Day 249 – Driving Self-correction part 1

enjobrAfter opening up some points with Self-forgiveness about what to change:
I start to write some self-correction too.
As I mentioned before, it’s not ‘just’ about driving, because the patterns I realize being appeared are much more generic, but as it’s kind of a new skill-set for me, it’s perfect ground to realize the tendency of going into reactions instead of remaining directive.
It’s also great for that, because within driving there is quite amount of uncertainty, meaning even if I drive perfectly ‘well’, there can be a horrible accident at any time, for instance an other car from the other lane just slides some meters towards me in a moment and there is no way to avoid it, then regardless of anything in the world, shit would happen. This was kind of scary at first, because I kept on checking the stripes on the lane and if anyone even a bit rolled to it I was basically freaking out – well, this still can happen, I guess, with everybody, but at these cases, I rather focus to adjust my own wheel if I can and if not, then well, prepare for collision.
But this is the same with for instance relationship, with someone everything goes well and at any time all of a sudden something can go wrong, so better to do everything I can and be present if something wrong would happen to be able to respond immediately, appropriately.
However, when I go into reaction, an instant scare, a worry to crawling up on my spine or a second of hesitation at critical moments can really make a difference and as my life at stakes, well also others too, it seems to be common sense to ‘perfect’ my driving skills too with the Process of Self-forgiveness, especially, because this all goes back to the same points as most of my ‘issues’ I face in my life – trust, worry, comparison, judgement, desire, fear – the usual human stuff, what we accept as it would be part of our nature, but it’s actually provable that we can stop participate in these patterns and live more directly, more ‘free’ so to speak from automatic reactions, especially of those what are constantly proving to be not supportive for us and others.
Not that I want to prove to the world or even myself that I can change – for that reason I’d walk this process, but because I make the decision of what I accept and allow and as I looked into myself within self-intimacy, I’ve realized that even if an apparently ‘small’ habit of self-dishonesty would take dozens of years to change within me, it still would ‘worthy’, especially by seeing that most of the humans are being completely occupied with their own well-being, entertainment and basically self-interest.
It’s interesting, like imagining I could choose what life I’d live, then I realize, I decide to live like this as I live here today, by recognizing, decomposing, stopping, forgiving self-dishonesty within me, because basically if there is any self-dishonesty within me, that means I am in fact lying to myself for reasons I think/believe as worthy without seeing the consequences I am manifesting.
So that’s why I take process ‘seriously’ – not that I do not smile when I want or I can’t enjoy hugging someone with full of enjoyment, just seems like the self-dishonesty is self-limitation and the opposite of freedom too.
Of course, this can go down further in the rabbit’s hole, like ‘why I want freedom’, ‘why don’t I have it now’ – but it’s also about realizing that I am already a creation and by re-aligning, I am able to rewrite who I am and living that.
And based on where I come from(family, school, country, etc) I see there can be worry and hesitation and resistance, which I decided to change.
For that Self-forgiveness is the best, because I mark the words I react to and I take responsibility to become aware of a pattern before ‘falling into’ the reactions, like when someone would constantly block me to take over on the road while he is very slow, I could go into reaction, like becoming angry to the man or become frustrated, irritated, like that would actually support me or anything in this situation – so it’s obviously not cool, yet many can ‘fall’ into this and also being able to completely justify it with blame, projection etc.
Meanwhile it’s obvious that if someone ‘loses it’ for moments, like become really agitated or emotional, then the common sense application decreases, one goes into tunnel vision/mind experience, wherein maybe stops considering all factors required to be considered for instance for safety. Or decency.
And if I see such patterns, I say I do not want this, and if I see this tendency does not stop when I realize I do not want it, I want it to be stopped, then it’s obvious that it’s a mind-consciousness pattern within me, on what I have no directive principle to stop. Therefore it requires effort to take that direction (back).

When and as I drive the car and I notice something unusual in relation to the road, the driving, the car, myself, passengers or anything – I remain here, directive and prioritize the focus first to driving the car safely.

When and as I am being blocked within my driving by another car, traffic, pedestrian, animal or anything whatsoever, I remain here, directive and do not get into reactions as I am aware of that during traveling there are always some obstacles and the very definition of traveling is about to drive safely among these without taking it personally.

When and as I feel like I am being slowed down which I did not expect or I expected not to be blocked or slowed down, I remain here, calm, directive and realize that I am much more effective on overcoming any obstacles if I remain here, present.

When and as I feel like getting pissed about something while driving, because of something or someone, I realize it’s not the real reason, but it’s a decision I make about going into blame and projection instead of taking responsibility and as I started, the same way stopping myself reacting by breathing, directing myself here back into and as physical presence.

When and as I am feeling that someone is being pissed off because of me, or because I perceive that someone is reacting to me, because how I am in his/her way or how I am driving or responding to our encounter during traffic, I realize that the best practical way here to apply solution is to not take it personally and see what I can do to solve the problem within safety or if I see that there is nothing to solve, then remain here, calm, present and not go into doubt and worry and self-judgement.

When and as I start to feel uncertain about what to do or how to do something during driving on the road, among other cars, people, I consider to slow down or even stop for a moment to figure out what would be the best way and remind myself not to go into worry or frustration or shame about what others would think about if like seeing me as a rookie or as a stupid or as an asshole and to realize that if I react to a perceived judgement from others, it’s a self-judgement, which I have to stop.

When and as I feel like not being in direction within safety about the car, I slow down, if needed I pull over, I stop and make my intent very obvious by using the signals to show others that I need to take a moment to reconsider what would be the best approach from here without going into worry or self-judgement.

When and as I make the engine stop accidentally by not pushing the clutch when it’s needed for not to be stopped, I breathe and focus to remain directive with the car, using the clutch, the brake and restart the engine while being aware what’s going on around me and I remain in and as presence and realizing that if I feel ashamed or guilty or judging myself as amateur is not really helping, but rather to see what I did and how I did not apply the clutch and what I should do next time to prevent this happening and also to realize – it’s not the end of the world to take this seriously.

When and as I turn the car with the wrong angle and I have to stop and rear back I do not go into judgements, but rather I focus to the driving and correction to ensure I direct it as effective as possible and to look what I did and how I can do better next time without going into self-judgement and also see if this was a result of not being fully here because going into reaction instead of remaining here and to take responsibility for that.

When and as I feel like I am driving too fast but defining it as necessary or good, or as this is the way others also go so I must also drive this way, I consider that if I still can drive the car safely and if not then I slow down and prevent myself going into judgement and remind myself that the most important responsibility here is safety and prevent accidents and that has to determine my speed, not peer pressure.

When and as I feel like I can’t keep up the apparently perceived peer pressure of others how fast drive and I do not want them to wait for me, I stop defining myself as rookie and wanting to seem better than I am and realizing that it’s alright to slow down if safety requires that and also realizing that others also do not want me making risks and if they would go into reaction and judgement about me slowing them down, then that’s their problem and if the road allows it, they can overtake me but that is not my responsibility to decide, mine is to ensure I do not cause danger.

When and as I feel like someone slows me down and I could go faster and I want the other go faster, I remind myself that even if I would push the person, or wanting to overtake her/him, I should consider how much actual time I would get in comparison to the risks I take and to realize that for some minutes it’s completely not worthy to jump around.

When and as I feel like someone goes slowly in front of me and I would go into judgements and reactions and starting to feel blocked, gaining tension, I realize that I do not know what’s really happening there, if the car is proper, if the person is alright or anything at all, so to jump into conclusions without being aware of all aspects is just not common sense and that’s my responsibility to remain here, directive and deal only with facts.

When and as I feel that the other person is slow in front of me I remain here, calm and ensure that I do not push the person to go into reactions about me wanting to go faster, because I do not know the person and if he/she would become jumpy and do something out of reaction what would cause accident, I would be responsible no matter of the laws, because I know that I was the one who was pushing the other – yet still – there are ways, polite ways to give signs of allowing me to move, if that’s applicable and also if it’s common sense, for instance with lights or horn, if that’s really necessary, but to remain polite, patient still.

When and as I approach a car what is less effective, cheaper, older, slower, less safe than my car – I prevent myself to go into judgement about the car or the person and remind myself that any judgement projected out is actually self-judgement, so it’s never about the person or the other car, but about myself.

When and as I feel like someone judges me based on my car or my driving style, I remind myself that any judgement and perception in my mind based on what I see is just a judgement, and maybe nothing related to facts and if someone is really judging me negatively or positively, that’s not my concern, mine is to remain here, always directive, always present without any doubt, worry, judgement and if still occurs, then to take responsibility and find practical ways to stop and thus accumulate more self-direction to remain always here consistently.

I will continue with statements.

Today I was driving with more ‘gentleness’ so to speak – directing myself to use the gas less radically, which is a challenge, because the car itself is quite powerful, so I have to literally be gentle with it and I’ve found something really enjoyable to just move the car smoothly yet determined. There is a spot, where I get green light and if I turn and accelerate fast and hard, then I can go through before the next red, which would mean to get to the workplace about one minute sooner, but today I was actually enjoying to let that go and rather drive the car with smooth speed.

It really supports to also look more far, and to realize that it’s not always about pushing it as fast as I can, because many times even if the next light is green, for instance two later there is red, so I know that how this traffic goes, that it’s not worthy to rush, because I will have to slow down, and within that, even if I would want to go fast to not to keep the others slow behind me too, it’s not really giving that, so rather than just enjoy being here and remain directive.

I also see the tendency what I have in my mind personality quite deeply, that to want to please others, which is a hijacked self-interest, to remain in the self-perception of being a nice guy, but as I find more and more confidence and consistency within my presence in my life, also extended into my driving, I realize that I do not have to please others, yet it’s completely cool to be open to assist others and be courteous, especially, because even if I am so, I do not really lose anything. Especially, when I do not rush, it’s much easier to give a momentum to others, without expecting anything.

To be continued…


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