Ranting and raving on: action movie.
Action: Thinking all of the time of my childhood – action I did not much – but mostly daydreaming – and action always seemed like something what is the end result, the consequence – if well planned, not even interesting.
This was the self-definition – but obviously did not work as in reality action matters, not thinking.
So then to act, to move, to do things was my desire to be able to – with confidence, power, discipline.
Action movies represent a point of being already consequence, everything is clear, obvious and I am simply acting.
Also the definition action was first to equate the system back to it’s ‘normal’ way – to sort out problems for instance need to eat – i must act – but first the hunger.
Also when being bullied – first the frustration, then by that the conclusion to do something and then stand up.
So there is always an action while I am stopped, I am just ‘mind’, ‘daydreaming’ – while I react, I define my reaction and I compute the response and then by that I conclude into action.
That whole process was not practical, so then I ended up not really acting, not really being the man of action.
But then still wanted to be – and comparing myself towards those who are noticeable within their action.
Of course within films – there are actors who talk – and there are who rather act – drive the car, hit an other, steal something or even kill – grabs the woman or traps others: that action I liked because I enjoyed seeing and trying to learn from action.
So watching efficiency, effectiveness was like an education – wanted to see perfection – in fighting, in killing, in anything they do – and within action movies it is brutally effective, efficient.
That seemed like a joy to embrace – to see Rambo kill a dozen of soldiers with a machinegun – looks like very direct action, no wonder around.
So then when I watch an action movie – I do not act – I react – but by watching action – identifying with the experience of the action – while not being the action yet feel the reaction to it – felt like complimentary.
Also how I suppressed anger, frustration, depression, worry, desires everything into my system just to be calm, kind – it wants to come out, wants to be exploded, wants to come out raw – fastest way possible to let go off the steam.
And action movies do that – so much things happen ‘physically’ and to see an explosion, a white light with great sounds – just can be feeling like expressing the suppression.
I’ve watched so much action Movies, TV series – wherein there is conflict and they resolve it with aggression, brute force, physical power, technological advance, smartness, team work or simply luck – but they overcome and win and it concludes in the feel of release, success.
Identified with these abilities to be able to move, fight exceptionally – which is available for the ones who wants to learn, like martial arts – but that needs to be practiced for a lifetime – and that I did not want – I just wanted the experience.
And seeing these depicted people as extraordinary and identify with them and just to feel that I can do anything, just like them – to hit and kill, take anything and do whatever they want.
Experience of being powerful I guess mostly it is about action movies – the danger, the sense of fear and hope what feels interesting, fascinating.
Self-forgiveness and Self-correction will continue here