[JTL 198] Transcendence – the movie and beyond part 2

Continuing on decomposing the word Transcendence:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/think/believe/imagine that the word and action of transcendence is about leaving behind what is here, a sort of escape, a disregard, a liberation from what was before and never ever actually seen/realized/investigated/embraced in fact what exactly it is I want to let go and then figure it out how practically do it, simply, directly here, breath by breath within consistency until it’s done and within that not questioning what means to be done and thus revealing that I do not know what I really want, how exactly I want it and in fact why I want it specifically and thus not be aware of the details to the utmost specificity, unable to manifest it as real transcendence here as myself in my reality as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/think/define that transcendence requires meditation, an attainment, an ascension, a path to walk instead of realizing that all I can transcend is what I can understand/let go/change in one breath, breath by breath, always one at a time, here in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine/think/believe that I can be liberated from the responsibilities, the manifested consequences I caused because believing that would be real freedom and to transcend my limitations would mean to be free of consequence, to be free of responsibility and not realizing that if I separate myself from what I am responsible for then I am not transcending and within that I forgive myself that I have not realized that real transcendence mean to step beyond the duality of the mind, the subject, the object, the separation within friction and realize that I am always equal and one with and as all what is here and thus there is no escape, there is no beginning and there is no end, I am here as responsible and act like that or I am not here and I am not taking responsibility which simply manifest consequences for the future wherein I will actually and eventually take responsibility and thus realizing that with time I actually escape from myself and it is only myself with and as who I block transcendence with the fear of responsibility, fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I have to walk alone, lonely, by myself in this world in order to really and truly transcend because any help from outside would mean I am dependent, I am stimulated and thus whatever I would ‘reach’ – that would be taken away and by that fear defining effectiveness and transcendence as being alone and not realizing that it is not about me, and if I consider ‘my transcendence’ then it is not real, it is only a perception and also not realizing that the pattern of ‘whatever I reach’ is a perception of attainment/ascension/enlightenment, a self-accepted projection within time and space and thus not directly self here change/transcend but place oneself into a process to walk with energy and thus not realizing that I am here in each moment the responsible and the directive principle always and whatever I actually do is the fact of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to transcend instead of simply transcend and become obsessed with the word and the meanings/definitions/reactions/associations to the word transcend and not realizing that it is a word and whatever I define it to be that I can live but a release, a forgiveness, a re-definition within principled living is the first step to be able to LIVE the word transcend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe and define that to transcend means to transcend the body/the physical/this world and not realizing that the mind within I am enslaved by my self-creation just not being aware of it allows me to remain limited, desensitized, powerless to really let go and change thus transcend from self-limitation to self-freedom as from consciousness to awareness of who I am and what is here and what is required to let go/change completely and finding practical ways to be the living example of stopping participating in the mind and assist and support myself and others within walking through the same one by one as the accumulation until all stand here unified within the realization of ‘I am here’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask for or accept assistance when I see that I am bugging with a point what would require support and not realizing that effectiveness and consistent self-movement is more practical and self-honest than being stuck with points for a while and not realizing that I am being part of a group, also being part of humanity and thus I am influencing the whole world and I am responsible, whether I act so or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can transcend with psychedelic drugs such as mushroom, acid, ganja, salvia, dmt, mdma and the combination of these substances by believing that these enhance and stimulate my mind to be able to see objectively and more clearly, being able to stop and reset my mind and being able to travel and investigate within consciousness, dimensions, heavens, hells, with beings, masters, slaves, animals, faeries, gnomes, the dead, the consciousness itself etc and not realizing that all I do is I experience in and as my own mind so vividly, so detailed, so mesmerizing that within the self-definition of and as experience I make believe what I experience as reality because it’s amount of clarity I define as sufficient to define to be real, as reality, as fact, as knowledge, as wisdom, as transcendence meanwhile not cross-referencing, not using common sense, not reproducing, not using, not being able to direct the experience and thus being lost in and as consciousness while in fact in this physical existence looking at my life, my living, my participation, my influence, my directive power being obvious that I am the same, as others, nothing special, no power, nothing I have really gained beyond experience, memories, reactions and after the effects only remaining with images, pictures, thoughts, feelings, emotions and never considering the fact that I’ve fooled myself, deliberately, completely.

I forgive myself that I have never ever listened to my beingness, who I am as life substance source that all I exist as and consist of currently is not me, not really living, but as the enormous amount and scale of manifested consequence is constantly reminding me that this is real – I go constantly into the timeloop of believing this is who I am and this is alright, regardless of limitation, uncomfortability, fear, destruction, abuse, horror is being taken place on earth and whenever I experience a taste of it by myself I immediately lose perspective, stop questioning but only wanting to stop MY suffering and never realizing that ANY suffering is also my responsibility but that would require some real transcendence from self-interest which I’ve considered but never understood in practicality as real time on earth in physical flesh what it takes and requires to let go and change to be able to really act as responsible for what is best for all, no exception, no exclusion, all participants, all life, all beings, all ever was and will be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel collapsed within the scale of being responsible for all beings in existence and consider what would be the best for all, what I would and should do in any given and all moments to ensure that I am act so – and stopping here, as accepting myself as collapsed, shattered, stepped back, stand down, withdrawn from this apparently enormous responsibility because relating it to my own self, comparing and opposing it with ‘my self interest’ against the ‘interest of all’ and not seeing/realizing/understanding that this is the reason of lack of transcendence, because not being able to take the leap of faith so to speak, to go through the eye of the needle and let go self-interest completely, really and realizing that in fact the only real self-interest is the interest of what is best for all and within that realizing this is transcendence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define transcendent as remaining superficial, streetwise, philosophical, mental, verbal, thoughtful, imaginative, superimposed, abstracted and never realizing that it is always about the practical, physical, actual walk in and as the human physical body, in and as each breath, word and action unified, equal and one and not realizing what exact very systems I’ve manifested within me which I must be investigated, understood, forgiven, stopped, changed and let go completely to be able to explore what is beyond these self-defined mind-system-patterns from thoughts, feelings, emotions of the personality, the characters of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have never ever realized that I’ve defined transcendence as intensity, difficulty and within that not realizing I’ve defined it with and in relation to energy, polarity, friction and thus always be dependent on it, it’s dependent origination of time-looping within the same one dimensional self-dishonesties and not realizing self-movement is not of energy, is not of definition, is not of a reason, but self directly here as life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that exactly I have to investigate and forgive and stop and commit myself to let go the sexual desires, the fear of change, the fear of being influenced by others, the fear of failure, the fear of not having enough time, the fear of saying no and the fear of being rude, harsh, direct and thus the fear of not being liked, not being loved, not being supported and within that not seeing/realizing/understanding that in fact because I do not support/like/love/direct myself with impeccable, undoubted, constant self-expression, thus defining these what I want to get outside from me and then compromising myself and not walking through these points specifically, one by one until the utmost specificity with diligent, consistent effort each day, each breath and within that not writing down always what it is I forget, I block, I resist, I fear to face and realize it is self-dishonest, it is not really me and thus naturally let go.

I commit myself to stop all definitions of the word transcendence, including associations, images, pictures, feelings, emotions, thoughts, memories and realizing that none of those were in fact real transcendence or transcendence-related.

I commit myself to stop being obsessed with the word transcendence and let go and realize that I only live transcendence with living words as standing in the starting point, saying and acting the same and thus committing myself to continue to specify my presence, accumulate to remain here, thoughtless, physically directly here and be aware of what and why I do and what consequence I manifest with my actions.

I commit myself to push through the addiction of energy, thoughts, doubt and fear of consequence breath by breath and each mind-thought-pattern I recognize, understand, write and forgive and stop and each areas of my life, each participation I take in living I learn to remain undefined yet be aware, breath with and as the body, not leaving one area wherein I would accept thinking, daydreaming in the mind and thus practically committing myself to use writing, words with self-direction and not accepting thoughts to haunt me and react to those automatically.

I commit myself to continue sharing my process of transcending and stopping the mind and exploring what it means to birth myself and others from the physical as life, responsible within the of actual accumulation of consideration for all equally, including myself.

So that is about transcendence today.

I also continue the LOVE point I’ve walked recently.

Recently I wrote quite amount as well about points what are not for public eye, but I am grateful beyond any measure that I walk with a Desteni I Process Course Buddy who is assisting and supporting me within seeing points I am within and not seeing, and also how to effectively prepare and script and actually walk transcendence.

I commit myself to continue writing my Journey to Life as it is an invaluable support and dare to share and actually live the words I write and realize.

Thank you very much, will be continued

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