Day 241 The level of understanding

Going out near homeWhat I’ve became aware about yesterday was based on a random event, which made me realize how ‘fragile’ can be an individual’s understanding of reality.
I start with this event and then I rant from there through this topic: understanding.

My new home is in a resort area of a small city where I am not yet aware of all the community rules. I’ve put out the garbage bag on the day I thought will be taken away and next day I realized it’s still at my gate. So, I figured out, maybe next day.
Then next day, when I’ve decided to go on a bike ride to the nearly forest, I saw that there are parts of my garbage’s pieces scattered around my gate on the street. Probably some hungry wildlings scratched it apart, I thought, so picked them up into a bucket and took it into my yard while I was wondering what happened with the other parts, what I did not see around.
Then I took my bike and went down the street, the opposite direction of I usually go to work. After riding about 70 meters I’ve found the rest of my garbage all over around and that made me realize, this was kind of ‘luck‘ that I discovered it and I considered how my neighbors would ‘feel’ about this, based on how I would feel if I would find someone’s else garbage in front of my house. It seemed like something I would not want for myself, so I was sure, my solution here is to pick them up. I realized, it must be around for quite some hours already, so it can wait for one-two hours while I continue with my ride, but I committed myself to pick them up after I return.
Then I rode my bike, spent some hours in the forest, then rode back and took the bucket and picked most of the parts up, but I had to leave some broken glass there, so I just kicked them away from the road into the dirt, but still it was not very cool, especially because if someone would walk barefoot there might get hurt, which is kind of rare, but theoretically not impossible. Being there, which is less dense in terms of population, I was not sure if is there any street-cleaning service happening regularly, if anything at all, but then I realized, a month of rain will clean up the rest of it probably, so I went back home.

I felt myself completely responsible, not as it would hurt the world that much, but at someone else’s door there are my garbage pieces and it was interesting as I picked up the individual parts to see my memories to those particular pieces, some of them I had the inception in my mind wanting it, then driving to the specific shop, buying it, eating it and throwing it into the garbage can, then putting the garbage into the bag. Some parts looked as not so nice, half-rotten, even something I had to throw out, because I did not eat it before expiration and there was a glass what cracked up, so I threw it out, and here it was, shattered all around on the road and as I tried to gather that as well, I ended up blistering up one finger a little, which was not serious, but a tiny drop of blood made this whole thing a bit more pronounced experience.

The point I had to admit is that how many times I do something, then I see/experience/feel things around me while how many things I am not realizing, because of different factors, such as not looking that way, not going there, not even considering it, because I do not directly see, feel.

It was completely beyond my awareness or power to know if  I would go this way to discover what’s happened, that the absence of my car, several appointments I cancelled with different people and there was such a clear sunshine and then all of a sudden I’ve found myself being made the decision to go on a bike ride with my camera towards that direction where my garbage was all over.

How many times I do not even bother with seeing beyond the curtains of what I experience or see in the world is really astonishing, especially within a fully developed, apparently automatically working human society system.

For me it’s also a good example when I drive with my cool car all around and inside it’s so comfortable, even if it’s raining outside while I wait in a heavy traffic and pedestrians walk around and the noise and smog I give into their surroundings might seem as negligible, but it’s certainly not a pleasant experience. Seeing many hundreds of thousands of cars moving all around the city, it’s significant.

The forest road into the little city, from where I take the main road to Budapest every day is about 2 kilometers and it’s fresh air is so great when I pull down the windows at night when arriving back, and now for a week not having the car I had to walk, then to ride the bike there and when cars come and go I definitely feel how stinky those are and again, it’s something I did not feel this directly before.

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Dumpyard landscape near Durban, South Africa

Just to return to the garbage point: all of it goes to dump yards, where it’s being piled up and many people ‘work’ there, they have their own interest of why, but meanwhile who is questioning this system, and even who is considering what would be better than this in practical application?

Dumpyard closeup near Durban, South Africa

When I was in South Africa at the Desteni farm, I’ve visited the nearly dump yard several times, where we took the farm’s garbage and it was something what no one could ignore. All of those poor people scavenging for parts to sell for coins to live, all the massive, stinky, unhealthy garbage is being dumped from huge trucks all the time, it was really like being on an other planet, which is really bad, in terms of probably no one would want to go there ever if that would be a choice. At first I felt like I have to throw up while we forked down the leaves of cut trees from the pickup. But for the poor, uneducated scavenger people(many are little boys and girls), it’s their last hope to get something to sell for the basics of their survival requirements. Yet if I would simply sack them away from that hellhole, is that really better for them? They would still be without food, shelter, perspective…

I use this garbage opportunity to reflect back of how much we do not know about what our actions will manifest, what are the consequences we cause with what we participate within such vast, automatic human system, yet the consequences are happening in every minute, just it’s so efficiently segregated that most of the people are separated from the reality of consequences. Basically if someone has enough money, can buy the level, the quality of their living to live separated from these consequences, while those, who has not enough money has to endure and experience those, just like the people at the dump yards.
Many reflect back that, yes, this is the consequence of their choices, within the world of freedom, they chose not to learn, know, become efficient, educated, smart, good worker, etc; or people chose alcohol and drugs to rely on as false ally, instead of hard, honest working, maybe, but maybe not – and still – they are living hell of punishment for consequences they might not have chosen, such as those kids, who are embracing the sins of their father and mother, who, if we would investigate, to see that they also bring the sins of their parents and so on…
It’s like when two countries are at war with each other for centuries and they are completely different generations, yet they still do harm to each other unquestioned, with what they are determining their children to get harm’s way as well…

This is real, especially with the monetary system, where once one has the amount, will not question where that came from, what was the human aspect of that virtual energy to accumulate and how that was part of an exploitation, abuse. Yes, there is fair trade, transparent transaction and honest, respective business as well, but the majority is still based on laws what we’ve allowed to be real, what are allowing slavery and abuse, immense amount of military industry to spend for further destruction in the name of revenue and ‘keeping the economy alive’.

I’ve walked around in several far-eastern countries, African countries, where I’ve seen immerse poverty, but I was lucky, because I had money, and if I’ve ran out of it, there was my friend who lent me more, because working as a software engineer in Europe means it’s obvious that I could pay it back and I did.
Even when I was sick, alone, completely lost, I knew, that I already have education, an attitude, a skill-set and more importantly relationship, connection with people who can assist me from recovering and going ‘home’, where health care is available, where food is not free, but with the European norms: available, thus when I’ve felt completely lost and not supported, I’ve felt this halo in the back of my mind that I can ascend from this sickness, this poverty. And that is a HUGE boost within one’s moral and self-trust, what the people born there do not have.

To judge people of why they end up within shitty, hellish lifestyle, which is rather barely surviving at the edge of society is something what reveals the individual’s ignorance, lack of compassion and wisdom.
To judge people, who try to escape their country, what is bombed apart, western people get afraid of immigration – well, sooner or later each individual will realize the fact that it is our responsibility for what our governments do, what the banking system do, what our neighbor do: what we accept and allow is who we really are and there is no escape from facing the manifesting consequences. So it is common sense to prevent further abuse with understanding how and why we are unaware of why things got this unfair, uncool, unpredictable. Whatever we would define, we have in the physical world is just a mind-possession, there is nothing personal here, only we can claim for a while to own something, but everything comes from Earth and goes back inevitably, in fact even our own human physical bodies as well – equally for all.IMG_5297

All we have are words: in our mind, in our voice, in our action, so to see what the words and their relationship means is important to realize our limitation within. What hell actually means? What compassion or wisdom can actually be? Not just in theory, from the dictionary or in the smart discussion to impress others, but for real, practical, down to earth, tangible applications.
Is there any friction, conflict, separation, difference within this three layers of wording? Do I really live the words I think, speak in action?

It’s so easy to preach about love and care, happiness and light, while when we look at reality, how things are really going on, this is merely a kick into the face of the neglected, disregarded, exploited and abused majority of humanity, because whether we like it or not, the fact is that who have love and care has money too. Those, who have no money have no real love what could nurture them, so that’s also a point of equality – everyone needs physical support, food, shelter, water, education – without that, we do not live.

Bernard used to give this choice to the beggar on the street: “What would you choose, money or god?” And if they chose god, he laughed and left them with that, “alright, your decision”, while if they would have chosen money, he would give some. It sounds cruel but in fact all god in the mind is irrelevant if someone has no money, no food, no shelter, because that is required for love, support.

The fact is that everyone is so afraid to question the word ‘love’, to dare to redefine it the way, what would actually mean unconditional support, care, because that would be in conflict with our mindset, which first aims survival and within a limited human system, where there are winners and losers, it’s indoctrinated that there are some who will have nothing and it’s widely accepted in order to justify the actual self-interest of those who already have.

Parents would say, their love is unconditional to their children. If they would not be their children, would the unconditional love still be ‘felt’? So there is this condition of that love: parent-child relationship.

Couples would say, their love is unconditional to their partner. If they would not ‘fell in love’ with the person, not having sex, not having common goal, children, would still be unconditional love? So there is this condition for love again: partner relationship.

Maybe then, there could no exist unconditional love, because one would need to relate to someone – or something – for establish a relationship for the love and is there any relation what is not conditional? Great question, because this points to what is common with all of my relationships? What is equal within all? Is there anything of that ‘quality’? Why and how equality could be quality? These questions can support oneself to let go self-limiting perceptions of relationships one is holding onto within the mind.
There is one aspect, what is equal within all life form, which is life. No one can have ‘more life’ or ‘less life’, because it’s not quantity, it’s a quality, so there we have: equality.
These realizations can be opened up and understood if one is walking through the specific word-relationships within one’s memory, the attached energy.
So, how to live love without any relation – how to BE the word love – without a ‘target’ for instance? Then there is nothing else but self. So then what a loving self would mean? It might seem as ‘only loving myself’ can be also a problem, but if I really love myself, that means I do not lie to myself, because deceiving myself does not seem like love, especially if to consider the ‘quality’ of unconditional. Or if I see that loving myself is conditional, then what is that condition what automatically defines who I am – a loving or not loving? Why is that condition determines, is there anything to further understood? So it’s interesting to realize how many things I ‘have in my mind’ what seems like just a memory, but how I react, respond to such words determines who I accept myself to be and what I am going to do. So even if I ‘have’ concepts in my mind, is that really supports me? Once I’ve made up my mind, I can be certain, determined, but that can be ‘dangerous’, because I can stop questioning. It’s an interesting play – to gain certainty yet not fall into any conviction, judgement.

I had to realize I’ve literally made up my mind and how I’ve managed to do that is the exact same process to decompose the patterns to see where I’ve made any mistake based on false premises. Because it’s like a brick wall, one or two ‘weak points’ might seem to protect my interest, but as the wall of personality builds up from childhood, these points will definitely determine my perception, my choice, my life experience, which is in fact shared with all others within this closed system called Earth. So to realize, what I ‘have’ maybe is not the best I could have can support to make the decision to investigate and ‘take an inventory’.

To give up ‘my have’ in order to others also to have is so full of fear, bastioned around so many excuses and justifications, that most of the people becomes petrified when they really see the true nature of humanity of self-interest, fear. So, rather building up personality, systems of interest and occupation to distract the individuals from the fact that we are literally cannibals in all ways. This is also being justified with responses, like ‘this is how biology works, also animals do it, we have to annex, consume, devour living beings to remain alive”, but there is no such carved rule for why to do it within human society, yet we keep saying that it’s human nature, this is who we really are, how things has been and going on and will be. Well, it’s not necessary and it can be changed.

Human nature is the result of education, parenting, which can be transformed – not overnight, rather slowly but surely if there is discipline, principle and integrity.

To see, that unconditional love is not yet existing, but we could create terms and conditions wherein it could be born, but it’s also criticized, because if we need terms and conditions to love, then is it really unconditional, real? Certainly not, but it could be a start. And to not start it, because it never have been is like giving up before even trying, which also has it’s history: why someone would respond with a cognitive process stating that, within the individual and to say: I want to change the world! That is where to start the process of change, first with self. All the world’s signs, issues, problems we can see if we investigate or travel around, and where is problem, there can be a solution, which requires understanding and practical skills to change, but at the same time, the same process is required to walk within ourselves, within our mind, within our perception, within our changeable ‘human nature’, and as one is changing, influences, supports the world and vica versa, because the two are equal.

What I accept and allow within, I will accept and allow without as well.IMG_5285

So, reflecting back this to self means to check, where is my awareness of myself, my surrounding, what’s happening in my mind, where these disturbing thoughts come from, how and why I’ve given permissions to these emotions to cloud my chance to apply common sense?

Just to give some examples when seeing someone the first time and I have the feeling of sympathy or the opposite – what’s the base on that? Am I aware of it, really?
When I am being offered to pay for something, what is the consequence of that transaction, where this money will go? It seems irrelevant, especially by believing that an individual has no real significance within the great picture, however this is the greatest force in existence: accumulation of 1+1=2.

For example: I started to experiment to make a decision not to buy Nestle products, because of various reasons(how I would behave with such discipline, how many products of this company are around me, etc), and if I do not examine the package of a product, such as a chocolate, it might not be obvious, because various local brands has been bought by that company, so whenever I would buy something, there is a profit what goes directly to that company’s revenue. If many would do the same, the company would be in trouble and maybe – just maybe they would reconsider their values, the attitude of how they run business, meaning exploiting as much as their expert lawyers can accomplish for the only goal, which is revenue for their leadership.
It’s not even that simple.

Obviously there are many workers who feed their family by working there, so they are also involved. However it should not be an excuse to have companies what show abusive practices not to be stopped, because they are ‘too big to fail’, meaning they would wreak havoc within the capitalist system. So by investigating further, one would foresee such consequences, so, to do something, one should first investigate all angles…
I do not say I have the solution ‘against’ Nestle, they might be not that evil, regardless of their CEO’s statement that water should be privatized instead of be a human right, but if we question such statement, it does not sound as unconditional love, especially with the fact that they are basically stealing water from the land and bottling them to sell, while the common water systems are empty, so the people around are in trouble yet they don’t see a coin from the huge profit the company does. But hey, it’s legal, they have the paper, so anyone questions that must off to fuck. So then one would also investigate the law system, how it’s built, what are the building blocks of it…

Many would have the attempt to wanting to fight, destroy the system, but that’s not too advisable, especially as these systems, such as corporations have accumulated so much influence, wealth, power, that they can buy politicians, media, even law enforcement and military, so to fight that is merely futile, only giving ‘them’ the excuse to gather more strength…And eventually, if we look back for a moment and taking a deep breath, we can realize that ‘they’ are also us, so rather to stop the separation first to gain direct knowledge, experience of how and why they do what they do without any personal reaction(which is sometimes not obviously easy, but that’s why walking the Process of Self-forgiveness is suggested to purify self first, before heading on the world system to not get lost with automatic emotional reactions and false-convictions) to be able to work with facts.

So, what could be good example to stand up to such systems? To become as self-sustainable as possible, to support and build local community, build reliable relationships, educate everyone as much as possible, to share all practical knowledge and apply the principle of ‘give as you would like to receive’ for instance to start with. That’s just an example, one must explore and try and if there are mistakes, then to learn from those and even to share this process, thus everyone can learn from each other and to support with another perspective and so on…

This is merely a rant, just wanted to share how important to constantly question and explore, study and expand ourselves, because if anyone thinks that knows enough, yet does not give unconditionally what would like to receive, then there is something what justifies it, what can be worded, understood and stopped in order to be more aware and more effective to apply common sense and practical solutions.

And I have no problem with love, or basically any descriptive word for doing something, just not to become obsessed with it, not to exclude everyone else automatically, because then it’s not real love, only self-interest, what is being stuck in one’s mind for a reason, what is most likely self-dishonest, based on fear, because one singular thought can be enough to get possessed with the energetic mind, resulting to stop expanding awareness, thus causing consequences what prevents to consider what is best for all.

To become aware of what is best for all is a good self-reflection: am I able to grasp it in my individual practical living or is there anything within me what blocks it? There you go, responsibility, here, self!

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