‘evil’ – I do not see very much about it, no need to mystify it, rather to recognize that self-interest, ego, not considering others but only self is in a way a manifested evil, just like the words backwards: L I V E – – E V I L.

So then ‘good’ – is to LIVE without self-dishonesty, without any deeper wounds, self-limitation, fear, self-interest.

Facing the world system, the economic, monetary, law systems of humanity will also going to be like one must dig deep into manifestations, organizations, systems and there will be nasty, dark things as well – genocide, slavery, torture, brainwashing, exploitation, destruction, which actually happens in front of our eyes with our consent even today, but until the individual is not able to purify self from within, there is no way could face and handle the cumulative external manifestation of all of (our)selves, because of the self-accepted self-dishonesty causes serious level of self-limitation, self-delusion and massive resistances to walk through anything relevant.

That is why Self-realization is not a blissful, beautiful, glorious, peaceful thing – nor always painful or of conflict, but to define or categorize or compare with others this process of self is also self-dishonesty, because the very act of mind of defining is also the result of an already self-accepted self-dishonesty, thus can not be trusted, must be faced, understood, embraced, stopped and completely transcended, meaning to change one’s practical living to not participate within any definition.

Not all definition is problem, but unless one has investigated to the core it’s origin, self’s relationship with it, should not be trusted.

Then from a moment of clarity, self-honesty, emptiness, responsibility I can start re-defining the words, thus my life.

This seems like a lonely process, because everybody has got their own ‘life package’, which is completely unique, but it does not mean we are not of the same source or there are no common patterns with which we could not assist and support each other to cross-reference our self-dishonesty, because our mind is a tricky thing, makes us believe in things what are not physically here, so to find buddies who we can trust is crucial until self can start to trust oneself within consistent integrity and absolute self-honesty.


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