[JTL Day 204] Tiredness vs Awareness part 4 – Interest

Continuing with reading aloud the previously written Self-forgiveness statements to see where I can expand to specify the self-realization of acceptances of what I direct to stop and change in regards to tiredness/motivation/energy.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that having no motivation is in fact a ‘giving up’, wherein in fact allowing myself to be persuaded with thoughts and reactions to trust events/reality/circumstances/luck/hope/others, and within that in fact covering up the already manifested, accepted, re-created experience and relationship of doubt within myself, within here, thus trying to project responsibility outside of self, into separation from self while in fact it is always self is responsible for what accepts and allows here in and as physical facts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself and believe in the lie of not having motivation while in fact within that self-re-created experience I cover up the fact that I deliberately re-create the accumulation and manifestation of doubt within myself here meanwhile not realizing that when I do not have motivation as self as equal as one of who to be, what to do, how to live – then I am accumulating doubt, separation, fear to influence, direct me while hoping the opposite to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope in any way whatsoever, meaning not doing anything, not changing at all, yet expecting things happen, change by something force not self, others, existence, reality, thus allowing to believe, allowing to wait, allowing not to move myself and accumulating lack of self-power, self-direction, self-confidence, self-trust and by that accumulation manifesting personality of excuses and justifications why I am unable to move, change, direct myself and my reality within responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that tiredness is a manifested construct within my mind which influences, direct my physical beingness within my consent accumulated with the energetic experiences of hoping, waiting, expecting while in fact being obvious that there is a tiny chance for happening what I wait from luck, and thus in fact playing the casino mind-game, while not realizing I deliberately stop myself expressing, naturally moving yet manifesting a friction, energy by not being able to stand absolute for in fact ‘wanting’ something yet being sure that there is only a little chance for being able to ‘get’ it and within that friction manifesting tension, anxiety which then I have to equate out with positive thinking/energetic reactions and all of this making me busy, occupied.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that making myself busy, occupied, focused to into my mind constantly to react/balance out/equate all the tensions not to feel too much insecure, unstable, not to face the fact that I am deluding myself, thus ensuring always reacting to something what makes me energetic, positive, such as with re-experiencing what I’ve defined as ‘I like’, and then having the reaction of good as ‘doing what I like, so it’s all good’ – while in fact the starting point was that I do something what I am not content with, what is not cool yet not focusing to that, not questioning why, not wanting and doing anything to practically stop, prevent these mind-games what make me tired and within that tiredness using it as excuse that – ‘can’t change, move, I am too tired’ and within that self-definition allowing this to manifest more directly into my physical, into my beingness, thus literally becoming tired, exhausted.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when and as I use motivation as to ‘beat’ tiredness, instead of asking, seeing, realizing, understanding why and actually how I allowed this tiredness to accumulate, experience, being defined by and as and seeing the reasons/scenarios to be able to PREVENT it happening again and again and again.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to exactly see/realize/understand what is my interest within each motivation I allow to occupy and asking that is it best for me and all others as well as being stimulated by energetic experience of desire/excitement of wanting something to get/achieve and be able to consider with common sense what it’s manifested consequence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized how exactly with motivation I am able to prevent tiredness as constantly defining the thing I am interested within as being the point of stimulation and within that having a positive energy with which I am energetic, vibrant, vivid to always do what motivates me and not understanding how I limit myself, my expression my interest, my responsibility only to the points I’ve pre-defined as motivates me and creating the polarity as what ‘does not motivate me’ and those things/points/aspects of my reality automatically defining as I am not interested within, thus resulting as a disregard, ignorance without considering the consequence I still manifest with it, as responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can re-define motivation in a way which is not of polarity, not of stimulation, not of energy but as self as equal as one within principled living as accumulating consequence manifesting to what is best for all within the realization of who I am as all as equal as one as life within responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when giving into the experience of tiredness in fact I am giving up on my principle of live according to what is best for all with not investigating/walking through the layers of the mind’s manifested energetic experience of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself within being able to see what is in fact real fatigue, when I need to rest/relax/sleep for some time and then giving myself the opportunity to support myself within preventing tiredness and energy craving and reactions, polarity friction and reactions conflicting within me in order to beat tiredness by compromising my constant physical presence by going into the mind realm to stimulate me in the perception of ‘overcoming tiredness’ instead of letting go the initial relationship/reactions/definitions to actually prevent the experience of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the excuse for motivate myself with actually all the things I’ve defined as of my self-interest for what I feel stimulated, such as sexual arousal, technical gadgets, sweets, entertaining films, music, photography, cinematography, money and within that losing perspective of accumulating and remaining within consistency within my action for what is best for all participants in this human system, meaning considering what must be done for the system to become more equal for all in terms of life-support thus realizing the need for a new education, activism, art, media, economy and politics and act according to that as motivation, undefined.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to define who I am according to the interest of being motivated to have experiences, such as what with I stimulate myself to feel better instead of considering to motivate myself directly with and for actual, physical facts and within that considering what would last in opposition of experience which does not.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to being lost, obsessed and separated into experiences of my mind and my interests only while disregarding the fact of all other beings and their life-circumstances, lack of life-support and deliberately choosing to ignore the fact that I am equally responsible for all what is here and thus self-define and self-automatize personality-programs within me as motivation only within the interest of me, my surroundings, the ones I’ve defined as relevant, close, important while not see/realize/understand that I can consider all equally and all what separates from that is my participation within my mind with thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/fears/desires/tiredness/doubt/giving up/lack of motivation what can be investigated/forgiven/corrected breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the word self-interest as self-in-the-rest, thus realizing that I am always in the reflection of others, thus all what I accept and allow within me and others is also self-responsibility and if my motivation is only entails me, excluding the ‘rest’ – as all others equally – then I am in fact not motivated with my real-whole-self-interest but as only a separated fraction of who I in fact am as all life equally.

Continuing with self-correction and self-commitments

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