Day 247 – Driving Self-forgiveness part 2 – positive

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So, driving – in the previous I sketched most of the fears, now let’s bring the opposite side to the table…positive!

One would ask why to investigate positively defined reactions, but in truth, it still can be self-interest, self-delusion the same way as the ones defined as ‘negative’, so it’s always common sense to broaden the perspective also on the bright side of my experiences to see if it’s really that great, even when I relate them – and myself to everything here equally. Why? Because eventually everyone has to face the fact, that I am always equal and one with and as what I accept and allow, regardless of how I feel about it, which is just the result of imprinting and accumulation of previous acceptances and allowances anyway.
So, the true alchemy, the true transcendence is when a human can change it’s nature. This is individual, but as “two or more in my name” can reproduce the re-alignment with the principle of Equality and Oneness, then Life can be born from the physical and thus Consciousness Systems become obsolete, Energy and Polarity, the perception of separation will be obviously serious self-limitation, what’s always individual and collective responsibility of all here.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, rather focus to my individual process for one more moment here:

Driving, self-definitions, opinions, perceptions…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define positive and addictive when pushing the gas and the car accelerates intensely and defining this as powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as grown-up, as mature, someone, who is capable to move in the system effectively, because I am being trusted with the responsibility of keeping the rules, not harming and as someone, who can take care of this big mechanical vehicle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself very comfortable, which feels worthy of paying for it when driving around and wanting to drive more just for the sake of driving and for a moment using the excuse of ‘learning driving’, which can be completely alright, but when doing it unplanned, while there are responsibilities waiting, yet I give into the ‘just drive somewhere, picking a target’ feeling, linked to a feeling of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to feelings and if feeling as positive then defining it as something what I should listen to, regardless of what was going on in myself before, what are my responsibilities, priorities, commitments, but wanting to just feel comfortable, enjoy the driving for a while and later facing the consequence of the things are accumulating what must be done, which I know I will not like it eventually, when this feeling positive wears off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define freedom based on feelings, when I feel good, feel positive, feel free, instead of realizing that this feeling is conditioned somehow with something I automatically react with this energy, and in that it is quite the opposite of me being free, but rather being the slave of what my mind and pre-programmed self-definitions I’ve given permission to tell me how to be, who to behave as.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve defined freedom, based on circumstances, situations, conditions in relation to things, because within the mind consciousness system I only can experience equality and oneness when being in relationship something or someone separate from me, therefore being trapped, lost, enslaved, whenever I participate in the mind to relate to anything or anybody, here to the definition of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve defined myself as more serious, based on having driving license, having car, being able to drive around, because being capable of carry others or heavy things with the car, which feels good, based on how I’ve defined that when I have to adapt to mass transit, others, when I have to carry things myself, when I have to rely to others having cars I’ve defined as being compromised, tiresome, unpredictable, thus negative, what I wanted to be free from.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that it’s all right to not want to be dependant and compromised, but if I form an emotion, a resistance, an energetic experience about that, then I am automatically judging, reacting, which then accumulates emotions, distraction, instability, which is not necessary, rather than be punctual and apply common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve defined who I am as someone, who need emotional energetic charge, negative experience to be stimulated, agitated, frustrated to motivate myself to start question and change things, myself, because if there is no pressure, negative experience, I feel like I am not motivated enough to move by myself, direct myself, change myself with common sense and not realizing that I suppress self-honesty when I need energy to fuel moving me, because it’s source is self-separation, fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel good when being able to control the car, when it’s standing up to a hill, yet I am able to just give enough gas to make it not roll back down and feeling that I am really good with this and follow this feeling of positive instead of just simply doing it, enjoying it without the need of defining how I am, which is based on comparison, positive and negative, thus being limited, conditioned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive while driving the car and give coins or some food to traffic beggars, because feeling that I am good with them, helping them and at the same time when not giving them, feeling not so good, because I could have given something to them, but I did not, even when I had the chance as waiting for the green light and then, only when feeling not so positive, start thinking patterns, like “even when I give them some coins, I do not really helping them anyway, they will just come to do the same thing all tomorrow” and not seeing that I am timelooping with swinging between positive and negative energetic experiences while being occupied and not seeing the bigger picture, the details of reality, what is required to see what could be a real solution, such as changing the monetary, political system to support everybody’s living requirements.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel positive when picking up a hitch-hiker, because then I am using my car to be good with someone, who needs support, assistance and also, because then I am more justifying the petrol/gasoline I use for moving around with a 5 person car alone and not being self-honest to see that if I feel positive about it, there must be a negative part of it as well, which I can only feel for a moment when I say no to myself at chances of picking up hitchhiker and using excuses unrelated to common sense, such as ‘I am now in a hurry’, I do not want to bother to slow down, pack away from the passenger seat’, ‘I would not trust that person’, and use a worry, fear to justify caution, instead of apply common sense of what is practical, safe and supporting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive and a little thrilled when taking over a car what is slower than me and the more energy I’d feel as the faster I go, the more I have to concentrate or the more it can become dangerous if I would make mistakes or would become impatient or reckless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that positive feelings when overtake practical common sense, safety and equal responsibility for all the people around me are problem, which I have to investigate, understand the source, the definition, the judgement and apply self-honesty to stop it, meaning not to add judgements, thoughts, what would cause negative emotions to balance it out, but to entirely prevent myself to go into these energetic charges and simply trust myself in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself that it’s more real, fulfilling and ‘human’ when I have the energetic feelings, than rather just be punctual, simply here and express myself and never considering the fact that the more direct, present, equal and one I am with the words I think, speak and act, the more real I am and the more energy I feel in my mind, the less present I am, thus the less real I am, because those are conditioned, thus I am also conditioned without self-directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can BE is when I am absolutely honest with myself in each moment equally, meaning not go into any thinking process of any positive or negative energetic charge, but directly live the words in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to LIVE the words directly as physical, I have to become aware the patterns of polarity, positive, negative, energetic experiences first and understand how and why I re-create these with my permission in my mind through thoughts, feelings, emotions and be able to stop myself doing so and literally EXPRESS the words in and as my human physical body, thus there is no charge, but SELF HERE.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that to prevent myself going into the same patterns of positive and negative separation through my mind requires to slow down within to the point of being able to direct myself to STOP participate and remain empty and trust myself that I can express myself from this direct emptiness moment by moment.

That’s it, genuine self-expression, meaning for instance enjoyment, hugging, touching is happening in the body, not as the mind, thus it’s more, because the mind always uses previously created patterns.

Even when I am living such words what seem like ‘negative’ can be directed as true self-expression without emotion, but as self-direction, not lost in the energies, for instance anger – I can be angry at the world, but I am aware of that I am angry at myself for what I accept and allow and thus with that anger I apply to real practical change, otherwise anger can become just as a distraction, self-abuse and when being lost in it as a justification of why not seeing and applying the solution.

It’s a crucial point to dare to investigate the nature of our mind’s behavior, because we all know that our thoughts has consequence, otherwise why would we listen to ‘them’ and it’s also obvious that certain words, regardless of being ‘thought’/spoken or heard can trigger reaction, positive or negative, based on our personality and conviction, self-definition and interest. It’s just there is a holistic approach, from which one can become more ‘eagle-eyed’ to become much more effective on dealing with self-limitations and expanding self-and world awareness.

It’s also quite obvious that the real professionals, those who are very good at what they do and really effective in their area, such as successful people are also not really emotional, but very solid, punctual, down to the ground type of people, who do not really react to challenges with positive feelings or negative emotions, they just DEAL with them and directly jump to the practical solution application without wasting any time.

That’s cool – yet meanwhile one can be able to feel others, enjoy and share fondle care, even cry when the world hurts and laugh with enjoyment, just not being driven by those experiences, but self is the directive power here. Yes, HERE is the only thing what MATTERs, as we can all night sing about heaven and hell, but the fact is that every body can be alive only between their ears during two breaths.

So, that’s all for today about from being driven by positive and negative reactions to self-direction HERE.

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