[JTL Day 187] Practical infinity decomposition

Overview of the area where I live

I continue to walk through the reactions to the words infinity and freedom, calmness and direct myself to practicality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider the actual freedom to be to stick to do and live what I decide as my will within principle unwavering.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to justify to be attracted the idea of freedom by holding onto the energetic reaction of the self-definition of freedom instead of freeing myself to be able to remain stable, consistent within doing what I decided to live when facing challenges, temptations and within that forgetting the fact that if I do not live freedom, it is just a perception.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stick to my decision to live freedom as absolute self-will by questioning and doubting my decision to what I will myself to live and not see the solution to see this questioning and doubting as the possibility to understand and specify my will and decision and to realize what is not self-honest and thus specify within self-will and self-direction to letting it go that.

I forgive myself that I have not questioned the polarity being accepted within me about enslavement versus freedom and not seeing and realizing what exactly of my life is of self-willed direction and what is of self-enslavement by fear, by holding onto ideas and knowledge which is not practical or which is not best for me and for all equally and thus allowing doubt and questioning what I do and who I am to come up constantly.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only freedom I can live is my self-honesty in every moment of every breath thus whatever I participate within which is not absolute self-honesty unwavering, consistent is the opposite of freedom.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the common sense to live freedom as to let go all which is not who I really am within absolute self-honesty and by that emerging a process of self-forgiveness to explore what is actually self-dishonest within and as me to be aware of it to be able to stop and see what is beyond that which is self-honest – or if not, then specify self-forgiveness to be aware and stop that too until I am here, unwavering, constant self-direction living the freedom to be absolute self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be free from shyness, uncertainty, doubt, fear, pain and suffering, experiencing and seeing abuse, deception and enslavement yet not doing about it, because defining it as difficult, too much effort, impossible and never realizing that in fact I have never tried to stand up to and stop these within me and thus also not being able to stand up to it in the world.

When and as I define freedom as doing something what is fun I realize that what it means to have fun and consider is it really self-honest fun and useful in terms of self-support, other’s support and if not then realizing that it is in fact not really fun, only some experiences I’ve defined as funny thus I let it go, I stop defining freedom as doing fun, particularly as this point I’ve investigated.

When and as I define freedom as stimulate myself with thoughts/feelings/emotions I realize it is not freedom, it is conditional, it is of pre-judgements, pre-definitions.

When and as I want to avoid pain and want to take refugee within experiences which make me unaware of what is here as pain – I realize that if I disregard it – I do not direct it and then I do not stop it so then I would become dependent on constantly escape into experiences from facts, reality here as this pain I’ve have, instead of seeing/realizing what it is/ why it is that and what could be the solution to stop it within myself, within self-honesty and if required, within the health care system.

When and as I want to have freedom with money, lots of money to be able to buy whatever I want because I’ve defined it as freedom – I realize that within this closed capitalistic system, money is of work, effort and maybe/probably/possibly others had suffered and been abused to this amount of money to be fluctuated to me what I would just see as ‘freedom’ and not realizing the cost other had to pay and within that not realizing that if anyone suffers for it – it is not really freedom, it is only my ignorance with what I produce the experience of freedom, thus I consider what would be the best way to use the money I have, what would be the best for all within participating within current money system and also how would participate in such which would bring about a change within the whole money system to prevent such abuse and manifest a more free system for all participants.

When and as I would desire freedom as having multiple women, or just be able to have sex with them I see/realize/understand that I’ve objectified and pre-defined freedom with the stimulation of myself through my mind towards women who are the same beings as me thus to use them for my own self-defined freedom to react to with ‘having’ and not seeing what is their experience – even if there would be a scenario when they would also want it – that this might not be the best self-support I could participate within thus the pre-definition for such experience as freedom and goodness is only an opinion, particularly because I’ve never lived that really out and because in practical reality it would be quite a challenge to manifest a stable, supportive, self-honest relationship/agreement with many women, especially with the fact that I have never lived such way with myself alone or even just with only woman – so I realize that it is first self-agreement I must work on and then a partnership agreement and when that would be stable and nurturing.

When and as I worry of not having enough money and imagining myself being more free if I would have more money, lot more money, then I realize that that would not make more free, only I would be able to spend more to things which would be cool yes, but who I am it would not change, that I have to change myself here – thus I stop in those moments, I let this desire and imagination go and focus to local, present, practical, factual things here and realize that freedom would mean that within the current location to live my utmost potential.

When and as I worry about myself imaging according to infinity, eternity, I realize there is something within me which I do not accept fully and thus fear from consequence, fear from accumulation as self-judgement, self-embarrassment I would experience thus I stop the worry and I immediately see what in action I can do to stop this worry by doing something what would accumulate into self-acceptance for long term.

When and as I fear from not accepting myself as my full of beingness I realize because the poing is emerging within me which with I do not stand as equal as one within awareness and responsibility thus I immediately remain here in and as my human physical body and see/realize/understand with questioning, forgiving, writing myself to the freedom of unification practically wherein I see all points within me yet there is nothing I worry about or fear to face, to stand within.

When and as I experience fear and friction to stand who I am currently in regards to the word infinity, I realize that it is who I am currently accepting myself to be and imagining to remain like that forever and within that revealing to myself that it is not the best and self-honest way I currently accept myself to be thus in that moment I realize what I must change within myself to live the self-honesty about that point exactly.

I commit myself to live the way that who I currently am not having any relationship in the mind what would make me worry in relation to infinity, eternity thus directing myself to live the way I can stand regardless of time, any reaction to time, any amount of time and within that manifesting the freedom myself from the self-defined limitation of time and focus on self-honest living in practical reality.

I commit myself to sort out all relationship in my mind which by I react with fear about who I am in relation to time, endless time by letting go which I find as self-dishonest.

I commit myself to be aware of that this time I fear to imagine with is in my mind, thus I am not here, present, in reality, thus I stop it, I stop fear from consequences of existing in my mind by simply be here, push myself here, birth myself here in and as the physical.

I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness immediately when coming up the infinity, fear of infinity in the moment to specifically become more aware what is in fact I allow myself to fall into the energetic temptation of fear.

I commit myself to live the stopping and change what it requires that in the moment of seeing the trigger point which to I see as uncertain and I prevent myself to re-align myself from problem-reaction to problem-solution with focusing to how practically stop that reaction by living physical change, what it would require to change ME and my reality to prevent this fear, this relationship with infinity as fearful and stand free of fear from time.

I commit myself to remain aware the fact that who I accept and allow myself to be today is creating who I will be tomorrow thus what I would not want to see, I direct myself to prevent it.

I commit myself to stop accepting living in worry, fear, uncertainty about the future, who I will be and instead of questioning what is exactly I worry of and how I could change it, myself and transform this into self-trust, self-stability, self-direction.

Calmness:

I forgive myself that I have not realized that who I am regarding to time, calmness is the self-judgement comparison about what I do and what I imagine myself to be and by the friction creating when it is not equal and one, then based on that creating the amount of worry about time, about do I have enough time, am I cool with how time goes in relation to what I do and thus defining a polarity system wherein I am frustrated versus calm and within that always auto-defining who I am in relation to self-stability and never considering how it is limited, how it has been created and how I can stop living within this self-created system and start exploring being free of my definitions, fears, worries.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I’ve defined calmness as a result of judging myself as stable, defining myself as cool, well in the way as the way I’ve imagined myself to be and thus due to the lack of frustration, manifesting this experience of calmness and never realizing it is not self-expression directly here, because it is not me who I live as calmness, but of conditions, of experiences which are impermanent thus determining the calmness to it’s end and then as not directly myself ‘going into’ calmness, the same way it is not myself here who ‘loses’ calmness and thus reacting to it and becoming worried and all I’ve experience is that I am separated from the word and expression of calmness and only being able to stand within oneness and equality with calmness, when having a relationship within of this word in the mind separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the simplicity of self-enslavement within the mind as realizing the fact that the only way I can stand in oneness and equality in the mind is to have a relationship with something or someone separate from me.

I commit myself to prevent myself to want to use my mind to manifest calmness by polarities, by fear, by judgement, by reaction and simply express myself within self-stability, self-consistency, self-direction as the word calmness, as presence, clarity, direction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the want and need for ‘calmness’ is the indication that I try to suppress, to accept a self-dishonesty thus instead of changing myself, going into a self-acceptance, covering up with an experience of ‘it’s alright, I am calm’ and not realizing that what I accept and allow is who I am and thus accepting conflict/friction and want to equate it with the reaction with calmness is not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being calm and defining calmness as a solution and not realizing calmness is a result of self-direction, presence, self-stability and within wanting to experience calmness in fact I want self-stability, presence, direction.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that at moments of experiencing calmness I’ve defined who I am according to it and got attached to it and thus want to remain within the definition of calmness and do things what makes me calm such as suppressing self-dishonesties, fears, desires and not realizing that suppression accumulates and from a point it will take over and be exerted and then it will not be calmness exposing the fact that I was not calm myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define calmness according to how much money I have or perceive myself will be having and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as stability point and within that defining who I am and how I am according to money as power as self-reliance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am and how I am stable and how I am calm regarding to my status with my partner, the direction, the consequences I manifest regarding to the relationship/agreement I participate within and by that allowing my judgements to tell me how much I can be calm instead of not allowing to go into judgements at all by seeing/realizing/understanding each attempt to separate myself from what is here and take responsibility directly to the perceived problems to just focus to solution and act.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to react to my partner and my partnership as problem and problematic, trying to separate it from me, to not influence me instead of seeing as challenging fact that it is me, part of me, aspect of me what I shall embrace and direct as who I am without separation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the fact that whatever I do in my life is part of me, it is me, thus accepting aspects of me, my life, my participation as ‘uncomfortable’, it is in fact myself I try to suppress, avoid to face and live thus the solution I realize to embrace and direct within self-honesty all aspect of my life, regardless of what it is as equal as one with the same principle, self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that whatever I find as uncomfortable as seeing it and my relationship projecting into infinity, it is in fact me, who I am creating that relationship, accepting it’s effect on me, instead of realizing that I must understand, stop, change myself in regarding to that as well and within going into reaction I prevent myself to see, direct and act the solution.

I commit myself to not desire after calmness or want to define myself regarding to calmness but sort out all the pre-definitions, judgements, reactions within me what preventing consistent presence which can result in calmness by stopping reactions and trust myself to be absolute specific within practical solutions.

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to financial status, partnership, and defining calmness according to the reactions I have and I commit myself to let go all relationship within me which make me react, instead of trust myself to directly participate within the accumulation for the solution of I see as problems.

I commit myself to stop projecting the amount of reactions/judgements/feelings/emotions I accept into the future and by that predicting a state and defining that as uncomfortable projecting a future what would make me feel overwhelmed, preventing me being simply here, calm, so thus I am focusing to facts here, focusing to practical solutions, remain here in and as my human physical body.

I commit myself to focus to what I see as problems in my life with practical common sense and focus to the solution instead of reaction/judgement/fear, specifically in regards to partnership as agreement, financial stability as work and business, self-trust as walking the process of Agreement Course, Blog of Journey to Life.

I commit myself to embrace infinity by living by and as the principles what are accumulating to practical solutions for me and others equally and realize that the accumulation and the compound action is what leads to change, not reaction, reaction to reactions, thus I stop myself reacting and start living.

Check out Practical Desteni blog and the DIP Agreement course for practical self-realization and partnership agreement:

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