Continuing on the previous post about walking through Gaming addiction to explore what are the patterns I am responsible for to stop.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize what experiences I have given permission to pull me, to trigger reactions within me, to be obsessed with and become addicted to the feeling I experience with computer gaming.
I forgive myself that I have never considered what is the fact, the reason for I have chosen computer gaming as more worth to give my time into, my efforts into, my energy, my money into and not realizing that I have became automated to reject, refuse, avoid to face direct physical reality what I share with all life on earth in each breath.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within computer gaming I re-create the same feeling, the same experience within I take refugee within the perception of I am in control while in fact I am not in control in my real life and wanting to balance out that, wanting to equate the reactions to abdicate facing facts of my reality what I am responsible for what I have pre-defined as difficult, heavy, unbearable, negative with the experiences I defined with gaming as interesting, cool, stimulating and positive and not realizing that living out these both I exist only in and as the polarity corners of my energetic mind while physical reality goes, actions and consequences accumulate which will remain here as equal as one as myself.
I forgive myself that I have not considered the situation of humanity as a whole on earth as how many suffer in the system what all continuously participate within and as well as individual lives of participants of the system and the abuse and neglect of all life within the interest of experiences, consciousness, obsession with positive without common sense, without understanding the starting points, the consequences, the practical way to stop.
I forgive myself that I have never considered that actually I can do something myself with the currently existing human system and fearing from not being able to and within fear accumulating frustration and wanting to deal with the consequence instead of the starting point, meaning wanting to bandaid the resulting experience with an other experience while not really changing, while accepting existing within and as fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing the priority of physical reality here what I share with all life here in and as existence by putting my interest of feeling good first within the belief that if I feel good, THEN I will be able to become effective and helpful for myself and others and not realizing that the need for feeling good is already an indication of a pre-existing relationship with the self-definition of feeling bad.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that become obsessed with aspects of computer gaming as positive and negative to manipulate myself to make decisions for my self-interest and never considering common sense here by considering all what is here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have energetic experiences, movements arising from my solar plexus which then accumulates to feelings, moods, personalities to shift, activate as I have given permission to take over, to direct me, to tell me how I feel, who I am and what I must be in order to play out the character I have defined myself to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have positive judgments towards computer gaming and having negative judgments as well and by that constantly participate within duality, polarity, separation and not seeing the original fear what I allowed myself to exist as which is fear from expressing myself, fear from facing myself, fear from taking responsibility for all who I am here.
I forgive myself that I have not realized the simplicity within common sense as stopping myself participating within reasoning based on my interest, based on my memories, based on my feelings and simply let all go and breathe and remain always here, as clear, empty, direct physical realization of who I am here as all life as responsible.
I forgive myself that I have not realized that I can deal with my life and all what I wanted to live out in and as computer gaming – I can face in reality, I can realize what I was diverting from into the experiences of gaming while desiring to be more, to be different, to do things what I judged currently I can not do and not realizing that unless I stop being obsessed with gaming I will not be practically able to change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and games as bad and judging not gaming and being me not gaming as positive and not realizing it is an attempt to manipulate myself into an other self-definition to live out and not realizing that by this I move by energy, and when the energy is off – I am again the starting point of myself what I did not deal with, did not understood/saw/realize which is in fact simply fear from expressing myself and changing myself and be always here and take responsibility for all who I am here.
To be continued with further Self-forgiveness, Self-commitment and Self-corrective statements